Addressing Envelopes; What do you think this means?

[DawnCt1]

Its a funny question after all of these years but, DH has a sister who is a few years younger than he is. She is married, husband was a little strange (Stepford Wives like) but has mellowed over the years. The kids are great. We see them about 4 times a year even though they don't live very far from us. The encounters are always pleasant and friendly, although her DH literally rolled his eyes at my new car. "Who would want a Cadillac"? (CTS) He brought it up when he saw it, not me.
Anyway, when I address an envelop for Christmas cards, invitations, etc, I use a formal, appropriate title; Mr. and Mrs. or Dr. and Mrs., or Drs X and Y, etc.
We got an invitation to SILs, DSs graduation party yesterday. Just like all of her Christmas cards, it is addressed Mr. and Mrs. DH is a physician. Out Of everyone we know, family, friends, etc. they are the only ones that do this. We are not big on "titles" but I do wonder, after all of these years, why she does this. Any clue? I would not ask her because it would be a petty thing to bring up, but its not too petty for me to wonder about.

 

[Becky2005]

Probably because she's thinking it's a personal invitation to something instead of a professional event?

I don't know, my SIL has a PhD, so she has the Dr. title but I never use that title for her when mailing her anything. I never really think of her with her title, I think of her as DH's sister.

For that matter, I'm probably really way down on the list because I just mail it to her with first name/last name as she kept her maiden name when she got married & I never know how the heck to address the envelope. I always end up putting her name first since it's DH's sister & then her husband's name -- so it ends up Jane Doe & John Smith. I have a tendency to do that all the time even though I know it's not proper but I end up putting the blood relative's name first. Not *always* but a lot of the times.

 

[NMAmy]

A lot of people in my family have doctorates. Especially with the younger ones in grad school, I'm never sure where they are in the process--particularly with spouses. So, to save myself from offending a newly minted Doctor (who seem to be the most touchy about the issue), I tend to just address things to John and Jane Doe--with no titles. It's easier on me than getting an irritated email saying, "How could you offend Jane by writing Dr. & Mrs. John Doe on that invitation?"

It always makes me think of a family reunion when dd was young. DD asked my adult cousin to grab her a Mr. Pepper from the cooler. My cousin told her, "Excuse me? That's DOCTOR Pepper to you, missy. He didn't work all those years for that degree for you to be calling him MISTER!"

Now the Mr. & Mrs. thing on your card is a little weird. Maybe she just is writing a lot of cards/invitations and the majority of folks are Mr & Mrs? You know--you get used to writing the same thing over and over and you do it kind of mindlessly?

 

[bicker]

Many folks see no real value in certain aspects of formalism, and indeed see detriment in certain aspects.

Since the invitation is not being sent to DH in his capacity as physician, I wouldn't use the title either. As a matter of fact, if I am inviting people to a celebration, I'm probably inviting them because I appreciate their company as people (not in their professional capacity, or even their capacity as part of a couple), so would address the invitation using (just) their given names (and surnames) rather than "Mr. & Mrs."

 

[Saphire]

Maybe because you are family? My son is a doctor and I never thought to put that on the envelope when I mail him stuff. Hmmm, hope he doesn't think it means anything.

 

[KristaTX]

Since the invitation is not being sent to DH in his capacity as physician, I wouldn't use the title either.

Me neither .

 

[RN4Babies]

I have a sister who's an OB/GYN, and a brother in law who's a dentist. I've always addressed cards, invitiations, etc. as either "The ****** Family" or "Mr. and Mrs. ****** and Family". Maybe because they're family, and I'm not thinking of them as a doctor?......I don't mean to be ignorant or rude, but it's just never occurred to me to address an envelope as "Dr." when I mail them something. As an extended family, we're pretty casual and not into a lot of show or formality; maybe that's part of it too.

Now I'm thinking I should call them and make sure they don't feel slighted or insulted by my invites.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I wouldn't really care if they used the title or not. I would be happy to be invited.

 

[CajunDixie]

Maybe your SIL just sees your DH as her brother, not his title.

I know when we sent out announcements for graduation DH addressed some while I cooked dinner and searched the internet for a few snail mail addresses. When he did my parents he didn't put "and Family." I mailed the announcements as we did them. Of course I got a phone call from my own mother upset because my brother (he's 48!) that lives with them didn't get his own invite and wasn't listed as "and family" on theirs. That fact she called to complain sort of made me mad. First off it was a simple mistake, I wasn't done sending them out and it's not that formal of an ordeal.

