A question for all moms

[lisajl]

Hi everyone

I went over to my sisters house for a cookout tonight.
We knew some neighbors would be there, and we like them all.

We were having a good time until one of the neighbors started talking about her DD being overweight.
The mom is small, maybe a size six, now that's a big maybe, she maybe a 4 for all I know.

Here is how the conversation went...
We were discussing weight, and I told her I went to Curves.
She said she was disappointed in attitude of the person helping her and decided not to join.
She really wanted her daughter to join because she had gained so much weight. She said, "You should see her butt".

I told her my DD has had a weight problem since she was about 12. She is about a size 18 right now (she is 17 yo), and has lost about 5 lbs. She walks everywhere.

Well..when the neighbors DD came in, I almost fell off my chair.
She is beautiful. She is probably a size 8 maybe a 10, not any bigger than that.

Is it just me, or is there something wrong with this mom?

I should mention that the oldest son of this family has a girlfriend who is probably a size 1. They came in the house together and since the son did not eat, the GF did not eat.

Strange night.
I took my sister aside and said, Thanks for inviting us, but I don't want to be around Sue anymore, she is too negative for me.

Thanks for reading...just had to rant a bit.

Lisa

 

[Serena]

My mom was 95 pounds soaking wet. I was always fat to her. Even when I was 115 and 5'4".

The mom has a problem.

 

[kejoda]

oh yeah that lady is an idiot. She'll never have to worry about her heart being to heavy.

 

[cmbelle]

I have a friend whose mother always got on her about her weight. My friend is 5'10" and never weighed over 130 pounds. She's a size 4. Now, my friend has kids, and she's had her daughter on diet food from day 1. The daughter is now 9 and is a walking skeleton. Hmmm...not healthy for anyone.

 

[Pop Daddy]

Im not a mom but still a long post

 

[preshi]

My Dad still does this to me... and I'm 25... says I'm getting a butt like my Mom,who he divorced. I'm not the skinniest thing... in fact I've gained and lost weight only to gain it back... only cause I have been lazy. My mom is probably a 14 I'm a 9 right this moment...

Those kinds of things scar kids for life... I cant imagine what she says TO her daughter... poor girl. I can only imagine the self esteem issues she has...

You'd think if anyone a parent would care about their child having a eating disorder..

ggggaaaaa i am so mad right now... good for you for not wanting to be around her... I would have given her a piece of my mind...

 

[CathyCanada]

how sad for that girl
CC

 

[nativetxn]

I don't care about the mother's "problem", the truly sad part of this story is that she is giving her daughter a serious, lifelong, self esteem problem and that would be the least negative thing that could happen. She is very likely insuring that her daughter ends up with an eating disorder. I swear that is child abuse. What a cruel, cruel, thoughtless woman

 

[lisajl]

OK...I am glad I am not the only one that thinks this way.

I have never told my DD she had to lose weight. In fact, what I do is try to encourage her to exercise. Like I said earlier, she walks all over town. She is out right now with her best friend. I am so glad she is getting any exercise.

Boy, I hope I have never said anything to make my DD feel self conscious or feel bad about herself.
I love her, and the last thing I want her to have is a problem with food.

Geez, I just don't think I can look at that neighbor the same way ever again.

 

[SoonerKate]

I'm not a mom, but that neighbor sounds a lot like my mom.

My mom lost a lot of weight about 3 years ago (went from a size 20 to a size 6). At around the same time, I went from a size 6 to a size 10 (Freshman 15..more like freshman 25 for me). Ever since then she's been on me about losing weight.

Right now I'm 5'4" and weigh about 140. I could stand to lose some weight, sure, but I eat well and exercise and am really healthy so I don't really worry about it. I've just learned (like that girl hopefully will or has) to ignore it.

 

[ez]

It amazes me how presumptuous people can be in the things they say around other people. In calling her daughter overweight, doesn't she realize she is insulting everyone who is over a size 10.
I was recently talking to a classmate of my daughters mom, a Harvard graduate. She said she was glad the girls were going into a special program for middle school so they would'nt be in with the "Holly Hill(a neighboring town)Riff-raff" I was amazed, thinking, what makes her think I'm not from Holly Hill?( I'm not...but still...)

 

[lisajl]

originally posted by ez

I was recently talking to a classmate of my daughters mom, a Harvard graduate. She said she was glad the girls were going into a special program for middle school so they would'nt be in with the "Holly Hill(a neighboring town)Riff-raff" I was amazed, thinking, what makes her think I'm not from Holly Hill?(

This statement reminds me of when I was on our school PTO.

A friend and I were the co- presidents.
A newcomer, a man, was talking about the people that volunteer.
I told him we had a lot of volunteers from everywhere.
He said, "I'll bet you don't get many from the trailer park!"
Little did he know 4 out of 7 people that were a major part of PTO came from that mobile home park. They were wonderful people and I miss them.



Originally posted by SoonerKate
Right now I'm 5'4" and weigh about 140.

I am sure you look wonderful! I am 5' 4 1/2" and weigh 161.5.
I would love to weigh 140 again!

People that impose attitudes like this on others make me crazy!

Lisa

 

[luvdzny]

I think the mom was out of line with her comments about her daughter, it does not sound as if she is fat at all. I am a little confused by your comment about the DS's girlfriend though - what does her weight have to do with anything. DD is 14 and wears a size 0, she prefers 00 but that size is hard to come by. She does not eat much, especially when she is not at home, but she is very healthy and does not starve herself. Being skinny does not always mean you have a problem.

 

[Buckalew]

I don't think being skinny was the problem. I read it a bit different. I'm sure the mother was pleased her son picked a skinny girl. Neither of the ate...big surprise. I was skinny when i didn't eat either. LOL
The mom definitely has a problem but the dd is the one who is going to carry that problem around with her all her life if she doesn't get help or figure out some coping skills. People have no idea how words can hurt and scar.

 

[lisajl]

Originally posted by luvdzny
I am a little confused by your comment about the DS's girlfriend though - what does her weight have to do with anything. DD is 14 and wears a size 0, she prefers 00

originally posted by buckalew

I don't think being skinny was the problem. I read it a bit different. I'm sure the mother was pleased her son picked a skinny girl
Thank you buckalew....
Yes, luvdzny..this is what I meant. I did not mean to say anything against anyone skinny. Believe me, I don't hate skinny people. I was once a size 3. I do think society has a vision that everyone is a size 0 and if you are not, then you are fat.

I just hate the thought of Heather going through life struggling with her weight when she looks beautiful just the way she is....

Size 8, 10 or 12...

 

[CEDmom]

I was overweight through childhood and into early adulthood. Although my mom encouraged me to lose weight in private bless her soul that she never discussed my weight with friends or neighbors. Irregardless of whether her DD was overweight or not what this mother did was cruel. As a parent she should realize that kids need unconditional love. She has a real problem.

 

[sharbear]

I have an aunt who is obssessed about weight. One daughter is skinny, exercises to excess, eats nothing. She is the perfect daughter. The other daughter has a medical problem, is on steroids, and is very overweight. They don't talk very often. When you talk to my aunt it's all about one daughter and nothing about the other. We have to ask about her. Sad to say but I think that approval is about the whole weight thing.

I was always very skinny as a child. My Mom was obsessed about that. Took me to doctors all the time because she was afraid that something was wrong. It gave me all kinds of body image problems that I have finally worked through. Sort of. I'm not the most confident person about my apprearance. I feel that my self-worth is tied to being a certain weight. Not the right way to live.

I have a DD who looks just like me growing up. I never comment about her weight. I never let other people make comments about her weight without standing up for her. I hope that she has a good body image.