A room mother quandry

[Doesney]

I am in a pickle. Since my kids have started school there has always been a teacher collection for the holidays. Normally 5.00. I have been a room mom for the past 5 years and thos year decided to "retire". Anyways, the room mom in ds's class has never called once for anything. Not for parties, class trips etc. Luckily I am at school alot and am quite friendly with the teacher so I do almost everything. Monday night it occured to me that the room mom didn't send a note or call for $ for the teachers gift. I called her and asked and she said "I haven't heard anything about it" OMG, i was so flabergasted I said ok, thanks. So I typed up a note and gave one to all the kids and out of 18 kids I only got 10 back. My question is, should I sign from the whole class? Sign all the kids? Add the extra money? Man she really dropped the ball.

 

[Beth76]

I wouldn't say she dropped the ball. Is that really what you think the room mom is supposed to do? I thought the room mom planned parties and such. Anyway, any group gift should be signed from the entire class with participation being voluntary. We usually get teachers our own gift, but will gladly add to a group gift if asked. It's definitely not a required or expected thing.

 

[cinmell]

I would only put the 10 names on the card. Maybe the others don't want to give a gift or are getting one on their own.

 

[GJM]

I am the room mom for my DS (8) class. This is my lst. time! I didn't do a group gift, even the other room mom's I spoke with didn't. I sent home a note asking for donations for the class party or food items. I hardly got anyone to respond.

 

[dcgrumpy]

I would put everyones name on the card. or just write "from your class".

 

[JunieJay]

I would put everyones name on the card. or just write "from your class".

Ditto.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

Just buy a nice gift and a card with the $10 or so, and sign it from the entire class. As for the room mom, since you spend so much time in the class and are apparently close with the teacher, maybe she thought that you would be handling it? Based on what you said, it sounds like even though you resigned the room mom position, you still do a lot for the class. Maybe she's confused
about what her duties are.

To be honest, I'm kind of over the pooling money thing. Each year it seems the amount gets higher - last year between my two kids classes, I spent $30. PLUS, one of the room moms wanted to sign the card with only the names of the kids who gave money, "to be fair", she said. (Of course this was the same mom who did the same thing with the volleyball coach gift). Personally, I'd rather my kids make their teacher a nice card and/or pick out something on their own.

 

[Doesney]

I wouldn't say she dropped the ball. Is that really what you think the room mom is supposed to do? I thought the room mom planned parties and such. Anyway, any group gift should be signed from the entire class with .

If you had read my OP, I said " since my kids were in school, there has always been a collection" What I think the room mom should do is be INVOLVED I have never heard one word from her since septemeber and have never seen her at any class functions.

Anyways, I have decided to add the money to make up for those not wanting or able to give and sign "from the class". I do not want the teacher to feel slighted. I have always had full participation when I was room mom and collected in a timely manner. Not this last minute crap.

 

[LotsOfQuestions]

If you had read my OP, I said " since my kids were in school, there has always been a collection" What I think the room mom should do is be INVOLVED I have never heard one word from her since septemeber and have never seen her at any class functions.

Anyways, I have decided to add the money to make up for those not wanting or able to give and sign "from the class". I do not want the teacher to feel slighted. I have always had full participation when I was room mom and collected in a timely manner. Not this last minute crap.

If parents were expecting this "time honored" tradition, don't you think that at least one of them would have called and asked if anybody was doing a gift collection?

Since nobody missed it except yourself, I think the parents are rather relieved at not having to donate to yet one more thing.

I know I would be. I prefer to buy my own gift, yet feel obligated to donate, as we also have room moms that will add money to make up for the 'deadbeats.' And then make it well known about how much they had to pad the gift with.

Give the room mother some breathing room and let her do the job her way, not yours.

Personally, if I were the room mother, and you were continuing to do things for the room without consulting me, I would just throw in the towel too and just let you continue to do it. You obviously have not been able to let go.

 

[WDSearcher]

When you were room mom, was there some sort of written schedule or guide for you to follow or did you just do things that you felt were right? When you "retired", did you leave behind any sort of guide or list of suggestions for the new person, or are they just supposed to know things? If you just kind of expected the new room mom to know about the teacher gift simply because it had always been done while your kids were there, then I don't think you can be angry and decry it as "this last minute crap."

