A serious question...

[njmom47]

Would you take comfort in knowing a loved one was not alone when they were seriously ill or injured, and no one was sure they would pull through, if you couldn't be there, even if surrounded by strangers?

 

[kmb584]

Would you take comfort in knowing a loved one was not alone when they were seriously ill or injured, and no one was sure they would pull through, even if surrounded by strangers?

No. If anything, I'd feel even worse knowing that instead of family and friends the person was surrounded by people s/he didn't know in their last moments.

 

[cassandrap83]

Yes. When my father was dying a couple months ago, it took me about a week before I could get to Pittsburgh (I'm in Florida). I was glad he wasn't sitting at home alone, and instead in the hospital where the nurses were taking care of his needs and talking to him.

 

[gwynne]

Would you take comfort in knowing a loved one was not alone when they were seriously ill or injured, and no one was sure they would pull through, if you couldn't be there, even if surrounded by strangers?

I would so appreciate kind strangers who stepped in during a time of crisis.
None of us can be everywhere all the time.

 

[minnie mum]

Would you take comfort in knowing a loved one was not alone when they were seriously ill or injured, and no one was sure they would pull through, if you couldn't be there, even if surrounded by strangers?

Well, of course. Who would want a loved one to be seriously ill or dying all alone??? Is it preferable that they have their loved ones in attendance? Naturally. But not always possible.

 

[anniemae]

By strangers do you mean nurses and doctors? If so then yes, I would want my loved one in the care of excellent medical staff if I could not be there to oversee their care.

 

[snapppyd]

Without a doubt. If I couldn't be there I would not want them to be alone.

 

[lecach]

I used to work at a continuing care retirement community. One of our VERY old residents was in her final days and was afraid to be alone. Her sons wouldn't or couldn't be there. So all staff was asked to give whatever time they could to sit with her. I sat with her for an hour, we had maintenance staff, grounds staff, nurses, office people etc on rotation 24 hours a day. She passed easier knowing she wasnt alone.

If I couldn't be there for a family member I would be reassured knowing that SOMEONE was there.

 

[Tasha228]

Of course it would be my preference to be with my loved one, BUT I would rather they have a stranger there to comfort them than to die scared and alone.

 

[minkydog]

I used to work at a continuing care retirement community. One of our VERY old residents was in her final days and was afraid to be alone. Her sons wouldn't or couldn't be there. So all staff was asked to give whatever time they could to sit with her. I sat with her for an hour, we had maintenance staff, grounds staff, nurses, office people etc on rotation 24 hours a day. She passed easier knowing she wasnt alone.

If I couldn't be there for a family member I would be reassured knowing that SOMEONE was there.

Wow, that's really inspirational~ I feel the same way and I have sat by many bedsides while people crossed over. In nearly all cases, the person either didn't have any family or the family couldn't get to the hospital in time. I sort of made that my mission, to be present while the last breaths leave someone's body. It is quite a sacred experience, actually.

When my dad was dying his greatest fears were that he would have terrible pain and that he would die alone. He had reason to be afraid, since he had alienated all 5 of his kids and all the grandkids (he was a sociopath.) At the end of his life I simply could not turn my back on him, so another sister and I took turns sitting with him day and night. I count it a holy privilege that at the end he entrusted me with the details of his death with only the promise that I would not leave him alone and in pain. My other siblings could not be there for various reasons, but they were appreciative of us being there.

I would hope that if my mother or husband or child were alone and dying that someone would be there to hold his hand close to their heart; that they would whisper words of comfort and healing; and that my loved one would know that there was someone standing in my stead for them at their hour of need.

 

[mickeyboat]

I would rather a stranger be there than no one.

Two of the greatest pleasures I have had in my life were to be with both my MIL and FIL when they passed. I hope they knew that they were loved beyond measure. My young children (9 &10 at the time) were present when their grandfather died, and I think it is one of the most important and meaningful experiences of their lives.

 

[kacaju]

My Dad was in a nursing home. I was there in the morning and after 2 hours he told me to leave. I came home took my daughter to her afternoon pre school class and the nursing home called me...he was dying..... come back....I swear he waited until I was gone to die. They told me they all were around him and even called his favorite nurse who was upstairs to come down and be with him as he passed. I was so happy they cared that much

 

[thebutlerdidit]

I don't know if my father was alone or if nursing staff were with him. He passed in the middle of the night, the nurses called my mom to say he was going, but since the brakes went in the car driving home from the hospital I had left her without a car, and she didn't call us until the next day. With my mother she wanted to be home I was with her for 10 hours and went home. My brother called me a half hour later she was gone. She was alone, and I really think that is the way she wanted it. I know though she was looking forward to being with my father again.

