A little upset...

[squirrel]

I have taken my niece twice before for long trips away from her parents and she was fine. So not all children will have a hard time.

The first was a 4 or 5 night (can't remember the exact number) when she was 3.5 yrs old.

Last year I took her to WDW for 14 nights, at 4.5 yrs old. She must have loved it as she is coming again this year.

I thought from your first post that your son was 5 or almost 5. Also thought you knew when your mom was planning on taking the boys to WDW.

 

[disneyandme]

Something about this thread has really grabbed me-- so much so, I went back to read about the OP trip in April.

It sounds like you really had to work hard to get your DH excited about WDW and then when he got there, he really enjoyed the Magic. So, much so that he wanted to go back again. Now you are telling him that his child is going without him and you are questioning why he's upset. I think you should really listen to what he has to say and make a joint descision about whether your son should go. Just saying that is that and it's settled because your mother was impulsive and booked without specifically clearing it with you and Dh is unfair.

 

[DawnM]

I don't get why your mom was mad that you didn't take a nephew with you. That isn't your job! I would never even think to invite people out of the family just so they wouldn't feel left out.

We all make different amounts of money, but what is even more important is that we all have different PRIORITIES! For one sibling it is the nicer house, so they don't really take vacations. Many people have money to go to Disney, but they choose to spend it differently.

Dawn

 

[bellebud]

I personally wouldn't allow my own children to take a trip like that w/out me, but if you're comfortable w/ it, then I do think it's fine in general... except in this case because your dh isn't comfortable w/ it. I agree w/ others that said it's not right your mom just booked it w/out real consent. what's up w/ that? I'd be really pissed if i were your dh about that.

and as someone else suggested, what's wrong w/ everyone going together? disney can be done fairly inexpensively - staying off site, values w/ free dining, driving or getting cheap airfare... it can be done (as you know). maybe it could turn into a nice 'grand gathering'??

i hope it all works out for you.

 

[TRICKY_TINK]

Their is NO WAY I would let her take one kid but not the other. Your poor DD is going to be soooo upset no matter how she looks at it. I would just tell her thank you but no thanks. If she wanted an even "playing feild" then she can just take the cousin and then all the kids went once.

 

[disneyandme]

I don't think DD will be that upset since she is under a year. However, if the Mom thinks everyone should have it equal- like the nephew having to go since the family already went- it may be an issue as she gets older and they talk about the trip.

 

[DonnaBelle06]

I have mixed feelings regarding the original post but definitely wanted to chime in.

First of all - I would absolutely let my child go to WDW without me as long as it was with an adult that I trusted (family member, best friend, child's bf). My children typically go to Maryland (we are in Charlotte, NC) for 2-4 wks each summer to visit my husband's parents so with me - there is already a trust in place.

Things to remember if your son does go. A list of any allergies, a bag of OTC meds with the dosage CLEARLY MARKED DOWN, and a copy of your insurance card along with a statement of authorization that they can obtain medical help in your absence.

As far as it being equal..........DO NOT feel guilty that your family went on vacation without your DNephew. My twin sis has mentioned to me SEVERAL TIMES how my fam is going to Disney without her (when they do not have the $$ this year) and I in turn told her I would treat them next year - her and my DNephew but that this year was only going to be the 4 of us.

Your Mom....trying to keep things "equal"........I think really just wants to make sure your DS doesn't feel left out when they go and take your Dnephew.

GOOD LUCK with your decision, and I hope your DH comes around....

 

[Crystal824]

I don't have children, but we are planning to have them in the near future so you can take this with a grain of salt. I do not think I would let my child go with either set of grandparents on vacation if he/she was under the age of about 6 or 7 depending on the child.

First of all, both my parents and in-laws have health issues. They are not so bad that they couldn't watch children, but they would get tired a little easier than myself and DH. Dealing with children day in and day out for 5 days in a row, can be trying especially in a strange over-stimulating surroundings. WDW can be very tiring for me and DH alone without kids.

Further, it can be anxious and scary for children to be away from the familiar. When my nephew comes to visit me in PA (they live in NC) he was often apprehensive about staying the a hotel even with his mother there. He also asked for his dad quite often (on several occassions he didn't come as he was working). What are the grandparents going to do when the kids won't sleep because they want mom and dad? I'm not saying every child is like this; just some things I would consider.

When the child was older, I probably wouldn't have an issue with it.

 

[kevschickee]

I can tell you my 3 year old would have no issues with going with either set of grandparents. OP I hope all is well in your household. How is your husband?

