A close friend gifted me with a Bible

[sam_gordon]

It does seem unusual. But, I have had people become Christian and begin to feel the need to convert (or try to) everyone around them. They feel called to do so. I appreciate the sentiment, but still believe you should only give a Bible to someone you KNOW is going to appreciate it, not someone you are trying to convert. If you feel compelled to try to convert me, I'd rather you say something like "You know, I've found a lot of helpful information in the Bible....would you like me to get you one?" I can politely decline if I like, or accept. That way, you can spread your message without wasting your money on a gift I may not appreciate.

While there might be an ulterior motive to the gift, I compare it to giving a "romance" book, a "real crime" book, or an "action adventure" book to someone who doesn't read that style. If you don't read romance novels and a friend gave you one, what would you do? Give it back? Tell them thanks, but no thanks? No, you'd say "Thank you" gracelessly and either put it up somewhere or donate it. Why wouldn't you do the same with Bible?

 

[PollyannaMom]

I'd just say think you and put it on a shelf. The bible is an often-quoted book, and you never know when you might want to look up a reference you read or hear to get the full quote or larger context.

 

[John VN]

IMO, saying thank you and putting it on a shelf is a "nice" thing to do if one has some feeling's regarding the friendship and a bible compared to some other book. As for me, my reply would be a "Thank you, but I don't read books" and ask if the person would just give it to some more interested in religion and its related readings. It's no different to me when I mentioned to people about my cancer and their reply was, "OH, I am sorry to hear that, I will add you to my prayers" and I reply......"Thank you but please say your prayers for someone more needy and one who believes in prayers."

 

[sk!mom]

Is this the first time anyone has ever given you an unwanted/unneeded gift? If so, that's surprising. If not, why would you handle it any differently than any other unwanted gift.

A nice thank you note because they thought to give you a gift. Then stick it in a cabinet, regift it, or toss it. Whatever you normally do with gifts that you can't use.

I do realize that there might be some underlying subtext to this gift but as long as my friend restricted her opinions on my spiritual needs to this gift then I'd be fine. If she became vocal- I'd shut her down.

 

[Mizzoufan]

Please don't throw it away. Donate it give it to a homeless shelter.

 

[okeydokey]

A coworker of mine equates this kind of gift to giving an overweight person a Weight Watchers magazine or your Mother In Law giving you a book on how to clean house. Not so veiled attempts to teach you a lesson they think you need. She is atheist and has been gifted bibles before, so that influences her view.

 

[punkin]

A Bible is not like any other book or gift. It is fraught with meaning, wether good or bad. I would have said "thank you, but I am not religious and will not be reading it. I appreciate the thought."

 

[Magpie]

"Thank you, but I don't read books."

At least you qualified that you don't read books, thereby leaving a whole world of other written material (magazines, message boards, tweets, road signs, etc). I once had a cousin tell me, when I tried to give him a copy of a book I'd written, "Oh, I don't read." My incredulous, "You don't read!?" may have been a bit tactless, but I knew perfectly well he wasn't claiming to be illiterate.

(If he'd said, "I don't read fiction," or "I don't read that particular genre," or even, "I'm way too busy to read novels right now." I wouldn't have been offended in the slightest.)

 

[Klayfish]

While there might be an ulterior motive to the gift, I compare it to giving a "romance" book, a "real crime" book, or an "action adventure" book to someone who doesn't read that style. If you don't read romance novels and a friend gave you one, what would you do? Give it back? Tell them thanks, but no thanks? No, you'd say "Thank you" gracelessly and either put it up somewhere or donate it. Why wouldn't you do the same with Bible?

I'm totally with you on this one. I'm not religious whatsoever, and I don't read books either (unless car magazines count). So if someone gifted me a bible, first I'd think they were jokingly teasing me. But in reality, I'd do what Sam just wrote...politely say thank you and donate it. If I was asked a follow up question about it, I'd be honest and say I elected to donate it. Though in OPs case, if it had a really nice personally scribed note on the inside cover, I'd keep it somewhere. If asked about it, I'd say I kept it because it was from them, but really wouldn't plan on reading it.

 

[sam_gordon]

A Bible is not like any other book or gift. It is fraught with meaning, wether good or bad. I would have said "thank you, but I am not religious and will not be reading it. I appreciate the thought."

I think it's only fraught with meaning if you let it be. If someone gave you a copy of 50 Shades of Grey, would you think they want you to try S&M?

 

[wenrob]

A coworker of mine equates this kind of gift to giving an overweight person a Weight Watchers magazine or your Mother In Law giving you a book on how to clean house. Not so veiled attempts to teach you a lesson they think you need. She is atheist and has been gifted bibles before, so that influences her view.

This. If someone I knew for 40 years gave me a bible they're not giving me a "thoughtful gift" they're trying to send me a not so subtle message and wanting to save my soul. My soul doesn't need saving, thanks.

The message is clear: you are flawed according to my values and you need to fix it. I think if this post said something like, "I'm a little overweight but comfortable in my skin so imagine my surprise when my MIL gave me a years subscription to Jenny Craig." Or, "Once a month when we have a girl's night out I have a couple of mojitos but otherwise I don't drink much. The last time we went out my BFF gave me pamphlets for AA and an address for the nearest meeting!" There would be absolute outrage that people that close to you would give the poster such an insulting gift. Take out "bible" and replace it with something opposed to your own personal convictions and I don't think you'd have a problem not accepting or getting rid of said "gift."

