A friend is wanting to tag-along on our trip

[oxfordcircus]

We're planning a trip for January 07. A friend has decided that she might want to come too. I remember seeing some threads on this in the past (basically a thread to share your stories of "when good trips go bad"). Does anyone have a link to those threads, or care to share your experiences, good and bad, taking a trip with a Disney newbie?

 

[goofy4tink]

Oh, I had one of those less than stellar experiences. We traveled with another family back in '01. We have dd's the same age..in fact, we actually met in child birth class. The other dad is older than us..he's now 62, I'm 56, other mom is 49 and my dh is 48. Well, the other dad had completely different ideas of what was fun at WDW and what wasn't. He wanted to sit at the pool and read and drink all afternoon. However the rest of us wanted to do parks and such. We eventually ended up splitting up. We would meet for part of the day, and then go our separate ways again.
The other mom and I are taking the two girls back in Oct to celebrate their 13th b-days...they are two days apart. No dads this time..so it should be fine. In fact, I did offer to have the dads travel with us since we are staying in a two-bedroom villa but the other mom went nuts and said no dads, no way!!!
My suggestion would be this...get different rooms. Plan some meals together, some park time together. If the children are similar ages then that works. But, if they are very different ages, or have different tastes, being with each other 24/7 could pose a problem. It's a lot of fun showing a 'newbie' the ropes, but not if they start to crimp your style, so to speak. Perhaps your friend was thinking that you could all share one room? If so, you could tell her that wasn't going to be possible, but she could get her own room, and you could make some ADRs for the whole group if she wanted.

 

[Bev J]

We have taken a few trips to WDW with friends. We usually have to change our expectations for the trip because we love disney and want to do it all while our friends just wanted to take a vacation and thought disney sounded fun.
They do no planning of any kind and expect us to tour them around. by the 3rd day or so we are splitting up and doing our own thing some of the time and meeting up for meals. They don't like to stay onsite because it costs more and we are confirmed disney resort lovers. We feel like we are having to compromise all the time. It just takes away the magic for us.
Now we love to go on cruise vacations with the same friends, we have a grand time, but for disney trips we need to go with just our family.

Bev

 

[MaryPA]

I agree with having separate hotel rooms. We went a couple of years ago with another family and we had different rooms. Worked out well but we weren't "joined at the hip". Sometimes we all don't want to do the same things, eat at the same time, etc.

Now that said, we are going in a few weeks with 3 other families. They are all staying at the same hotel, different rooms but as close as possible to each other. We are staying at a totally different resort. It has already started where the others are planning every minute together - and we know that it just doesn't work for us. We will do alot together and we will go our separate ways for some things.

Another advantage for different rooms is - if they end up cancelling. You are not responsible for any extra's.

Good Luck!

 

[cleo]

Unless you really WANT them to come along, why not just say "No, thanks!"? I never understand why people who don't really want to travel with friends feel they have to make concessions or make excuses. It's your trip. They have the right to ask, you have the right to say NO.

You say a few things that make me think you really don't want them to join you (you say they're going to 'tag along' rather than saying 'we're traveling with friends' and you think your friendship might end if you vacation together). I think you're very wise to have those worries. Listen to your gut feeling.

There was a thread a few days ago titled You're going to Disney When? or something along those lines. I looked 5 pages back and didn't find it, but if you go 6+ pages you'll likely come across it.

If you think you might not be friends with them, or your friendship or trip might suffer in some way, why not just say No? It doesn't make you a bad person, it just means your trip is yours. There's nothing wrong with that at all.

 

[pepe of ohio]

We have in the past taken friends on our Disney trips, to introduce them to the realm of Disney. We do separte rooms, meet most morning, usually as a must because they do not know Disney and would be lost without our guidance. Our trips have been great, we would not take anyone that grumbles before going, does not like Disney, does not like the Florida sun or prefers to stay at a complete different resort, deluxes, mod or value, as us. To hard to meet up, wait for etc.

We built great friendship over the years with the others we've introduced, they have gone back by hemselves and asked to go again on ours. Knowing the people before hand real well, explaining your touring, pool time, shopping time etc ahead helps.

