a little confused

[Kika]

I agree that it is probably either (1) he is trying to throw you off and is going to surprise you or (2) he is backpeddling for whatever reason (finances, wants the relationship to cool off, etc.)

Either way, I would probably just give him the gift. He knows you got him something. If he doesn't get you something after knowing you are giving him something and after talking so much about what he is going to get you, etc , I think that will speak volumes.

Good luck! Hopefully he will surprise you, and it works out for you.

 

[AmericangirlinFrance]

I've had a revelation lately from talking with a couple of friends.

Bad men are a little like sour milk. The chances of them magically improving over time are nil.

This is true. I have dated a lot of "sour milk" guys, and prolonged the relationship in spite of numerous red flags (like this guy seems to be giving!), in hopes that they would change, or that "they really weren't that way." It doesn't work that way. Red flags are red flags for a reason.

I'm dating a great guy now, and shocker of shockers to me, he has not exhibited any of these red flags. Turns out that when a guy is decent and worth your time, he will, in fact, not behave like a jerk.

 

[ols386]

I think he is trying to throw you off, and wants to surprise you with something big and/or nice.

It just seems odd that earlier he was talking up a storm and saying that he knew what he was going to get you for Christmas and now all of a sudden he thinks the two of you don't know each other well enough for him to get you a gift. That doesn't make sense.

I certainly wouldn't take it as a "red flag" or a reason to break-up with him at this point in time. I'd just wait till Christmas and see what happens. It's less than two weeks away.

 

[BunsenH]

One man's opinion:

"I think he is trying to throw you off......" as mentioned by some previous posters.

I'd wait until after Christmas to tar and feather the guy.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Have a gift ready but save your receipt.

 

[Carnie]

Sounds to me like a whackadoo that was showing you expensive things to see if you would go out and buy HIM a few expensive things too!

Curb. Kick him to it.

 

[N&B'smom]

Are you sleeping together?
!

That's what I thought of too with regards to the 'not knowing you well enough' comment. He must know SOMETHING about you if you talk 2-3 times a day and spend weekends together!

"I think he is trying to throw you off......" as mentioned by some previous posters.

I'd wait until after Christmas to tar and feather the guy.

Yep, I agree...wait and see what happens. I think this will be a good indication about whether or not he is into you.

 

[fairygirl]

One man's opinion:

"I think he is trying to throw you off......" as mentioned by some previous posters.

I'd wait until after Christmas to tar and feather the guy.

I would wait if I were you! Especially because this is a possibility - you don't want to end up kicking yourself! However, I would also emotionally brace yourself...because it is also a possibility that he is a turd.

 

[cm8]

He has been the one to bring up the gifts he's wanted to buy, not me. I told him the radar detector was way too expensive. The ring he dragged me to the computer the minute I walked into his house one day to show me a picture of it. I told him it was really pretty and he told me he really, really would like to get it for me for Christmas. I was surprised but happy about the idea. Over the next few weeks he brought it up again. I told him again that I really liked the ring. The same thing with the watch. We saw it in the store and I fell in love with it. He has brought it up several times since, asking me if I still really liked the watch. Money is certainly not an issue.

We are both middle aged and divorced.

My gift is nothing personal, just something that says "Hey I knew you would like this so I bought it for you."

I guess it's time to put on the big girl panties and just ask him WTH is going on.

Agreed!

 

[horseshowmom]

He has been the one to bring up the gifts he's wanted to buy, not me. I told him the radar detector was way too expensive. The ring he dragged me to the computer the minute I walked into his house one day to show me a picture of it. I told him it was really pretty and he told me he really, really would like to get it for me for Christmas. I was surprised but happy about the idea. Over the next few weeks he brought it up again. I told him again that I really liked the ring. The same thing with the watch. We saw it in the store and I fell in love with it. He has brought it up several times since, asking me if I still really liked the watch. Money is certainly not an issue.

We are both middle aged and divorced.

My gift is nothing personal, just something that says "Hey I knew you would like this so I bought it for you."

I guess it's time to put on the big girl panties and just ask him WTH is going on.

I tend to agree with you. If you mean what I think you mean by spending weekends together, it's pretty strange to say he doesn't know you well enough to buy a gift. It's particularly strange since he already made such a big deal out of it.

I would just talk to him about that conversation, and that while not exchanging gifts is a big deal, you are confused because he has made such a point of it so many times and now seems to have changed his mind. Is there a reason for that?

