A personal question about DH......

[NMAmy]

I think you've seen by the responses that very few of us are called by our names by our spouses. DH usually calls me sweetheart, sweet pea, or something along those lines and in conversation with others, he refers to me a lot as "the missus." If I'm in the other room, he'll then call my name sometimes to try to locate me. I tend to call him by name a lot more by his name then he does to me. His full name if he's annoyed me.

However, I think the fact that you are bothered so much by this shows that some other things are bothering you. Sometimes it can be the little things that are the last straw--something that normally wouldn't bother you just gets on your last nerve. Perhaps you should try to look at what's really bothering you? It sounds like his intimacy issues are just wearing you down. I hope things go better for you soon.

 

[momx2]

Thanks so much for the support. I am beginning to believe the name thing is normal now. Yes, we do have other issues. But maybe if I didn't let things like this get to me we wouldn't have so many. I think I need to accept some of my DH's quirks and just get on with life. I have been better about this because I know after 10 years that me harping on particular subject just makes him worse and pull away more.

We have been to counseling for our problems, but nothing changes. I guess he is not going to change. I have to accept this and go on. He has many positives that are hard to ignore....ie. great dad, great at helping. He just has great problems with intimacy. He gets it honest. His parents weren't and aren't very loving. I've decided today to just accept him the way he is. Thanks!

 

[dianeschlicht]

I think you are reading too much into it. My DH of 37 years only uses my name if he is trying to find me in another room of the house and he is calling for me. The only other time I hear him say my name is when he is refering to me in a conversation with someone else. I don't think I would be compelled to say his name to him when talking around the house in any other way either.

 

[HayGan]

My husband never says my name- he usually says honey, in fact it is weird the few times that I have heard him say it.

DH and I rarely use each others names. We either use "hun" or sometimes just nothing at all. It pretty much has always been that way.

 

[jedi_librarian]

Thanks so much for the support. I am beginning to believe the name thing is normal now. Yes, we do have other issues. But maybe if I didn't let things like this get to me we wouldn't have so many. I think I need to accept some of my DH's quirks and just get on with life. I have been better about this because I know after 10 years that me harping on particular subject just makes him worse and pull away more.

We have been to counseling for our problems, but nothing changes. I guess he is not going to change. I have to accept this and go on. He has many positives that are hard to ignore....ie. great dad, great at helping. He just has great problems with intimacy. He gets it honest. His parents weren't and aren't very loving. I've decided today to just accept him the way he is. Thanks!

The fact that he didn't grow up in a loving environment explains a lot. It's exactly the same situation with DH and I. His parents didn't express a lot of love to him (still don't). I, on the other hand grew up in a very loving home. My Mom still calls or emails me to tell me she loves me. My family is very close and we get together on a regular basis, where as DH hardly ever sees his family. I've never heard him say I love you to his Mom. In fact he doesn't even call her "mom". (Come to think of it, he never calls her by any name).

So, I totally understand what you are feeling. Expressing love and intimacy comes natural to you. It's what you know. But DH doesn't. It's hard for them to change. It's just frustrating when you don't get it in return. But I really believe, as someone else posted, that he does love you deeply, but just has a different way of showing it. And that's what I had to learn to accept about my DH. Of course, if I need him to say or do something, I learned that I have to tell him, not just expect it from him. Like, if I'm wearing something new, like a pink outfit, he'll make a comment like "Pink librarian-head". Translation: Nice outfit. But I have to fish compliments and feelings out of him. Frustrating for me, but it's just something that doesn't come natural to him. There's nothing wrong with telling him what you need.

 

[luvwinnie]

I never call DH by his name...and he sometimes uses mine. Usually use "terms of endearment."

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I guess we are wierd. We use each others names all the time. I never paid attention to it until now.