A kid that does not appreciate things.

[HappyLawyer]

Looking for parental input, I love my daughter with all my heart and i would die for her, hell i am dead broke and still managing 9 days worth of fun in florida in a few weeks, the problem i have is she just really does not appreciate anything. She is 8 and for the past few years she has been very spoiled-very i know it is my fault but when i returned to school to finish my degrees our world of comfort was left behind and we live on a budget, it's hard being a single parent and doing my mba then my jd we are just poor right now-not such a happy lawyer at this point-lol, what can be done to teach a child to value what they have- i mean she has everything and i feel unappreciated too-any thoughts?

 

[CaipiraBob]

Wow, sorry I wish I had real advice. Sounds like you've done your best to give you child everything, so don't take it so hard.

Really though, the only thing I know to make someone beyond appreciation to appreciate something is deprivation. Or perhaps close first hand observation of it.

 

[alloyd1170]

Pack up her things that she really vaules and either donate them to charities (especially the things she doesnt use anymore, or at least some of it), or store them until she realizes how lucky she is to have what she has. We told parents of teens in drug rehab to do that as punishment and it worked great. I have a spoiled 2.5 yr old and when he destroys his toys or doesnt pick them up, I store them away. When he shows me that he can take care of things, I slowly bring some stuff back out. He never tosses the stuff around anymore! And although this may sound harsh, why not put off that trip to WDW. It will be a way to say, hey, Im really struggling right now and I went to many lengths to put this trip together. However, you dont seem to apprecitate what all I do for you, so we wont be going until your attitude changes and I have some more money to do the trip. She should be able at that age to understand, and if not, she will learn pretty quick! Personally, if youre that broke, I wouldnt go. What if an emergency came up and you needed money (illness, etc). Disney will always be there, but your money might not be!

alison

 

[TraceyL]

We started making our 7 yo do her own budget. It started at WDW last year where she had an allowance each day and she had to buy all her own treats/souvenirs out of it. She soon learned that if she wanted to buy a $20 dress she had to spend *nothing* for 4 days to get it!! We've continued it since we came home rather than just buying her stuff (she was rather spoilt ) and I think it worked as she now has an appreciation of how much things cost and realises how lucky she is to have all the nice things she has.

Good luck

 

[zurgswife]

Say NO....and explain that things have changed...very shortly she will begin to understand.

 

[ennazus]

Perhaps some quality time doing the simple things will take the focus off the material things? Spending time together is one of the greatest gifts one can give.

Play cards, Monopoly (I know it's a dreaded game!!) or computer games together
bake cookies, bread or make candy
do a science experiment together (check out http://www.krampf.com/ to sign up for his email of a science experiment for kids each week)
go for a hike
go to the play ground
do a craft, draw a picture
put a puzzle together
feed the ducks or squirrels at a park

 

[HappyLawyer]

Originally posted by ennazus
Perhaps some quality time doing the simple things will take the focus off the material things? Spending time together is one of the greatest gifts one can give.

Play cards, Monopoly (I know it's a dreaded game!!) or computer games together
bake cookies, bread or make candy
do a science experiment together (check out http://www.krampf.com/ to sign up for his email of a science experiment for kids each week)
go for a hike
go to the play ground
do a craft, draw a picture
put a puzzle together
feed the ducks or squirrels at a park

nope sorry doesn't work spend plenty of quality time together still unappreciatative

 

[ennazus]

What if you showed her people who really needed? Volunteering at a soup kitchen? Getting involved in some other type of worthy cause that can help people and give her a glimpse into how very lucky she really is?

 

[TSirgey]

My 4-year old is given everything and we struggle to make sure she isn't spoiled (she has three sets of grandparents and is the first born on all sides). When she is finished with toys/clothes, we pack them up together and donate them to charity. I make sure she knows that there are people who don't have everything she has.

