9/25/2021- MAROONED on the happiest cruise that ever sailed! A Ride Report

[evilqueenmindy]

This is not a “trip” report in the traditional sense, it is a recounting of the events of yesterday late afternoon on Small World, when the ride went down.

part 1-

So we boarded the last 2 rows of a nondescript blue little plastic boat, ready to take in the sights and charmingly repetitive sounds of the musical beacon of friendship and unity. We were 3 ladies and a 2 year old little girl, who was most excited about being on her favorite ride at the magic kingdom. We were expecting roughly 10 minutes of happy dancing dolls and singing, I even completed a mobile order after we were seated at aloha isle for dole whips to top off our fun little day trip. Our merry waves at the CM in the control tower were returned with the typical enthusiasm we have come to expect on our quaint bon voyage.

What we unknowingly embarked on was an 80 minute trip into the twilight zone.

We were in the first room, the beginning of our sail, amongst the trapeze dolls and Irish jig dancing dolls when we noticed, hey, there’s no boat behind us! Thats funny! Must have loaded a wheelchairs didn’t see! We pass Don Quixote, chasing his windmill, we delight in the happy goats and yodeling dolls, taking carefree phone videos of our delighted toddler, when we stopped. We stopped right next to the goats on the hill, just under some singers, right at the entrance of the second room.

”UH OH!” Yells our toddler.

“It’s okay!” We say. Not knowing that in that second, we had just experienced the LAST forward momentum we would ever have for almost 90 minutes.

it was about 5 minutes into sitting there, blissfully listening to the chorus of children singing a song of friendship and unity, checking my phone for other things, that the girl in the row in front of us holds up her phone for us to see “GUYS, WE ARE ON A CLOSED ATTRACTION!”

 

[evilqueenmindy]

Part 2-
It was at this moment we all REALLY take in that there is no boat behind us. Were we REALLY the LAST PEOPLE to be put on a broken down ride? Sure enough, the app reports that the ride is “temporarily closed”

We begin swapping “stuck on a ride” stories with our new friends in the next row. We laugh. We talk about quaint little 30-45 minute ride diversions, I talk about the time I was stuck on Pirates for 45 minutes, and they cut the music so all the figures just creepily moved around with no sound. And we laughed. We all also became very aware of the chorus of children singing a song of friendship and unity. We also become aware that in our particular spot in this ride, where we are by the alps, there is a good deal of yodeling going on in addition to the chorus of children singing a song of friendship and unity. It’s kind of a “DOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOO” happening in the background and we start copying it. We’re making the best of this ridiculous situation.

At 10 minutes in, we saw the first CM. From where we were seated, we couldn’t see much ahead of us, there’s sort of a bend and we are all the way in the back, we can really could only see the 2 boats ahead of us. But we can see a person in waders! Waders! Wow this is happening! It is at this point the lights go UP and first of the PA announcements happens. “We apologize for the inconvenience, the ride has stopped (we know guys) please keep your hands, arms, feet and legs inside the ride vehicle, a cast member will be with you shortly (narrator voice: “but they really weren’t”)

 

[Diana ZP]

That happened to me during the 25th Anniversary celebration-myself, now ex husband, and brother in law, sis in law...after 20 minutes the men in the boat behind us starting yelling and cursing, then someone yelled" If I hear this song one more time, the dolls are going to get it!" Everyone laughed and it was the first we saw of a CM- must have heard him- and they were assuring us it would be just a few more minutes and the ride would be fixed...they lied. 15 more and we inched our way out. Never did see who yelled, but a couple of the men were pulled to the side as we exited!

 

[evilqueenmindy]

Part 3-
At 15 minutes in, we start doing the wave. I’m not sure if all the boats on all the ride participated in this, but it happened at least twice, and it was pretty funny. Spirits were still pretty high. Also they cut the music and I was proved right that the figures continue to move around with no sound and it’s really creepy. (The head bobs are the worst part. And the SOUNDS some of the figures make. You don’t hear it with the music, it’s drowned out by the chorus of children singing a song of friendship and unity.)

At 20 minutes in, our boat and the 2 in front of us start moving backwards. We see some cast members ahead under the bridge so we assume this is part of the plan. We’re not moving QUICKLY backwards, but with enough speed that we take this as a positive development. (Narrator: “it wasn’t”)

At 30 minutes in we are adrift in the first room, unclear as to what’s happening, but we notice the boat like 3 boats up is EMPTY. Theories break out that they were either
A- rescued
B- that boat was always empty
C- their souls have been snatched and now inhabit the dolls around us and this is how the ride keeps it’s youth

The PA reassuringly plays again to let us know the ride has stopped, (yeah that much is clear) keep all our parts in the boat (sure, whatever makes this over FASTER) and a cast member will assist us (LIES)

 

[evilqueenmindy]

Part 4-
At 35 minutes in we start swiftly moving backwards. Like at a good clip. I foolishly take this as a good sign, we are close to being saved. The backwards ride is punctuated by our toddler pointing at various figures saying “oh no! