A cockroach biting my butt.... The End 7/21 #285

[Mr._The_King]

The bridge was chaos, no pattern of traffic. We lock eyes, getting out is going to be sucktastic

I walk in front of the stroller and Mr. The King steers. Inch by slow inch we head in the direction of the gates. Every person on the bridge is going a different direction. I feel the panic set in. I am a tad, smidgen, small amount, claustrophobic. I am trying to take deep breathes and not panic. Just when I get close to screaming in an inhuman demon voice “Sweet Mother of Fudge Get Out Of My Way”

I see a glimpse of salvation. There is a line of smiling cast members and each are holding what looks like those fancy airplane wands. They are in the middle of Main Street saying “Stay to the right of the lights”

They were controlling the flow. Adding order. I piped down my crazy demon voice. I inched forward, the stroller inched forward, Mr. The King inched forward. We stuck close to the cast members. Too close. Scrapping up against them close. Knowing what deodorant brand was their favorite. Or if they were wearing any at all.

But my claustrophobic brain was saying “Lights good, follow the lights.” It was soothing, repetitive and gave me an idea. I added a little swirl to my step. If I can get The Jiggler in a memorizing pattern , I am hoping it will put PS to sleep.

Or maybe convince the four gazillion people behind us to turn around and do something else besides leave.
“Go to Pirates of The Caribbean” said the Jiggler

“Go find an empty popcorn cart and ruin your vacation” The Jiggler taunted.

We are close to Casey’s. The going is slow. I pass the place where Mr. The King and I had ice cream last trip at a table outside. We inch on. I remember walking Frankenstein Style down Main Street with my two best friends from High school.

Flashback* * *

My Next door neighbors were also my best friends growing up. We had a ball. They were always with me, even on the tippy dock at the lake dodging the dog turds. At 16 my parents loaded me and my girlfriends in the RV and took us to Florida. We were going to spend three days in Disney. But before, we wanted to “work on our tans” Now, my two friends are Italian and have a deep beautiful skin color year round. And they would get a tan on the beach. We were from New York and this was before spray tans. In order to prove you went away to a tropical place, you had to come back with a tan. Now, I am Polish and Irish. I have never had a tan in my life. I have the very desirable skin tone of “bloated corpse”. Pasty white with blue undertones. Don’t hate.

We marched out to the beach, to the local sun tan lotion cart and got what we needed most. We reached right past the Sunscreen, sun block, and hats. We bought a bottle of Panama Jack. Not sure what that is? I will help you out. It is basically cooking oil. That smells really nice. We spread out our towels. We all oil each other up. On them… sexy. On me, it enhanced the “raw chicken about to be cooked” look I was shooting for. And we spent the day at the beach by my Aunt’s house. It was cloudy so we reapplied Mr. Jack often. We frolicked in the waves. They looked like Italian swim suit models. Me? I was rocking the rare albino pink dolphin look (one that wasn’t me was spotted a few days ago).
What fun. Six hours later we were picked up. I was sitting in the back of my Aunt’s car, when I notice her looking in the rear view mirror a lot. In horror .

By the time we came back to the RV I was shaking. Then, I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t talk. I was pinking up as they watched.
They drove me to the E.R. It took three hospital personnel to hold me down to get in the IV of saline. None of them were surprised at my stupidity. Apparently, a lot of my Irish friends make a raw deal with Mr. Jack. My girls and I were supposed to go to Disney the next day. When I could finally stop chattering, I asked the Doctor “Can I go to Disney?” He rolled his eyes at me.
My beady eyes got all determined in my hot pink head
“I AM GOING!”
When I was released from the hospital, my Italian friends were also sunburned. On them, of course, it was charming. A sweet blush. Making them even cuter. I was now a screaming blister color, and I have very light colored eyes. I looked and moved just like one of the M. Night Shyamalan characters. Crap, now I am scaring myself.

But, damnit, we got up the next day and went to Disney. We helped each other get dressed, with no one able to bend their arms and legs. As graceful as stiff Barbie Dolls. We went on all the rides. We winced and screamed in pain on most of them.

Good Times.

* * *
Remembering my angry lobster waddle always brings a smile, we keep inching forward. We are getting closer to the gates and then the unimaginable! A miracle! The Jiggler hypnotizing had worked. I heard angels singing as the crowd cleared. They had stopped heading for the gates. Down by the Candy Shop and the gate there was a reasonable amount of people doing reasonable things.

And I in my head I heard a “go fly” on my fudge… from God… or Walt, either way I was going in. The line inside might be long, but there was hope.

Up next, we end this trip report with Mr. the King trying to find my dignity.

 

[myrsfmly]

Woohoo! think I may be first to respond this time! Hate the claustrphobic crowds at exit (who doesn't.. ha!) but can also relate to the sunburn... I have that ghostly pale complexion as well that landed me in need of emergency care in my young dumb cancer schmancer years... now my dermatologist loves me and all my precancerous spots!

Thanks another great installment!!

 

[PittypatBR]

Picked up my son from Boy Scout camp one year to be regaled by the sight of one of his VERY FAIR friends with huge blisters on his shoulders. They were about 6 inches long and so full of fluid they were hanging almost to his elbows. Should have taken pictures to use as warning labels for future generations. Loving it, as always.

 

[Chris]

OMG Mrs! ROFL!!!! I got SOOO burned last year at blizzard beach it wasn't even funny! I swear, this year I'm remembering the sunscreen on my back....

 

[katdocnorf]

OMG, This has been so good. I will have you know I just found your TR 3 days ago and I work Midnight shift and have spent half of my shift each night since reading this in between doing what I absolutely have to do each night(shhhhhhh, but not anything extra).

I have a pre-Trippie but I have had only 2 people respond. Yours is so good and hilarious. I will have to try to take a note book with me and try to write a good TR. I doubt I will do as good as you though. I definitely need to remember the flashback thing though. I always flashback to previous trips when I am there as well but never thought about incorporating that in in the fashion you did. It was great and almost made me pee myself at work not good

Now you need to hurry up and keep them coming, I leave in 14 days.

 

[lgcountry]

I agree with Kat. We leave in 18 days! Let's JIGGLE!

Kat: How long will you be there? Possible meet?

 

[whogirl'smom]

Nothing better starts my day than a cup of coffee and the KIngs' shenanigans! I did not want to hear that the trip is almost over, though, that makes me sad so please try to drag out several more episodes.

I can identify with you on the sunburn thing, being that pasty bluish white color myself. In high school, our Spanish class took a trip to Mexico, which included 3 days in Acapulco (you can see it coming, can't you?). So, not only did we have our #2 Hawaiian Tropic oil, we had this wonderful stuff they were hawking on the beach--pure coconut oil! MMMM, boy, did we smell like Almond Joys, but looked like lobsters by the end of the day!

Yeah, the chills I remember at our dinner show that night; I remember having aspirin and lots of ice water for my dinner. And on the plane ride back, what to wear? (I hope you're as old as I am to remember this next part-at least mid to late 30's) Well, several of us had those overalls that were very pleated, made out of cotton poplin, that really looked like maternity overalls? You know, the kind that went with your Wimzee's shoes?Anything else that touched, hurt way too bad to wear! So, we looked like a brigade of pregnant, overcooked wild teenagers. Oh, for a tube of Banana Boat EveryDay Glow lotion in 1983!

 

[celerystalker]

I have the very desirable skin tone of “bloated corpse”. Pasty white with blue undertones. Don’t hate.

You crack me up!

 

[Mr._The_King]

Yours is a sophisticated and ladylike humor compared to my brothers and some of my coworkers

I want to meet them

I followed a referral over to your thread and am enjoying your adventures. I could really identify with the Cat Bath scene. I knew that would end badly.

If you really want to live dangerously, next time, after wetting down the cat, go fetch the paint stripper gun. I guarantee you, your cat can climb ceramic tile.

Just be sure to have a supply of maxi-pad bandages on hand when you try it.

Ok, you post made me Welcome. Who is this mysterious referrer?

You seriously should write a column for your local paper or something-Too Funny!! Awaiting your next post with bated breath...

Too bad my local paper is a rag. Then again, I might fit right in. Thank you for reading and posting

OK, Mrs. Mr. the King - people are flocking to this thread from everywhere expecting high entertainment and you are no where to be found.
We are waiting , not very patiently i might add
Anyway, I am anxiously awaiting the next installment.
Thanks so much for the funny, enjoyable entertainment.
Penny

Next installment is up for you sweetheart

NOOOOOOOOO! I got to the end of 18 pages and no end of the report!!! Please, please finish posting!!!

I am afraid to finish, I am loving this and having a ball!!

Woohoo! think I may be first to respond this time! Hate the claustrphobic crowds at exit (who doesn't.. ha!) but can also relate to the sunburn... I have that ghostly pale complexion as well that landed me in need of emergency care in my young dumb cancer schmancer years... now my dermatologist loves me and all my precancerous spots!

Thanks another great installment!!

My dermatologist sees dollar signs everytime I come in too.