Go for it and let the magic grow !!

 

[MelanieC]

I'd say don't do it. We went with my MIL one year and it was very stressful. I like it just being our family. We get to do what we want, when we want to and we don't feel like we have to entertain or drag anyone anywhere. It's just more fun.

 

[mammoth_fan]

Unless you really WANT them to come along, why not just say "No, thanks!"? I never understand why people who don't really want to travel with friends feel they have to make concessions or make excuses. It's your trip. They have the right to ask, you have the right to say NO.

I agree. My mom and I took a trip to WDW and Florida a while back, and a friend of hers asked to join up. We were pretty spineless and didn't say no, even though we both wanted to. The friend ended up being a big pain in the butt, didn't like where we stayed, didn't like to do what we wanted to, drank a LOT, etc. Blech.

 

[Piglet4Ever]

We went with my best friend and her family a few yrs ago. We had a great time but we also split up alot. They have a son who was 4 at the time so they did alot of character meals which we didn't want to. We bought walkie talkies and when we split up we were able to find each other when we were ready. Worked great and Dh and I got to do everything we wanted and had some nice alone time as well.

 

[gizfish]

If you cannot just say no, why not set some ground rules for the trip. Since a WDW vacation is filled with so many personal choices, maybe just decide that you will all eat dinner (or just breakfast or whatever) each day together, and other than that, the families are on their own.

 

[DisneyConvert]

My wife and I tour (as in active, planned, thoughtful and even aggressive) WDW somewhat synchronistically. As long as we can still put our son, now 4 1/2, in a stroller, he can be wheeled along. Most others are not always on our wavelength.

In two previous visits, we found out AFTER making our own plans independently, that various other friends and family members would be at WDW around the same time we would be. We welcomed various opportunities to spend time with them, but did not structure our vacation around them.

With my brother and sister-in-law, who aren't adherents to getting to the MK gates by 7:30am on EMH AM's, we met them approx. 10am at a designated location (with FP's stuffed in our pockets). Thank god for cell phones! We got priceless pics of the cousins with Stitch, etc.

With my wife's cousin and her husband, who didn't even buy park admissions, we met them at AK Lodge, had a wonderful tour, took our son to the Simba Club and then treated them to dinner (courtesy of surplus TS credits!) at Boma. Wonderful evening.

Finally, we ended up NOT meeting up with my wife's friend from college because they didn't get to AK's pm EMH 'till approximately 7:00 pm when we had already ridden on everything and it was time to go home. That worked out ok as well.

Hope that helps.

 

[cleo]

I guess because I've traveled with friends and extended family, I find it much easier to just say No from the start (or say, 'We're going on these dates. Are you going then too? Maybe we'll see you there!") than it is to have to make a bunch of rules no one really wants to be tied to, just so you don't have a lousy trip.

It really isn't that hard to say no and be nice about it. Would you rather spend the next however-long until you travel worrying about how it will go or would you rather enjoy the anticipation? Would you rather be tied to a bunch of rules, meetings and compromises or would you rather go to the park with your family and have fun?

 

[dmonroe]

We usually do travel with WDW with friends---or rather, we go to WDW at the same time friends go. Our general rule is: Disney is way too expensive a vacation to conform to someone elses idea of fun! We each plan our own trips, and include a meal or two together. If our park days coincide, then we meet up and do some things together. That plan has worked for us so far. But........
We have a trip planned for October and another friend wants to come along. This will be her child's (he's 7) first trip to WDW. She is divorced but she and her ex decided a long time ago to make the first trip together! (It was a fairly decent split!) That's already a strange situation, and I get the feeling she thinks we're going to "hold their hands" through this trip. That so can not happen! We go every year, so we have our likes and dislikes, we skip some things, we'll be there for more days and aren't doing parks every day, etc. We also have a 2 year old in tow and we are kind of at his mercy. I would not wish our trip on her! I am trying to arm her with as much information as possible and help her plan the best trip for her family. I am hoping to have a couple of meals with them, maybe swim one afternoon (same resort!) and attend MNSSHP together. Other than that, I think her family will have a much better time if they do their own thing most of the time.
Maybe you could do the same sort of thing with your friend. Explain that this is an expensive vacation and it wouldn't really be fair to either family not to get to do EXACTLY what they want. Then just plan a few things together and do your own thing the rest of the time!
HTH!

