A "going off to prison" gift

[IMGONNABE40!]

I would let DH make the decision and respect whatever that decision was. I would have him handle the matter with MIL. I know that if we hadn't been already, we would add BIL to our daily prayer list and ask God to heal him.

 

[bettyann29]

If it were me Id say no.. dont contribute.. why contribute to something you dont believe in.. Id tell my MIL the truth..

 

[Orthotech]

I agree w/you on this one!!!! Thanks for putting it so concisely!

Also, OP, you've already made a contribution to his prison stay through your tax dollars. You've been more than generous w/that, alone.

I was just thinking that!

 

[nwdisgal]

Instead of chipping in for a gift card for the prison, how about a donation to MADD? I think spending time in prison for a third DUI is gift enough.

 

[kydisneyfans]

A loaf of bread and bottle of water would do it for me.

No way would I give cash.
You would be surprised at how many people buy a newspaper subscription for those in jail.

 

[Cindy B]

Instead of chipping in for a gift card for the prison, how about a donation to MADD? I think spending time in prison for a third DUI is gift enough.

Great idea. If this person had any retribution fund for family members or such, perhaps paying some restitution would be in order.

 

[Wish I lived in Fl]

When i thought money was just for candy, cigarettes i would say no. But if needed to get deodorant, toothbrush , underwear then i would contribute. Also some self help books 'cause he'll probably have time to read them. If possible, also Schiff multivitamin for vegetarians. I think PART of not being able to resist drinking is low blood sugar (which make the cravings so bad) and B vitamin deficiency. Though he probably won't be allowed to take vitamins?

 

[shortbun]

I think I'd go to my MIL and say, "I love you and the rest of the family. I'd like to contribute something when X comes out to help assure him of his sobriety. I pledge X dollars for rehab when he exits jail. Let's do our part to make sure this NEVER happens to him (or us) again."
How does your husband feel about it? Tough one.

 

[Mskanga]

I would not contribute , plain and simple. I'm sorry but I have no sympathy for DUI offenders I don't care how nice the rest of the family members are.

 

[Obi-Wan Pinobi]

Instead of chipping in for a gift card for the prison, how about a donation to MADD? I think spending time in prison for a third DUI is gift enough.

I had the same thought about a donation to MADD in the BIL's name.

A contribution so the BIL could get alcohol abuse counseling after he's released would also be appropriate.

If this was his first offense, then I might contribute something like $10. Third offense?? Uh uh.

 

[horseshowmom]

DD's response when she read the OP's post: "Go to jail, go directly to jail. Do not pass go, do not collect $200."

I tend to agree with her. This is the guy's 3rd offense. I'm just glad he hasn't killed anybody.

 

[MamaLema]

I wouldn't contribute. Most mothers love their kids no matter what and I'm sure your MIL is sweet, but I think it's unfair to expect other family members to contribute.

 

[mill4023]

When I read the thread title, it sounded like a joke. Now, I'm just shocked that so many of you would actually contribute money to make life easier for this scumbag. He is a worthless piece of crap who has put the lives of innocent people at risk repeatedly. No, he doesn't deserve any help buying underwear or deodorant. By helping him out, you are enabling the behavior.

 

[Debbie Jean]

Under no circumstances whatsoever would I even consider contributing to someone who is going to serve time for a 3rd DUI conviction. For people who drink and then get behind the wheel and drive, that car is a weapon that kills as surely as any gun... and the person they kill is just as dead. Some people just don't get it until a drunk driver kills someone they love.

If you want to help Mom, talk to her about going to an Alanon meeting because she sounds like she is an enabler... most enablers are wonderful, sweet people who just don't/can't understand that their actions actually "enable" the kind of behavior they want to stop... i.e. drinking and driving. He'll have no incentive to change if she is constantly trying to "absorb" the pain for him... incarceration, no soap, no socks. Well, yeah, that's what happens when you have a 3rd DUI conviction. Mail him some socks and a bar of Ivory if you really can't resist.

Do I have compassion? You bet I do... for all those sons, daughters, mothers, fathers. friends, etc. that drunks have murdered on the road. For some people, it has to be THEIR son or daughter before the reality of it makes an impact.

Thank God this man hasn't killed anyone... yet. How would Mom feel if it was you, DH or one of her own grandchildren who ultimately became his victim?

 

[poohbears5]

3rd or 4th offence he deserves NOTHING !( One of lucky surviors of one of these scumbags that the world keeps thinking deserve another chance and love and understanding tell that to family that wasn't as lucky as I and lost their loved one . Or my ask my 3 children what they think since they sat locked in a car as they watched me be hit (ds6, ds8. dd12 ). Donate to MADD

 

[ducklite]

I just have to say that I think this one is one of the oddest threads I've ever seen on the Dis, and there have been some doozies! No offense to the OP! Hope whatever you decide makes you feel like it was the right thing to do.

Anne

 

[christineann]

Ditto what Debbie Jean said, plus no, h*ll no.

 

[MagicKingdom05]

I understand that your MIL is very kind, but she is rewarding her son for getting a 3rd DUI, by taking up a collection.

 

[Lil_Tink]

Lol...We have one of those fun people in the family....Actually 1 on each side....

I dont know if it was his 1st time yes, but 3rd no

 

[Lynn CC]

DH's nephew went to jail for Murder at 18 years old. He's in their for 20 years then he will be eligable for parole.

He was in a youth center before that(I don't know what that was for) for a year, got out had a tracking anklet on and not even a year later ended up where he is now.

I do write to him and send him some books through the website that is allowed at his prison, but I don't contribute to his cantene(the prison gift card).
Everyone else in the family does though, and I think it's wrong. They don't contribute to my son's college education and he's worked hard to do everything right in his life. There are peope in the family that contribute $20 a week to his cantene, imagine if DS could put that towards his books?
I can't help feeling this way, I just do!

It's caused A LOT of tension in DH's family with us.

To get back to the original poster...I wouldn't contribute, and I don't.
Yes, it does cause problems, but you have the right to feel the way you do and not be pressured into something you think is not the right thing to do.