 

[Krissy Marissy]

I wanted to post last night but my kids were definitely in need of their mommy. I just wanted to say that a marraige should be 50/50 when it comes to making decisions about your children. Afterall you are both their parents. And telling him "that is that" just doesn't fly. Trips like that are family trips and I can see where your husband may be upset. I am sorry that your inlaws have done many firsts with your kids that you had wanted to do, however a day trip is quite different from five nights. I know that at so young an age my babies would be wanting their mommy after 2-3 nights. They are fine with my parents have, had two sleep overs there...but only one night at a time. After that they are ready to come home, and my parents...young and in good health, are ready for a break. With the health issues your mom seems to have I dont see her being able to keep up with 2 young boys for so long. Also what are they going to do on non park days? Two young active kids will want to be...well active. Hanging out in a hotel room while grandma rests just probably will not work out too well. Hope you and your DH worked everything out.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

I understand the whole deal of this trip was a bit of a surprise to both DH and I. That is wholly b/c my mother likes to talk about doing stuff, but rarely backs it up.

As for her CFS, my dad pretty much takes care of the kids (all of them when they are over - and yes, sometimes, it has been all three at once) because mom is usually tired. She has been dieting and is beginning to work out trying to get her situation under control and I'm proud that she has seen what her life had become and is taking strides to change that. She has lost 45 lbs since last summer and is continuing to do it her way and has changed some, but it's not where she wants to be.

I'm not 100% thrilled that DH and I can't go, but it's not for the fact that I'm worried they can't handle it, I just really want to go. DH and I already decided that we will be taking our next trip to WDW in about 2 years, just before DDs 3rd birthday, just as we did for DS. He wants to go next year, but it's not financially possible.

My father is about to begin running for political office locally and this is the last major trip that my parents will be able to take before the long road of politics takes over. I'm pleased that they thought to take the boys on that trip instead of riding off somewhere alone. I guess I was just hoping that DH would understand that part of it and leave it be.

I never really thought I was taking this whole thing "tit for tat". I try very hard to let his family do things with the kids. A PP asked if my ILs would take them anywhere and that is a big, fat, NO. Part of the reason I had such a difficult time convincing DH to was that his parents don't see the point in travelling. There's nothing else in the world they want to see besides the inside of their house.

I don't want my kids to grow up that way. I want to provide them with every possible opportunity to grow and see the things my parents thought it was important for me to see growing up.

I am planning to sit down with my parents in the next couple weeks and I will be helping them plan out the whole trip. By them having the 5 days and limiting the visit to 2 parks they will be able to do and see whatever they feel without being rushed to see it all. Even if they decide to do shortened days in the park because they are tired, so be it. It's their trip and they will handle things intelligently and safely. My father was a first-responder for 30 years. We have harnesses (I know, a whole OTHER thread...) and I will continue to try to convince my dad to take our double stroller, but the boys listen to my dad better than they listen to us parents.

My gut is telling me that everything will be okay. As time gets closer and if I get a feeling, I'll stop the trip. If mom gets sick, they'll cancel (they bought trip insurance) or maybe me or DH will fill in. Only time will tell.

 

[djp0630]

If it were me, I'd go at the same time with just dh! Have some romantic time together in Disney!!!!!! GOOOOO!!!

Kristina - I just have to say, my kids are the same as and almost the same names as your youngest 2. I have an Ashley who's 3 and Dylan who's 9 months. Ha! That's funny!

 

[disneyandme]

OP said...."My gut is telling me that everything will be okay. As time gets closer and if I get a feeling, I'll stop the trip. If mom gets sick, they'll cancel (they bought trip insurance) or maybe me or DH will fill in. Only time will tell."




What about how your DH feels? Does he feel that everything will be fine? Does he get the same choice to stop the trip if he has a bad feeling about it? Still sounds like it's your choice whether or not they go and DH doesn't have a say.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

To be honest - I woul dbe upset also if my dh made arrangements for my kids to go on vacation with someone other than us and didn't discuss it with me first. I think your parents are out of line for 1 - telling you not to talk about your vacation in front of your brother & his family - you are are separate family - you are going to have separate vacations & experiences; 2 - for deciding to take your son on vacation & not sitting down with BOTH of you and ASKING if this was alright.
I think you have some heavy duty discussing of this topic. He is within his rights to say NO to this trip.
Yes- it would be great for your son to have fun but doing it all behind your dh's back wasn't the smartest way to approach this trip.

I completely agree with this.

1 - telling you not to talk about your vacation in front of your brother & his family - you are are separate family - you are going to have separate vacations & experiences Exactly. Just because you can go to WDW shouldn't mean you can't talk about it with them, they're family... they should know where you are at the least and they should be happy with anything special you get to do. And it's not your fault they can't go.

2 - for deciding to take your son on vacation & not sitting down with BOTH of you and ASKING if this was alright. If nothing was discussed with me, I am almost certain I would throw a bigger hissy fit with my MIL. That is completely out of line!!! Your DS is not your mom's child, your DS is you and your DH's child and such a huge decision should be cleared with both parents. I am fairly certain if I were your DH I would tell MIL that DS cannot go and would only let him go if she apologized.

