Adjusting to work after being at home so long...can anyone relate?

[MickeyMomOfThree]

This thread really is not about starting anything between stay at home moms and working moms. This is just about something I am going through and trying to adjust to, and don't really have any friends who are in a similar situation who can relate.
So, all I ever really wanted to be was a wife and mom. I met my DH when I was 15, we got enaged when I was 16, married at 17, pregnant at 18 and had our first DD at 19. Yes, many people said we were crazy, but almost 17 years later we are happier then ever so sometimes it can work (though now that I have a DD who is 15, I would feel quite different if it were her, but that is a different story.)
I have not worked since we married. I was adjusting to married life, being out of high school and before we knew it DD15 was on her way and we both wanted me to be at home with her.
In the last 16+ years a large part of my identity was that of a full time homemaker, wife and SAHM. I have loved that role and would have loved to have stayed in that role forever.
Well, all my kids are in school all day. They are in 10th, 5th and 2nd grade so I decided to get a part time job. I just started as a pre-school aide. It is 2 afternoons a week, I will never work on any school days off (they follow my kids' school schedule) and on the rare occasion that work conflicts with a field trip or something at my kids' school I can have a sub for me. I get out before my kids so I am still here when they get home. The family is not effected by me working at all.
But I am having trouble adjusting. I can't figure out why seeing as this really does not effect anything here in the house. I guess after so long any change is difficult, but I feel like I am not completely me anymore.
Anyone who was home for a long time, can you relate? Does it get easier? I won't be leaving the job. I comitted to a school year and always follow through, but I wonder if this is normal?

 

[Luv Bunnies]

It sounds like you're adjusting to the fact that you now have to be somewhere at certain times whereas before you were on your own schedule. When you're at home, you decide when you'll do most things (except things like picking up the kids that have to be done at a certain times). Now you are required to be somewhere twice a week and you have to schedule other things around that. Two afternoons a week might not seem like much to some people, but I can see how it would take an adjustment when you've been at home for so long.

I worked at home for about 3 years after my 2nd son was born. I was doing HR projects for a bank where I previously worked full-time. I totally set my own schedule and only worked a few hours a week. When my youngest turned 3 and started preschool, I started working as a special ed preschool aide at a school right next door to his. I could drop him off, walk next door, work, walk next door again and pick him up. Then we would get my oldest from kindergarten. It was really an ideal situation. It did take me a few months to get into the mindset of working again and having a set schedule I had to adhere to.

I think you'll feel better once you get into the swing of it. It's a big adjustment to go back to work, even for a few hours a week. Just take it slowly and give yourself a break. It should work out fine.

 

[samshane]

I stayed home for 9 yrs - once my youngest was in full-day school, I got a part-time job. Like you, I work only when the kids are in school. For the first 2 months - I kept telling my DH I was going to leave. It was too much trying to coordinate everything and not having that time off that I used to have to do things.

But, after those couple months, I started to look forward to going. It was *my* thing - no one knew me just because of my kids and I thoroughly enjoyed the adult interaction.

My Dh deployed in June for a year - and the job has been a lifesaver for me. It is still hard somedays - trying to coordinate the kids lives with my job and everything else, but it is something for me to do outside of my children. For so long I identified myself as their mom - and that was it. Not that anything is wrong with that at all, but for me, I needed something else. Something outside of that. Now I get to be both.

It definitely does get easier as you get more comfortable and get to know more people. Best of luck to you!

 

[Stephres]

I just started a job and felt overwhelmed immediately and a friend said to give it three weeks. It is a big adjustment and it is hard for me to think about how I will get everything done I want to and be there for the kids. This is my second week and it was better than my first. I'll let you know after next week how I am doing!

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

Thanks guys, good to feel that I am not crazy.
You could be right, the having to be somewhere is weird after all this time. Yesterday my grandma was here and asked me to go to lunch. I said sure not remembering (for a moment) that I had to work. No big deal, just different. Tomorrow I will get my first paycheck, I am sure I am going to like that! I guess after 16 years of anything change takes some time.
Thanks again

 

[mickkey]

Hi...I truely understand. I worked as a RN for about 18 years then my hubby started a business and I'm working from home now for the past 5 years. I love working from home....it's great for my son (14) and hubby (a great help to him in the office....) I like making my own hours and being my own boss. But now we think we may sell the business and I worry what will I do with my time. I still want to be at home when my son gets home.....but how do I fill up my hours??? You can only search the disney boards for so long!!!! However I really don't want a job that someone tells me that I have to work Saturdays, or no you can't have Xmas off it's your turn to work.....and you may as well knock me down if I have to go back to shift work It's more for zanity that I need to work.....(and to help pay for the Disney Trips).
So I can understand when you say your having a hard time adjusting to "work outside the House" life. Best of luck and I hope it all works out for you.

