adopting Isabella? (Long post)

[elgerber]

Wow, I am still absorbing your story. You have moved me greatly. I think you are an amazing couple and Isabella is a very lucky little girl. Good luck to you in whatever you decide, but I think you know in your heart already what you should do.

Erika

 

[DoeWDW]

I keep wondering if you have any other options. This little girl loves you and you love her. You've been the stability that she needed.

If you don't officially get parental rights severed for BOTH her birth parents and adopt her, won't that leave her vulnerable to having one of them come back on the scene and create more problems for her?????

Please adopt this little girl so that no one can ever wreak havoc in her life again. All parents wonder if they are up to the task - I think you've already proven that you are more than up to it.

Isabella is a lucky little girl! Thank God she has you in her life!

 

[lightningcoach]

I will be praying for you and your family. Isabella is a blessed little girl to have you. Expect some bumps along the way. Sometimes when adoption becomes final children will then push some boundaries because they realize you "won't send them back" anymore. Since you've dealt with the attachment disorder you are well capable to handle it. M will be irate and play the victim for along time until something else comes along. Prayerfully she will eventually get healthy enough to see that it is in Isabella's best interest. All a family needs is love and it sounds like you have plenty of that.

 

[Lanshark]

Follow your heart

Isabella has by asking you to adopt her.

 

[Rajah]

If you have any doubts you're doing the right thing, just re-read the message you just posted.

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind you're doing exactly what this little girl needs.

Bless you for caring, and keep us posted.

 

[Disneymomma]

Your awesome! She is a lucky little girl!

 

[minniecarousel]

I think you know the answer. She really needs you both - you have willing guardians lined up - sounds like there are some extended family who can "fill in" on the stuff you wouldn't be up to. My brother will be 65 when his triplets graduate form HS - so?!

God Bless you both for caring for Isabella. (sorry - know you didn't want the "pat on the back" but you're getting them anyway!)

 

[newmousecateer]

If you have any doubts you're doing the right thing, just re-read the message you just posted.

You and DH will be wonderful parents, and Isabella will HAVE wonderful parents....

 

[BrerMom]

Younger parents have energy. Older parents have wisdom.

Since she brought it up, I'd do it. She sounds like she understands what adoption means. She also knows a good thing and wants to hold on to it. If being formally adopted makes her feel more secure, that's a bonus.

One of my students had a similar situation. I loved talking to the grandparents on the phone. We were able to work together to help their grandson. It was great. This set of grandparents was raising all four of the daughter's kids.

 

[SC Minnie]

I agree with everyone else especially LisaF and DoeWDW.

This little girl is very fortunate to have a second chance. Think about what would have to her if she were not legally adopted and something happened to both you and G. Would the court send her back to her mother? (i'm not a legal person so I don't know) If she is adopted you have that control over guardianship as well as knowing not her birth mother and father can't walk in the door and say they want her back at anytime.

Her needs come first-- not what other family members think.

 

[crazyforgoofy]

I appreciate everything you've 'said' to me. I needed a kick in the posterior. I know we must and will follow through on the adoption attempt and I believe we'll eventually be successful. But the whole process seems overwhelming right now.

Your encouragement is helpful! Thanks.

 

[4greatboys]

The bottom line is she will have a stabile enviroment and people that love her and protect her. Is okay that you are not in your 30's and that she wont have brothers or sisters to grow up with. She will have plenty of friends from school.
She will have so many opportunities with you that she would not have had otherwise. Its a wonderful thing you are doing for her and dont doubt for a minute its not the best for her.
Good Luck!

 

[Tiggeroo]

I was on the young side when I had my kids, 20's. I was still young when they were in their teens. There were times that I was envious of some of my dd's friends parents. They waited much later to have their children and most only had one. They had much more stable homes and were able to give their kids much more. Their is a certain plus to maturity and experience. Now that I am hitting my late 30's I know if I had a child now there are things I would do much differently. Isabella will benefit from the maturity and experience you gained raising your other children. God bless. You know you are doing the right thing.

 

[Microcell]

At this point, you are her best and only option, aren't you? There is no other choice but to adopt her and make her feel very safe forever. In my own way, I desperately needed someone to tell me I was safe after my mom died and they (not so dear at all father) did not. You have the chance to help that little girl know, without a doubt that she is very important to you. It may just be paper, but it tells her in a very concrete way that she is loved and protected. actions are very impriotant. I will never forget my own father telling me not days after my mom passed that I would be in foster care if not for my step mother being so generous as to take us in. What people say and do have so much of an impact, let your actions have a positive impact! I bet you could get my dad to sign off if you want to adopt me too!!