 

[Janet-TX]

I think your title "tag along" says it all. Just say no thanks (and don't feel guilty).

 

[oxfordcircus]

Unless you really WANT them to come along, why not just say "No, thanks!"? I never understand why people who don't really want to travel with friends feel they have to make concessions or make excuses. It's your trip. They have the right to ask, you have the right to say NO.

You say a few things that make me think you really don't want them to join you (you say they're going to 'tag along' rather than saying 'we're traveling with friends' and you think your friendship might end if you vacation together). I think you're very wise to have those worries. Listen to your gut feeling.

QUOTE]

I appreciate what you're saying. We've travelled with the lady before any of us had children. We enjoyed those vacations and therefore think it could be fun - in concept - to vacation with her again. I just wanted to hear success stories so that I could pattern them. And I wanted to hear the horror stories to be entertained and to not pattern them!

 

[DVC Mary]

We just made a trip w/ good friends & the cruise. The cruise was great together. The ship is small enough that we saw each other much more AND enjoyed being w/ each other much more than our WDW portion of the trip.

We spent too much time trying to get ahold of each other & trying to redo well laid out plans to suit their changing needs at WDW. We did no meals together b/c I made my ADRs 6 months ahead of time, gave a copy to her & told her to feel free to get ones for a larger size to include her family at around the same time. She waited until a few weeks before & couldn't understand why there was nothing left.

On a positive note, we accidentally planned a trip at the same time as another couple. We planned a two last minute meals together & spent a little time w/ them at MGM b/c we had both planned to be there on the same day. It was perfect.

On another negative note, I once went to Europe w/ 3 friends & after the trip one of them had alienated ALL of us. It's hard to travel w/ other people unless you are very very similar or extremely easy going.

 

[tink1978]

If you don't feel completely sure about it, don't do it. You are just setting your trip up to be a failure....the one you wanted to avoid. Bad feelings and unsure feelings can and probably will get in the way of you having a good time. Maybe you all can invite her and her child on a future trip.

 

[ZoZo]

My advice: don't do it. It's very hard to find people to vacation with that have similar styles to yours, especially at WDW. It could totally ruin your vacation. My vacations are very important to me (I only have a couple of weeks a year to call my own), so I would hate to have someone else there that might cause me stress.

If you are worried about hurting her feelings, you might say something like, "If you're planning to be there at the same time, maybe we could meet for dinner on _______." That sets up the expectation that they will be on their own vacation, and you can meet up when you want. If she presses the issue, say "We are really looking forward to spending this vacation alone as a family, but would be happy to meet you for dinner one night."

 

[samano]

I had to turn down an "offer" from one of my best friends to join us on this trip (the day after tomorrow!!!! woo hoo!). I am a divorced mother of 2, she is a married mother of one whose DH is deployed to Iraq. We are very good friends from college (ahem - 15 years ago), I truly love her like a sister. But we are like night and day with most things, and my gut instinct told me our friendship may not survive a trip to Disney with her. I explained all of this to her, she agreed, we had a good laugh. She doesn't "get" Disney, can't figure out what I make all the fuss about, but thought she would come with and try to see it through my eyes. I don't get to go nearly as often as I wish I could, so I'm being selfish with this trip. Just me and my kids! We've decided to do a trial run vacationing together, a long weekend to the beach or something. We'll have to build up to a WDW vacation together!!!

 

[wtpntigger2]

I just went with my friend and her family this past Jan and we had a wonderful time! Her and her dh hadn't been to Disney since they were kids, so they were basically newbies. We had connecting rooms and did everything together. Only one night, on a MK EMH, did they return to the hotel before we did.

And this friend is now a DISboards member and returning to WDW at the end of Sept just a few days after we leave. I actually wish our trips overlapped some.

Now I did go once with my best friend and her dh (pre-kids) and that was a nightmare. We are still friends, but I would never travel with her again even though I roomed with her in college. She was very demanding and things had to be her way. I missed out on AK in 2000 because of her.