 

[mjkacmom]

I completely agree with this.

1 - telling you not to talk about your vacation in front of your brother & his family - you are are separate family - you are going to have separate vacations & experiences Exactly. Just because you can go to WDW shouldn't mean you can't talk about it with them, they're family... they should know where you are at the least and they should be happy with anything special you get to do. And it's not your fault they can't go.

2 - for deciding to take your son on vacation & not sitting down with BOTH of you and ASKING if this was alright. If nothing was discussed with me, I am almost certain I would throw a bigger hissy fit with my MIL. That is completely out of line!!! Your DS is not your mom's child, your DS is you and your DH's child and such a huge decision should be cleared with both parents. I am fairly certain if I were your DH I would tell MIL that DS cannot go and would only let him go if she apologized.

But according to the OP, the mom DID discuss it with both of them, and he didn't say anything then?

 

[disneyandme]

But, OP also said her mom also talks about doing stuff all the time but does not follow through. OP was shock as well that her mom went and booked the trip. Having a conversation about a maybe trip someday is very different than actually scheduling a trip and getting permission from both parents to take a child on a trip.

 

[mom2aredhead]

I haven't read all of the responses but my guess is that its because its his in-laws.
Unfortunately my husband is the same way... His parents do no wrong, my parents do no right.
Makes for some good times around here.

 

[kevschickee]

I haven't read all of the responses but my guess is that its because its his in-laws.
Unfortunately my husband is the same way... His parents do no wrong, my parents do no right.
Makes for some good times around here.

well said

 

[rrobin3051]

Well Im the grandma here...and I have taken my grandson 2 summers ago and we are going again this summer. My daughter trusts me very much. I offered to have her come along both times, but with her job she cant travel on our vacation dates. She is in the navy. I kind of made the plans to go back this year without fully discussing them with her. I however would not have booked before getting the ok. But again I think it is wonderful for grandparents to spend time alone with grandchildren. My grandparents took us on vacations. I know when we take our grandson, he is perfectly fine without his mom. Only you know your son and you obviously think he will be fine. I know we need to consider dad too, so sit down and talk, but honestly posters..who makes the majority of decisions for the children. I know whatever I say about the kids my husband would say ok. Not always right i guess but the way a lot of us mommies are. I hope you and your hubby can come to an understanding, this will be great for the kiddos. People please dont underestimate grandparents, like we are stupid and dont know how to care for our grandkids. Do you know how many grandparents are raising grandchildren. We do have some brains left. Some people make us feel like we cant care for the grandchildren. Now honestly we are young gparents. hubby is 40 and a lady doesnt tell her age..lol..but we have 2 grandkids. I know our daughter trusts us very much..just as i trusted my parents with my children and my parents trusted my gparents with us. Again I hope you get this worked out so everybody can enjoy.

 

[Nancyg56]

Well Im the grandma here...and I have taken my grandson 2 summers ago and we are going again this summer. My daughter trusts me very much. I offered to have her come along both times, but with her job she cant travel on our vacation dates. She is in the navy. I kind of made the plans to go back this year without fully discussing them with her. I however would not have booked before getting the ok. But again I think it is wonderful for grandparents to spend time alone with grandchildren. My grandparents took us on vacations. I know when we take our grandson, he is perfectly fine without his mom. Only you know your son and you obviously think he will be fine. I know we need to consider dad too, so sit down and talk, but honestly posters..who makes the majority of decisions for the children. I know whatever I say about the kids my husband would say ok. Not always right i guess but the way a lot of us mommies are. I hope you and your hubby can come to an understanding, this will be great for the kiddos. People please dont underestimate grandparents, like we are stupid and dont know how to care for our grandkids. Do you know how many grandparents are raising grandchildren. We do have some brains left. Some people make us feel like we cant care for the grandchildren. Now honestly we are young gparents. hubby is 40 and a lady doesnt tell her age..lol..but we have 2 grandkids. I know our daughter trusts us very much..just as i trusted my parents with my children and my parents trusted my gparents with us. Again I hope you get this worked out so everybody can enjoy.

Beautifully stated! As a Nana I agree with your post. Growing up I did not have the special time with grandparents that my husband had, but I let my children stay with my Mom whenever possible. They adored her. She did not do things the way that I did, but that did not make her more laid back style wrong. It was what endeared her to my kids.

I am so thankful that my DD and her DH are comfortable when I take Kady and they are not "supervising". We are both blessed with a special bond, sharing an experience that is only between us.

I would never make plans for a trip without consulting my DD but I would be very upset if after the discussion I am told that my DSIL had reservations but neither parent chose to share them with me. People her seem to feel MIL overstepped but I see a Grandparent who was led to believe that a trip was acceptable before booking. This is a communication issue between the OP and her husband, Grandma is caught in the middle.

Unless there is a concern with care and safety I cannot understand keeping children from grandparents or family.