I try to keep very involved with charity and I make it a point to take her with me to events when appropriate. So far it seems to make a difference, although I know they change so much from age 4-8. I work with the United Way throught my company and it has opened my eyes to what is out there and how lucky we are.

I went back to school from the time she was 2 and I just graduated in May. It was so hard not to spoil her while I felt the guilt of not being home.

 

[tjmw2727]

I wonder if your dd is just adjusting to all the change and not expressing it properly. Perhaps she has more to say and it just seems unapreciative to you. My dd's are 8 and 9 and sometimes they have a hard time expressing how they feel and I take it the wrong way. Sometimes my 8yo will have a complete meltdown about something and I find out she is really feeling bad about something totally different.

Why not try telling her how you feel about the changes, without shaming or taking blame or making it seem so bad. Just be realistic about how things are, how long you expect it to last and how you plan it to be in a year, or more. Tell her why you are doing what you are doing and remember that children really don't understand the future the way we do.

Try and include her in the decisions as much as you think she is ready for and or feel appropriate. Lets say you had and extra $20.00 and can spend it on weekend fun. Tell your dd that you have exactly that and what the choices are, maybe a matinee (bring your own muchies) a couple strings of bowling or a meal at McDonalds. Of course you would offer things you are willing to do and would be willing to spend the $$ on. Once my dd's started realizing the value of what they did it helped alot. Of course once I start to preach and lecture they zone out- talking and teaching by letting them figure things out works better.

It sounds like you care and are doing your best for your dd and yourself maybe you just need to try other ways to communicate. Empathise with her and say things like, yes I miss the things we used to have and be able to do and I look forward to doing it again. Insted of we can't do that right now and I wish we could and don't take the blame, you know you are doing the right thing for the long run - teach her that. Help her understand that you are not always going to be her best buddy but you will always do right by her and try and understand. Sometimes you will just disagree and those times are frustrating for you both.

Of course this is all a generalization not saying what I think your doing - just an example. Things that someone told me that have worked well -

Have a wonderful trip, maybe its just what you need.
TJ
..

 

[HappyLawyer]

Originally posted by ennazus
What if you showed her people who really needed? Volunteering at a soup kitchen? Getting involved in some other type of worthy cause that can help people and give her a glimpse into how very lucky she really is?

believe me i have, i take her along with me when i do my volunteer work and she loves to help others she is very giving she is just unappreciatative.

 

[daisylove]

I do not have any advice necessarily just support. We are trying to figure this out with my spoiled 5 yr old. Sweetest child but sometimes expects the world to be given to her. Problem is of course is that I want to give her the world just can't afford everything. Same situation as another poster. 5 grandparents in this case and only grandchild.

 

[Mommaof3]

I am no expert, but maybe you need to work with her on how to show appreciation. Discuss different ways to say "thank you". Help her write a short note of thanks or send a small gift of thanks. Maybe if you work with her, she will slowly, over time begin to show appreciation on her own. Make sure you model being apprecitive yourself and at first point it out to her. That way she knows why you do certain things. On the other side, don't be afraid to say "no" or "not now". Children need to learn that the world does not revolve around them. Give her the "budget" for something and let her figure it out. Life is chioces. Teach her to make good ones. Make her work and earn money for your trip. Only give her some "bonus" money from you if she earns a certain amount.

Just a few thoughts. I wish you the best.

Melissa

 

[AndRu]

TraceyL has the right idea, give her an amount to spend and see how long it lasts. My kids all learned that it didn't grow on trees after they kept running out!

 

[TSirgey]

Maybe time alone will give you a chance to talk about how she is feeling when you are away together. It might be just what you both need! Good luck!

 

[disneyjunkie]

Say NO....and explain that things have changed...very shortly she will begin to understand.

 

[MrsPete]

Saying that she's unappreciative is kind of vague. Can you tell us more specifically what makes you feel this way? Does she demand more and more toys, though she has plenty? Does she never say "thank you" when you make her school lunch? If you could give us some details, perhaps we could give some concrete suggestions.

