Actual Newspaper Headlines...

[SuiteDisney]

1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

3. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case

4. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

5. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

6. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

7. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

8. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

9. Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead

10. Miners Refuse to Work After Death

11. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

12. Stolen Painting Found by Tree

13. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

14. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

15. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

16. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

17. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

18. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space

19. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

20. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

21. Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

 

[Adrianna]

Here's a couple I found:

Tiger Woods plays with own balls, Nike says

Psychics predict world didn't end yesterday

 

[Adrianna]

HERE'S MORE :
They just don't read right...
Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One.
Deaf Mute Gets New Hearing in Killing.

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers.

House Passes Gas Tax on to Senate.

Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan.

Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung.

William Kelly was Fed Secretary.

Milk Drinkers are Turning to Powder.

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should be Belted.

Quarter of a Million Chinese Live on Water.

Farmer Bill Dies in House.

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms.


While Others Become unintentionally suggestive...
Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped.
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

Panda Mating Fails - Veterinarian Takes Over.

NJ Judge to Rule on Nude Beach.

Child's Stool Great for Use in Garden.

Dr. Ruth to Talk About Sex with Newspaper Editors.

Organ Festival Ends in Smashing Climax.


Telegraphic grammar often botches other headlines:
Eye Drops Off Shelf.
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim.

Dealers Will Hear Car Talk at Noon.

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Axe.

Lawmen from Mexico Barbecue Guests.

Miners Refuse to Work after Death.