Picked up my son from Boy Scout camp one year to be regaled by the sight of one of his VERY FAIR friends with huge blisters on his shoulders. They were about 6 inches long and so full of fluid they were hanging almost to his elbows. Should have taken pictures to use as warning labels for future generations. Loving it, as always.

That is just scary. I didn't blister, but my skin fell off in sheets. So gross. I smother the kids with sunblock now. I love that you love it.

OMG Mrs! ROFL!!!! I got SOOO burned last year at blizzard beach it wasn't even funny! I swear, this year I'm remembering the sunscreen on my back....

Don't you wish your hands reached back? I think God has a weird sense of humor.

OMG, This has been so good. I will have you know I just found your TR 3 days ago and I work Midnight shift and have spent half of my shift each night since reading this in between doing what I absolutely have to do each night(shhhhhhh, but not anything extra).

I have a pre-Trippie but I have had only 2 people respond. Yours is so good and hilarious. I will have to try to take a note book with me and try to write a good TR. I doubt I will do as good as you though. I definitely need to remember the flashback thing though. I always flashback to previous trips when I am there as well but never thought about incorporating that in in the fashion you did. It was great and almost made me pee myself at work not good

Now you need to hurry up and keep them coming, I leave in 14 days.

You totally need to write one! Send me a link and I will read it for sure. If you like peeing, the next chapter is for you

Nothing better starts my day than a cup of coffee and the KIngs' shenanigans! I did not want to hear that the trip is almost over, though, that makes me sad so please try to drag out several more episodes.

I can identify with you on the sunburn thing, being that pasty bluish white color myself. In high school, our Spanish class took a trip to Mexico, which included 3 days in Acapulco (you can see it coming, can't you?). So, not only did we have our #2 Hawaiian Tropic oil, we had this wonderful stuff they were hawking on the beach--pure coconut oil! MMMM, boy, did we smell like Almond Joys, but looked like lobsters by the end of the day!

Yeah, the chills I remember at our dinner show that night; I remember having aspirin and lots of ice water for my dinner. And on the plane ride back, what to wear? (I hope you're as old as I am to remember this next part-at least mid to late 30's) Well, several of us had those overalls that were very pleated, made out of cotton poplin, that really looked like maternity overalls? You know, the kind that went with your Wimzee's shoes?Anything else that touched, hurt way too bad to wear! So, we looked like a brigade of pregnant, overcooked wild teenagers. Oh, for a tube of Banana Boat EveryDay Glow lotion in 1983!

Agghh! You know exactly how I felt. We never even wore a bra after the burns. For weeks! (of course that was when the girls could stand up on their own). I am 3freaking3. And Mr. The King has the audasity to be six months younger. I love my fake tanner!! Isn't it scary how much stuff has been invented since we were kids? VHS? Microwaves? Cordlessphones? We are old farts.

You crack me up!

Alrighty Celery, you wanted a poem and you are going to get a really sucky poem.

The day the Jiggler owner met the celerystalker
Was an ordinary day on the Disboards
The vegetable girl was a sweet talker

And had followed the giant hoards
Who were reading about a crazy poop hawker?
There are very few rewards
For those who read about The Kings on the Dis boards


This poem’s over I know it smells
Who the heck can compete with Mel’s
I will steal you from her drink
And turn you into ants on a log, I think.

 

[Lifelong_Dreamer]

Happy to hear the crowds are beginning to clear. The only time on my trip I was stuck in a crowd was when I had to battle for my life in the mob that was trying to fight their way into the fastpass line for Splash Mountain.

 

[Mr._The_King]

Happy to hear the crowds are beginning to clear. The only time on my trip I was stuck in a crowd was when I had to battle for my life in the mob that was trying to fight their way into the fastpass line for Splash Mountain.

I would love to go when the crowds are tiny. You might have to explain that story more

 

[celerystalker]

You rock!

(See my new signature?)

 

[Mr._The_King]

You rock!

(See my new signature?)

I am honored

 

[Lifelong_Dreamer]

I would love to go when the crowds are tiny. You might have to explain that story more

LOL, This actually happened when I was there two weeks ago for the fourth of July. We were lucky when it came to crowds for most of the week probably b/c I used TGM to plan what parks to go to on each day. The only night where it was very busy when we were in a park was the 3rd at MK but we avoided that by grabbing a table at the Tomorrowland Noodle Terrace for the fireworks so that we did not have to stand in the mob on main street and then hanging out in the park after the fireworks and going on rides.