Sounds to me like the new room mom is doing the job differently and you think she should be doing it exactly like you did. Maybe this year they decided not to do a group gift. I mean ... it is possible that things have changed. Just because they always did it that way doesn't mean they always have to.

 

[Beth76]

If you had read my OP, I said " since my kids were in school, there has always been a collection" What I think the room mom should do is be INVOLVED I have never heard one word from her since septemeber and have never seen her at any class functions.

Anyways, I have decided to add the money to make up for those not wanting or able to give and sign "from the class". I do not want the teacher to feel slighted. I have always had full participation when I was room mom and collected in a timely manner. Not this last minute crap.

So there was always a collection because you always did it. This mom doesn't want to do it. If you want the job done to your satisfaction, the best way is to do it yourself. I see no need to add extra money and play martyr. But if you want to, go ahead. BTW, your post is dripping with holiday cheer.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

If you had read my OP, I said " since my kids were in school, there has always been a collection" What I think the room mom should do is be INVOLVED I have never heard one word from her since septemeber and have never seen her at any class functions.

Anyways, I have decided to add the money to make up for those not wanting or able to give and sign "from the class". I do not want the teacher to feel slighted. I have always had full participation when I was room mom and collected in a timely manner. Not this last minute crap.

I doubt the teacher is going to feel slighted because she didn't get a group gift. And if she does, well...that's pretty bad. Feeling obligated to give and teachers expecting it is one of the reasons people hate to do group gifts.

I agree with the previous poster, it sounds like maybe a room mom duties manual should be created so that those who have never had the position before know what to do. And keep in mind that not everyone is going to be Super Room Mom!

 

[dcgrumpy]

I prefer to get our own gift but I feel obligated to add to the class gift so I do both.

 

[Doesney]

I didn't make up the group gift rule. It has always been tradition at the school. I guess you are not understanding that. I was a room mom for both my kids at different times and it has always been that way. I am 99.9 percent sure that out of the 32 teachers in k-8, 31 of them are getting the group gift. I just wanted to make it all 32.

Oh and beth76 "Merry Christmas Baby" It's always nice getting your perspective.

 

[Cindy B]

I would put everyones name on the card. or just write "from your class".

MTE!

 

[MareQ]

If parents were expecting this "time honored" tradition, don't you think that at least one of them would have called and asked if anybody was doing a gift collection?

Since nobody missed it except yourself, I think the parents are rather relieved at not having to donate to yet one more thing.

I know I would be. I prefer to buy my own gift, yet feel obligated to donate, as we also have room moms that will add money to make up for the 'deadbeats.' And then make it well known about how much they had to pad the gift with.

Give the room mother some breathing room and let her do the job her way, not yours.

Personally, if I were the room mother, and you were continuing to do things for the room without consulting me, I would just throw in the towel too and just let you continue to do it. You obviously have not been able to let go.

I agree. Quite frankly I despise those class gift donations. I do my own already very generous gift. If I don't hear from the class mother I am relieved - I would never get bent and start planning my own class donation around her. Whoever is in charge is in charge - if the parties and everything else are poorly planned - so be it - it's not the end of the world.

 

[taylor1293]

Yes, you should sign from "the whole class" or add each child's name. It doesn't really matter who paid for the class gift, it was a class gift, so all the children's names should be on it.

 

[PaulaSue]

I'm roommom for one of my DD's classe and We just put the names on the cards who put in money. Others are doing their own thing and they know if they don't want to put it is it is not required, but their name will not be on it. We are doing $20 to cover all 3 teachers.

When we took up a collection of toys and a meal for a big sister who had major surgery I did add all the names.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

I'm roommom for one of my DD's classe and We just put the names on the cards who put in money. Others are doing their own thing and they know if they don't want to put it is it is not required, but their name will not be on it. We are doing $20 to cover all 3 teachers.

When we took up a collection of toys and a meal for a big sister who had major surgery I did add all the names.

Why not just put from Mrs. J's class, instead of individual names? It singles out the kids who didn't give money, for whatever reason. It should be treated as a group thing, or just go back to individuals giving their own gifts (where they can sign their own names).

 

[lulugirl]

I would sign it from the entire class.