A little upset...

[kwitcherkicken99]

So my parents decided to take my son and my nephew to WDW in September for free dining. I'm a little jealous that I'm staying home, but what's really upsetting is that DH is flipping out that my parents are taking the kids w/o either of us going.

A little backstory... DH and I took the kids (DS and DD) in April and my mom was mad b/c my nephew didn't get to go. My bro and SIL don't have a lot of money to spend. I didn't think much of it, but when we were around my mom forbade us from talking about our trip in front of my bro and his fam... we shouldn't be rubbing it in their face that we got to go and they didn't get to go (I don't brag about anything and every other word out of SIL's mouth is "I want...")... So mom decided that they would take the boys down to keep the playing field even.

The way I look at it is that DS gets to go to WDW twice in one year, but DH is throwing a fit. I guess I just can't understand why he'd be so upset about the trip. Am I off base?

 

[kevschickee]

I would be excited for my kids. I don't understand why he is upset. Is he worried that your son might get hurt? He should just be glad his son will be having a ton of fun

 

[leagirl12]

I would be excited for my kids. I don't understand why he is upset. Is he worried that your son might get hurt? He should just be glad his son will be having a ton of fun

I agree......I am not sure I understand why he is upset about it???? Is it a safety issue? That I could understand...but any other reason I am not sure about.

 

[~Kristina~]

If it were me, I'd go at the same time with just dh! Have some romantic time together in Disney!!!!!! GOOOOO!!!

 

[taylor3297]

When is grandma going to realize that not everyone is going to get to experience the exact same thing? Forbidding you to talk about YOUR family trip to Disney?! That would have gotten my panties into a big wad! Yes it is a shame that nephew's family doesn't have the money to go to Disney, but that should not put a damper on what your family does.

Now it is nice for grandma to want to take the grandkids on a trip. I would let her, because grandma's aren't around forever. But she should be doing this because she wants her grandsons to experience things, not to level the "playing field". Why isn't dd getting to go?

Now I would tell DH just to chill, because there is nothing wrong with ds spending time with grandma.

Of course this is just my opinion.

 

[~Kristina~]

LOL, I assumed he was upset because he wanted to go too.

 

[natnelliesmom]

If it were me, I'd go at the same time with just dh! Have some romantic time together in Disney!!!!!! GOOOOO!!!

Perfect idea! If your kid is going... go too! Stay somewhere different, and then you can meet up for meals, or be available if your son needs you.

I love my mom, but I know I would never allow my child to travel without me. The supervision just isn't the same.

-Sarah

 

[kevschickee]

If it were me, I'd go at the same time with just dh! Have some romantic time together in Disney!!!!!! GOOOOO!!!

I wouldn't go with them. Ithink it would be stepping on the grandparents toes.

 

[~Kristina~]

I wouldn't go with them. Ithink it would be stepping on the grandparents toes.

I wouldn't go with the g-parents either! But if you go at the same time, you already have a sitter! lol

 

[disneynewbee]

I guess it depends on why your dh doesn't want him to go and his age. I don't think I would let anyone take my younger ones on vacation without me no matter where it is for safety reasons. I just don't trust anyone to be as vigilant as dh and I. I think if it's just cause he's mad about how she acted about your personal family trip he should rethink it in the respect of the benefits for your son. My MIL is the same way she makes comments all the time how it's not fair that we take our kids to Disney and my nephew doesn't get to go because his parents can't afford it. She is due to get a large sum of money and she is going to take that grandson to Disney but not my children. Not that I would let her alone anyway but the offer would have been nice. She thinks they should all have equal all the time. I tried to explain to her that life isn't fair and not everyone will get the same options and benefits in life, heck there are a lot of kids who have a lot more than my kids but you don't hear me crying. I never went on vacation as a kid due to money and I still survived and grew up to be a happy adult. Anyway sorry to go on and on but this hits home since dh and I were just so frustrated with MILs attitude about this just last wk.

 

[MiniGirl]

Did he say why he is so upset? I can't really say if you are off base or not w/o knowing more. He could have some legit concerns.