The incident at Splash Mountain was on our first night. We had fastpasses so we went and looked around the ride store until about 5 minutes before our window opened up. We were leaning against a fence waiting to head into line when this huge crowd converged on our location. It seemed as though every person who had a fastpass for Splash Mountain that day decided they were going to ride at 8:55. We were forced forward into the middle of this crowd and were pushed around and shoved as everybody tried to get to the fastpass entrance ahead of everybody else. Of course there were also the people who were trying to use fastpasses that were no valid yet so they were clogging up the entrance as well trying to argue with the CM. We had to fight to keep our group together and were able to eventually work our way through the crowd and get into line with only a few scratches and bruises to show for our effort.

After that experience I was frightened about what the rest of the week was going to be like but we were lucky and had no crushing crowd issues for th rest of the trip.

The only other crowd incident was at Spectromagic. I had some of those kids from the Brazilian tour group standing behind me and they kept shoving me so that I would end up a little bit on the street and then a CM would come by and tell me to get out of the street. I turned around and glared at the group but they didn't catch on and kept bumping into me and shoving me. Very annoying.

 

[UtahMama]

"SWEET MOTHER OF FUDGE, GET OUT OF MY WAY!!" -Mrs.Mr. the King

That was the funniest thing ever! I KNOW that feeling well. The walk out. After the fireworks. Solid mass of bodies, some of whom don't smell very magical.

I think you are totally funny, girlfriend! You don't mind if Celery and I stalk you and make you our pet do you?

 

[DonaldTDuck]

"SWEET MOTHER OF FUDGE, GET OUT OF MY WAY!!" -Mrs.Mr. the King

That was the funniest thing ever! I KNOW that feeling well. The walk out. After the fireworks. Solid mass of bodies, some of whom don't smell very magical.

I think you are totally funny, girlfriend! You don't mind if Celery and I stalk you and make you our pet do you?

When the TR is done, we can just grab her and drag her to the CB and get her Moovin' along.

 

[Mr._The_King]

LOL, This actually happened when I was there two weeks ago for the fourth of July. We were lucky when it came to crowds for most of the week probably b/c I used TGM to plan what parks to go to on each day. The only night where it was very busy when we were in a park was the 3rd at MK but we avoided that by grabbing a table at the Tomorrowland Noodle Terrace for the fireworks so that we did not have to stand in the mob on main street and then hanging out in the park after the fireworks and going on rides.

The incident at Splash Mountain was on our first night. We had fastpasses so we went and looked around the ride store until about 5 minutes before our window opened up. We were leaning against a fence waiting to head into line when this huge crowd converged on our location. It seemed as though every person who had a fastpass for Splash Mountain that day decided they were going to ride at 8:55. We were forced forward into the middle of this crowd and were pushed around and shoved as everybody tried to get to the fastpass entrance ahead of everybody else. Of course there were also the people who were trying to use fastpasses that were no valid yet so they were clogging up the entrance as well trying to argue with the CM. We had to fight to keep our group together and were able to eventually work our way through the crowd and get into line with only a few scratches and bruises to show for our effort.

After that experience I was frightened about what the rest of the week was going to be like but we were lucky and had no crushing crowd issues for th rest of the trip.

The only other crowd incident was at Spectromagic. I had some of those kids from the Brazilian tour group standing behind me and they kept shoving me so that I would end up a little bit on the street and then a CM would come by and tell me to get out of the street. I turned around and glared at the group but they didn't catch on and kept bumping into me and shoving me. Very annoying.

That is so scary!! I would had started crying and farting. You know the farting that sounds just like a machine gun? That would of been me. Crying, farting and than laughing at the farting. They are serious about the parade line. Thanks for sharing

"SWEET MOTHER OF FUDGE, GET OUT OF MY WAY!!" -Mrs.Mr. the King

That was the funniest thing ever! I KNOW that feeling well. The walk out. After the fireworks. Solid mass of bodies, some of whom don't smell very magical.

I think you are totally funny, girlfriend! You don't mind if Celery and I stalk you and make you our pet do you?

Ok, I will be happy to be a pet if I get to go to petco for my toys. And I have a tendency to poop on the carpet.

When the TR is done, we can just grab her and drag her to the CB and get her Moovin' along.

What is CB? It is not like that evil TB the lawyer was breathing on everybody right?

 

[Lifelong_Dreamer]

That is so scary!! I would had started crying and farting. You know the farting that sounds just like a machine gun? That would of been me. Crying, farting and than laughing at the farting. They are serious about the parade line. Thanks for sharing

That would have cleared the crowd for sure. They were pretty serious about getting into that fastpass line though so they probably would have just trampled over the fastpass CM and escaped into the line.

 

[DonaldTDuck]

CB= Community Boards, where many of us following your story hang out. Warning, it's addictive.

 

[katdocnorf]

OK some of us are going into withdrawls here. We need another installement.. PLEEEEAAASSSSSEEEE...