Here's what I know for sure: She didn't get into this situation overnight, nor did she get into it alone. It'll take more than one trip to a soup kitchen, or more than one donation of toys to the Salvation Army to turn her attitude around. It'll also take a concerted effort on your part. You mentioned that you're a single parent -- is her father in the picture? If so, you must be careful that neither of you is trying to "buy" her affections. I've seen this happen soooo many times with children of divorce. The parents try to prove who loves her most by giving her the best stuff -- the child is always the loser in that game.

Here's what else I know for sure: My daughter, who is two years older than yours, is far from spoiled, yet she's sure hitting a tough age. She's 10.5, and I can see teen angst on the horizon! You need to do whatever you can do TODAY to get your 8 year old on track. If you don't do it while she's still in her childhood years, it'll be next to impossible to yank her out of it once she's a pre-teen.

 

[mmeb144]

Start with an regular allowance. It helps with the gimmies at the stores. It also teaches the value of the toys they like. You have to be strong enough to tell her no when the money runs out. This works great with my DS12 and DD10.

I also didn't give them any spending money on our last trip to WDW. They saved it over the year prior to the trip. They were extremely frugal on buying souveniers with their money. They really appreciated what they had and how long it took them to earn their spending money.

One of the previous posters may have hit the nail on the head. Maybe spending 9 days with your DD will help you to understand what is going on in her head. Sometimes kids have a hard time expressing what is bugging them in words.

Find that special thing that your DD really likes to do and spend time doing it. We just discovered that the kids really like Euchre, a card game. So, we've been playing that as our family activity. The kids appreciate having Mom and Dad play with them.

Our kids love us, they just have a hard time appreciating us for all the hard work that goes into being their parents. Remember, no one else can be your DD's Mom. YOU are the one for your DD.

Marie

 

[marydmjj]

What if you showed her people who really needed? Volunteering at a soup kitchen? Getting involved in some other type of worthy cause that can help people and give her a glimpse into how very lucky she really is?

This is a great suggestion. Maybe even some place that feeds families, especially around Christmas time. This time of year can make a strong impact on kids (like mine) that are given a lot and don't seem to appreciate it.

For the last 2 years we have made pies for Ronald McDonald house and delivered them the night before Thanksgiving. This has been a wonderful eye-opening experience for my DS-9.

 

[momloveson]

I totally relate with your post.

We have a 4 year old "only" and it is WORK for us to make sure we don't reinforce an "entitlement" mentality. He has WAY too many toys and has started to expect stuff. So, as soon as we noticed what we were doing wrong, we started changing our behavior. I'm hoping it works. First of all we've instituted a NO GIFT UNLESS ITS A HOLIDAY rule. That means what it says. You want a toy, you wait for either your birthday or Christmas. This actually affects my husband the most, who sees a good deal on a toy and HAS to get it for my son. NO MORE!!!! We've started going though his toys that he doesn't play with and let son choose which ones are going to other little kids who aren't lucky enough to have toys. If he can't choose something on his own, we pick out 3 and and let him pick 1 to go. "Please's and Thankyou's" have become an Absolute MUST...for everything. And, if you don't share it, it gets put in time out...until you deserve it back! We also talk about other people's life situations. We discuss our blessings and take time out to think about and pray for other families that don't have a roof over their heads or had to weather a big storm, or have illnesses.

When we were at Disney (just 2 weeks ago) we amazingly didn't have a hard time with him wanting everything. If he started to have a fit about something we just took him away from the situation. No "I'm sorry I would get it for you but I can't afford its" No giving in. NO GUILT. We reminded him that these were good ideas for us for Christmas or his birthday.

Don't feel guilty about not "giving" your child everythign they want. Buying things does NOT make up for anything especially guilty feelings. Your daughter will thank you when she has become a compassionate generous adult who appreciates what she's been given AND what she's worked for.

Best wishes and best of luck to you!!!