A long vent.... ***Update Pg. 2***

[Desiree]

Hi guys... I'm not doing to well today. Wondering if y'all can spare a little pd my way and maybe some advice also.

This past Friday, I got an email from my ex-h asking if he could have Devyn this weekend and informing me that he would not be able to afford to pay me the child support for Devyn this time. We really needed this money from him this weekend to pay some bills and start shopping for Devyn's school stuff. (He's been known to pop these on me at the last minute). Anyways, Chris and I decide to let her go since we both worked alot this weekend.

Well, I wasn't supposed to pick her up from there until today but yesterday evening I get a phone call from Devyn asking if she could come home. She then let me talk to Ex-H's girlfriend. She tells me that she forgot that she had class today and needed Devyn to be picked up that night. So off I go to pick her up. They give me directions and I arrive at their "new" house. As I walk in I see new furnature, new home entertainment stuff, new tv, basically new everything.

Devyn gets in the car with me as we leave and tells me that Ex-H and his GF got married yesterday.

I'm not exactly sure what I'm feeling now. I'm hurt, mad, sad and furious at the same time. I'm a little offended that they didnt' tell me anything either. I'm not upset that they got married, I'm upset that they didnt let me know beforehand. Should I be upset about this? I'm also just simply livid about the money thing. He makes 3x's what I make and I know his wife makes fairly decent money too.

Chris and I barely make ends meet with our salaries. Sure, I can get a job somewhere else making more money, but I choose not to because I like it so much where I am now. If he continues to sporatically not pay us money every now and then, we may have no choice but to move to cheaper housing. We've already cut costs on our cars by getting rid of mine and carpooling. There isnt much else we can cut back on.

Another thing that really seems to be eating me about all of this is that Chris and I have decided to wait to get married until our bills are paid off. I say "our", but the bulk of the bills are mine that Ex-H incurred while we were still married. Because I didnt trust him to pay them off when we divored, I asked him for more $ to help cover those bills as well as the upkeep of Devyn. I guess the majority of what I'm feeling right now is jealousy.

If you've made it this far, you deserve alot of kudos. I'm just really not dealing with all of this very well right now. I want that to be us. I dont wish them as a couple any ill will. I know that Ex and I were never meant to be together. I just want to get rid of all these #$!% bills that way we wont have to depend on the money and he could never pay us again and it wouldnt matter.

 

[nativetxn]

It would bother me that my ex couldn't pay child support but could afford a new house and furniture and toys. I wouldn't let him off so easily in the future. In fact, I wouldn't ever let him off the hook about paying child support, that is to help your daughter.

{{{HUGS}}} sweetie, I know this is frustrating for you.

 

[JohnTBap]

Vent away. I have no advice, just {{{HUGS}}}

 

[luvstiggertoo]

Isn't he legally obligated to pay child support?
If he fails to pay it on his own, you can have his wages garnished so that it automatically comes out of his paycheck and gets deposited to your account.

I would look into this alternative if I were you.

Sorry you're feeling this way. I've been divorced for 6 years now and its hard not to feel jealous. You just have to focus on your new life and don't worry about what other people have. If you work at it, it will all come together.

{{{HUGS}}} to you....its okay to feel this way. But I really think you need to do something to make the butthead pay up! Its his duty!!

 

[Serena]

Chris, {{{hugs}}}. I think what you are feeling is totally normal.

Is there anyway that you can get the child support taken out of his check everyweek?? That way you would get it before he could spend it.

And you don't need to be jealous, he is probably putting both of them into the same debt that he dumped on you. And you are a great person. You've got a lot that he will never have.

 

[Kallison]

If he has a court mandated order to pay child support then he should be paying it - period. How can he skip payments, do you skip clothing and feeding and your child? Unless he is unemployed I would make him pay or have him make back payments "when he can". I would also ask him how he can afford all the new stuff and yes he should have told you he was getting remarried so that maybe you both could discuss it with your child.

 

[Beauty]

I do agree that maybe you should look into getting the child support taken out of his check every week. That was you get money for Devyn before he gets paid and that is only fair!!