 

[sunshinehighway]

If a good friend of many years suddenly have me a Bible I'd just ask them why. It wouldn't make sense.
It's really ridiculous that people here are pretending to not understand the difference between giving someone a random book and giving someone a religious book.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I think it's only fraught with meaning if you let it be. If someone gave you a copy of 50 Shades of Grey, would you think they want you to try S&M?

I'll be honest that's not the same thing at all.

Millons of people read that type of genre (starts with E..but as this is a family site won't say the rest) without actually wanting that type of lifestyle. {ETA: Nor do millions of people think that by reading it in front of others with they think you want that type of lifestyle..the genre isn't S&M..it's the E word.}

I read paranormal romance...doesn't mean I want my husband to be a shapeshifting werewolf for example.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

A bible is a religious symbol there really is no way around that. However, whether the recipient takes it as "you need faith, you need this book, etc in your life" is up to the person. Most of us are just pointing out that in a 40 year friendship you should probably know if a bible is an appropriate and welcomed gift.

 

[Magpie]

I'll be honest that's not the same thing at all.

Millons of people read that type of genre (starts with E..but as this is a family site won't say the rest) without actually wanting that type of lifestyle. {ETA: Nor do millions of people think that by reading it in front of others with they think you want that type of lifestyle..the genre isn't S&M..it's the E word.}

I read paranormal romance...doesn't mean I want my husband to be a shapeshifting werewolf for example.

Also, if someone WAS curious about getting into S&M, 50 Shades is not where they'd want to get their info on the subject. It's about as useful as... relying on Snow White and the Seven Dwarves to teach you how to safely run a diamond mining operation in the hills.

 

[eeyoreandtink]

This. If someone I knew for 40 years gave me a bible they're not giving me a "thoughtful gift" they're trying to send me a not so subtle message and wanting to save my soul. My soul doesn't need saving, thanks.

The message is clear: you are flawed according to my values and you need to fix it. I think if this post said something like, "I'm a little overweight but comfortable in my skin so imagine my surprise when my MIL gave me a years subscription to Jenny Craig." Or, "Once a month when we have a girl's night out I have a couple of mojitos but otherwise I don't drink much. The last time we went out my BFF gave me pamphlets for AA and an address for the nearest meeting!" There would be absolute outrage that people that close to you would give the poster such an insulting gift. Take out "bible" and replace it with something opposed to your own personal convictions and I don't think you'd have a problem not accepting or getting rid of said "gift."

Or, they see you hurting and hope it will bring you peace and comfort, even if not belief in an all powerful being. Or thought you might be interested academically or historically. I have friends who, while the do not believe have read the Bible for these reasons. The Bible contains many words of wisdom that apply even if you don't believe in God. Advice for everyday life as it were. I don't think you have to believe in a religion to read its holy books an take something away. I have found much wisdom in Bhuddist texts for example, but don't believe in the tenets of Bhuddism. Same for many other religions philosophies. I find value in them simply as literature, or as philosophy outside of their religions connotation.

I think the OP would know best what the friend's intent was.

 

[Magpie]

Or, they see you hurting and hope it will bring you peace and comfort, even if not belief in an all powerful being. Or thought you might be interested academically or historically. I have friends who, while the do not believe have read the Bible for these reasons. The Bible contains many words of wisdom that apply even if you don't believe in God. Advice for everyday life as it were. I don't think you have to believe in a religion to read its holy books an take something away. I have found much wisdom in Bhuddist texts for example, but don't believe in the tenets of Bhuddism. Same for many other religions philosophies. I find value in them simply as literature, or as philosophy outside of their religions connotation.

I think the OP would know best what the friend's intent was.

Plus, it's a darn good story. Lots of blood, gore, mayhem...

(I have several shelves dedicated to "Religion" - they're in the same bookcase as "Mythology", "Philosophy" and "Poetry".)

 

[wenrob]

Or, they see you hurting and hope it will bring you peace and comfort, even if not belief in an all powerful being. Or thought you might be interested academically or historically. I have friends who, while the do not believe have read the Bible for these reasons. The Bible contains many words of wisdom that apply even if you don't believe in God. Advice for everyday life as it were. I don't think you have to believe in a religion to read its holy books an take something away. I have found much wisdom in Bhuddist texts for example, but don't believe in the tenets of Bhuddism. Same for many other religions philosophies. I find value in them simply as literature, or as philosophy outside of their religions connotation.

I think the OP would know best what the friend's intent was.

If someone has known me for that long they would know without a doubt exactly how I would take it. Me hurting would not suddenly change my view. (For the record, I have read it)

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Also, if someone WAS curious about getting into S&M, 50 Shades is not where they'd want to get their info on the subject. It's about as useful as... relying on Snow White and the Seven Dwarves to teach you how to safely run a diamond mining operation in the hills.

True true...now if they were reading a "S&M for beginners" book (I'm sure there is one)...well that is completely different.

 

[Wishing on a star]

It's really ridiculous that people here are pretending to not understand the difference between giving someone a random book and giving someone a religious book.

Exactly...
HUGE difference.
I do not know the details of the OP's faith, or the friendship. But I would suggest that there are some issues there.
I would actually do more than 'suggest' that.
I wouldn't give a friend who is Vegan a cookbook that focused on meats and foods that they choose not to eat.
Feeding one's mind is not so different than feeding one's body.
Basic respect and personal boundaries should apply.