I also think he's a little odd. This whole "I know what I'm buying you for Christmas" from right after you started dating seems kind of extreme to me to start with. If his point is to surprise you, that seems pretty strange too since he's already made such a big deal out of it. Why would he think you would enjoy being confused and off balance concerning the relationship? I wouldn't like it either way.

 

[JLTraveling]

Is there any chance that he's bipolar/manic depressive? He sounds just like my ex-husband. The over-excitement about expensive gifts early on, followed by the borderline depressive backpedaling now? Classic symptoms. I wouldn't necessarily kick the guy to the curb yet, but I would keep an eye on things. At some point, you may need to ask hard questions about his mental health history (assuming you want to make it work). Or he could just be a jerk

 

[LuLuO]

My first thought would be that he is planning to jump ship but I'd wait to do anything until after Christmas just to see how things turn out. It is strange that he was all gung-ho and now is ho-hum about the gift giving. I would give him his gift in the spirit of the season and then go from there. His behavior would throw up some red flags and I' be preparing myself to walk away.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...I guess it's time to put on the big girl panties and just ask him WTH is going on.

Yep - backtracking like this is not a good sign. If, as you say, money is not an issue, he is backtracking in a HUGE way.

I seriously doubt that he is trying to throw you off the gift trail. He has been throwing out this stuff about gifts for too long. It doesn't match with the behavior exhibited to date.

It is not uncommon for men to backtrack around the holidays. It doesn't automatically spell disaster for your relationship. But you do need to see real honesty. If he isn't willing to be honest with you about his feelings, best to leave now.

 

[kirbsam]

doesnt know you well enough to get you something for christmas? i could get you something for christmas that you would love right now, and i dont have any idea who you are. totally lame.

 

[blahx3]

We are having dinner tonight and I'm going to ask him. I would prefer to know if he is done with this relationship. Ruining a surprise isn't that important in my book. I will keep you all posted as to what happens.

BTW since you've asked a couple of times, yes we are sleeping together.

 

[Kellydelly]

Is there any chance that he's bipolar/manic depressive? He sounds just like my ex-husband. The over-excitement about expensive gifts early on, followed by the borderline depressive backpedaling now? Classic symptoms. I wouldn't necessarily kick the guy to the curb yet, but I would keep an eye on things. At some point, you may need to ask hard questions about his mental health history (assuming you want to make it work). Or he could just be a jerk

I agree, he could be suddenly off his meds if he is on any. It's early in your relationship for you to know everything about him, and plenty of people would hide mental illness if they suffer from it. Or he may just have found someone else he likes better than you. Could be so many things .

 

[Nennie]

We are having dinner tonight and I'm going to ask him. I would prefer to know if he is done with this relationship. Ruining a surprise isn't that important in my book. I will keep you all posted as to what happens.

BTW since you've asked a couple of times, yes we are sleeping together.

Good luck OP! Hoping that he says, "OMG, you thought I was serious? I was totally joking!!!"

 

[pearlieq]

I wouldn't say anything for now, but if Christmas comes and goes and he really didn't get you anything...I totally agree that you need to break-up as soon as possible, because like a pp stated, it's a sign of things to come.

Agreed. Hold on on breaking up with him until you see how Christmas shakes out, but keep your eyes and ears wide open until then.

This guy might not be a good egg. I can't imagine how you could be dating someone (and being intimate, I might add) for 3 months and not feel like you know them well enough to buy them a scarf or a DVD.

Tread very carefully here, and be grateful you're getting this kind of insight into him this early on!

 

[hambirg]

Yep - backtracking like this is not a good sign. If, as you say, money is not an issue, he is backtracking in a HUGE way.

I seriously doubt that he is trying to throw you off the gift trail. He has been throwing out this stuff about gifts for too long. It doesn't match with the behavior exhibited to date.

It is not uncommon for men to backtrack around the holidays. It doesn't automatically spell disaster for your relationship. But you do need to see real honesty. If he isn't willing to be honest with you about his feelings, best to leave now.

ITA- I think we women like to read into things so much. He's telling you that "this is not the kind of relationship where we exchange Christmas gifts." Believe him! Take back your gift for him. If you enjoy spending time with him, then continue to see him, but understand that he has seriously backtracked for whatever reason. . .and he has in his own roundabout way, told you that. If it was me. . .if I really enjoyed his company I might continue to see him. . .occasionally, but I would know that this isn't any type of "relationship." As much as that may not make sense to you, it is what he's telling you. I'd probably start dating other people.

 

[princesspiglet]

nevermind