{{HUGS}} to you! Just keep doing the best you can...believe me it will get better! I have been there, got pregnant at 19, married at 20 and it has taken us 10 years to get to where we are just a little bit comfortable.

 

[Annie&Hallie'sMom]

Lots of {{hugs}} to you.

I feel your pain. DH and I are going through a rough financial patch now too (ok, so there is no money, period).

Your ex is obligated to pay child support. DON"T let him off the hook.

 

[Rajah]

Wow. No words of advice for you, but I think you're perfectly justified in being angry at him for being able to afford all the new stuff and to get married, but not able to provide the child support payments.

*Hugs*, P&PD heading your way.

 

[tkyes]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I have no great words of wisdom, but I wanted to offer a hug and support.


{{{{{hugs}}}}}


tamie

 

[Minnesota!]

I would have his wages garnished. You might not be even getting your fair amount, you know? That way there is no way that he will ever miss a payment again..

 

[tc]

I agree with prior answers, if you have an signed child support order or Separation Agreement stating what child support is, then he has to pay on time. In Colorado we have a Child Support Enforcement agency that enforces Obligees to pay child support and will help if that's not getting done. You may want to look into an agency like this. Here in Colorado, a garnishment for child support is called an income assignment, and is used a lot. I would look into it, even call an attorney, to make sure he pays, and pays on time. There is no reason Devyn should suffer because he'd rather have a nicer home or entertainment center. {{{{{HUGS}}}}} to you, and I hope you get this taken care of soon. Most states have agencies available to help when it comes to child support, so, if I were you, I'd see what's available where you are.

 

[lil mermaid]

I wouldn't necessarily be jealous about all of his new "stuff." He probably went into debt to get it all, just like he did when you were married. I doubt after racking up all kinds of debt he suddenly got responsible and started paying cash for everything. Just because he has it doesn't mean that he can afford it.

That being said, I agree with everyone else on here who advised you to look into having his pay garnished.

 

[Saffron]

No advice, I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you. {{{{{Hugs}}}}}

 

[SilverLily]

I don't mean this to sound harsh, but.......even though you like your current job, you say you could find something that pays more. Don't you think for the sake of yourself and your daughter that you should consider finding something that pays better? That way, instead of feeling jealousy over what your ex has, you could start to obtain those things for yourself. I guess it boils down to staying at your current job and being happy with less money, or getting another job that may not be as enjoyable but with greater financial security. Good luck...I hope it all works out for you.

 

[Disneymomma]

take a day off and head to Family Court-He is obligated by law to pay child support if he is the non-custodial parent-Also the visitation rights should be spelled out concretely so there are times the EX HAS to pick up/drop off so as not to have all this "Come get her now" business. All of this should have been worked out in the divorce. Don't feel badly about the" things" they have-they probably have a lot of bills too-he'll stick her the same way he stuck you. And why is the girlfriend/new wife calling you?-That should have been his job. Get to Family Court and get a specific order-It saves a lot of aggravation in the long run. Hugs to you and your family-Sometimes it seems as if the good times will never arrive, but they are actually around the corner- God never gives you a burden you can't handle.

 

[bobcat]

{{{HUGS}}} I've been there and it's tough. You were a lot nicer then I was to my ex. If he's not taking the responsibility to pay support then take the choice out of his hands. If he knows he can get away with it then he will.

Having a job that fulfills you, even if the pay is lousy, is worth a lot so think hard before making a change. I would rather be poor and haapy with what I do than make lots of money and hate my job. But that's my priority.

 

[christineann]

My final divorce order requires the ex to pay child support through the court - otherwise I know I would never get it. He knows the game - he skips payments frequently but stays just below the delinquent amount that would flag the account. I don't think I would ever get it otherwise. I hate to hire a lawyer to collect a check that is less than the attorney fee!

I'm sorry to hear about what you and your child are going through. Sounds like we were once married to the same guy!!

 

[cotye]

Just wanted to offer my support. {HUG}

 

[Dan Murphy]

No advice or thoughts, Des, just my best wishes for you, Dev and Chris. {{Hugs}}