It's hard sometimes figuring who and how to invite people. My dad's side of the family is huge (he had 16 brothers and sisters) but we aren't close. So I didn't send invites to all my cousins. But I have an aunt that doesn't drive so one of her kids would have to bring her but I don't know which of the 3 would do it. So on hers we added the "and family" so she can have whoever she wants bring her up her.

 

[Angelhalo]

DFIL is a doctor and no one addresses anything to him as Dr. X. I don't even think we addressed his wedding invitation with Dr. X. To us he is "John" not Dr. so and so.

I'm not sure what your Cadillac has to do with anything.

 

[happygirl]

I guess they were just taking the infomal approach. If I was a Dr I wouldn't want people to call me Dr or address as me as that.

 

[johnsontrio]

Since she has always done this, I would tend to think it's along the lines of what the other posters have written; she doesn't stand much on formality. I don't think any slight is intended. People are just different.

Case in point. Dh has a brother that, like your DH, is an ID Doc. I feel at times that it gets shoved down everyones throat. For example, there has been more than one birthday cake, "Happy Birthday Doctor Xxxxx".

Of course it goes deeper than that. Now that our old folks are getting older, he is the only one that gets to have an opinion about anything medical, even though 5 out of the 7 sibs are in the medical field.

My Mom is a PhD Psychologist, nationally outstanding in her specialty, with 40 years of experience and still working. No one in DH's family ever addresses anything to her as Dr. They just all refer to her as Meme.

 

[JR6ooo4]

Where does it end? My title is not before my name but after.

Mikeeee IPLS

I only use the letters professional correspondences.

Mikeeee

 

[monkey68]

Maybe because you are family? My son is a doctor and I never thought to put that on the envelope when I mail him stuff. Hmmm, hope he doesn't think it means anything.

hehe, my dad can't wait until I graduate so he can start sending me stuff as Dr. Monkey. My white coat ceremony, which my school held at the end of our second year, he sent me an email addressed to "1/2 Dr. Monkey". Both my parents are like that, they're going to get such a kick out of it, I can pretty much guarantee that for at least 3 months after I graduate, they'll start every conversation with "Hi Doctor!" Maybe it's cause I'm the first doctor in the family? My mom is a teacher, my dad barely graduated high school and is in sales now, so maybe that has something to do with it?

As for the OP, I wouldn't think anything of it. They're family, probably not as hung up on titles.

 

[Think-tink]

My big brother is a doctor but I don't ever address anything to him using the title. I think he would find it odd if I used his title.

Does your husband care? If he doesn't then why should you?

 

[damo]

My brother is a doctor. I never send him anything that says Dr. and Mrs.. I just don't think of them like that.

 

[disykat]

I wouldn't see it as unusual to see no title, but it does seem weird to me that she uses the "wrong" title. Like you, I wouldn't see it as a big deal or say anything, but it would make me wonder why she doesn't use the title since everyone else does. If I felt awkward using a title, I'd make a point of writing first names and skipping the titles altogether.

My SIL is almost done with her doctorate. I've already given thought (just in passing) about how I'll address a formal envelope differently if the opportunity arises.

My Dad is a retired physician and now frequently goes by Mr. When he was practicing, although he wouldn't have cared, it was rare for people who knew him to be a Dr. to call him Mr. I can name two people off the top of my head immediately who always did so. Again, not because it was a big deal - it was unusual.

 

[disykat]

My brother is a doctor. I never send him anything that says Dr. and Mrs.. I just don't think of them like that.

Do you address them as Mr and Mrs though?

 

[Justanopinion]

My first thought was does she know the etiqette rules of mailing things like that.
Does she know the proper way.

I have a friend that is 36 yrs. old and her oldest graduated this year. She had no clue as to how to do the invites. We had to walk her through it.


This also reminds me of a similar situation. When DH and I first got together, we lived together but were not married.
His brother also lived with his girlfriend and was not married. When she sent out their Christmas cards she would hand deliver them and they were always addressed to "His name and kids". She left me off for about 3 years. But yet she would sign the card..."Mrs. and Mrs. Jones"
The last year my DSD actually noticed and said something to her...she just said she didn't realize she was doing it.
Whatever...I guess she didn't like me. They broke up shortly after that.

 

[damo]

Do you address them as Mr and Mrs though?

Sending Christmas cards I do.