 

[nicolita3]

My Dad was in a nursing home. I was there in the morning and after 2 hours he told me to leave. I came home took my daughter to her afternoon pre school class and the nursing home called me...he was dying..... come back....I swear he waited until I was gone to die. They told me they all were around him and even called his favorite nurse who was upstairs to come down and be with him as he passed. I was so happy they cared that much

I think some people don't want their family to be around when they actually cross over. I have had several patients who will be actively dying and their family will sit with them for hours - days and the family will leave to eat or shower or what not even just for 10 minutes, and they will pass. One of the saddest ones was when we had a lady who was dying and her husband (who was elderly with early dementia) and his care giver came for 2 days straight sat with her. We would bring them food for every meal , well it was about 4pm and the care giver told the husband we need to give you a shower its been a couple of days...well he agreed to go I told him I would watch her while he was gone. Not even 15 minutes later she passed. I felt so bad when I called the care giver. They came back so fast to say one last good bye.

 

[mhfrau]

I think some people don't want their family to be around when they actually cross over. I have had several patients who will be actively dying and their family will sit with them for hours - days and the family will leave to eat or shower or what not even just for 10 minutes, and they will pass. One of the saddest ones was when we had a lady who was dying and her husband (who was elderly with early dementia) and his care giver came for 2 days straight sat with her. We would bring them food for every meal , well it was about 4pm and the care giver told the husband we need to give you a shower its been a couple of days...well he agreed to go I told him I would watch her while he was gone. Not even 15 minutes later she passed. I felt so bad when I called the care giver. They came back so fast to say one last good bye.

To add a completely different situation, my mom moved in my house when she went on hospice. She had stage 4 lung cancer that had spread to nearly every organ, and literally went from sitting in her recliner eating a hot dog and fries to closing her eyes and barely conscious when we moved her an hour later to her bed. She never, ever spoke or regained consciousness again and the hospice nurse told me that she was in the last hours. I sat at her bedside for 6 days and nights straight, except when i had to use the restroom, while she was having the "death rattle" gasps. I never left her room, and held her hand almost constantly. Finally, my husband made me walk out for some fresh air and in the 5 minutes she was alone, she passed. The hospice nurse could not believe that she lingered so long, but I'm convinced that she was not going to go until she was alone. I'm totally ok with that even though most people think I'm horrible because she died alone in her room. You have to do what is right for yourself and not let other people guilt you.

 

[luvsJack]

We lost my bil two months ago in a car accident. When the first person got to him, he was struggling to get his leg out where it was stuck between the console and the gas pedal. The first responder talked to him and calmed him down so that they could get him out of the truck. He continued to talk to bil and keep him calm until the helicopter got there. Bil died before they got him on the helicopter.

This man has been a great comfort to mil. Knowing that someone was with him, talking to him; just letting him know he was alone.


My fil just died a recently too. They called us all into the hospital so every one of his children and his wife were with him. He held on for many hours and mil never left his side for even a minute. She finally had to go to the bathroom. He stopped breathing while she was gone. His children were all in the room, so she took comfort in that. Now, reading some of these posts, I wonder if he held on until she finally left the room for those few minutes.

 

[low-key]

yes I would, sometimes having a stranger with you is better, ya might be able to talk about things easier

 

[minkydog]

My Dad was in a nursing home. I was there in the morning and after 2 hours he told me to leave. I came home took my daughter to her afternoon pre school class and the nursing home called me...he was dying..... come back....I swear he waited until I was gone to die. They told me they all were around him and even called his favorite nurse who was upstairs to come down and be with him as he passed. I was so happy they cared that much

My grandfather did that. He had become confused and combative, so my brother and sister took him to the hospital and got him admitted for testing and observation. He was actually in pretty good spirits once he got there, telling jokes and carrying on. The nurses brought him a dinner tray with all his favorite foods on it--fried fish, cole slaw, green beans, a roll, and a big ol' piece of lemon meringue pie (this is what they feed you in North Carolina ) He waved my siblings away and told them to go get something to eat. They got in the car and didn't even make it to the end of the hospital driveway when the nurses called to say he was gone. He had an aortic aneurysm for about 40 years and it picked that day and THAT time to go. He probably never even knew what hit him. Bam! and he was in heaven.

 

[christineann]

My son is a young police officer, and one of his first calls involved a man who was shot in the face and stumbled onto someone's front porch for help.
He called EMS but knew the EMS wasn't going to make it in time, and he did what he could to comfort the man as he died. I asked him how you do that, and he said that you just speak gently with encouraging words, use a soft touch and try to make the last moments as calm as possible. I hope that this man's family knows that his last moments were spent with someone who tried to comfort him.

He was a stranger to this man, as are many of our first responders/emergency personnel. Thanks to all for the jobs they do.

 

[dakcp2001]

I've been that stranger. And I can tell you that as a nurse, we really do care and want that person to feel comfort. Ive stayed 7 hours past my night shift to stay with a patient and hold her hand. It's heart wrenching sometimes, but we all do it. I've seen people hold on and wait for their family to leave so they could pass, I've also seen some people hang on for days until a certain person could get there, everyone is different. More than once, I've had the patient call me by the name of their family member, and think I am them. Being able to pass that last message on to family seems to bring comfort. I've also seen conversations with people who I can't see, and have later been told that they were speaking to someone who has already passed, usually a spouse or parent. But please know that if your family member died " alone" in a hospital and you couldn't get there, they were not alone and someone held their hand and comforted them. Most if us also stop at car wrecks to help etc.


The biggest thing I've learned, is what people seem to regret on their final moments. I live my life differently because of what people have told me.