 

[HappyMommy2]

Everyone has already said what I wanted to say. Your story brought tears to my eyes--tears of anger and horror at what little Isabella has endured, and tears of joy for her bright future in your loving home. God bless your family.

 

[FTWFAN]

but, my Dad was 50 when I was born! He was 18 years older than my Mom. I never "thought" about my Dad's age as an issue when I was a child or a teenager. I just knew that there were things that my Dad couldn't do that other Dads did do. We made the most of it though. Not only did he teach me to play baseball, he taught me what my kids call "old people" games. Chinese checkers, dominoes, chess. These things were fun to me and when I would have friends over who had younger parents, they always thought my Dad was cool because he taught them games they had never heard of.

I admire the way you are taking care of Isabella! A lot of people would pass the child on to someone younger. But, from h earing your story, I think you and your husband are strong people. I think you can handle what comes your way! Take the plunge, adopt her and look at all the LOVE and rewards that will be coming your way from one special little girl!

Prayers, pixie dust and hugs to you and your family!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[RUDisney]

There are two things I want to say. First off, I was 24 when my Mom and Dad had my youngest sister. Mom was 46 when she was born. She has been the apple of my parents' eyes and filled their nest when it would have been empty.

Secondly, on my birthday in 2001, we called our children, who were in Russia for the two months in between us meeting and hosting them in our home and finalizing our adoption. The caretaker who answered the phone that day said, through our translator, that she wanted to tell us something that probably no one else would. She told us that before Kristina had met us, she was uncooperative and wouldn't volunteer for anything. She didn't want to sit on anyone's lap or give hugs to anyone. She was 5yo then. BUT, after she met us, she returned to the orphanage as a changed little girl. She became affectionate and cooperative. The caretaker told us that this was because she knew that she was going to have parents who would love her and take care of her. She knew that even though so many miles were separating us, we were still calling her and letting her know that we loved her.

Why do I tell you this story? Because in your OP, you have already said the same thing. Isabella was underweight and malnourished. She was being put in harms way time after time. Then you came into her life and filled it with love and HOPE. As long as she has you, she has everything!

So, follow your heart and do what is right for that little girl. You don't have to have a lot of money to make a child feel loved and protected. I grew up pretty poor and VERY happy. My DH grew up with money and had a miserable childhood. Just because someone has money doesn't make them a better parent. The same thing applies to age. Just because you'll be an "older" parent, doesn't mean that you can't do a wonderful job parenting.

God Bless you, your DH, and Isabella! I'll be praying for your quick and easy adoption.

 

[Val]

My mother sounds a lot like M. My grandparents took me in and raised me and my siblings (although they did not adopt us due to financial reasons). They were in their 50's when they took us kids.....my grandparents are, in every way except the biological way, my parents. We lost my grandad about 9 years ago- my son has his name. My grandma is now 86 and lives far away, but we talk at least every other day. I cannot think where we might have ended up, or how we ended up, without them. They were not "old"- in fact many of my friends came from large families where their parents were near my grandparents age (my DH's dad was 2 years older than grandpa, and his mom is two years younger). Age NEVER mattered. What did matter was that we were loved and loved and loved.

When my biological mom and dad died, I was sad for what could have been. I do not really miss them, as I never really knew them. When we lost Grandpa I was devastated. I dread losing Grandma. I thank them for who and what I am.

I am sure that Isabella will feel the same about you. She is one lucky little girl. You are truly angels on earth. God bless.

 

[WhenUwishUponAstar]

I too am in tears, your story touched me because my son is 6 and I just shudder to think of a life like that at such a young age.

I don't know if it's moral support per say but what I wanted to say is this....

God put you in that childs path and you must answer. He chooses his hero's wisely, trust that he knows you are best for her and know that with him on your side you will not fail.

Blessings to you all!!

 

[KimRaye]

Wow! This whole thread has me teary-eyed. What great support from everyone!

Originally posted by crazyforgoofy
But the whole process seems overwhelming right now.

Of course it does, and it probably will take some time, but think of the greatest GIFT you could give Isabella......Forever and ever parents that SHE desires. (It makes me cry just typing that).

Polly Pockets: $5
Disney Princess Doll: $20
New bike: $60

FOREVER & EVER PARENTS: PRICELESS


GO FOR IT!! And, please keep us updated!

{{HUGS}}