 

[kevschickee]

If my parents or my ILs want to take my kids I would never say no. They raised DH and I and we made it so they can't be that bad right??? lol

 

[taitai]

I guess a lot depends on why your DH doesn't want the kids to go. It isn't as if the grandparents are stealing the kids. If you two say no, the kids stay home. That is easy.

From the look of your picture, it appears as if your children are still rather young. Is that the source of his concern? Is he worried that several young children at Disney might be too much for the grandparents to handle? How will they all get there? You live in the mid-west. Is he worried about the kids on a plane with the grandparents or the multi-day car ride. Those, again, seem like valid concerns to me, too.

Is your husband concerned about your DS getting to go again while your DD has to stay home? That might seem as unfair to him as your kids getting to go and your nephew staying home does to your parents.

I think your parents wanting everyone to have similar fun experiences is a great sentiment although a bit impractical. Why can't they just take the other grandson and shower him with attention?

Good luck
taitai

 

[laceemouse]

If my parents or my ILs want to take my kids I would never say no. They raised DH and I and we made it so they can't be that bad right??? lol

It is a different world today. You are not nearly as old as I am, but when my dh and I were kids it was perfectly acceptable for parents to let their kids roam all over town all day long. They had no idea where we were. I never let grandma take my kids anywhere because they really didn't grasp what a different world we live in now.

All of our grandparents are gone now, and our kids are older, but we did have some fun trips to WDW with my mom coming WITH us!

 

[kevschickee]

It is a different world today. You are not nearly as old as I am, but when my dh and I were kids it was perfectly acceptable for parents to let their kids roam all over town all day long. They had no idea where we were. I never let grandma take my kids anywhere because they really didn't grasp what a different world we live in now.

All of our grandparents are gone now, and our kids are older, but we did have some fun trips to WDW with my mom coming WITH us!

My mom is more protective of my kids than I am lol I can see how it would be different with older grandparents. My parents are in their early 50s and DH parents just turned 50 so they are young grandparents.

 

[laceemouse]

My mom is more protective of my kids than I am lol I can see how it would be different with older grandparents. My parents are in their early 50s and DH parents just turned 50 so they are young grandparents.

You are lucky, I hope to be that kind of grandparent in a few years

My mom was older, I was born last and she was in her late 30's when I was born, and I was 28 when I had my first child. Also, my FIL died before dh and I met and my dad died shortly after I got married, so we never had a grandpa for our kids

Then, dh and I had 4 kids in 6 years. They were a handful for the two of us together to keep up with. I never thought my mom could handle them for more than a couple of hours, and my MIL had no desire to spend that much time with them. She was not as old as my mom (dh was her oldest child) but she was just much more into doing what SHE wanted to do, and also smoked like crazy.

 

[~Kristina~]

My mom's a drunk, 'nuff said. 3 weeks ago she lost all of her grandmother privaleges and isn't allowed to see my kids.

 

[kevschickee]

My mom's a drunk, 'nuff said. 3 weeks ago she lost all of her grandmother privaleges and isn't allowed to see my kids.

Oh no I am so sorry and yeah if it was like that then no they couldn't go. That is a sucky situation.

 

[Benducci]

To be honest - I woul dbe upset also if my dh made arrangements for my kids to go on vacation with someone other than us and didn't discuss it with me first. I think your parents are out of line for 1 - telling you not to talk about your vacation in front of your brother & his family - you are are separate family - you are going to have separate vacations & experiences; 2 - for deciding to take your son on vacation & not sitting down with BOTH of you and ASKING if this was alright.
I think you have some heavy duty discussing of this topic. He is within his rights to say NO to this trip.
Yes- it would be great for your son to have fun but doing it all behind your dh's back wasn't the smartest way to approach this trip.

 

[crisi]

Who is parenting your kids, your husband or your mother? Your husband is their FATHER, he gets to decide whether or not they go. I wouldn't worry about stepping on grandma's toes, you and she are completely undermining your husband in his role as a parent. I'd flip out on you, too.

My parents take my kids places, but my husband gets veto power. "Hey, my mother would like to take the kids to visit my sister next weekend, is that ok with you?" "My mother would like the kids for a sleep over, is that ok with you?"

And it really doesn't matter why he says no - although that is a point of discussion that could be interesting. The real point here is that as the father, he has every right to say no, and every right to be consulted before the decision is made.