 

[tyandbash]

I worked full time until my oldest was born. Then I became a stay at home mom, and loved it, truly loved it. I was home for 10 years and had three children. Due to circumstances too lengthy to explain I had to go back to work. My youngest was in school at the time, but not full-time, she could (and did) go to aftercare though. I went back full-time. I started in DECEMBER of all months!! At first we all actually adjusted quite well, but after about 6 months it became harder to do. And for a while I was truly forcing myself into work each day. It got easier after that. It will be three years now this December and I really feel we have all done very well with it. The really hard times for me are when my kids have vacations and I still have to work, (with summer being almost impossible to get through!). But, to answer your question I did eventually adjust. It is so hard though when you are use to making your own schedule in your head each night and then you realize it isn't possible anymore to do that. I also have a job that isn't always regular, emergencies do and will happen (work in Children Services) and sometimes I can't get to my children when I want to. Fortunately for me, my DH is the asst. principal in their school and is always available to them during the day. Not sure I could have done this if that wasn't the case. There have been times however at night where both of us are stuck with something and I have had to call a friend to get them when the aftercare programs closes. I HATE that and am thankful it doesn't happen often, but it goes with my job. Since the problem with me not being home is that "Mommy was helping other children" my kids have always been very understanding with that. Thank Goodness!!

So to answer your question yes it gets easier, change is never easy. But, it isn't always bad either. I have a ton more friends and have just recently found myself calling work friends on a weekend to relay a funny story, or I just got a new car and a work friend was the first person I called to tell. So, working is different, but good too!!

 

[amy_225]

Oh, I can so relate to you! It sounds like we're a lot alike. I was born/raised in the South, and my whole childhood was spent dreaming about getting married and having kids, lol. I got married at 18 and our first child was born three and a half years later. Even when we were really struggling, I stayed home and we sacrificed in other ways so I didn't have to work. I did clean houses for a while, and that was nice since I could take my little ones with me.
Then I started feeling pressure to get a job when my youngest started preschool. I never felt "normal" while I worked. I always felt like I was missing something. My role in life had changed, and I worried about other people "raising" my kids. More than anything, though, I just missed that role of stay at home mom. I think about how fast they grow up. Once they are grown, I will have plenty of time to work - heck, I may even go back to college to finish that degree I only lacked a year or so on -- but for now, I'm so content being at home. We've homeschooled the past couple of years, as well, and I have gotten to know my kids on an even deeper level. It has been so rewarding.
Not to say that is for everyone, or that anyone who works is somehow cheating their kids! No, no, no. I absolutely respect and admire those moms who make the commitment to work and raise a family. I think it must take a lot of strength and determination to make both work, and kudos to those who can do it. But for me, it just wasn't "right". I worked for three years outside the home. It never got any easier for me. But that may not be the case for you. I think it totally depends on your personality, how you were raised, and many other life factors that play into those things. Since you must make it work for a year, keep your chin up and realize that your kids won't be damaged or insecure. They know you love them, I'm sure! In fact, they're probably proud of you for the new role you're in. I just mainly wanted to chime in and say I know EXACTLY how you feel about not being yourself. Big Hugs!

 

[bdiddy]

I wasn't off of work that long - only 2 years but I just wanted to tell you that I work at a preschool now and LOVE it. The only reason I started working there was because they said I could take my 2 yr old with me. I did a sort of after-care program after the morning class. It really is the most perfect job for a mother. My daughter started kindergarten this year and I get her off to school and then don't have to be at the preschool for a few hours and I'm home before she gets home from school. I do this 3x a week and it helps bring in extra money, have all the same holidays/summer off, I feel like I'm contributing and I get to be at the same school as my son.

I guess I just wanted to say that I'm sure it will take time to adjust but you couldn't have picked a better job!

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

That's good to know. I am lucky in that I will have all their days off of school off. No worries about summer or Christmas or anything, and it is only 2 afternoons a week, no work to bring home, nothing like that. It just feels so strange, but I am hopeful that I get used to it. It isn't like I hate being there, I actually kind of like it when I am there, but it's just the change I guess.

 

[Poohbear5]

I know just what your talking about.
It took me a few months to get into the swing of things and I still have days where I'd like be home to get more done or have an afternoon teabreak when the house is still quiet!