wvjules
DIS Legend
- Joined
- Mar 7, 2001
- Messages
- 14,688
Pregnancy, Estrogen and Women
Pregnancy Q & A & more!
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?!
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
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"ESTROGEN ISSUES"
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-".
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed her! e from "outerspace".
8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday..
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TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6 Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
AND, the Number One thing only women understand :
1. OTHER WOMEN
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A bus, carrying only ugly people, crashes into an oncoming truck and everyone inside dies. They, then, get to meet their Maker and, because
of the grief they have experienced, He decides to grant them one wish each before they enter Paradise.
They're all lined up and God asks the first one what the wish is.
"I want to be gorgeous, " and so, God snaps His fingers and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says, "I want to be gorgeous,too."
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted. This goes on for awhile.
But, when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor; laughing his head off.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy eventually calms down and says, "Make'em all ugly, again."
SO, THE NEXT TIME YOU'RE 'LAST IN LINE', CONSIDER YOURSELF BLESSED.
Pregnancy Q & A & more!
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?!
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"ESTROGEN ISSUES"
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-".
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed her! e from "outerspace".
8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6 Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
AND, the Number One thing only women understand :
1. OTHER WOMEN
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A bus, carrying only ugly people, crashes into an oncoming truck and everyone inside dies. They, then, get to meet their Maker and, because
of the grief they have experienced, He decides to grant them one wish each before they enter Paradise.
They're all lined up and God asks the first one what the wish is.
"I want to be gorgeous, " and so, God snaps His fingers and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says, "I want to be gorgeous,too."
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted. This goes on for awhile.
But, when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor; laughing his head off.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy eventually calms down and says, "Make'em all ugly, again."
SO, THE NEXT TIME YOU'RE 'LAST IN LINE', CONSIDER YOURSELF BLESSED.
thanks for the laugh!!!! Loved the one about super-plus!!!
