A personal question about DH......

[anewvance]

That's what i'm confused about.. he just starts talking? If there are 10 people around and he comes in the room to ask you something, he takes the time to come up RIGHT to you to ask it? Normal people would say hey "name" or hey honey to get your attention. That seems odd to me? And that he's noticed it is even more odd? I'd sit down to chat about this one a little more....

My dh calls me honey directly but says my name when talking about me to other people...

 

[doxdogy]

That is usually the only time DH uses my name is when I am in trouble. Usually it is dear or any other pet name. Since it is just the two of us (humans that is) in the house, he will usually just start talking to me.

My DH only says my name when he is unhappy with me so I dread hearing my name come from his lips!

 

[inaminute]

I'm referred to as "Mom," "Grandma," "Sweetheart," and sometimes just for fun, I'll hear "Hey SB!" The "S" is for Spoiled; the "B" is for...well...I think you can figure it out. Sometimes he'll just start talking. I guess he assumes I'm listening.

He was working away from home once and sent me a letter and you know what? He spelled my name wrong!

I honestly can't remember the last time my DH called me by my first name and we've been married nearly 31 years!

I wouldn't worry too much about it. In marriage, there are a lot more important things to deal with.

 

[florida-again]

BF doesn't call me by my name. He calls my silly variations of it, adding cute words to the end. But never just my name. It would be weird to hear him say it.

My name is 'Sasha' and EVERYONE shortens it to 'Sash'. But again, BF doesn't. I suppose it is odd when I think about it but I've never minded really....It would almost be too formal for him to call me Sasha and too pal-ly to call my Sash.

 

[momx2]

I think the thing is there is no pet name or anything like that. I guess this really isn't the problem I thought it was. We have other problems, but this may not be one of them. Thanks guys for showing me that I am probably overreacting.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I guess I'll have to pay more attention to how often my DH calls my name. I know that he will if he's in a different room and is calling me, but that doesn't happen often because my DH hates to call or be called from across the house.

It's not a topic that I usually think about. I remember many moons ago when my DH and I were newly married (or maybe before we were married) and my in-laws commented that I didn't call them anything. I didn't know what to call them. Eventually I started calling them by their first names, but there was a while that it was uncomfortable.

 

[VSL]

My BF generally doesn't call me by my name either.

I've been
- sugar
- doll
- sweetie
- little sugar drop of love in the mist (he msg-ed this to me on MSN.. he comes out with some stuff)
- Victoriana Rama Lama
amongst other things.

He has also taken to saying 'I need some rumbley in my tumbley' when he's hungry, instead of 'I need to get something to eat'.

Usually, though, he just starts talking to me.. I can't remember when he last said my name.

I will call him by his name, but also say things like
- pudding
- bup
- sweetums

Never really thought about it before!

OP: If there are deeper problems then I would imagine that this is the least of them.

 

[jedi_librarian]

Did he used to say your name a lot before??

My DH is the same way. He doesn't say my name. In fact, he doesn't say anyone's name. He has nicknames/pseudo names for most people we know! . Sometimes he'll start a conversation by saying "She called today and said bla bla...." and I'm like "WHO called??" It'll be his mother for example. But he never ever says "My mom" he says "Your mother in law".

He never says my name either. Only when he's mad at me. Otherwise, when we wants to say something and get my attention, he calls me "Poo". Never my name. It bothered me, too. But I'm thinking it's really just a personality thing.

But if it really bothers you, you should think about why it does. Maybe he really doesn't mean to do it. I mean, afterall, he sees you all the time. You live together. Maybe there's no need to say your name.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

You know what's kind of funny is that one of my boys, when talking to me, will always say, "Mom" before saying whatever it is he has to say. I find it annoying. It's one thing if there are several of us in the room/car or I'm busy doing something and he needs to get my attention, but he will do it even when it's the two of us. He's 15yo so I don't think he'll be growing out of it anytime soon. No doubt he'll ALWAYS call his wife's name when that time comes. So there is a good side to him not calling you by name.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I don't remember the last time my husband said my name. I am always "Kitten" or "Kitty."

 

[disykat]

The think the weird part is that he noticed it, but thought it would be too uncomfortable to change - and then you mentioned it and he is still uncomfortable or unwilling to use your name, even knowing that would make you happy. It this lack of "ease" that I see as the problem, not the fact that he doesn't say your name before starting to talk.

The only people I've ever heard of having this lack of ease about saying a name is with inlaws. You know, you don't want to call them mom, Mrs. seems too formal, first name seems too friendly....My Dad never felt comfortable calling my grandmother (his MIL) anything.

If the name thing truly is an issue for you, talk to him about how it is important for your girls to hear him using your name and seeing him relate to you as a person or in a friendly way. You are teaching them about what marriage should be and hearing him say your name will make you feel like you have a more comfortable relationship. Maybe he would be willing to make the extra effort to set this example for them.

 

[Tiffann4k]

My husband never says my name- he usually says honey, in fact it is weird the few times that I have heard him say it.

Same here, I always refer to my DH as honey as well, even in public, we very rarely call each other by our first names, it sounds weird when we do say them though

 

[momx2]

The think the weird part is that he noticed it, but thought it would be too uncomfortable to change - and then you mentioned it and he is still uncomfortable or unwilling to use your name, even knowing that would make you happy. It this lack of "ease" that I see as the problem, not the fact that he doesn't say your name before starting to talk.

The only people I've ever heard of having this lack of ease about saying a name is with inlaws. You know, you don't want to call them mom, Mrs. seems too formal, first name seems too friendly....My Dad never felt comfortable calling my grandmother (his MIL) anything.

If the name thing truly is an issue for you, talk to him about how it is important for your girls to hear him using your name and seeing him relate to you as a person or in a friendly way. You are teaching them about what marriage should be and hearing him say your name will make you feel like you have a more comfortable relationship. Maybe he would be willing to make the extra effort to set this example for them.

Yes, this is the problem. Maybe I am overreacting, as I posted earlier. But, it is just the last in a long line things and his feeling weird about things. I will say again, that this is probably just a symptom of his true problems with intimancy.

 

[jedi_librarian]

Yes, this is the problem. Maybe I am overreacting, as I posted earlier. But, it is just the last in a long line things and his feeling weird about things. I will say again, that this is probably just a symptom of his true problems with intimancy.

I don't think you're overreacting. Sometimes it helps to put things out there to see what other people's opinions are and it helps you sort out your own feelings.

 

[VSL]

I don't think you're overreacting. Sometimes it helps to put things out there to see what other people's opinions are and it helps you sort out your own feelings.

And isn't that part of the reason we have the CB?

 

[LoraJ]

I don't remember the last time my boyfriend said my name. He usually calls me "hey". It doesn't bother me though.

 

[momx2]

Thanks everyone. I feel better that I have some other opinions than my own. I appreciate all of the input.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

I don't think my dad has said my mother's name in 30 years. For the longest time, I thought their names were mom and dad.

 

[disneymom3]

You know what's kind of funny is that one of my boys, when talking to me, will always say, "Mom" before saying whatever it is he has to say. I find it annoying. It's one thing if there are several of us in the room/car or I'm busy doing something and he needs to get my attention, but he will do it even when it's the two of us. He's 15yo so I don't think he'll be growing out of it anytime soon. No doubt he'll ALWAYS call his wife's name when that time comes. So there is a good side to him not calling you by name.

OH MY!!! This is my son too! Drives me crazy. I swear he says, "Hey, mom...before every single sentence. That is generall followed by "y'know what?" EVery other sentence at least. Very annoying!

 

[minniecarousel]

Hey - this IS the place to air this kind of thing! It got me to thinking: DH doesn't call me Julie - it's usually Jul - or sunshine - or punkin (ha! - even after 30 years of marriage!) DH doesn't know what to call my Mom (& she lives with us!) I think he calls her by her first name.

Don't let this eat at you, but if you're having other issues - have you guys ever been to counseling? Things don't have to get real bad to seek some help. Just a thought.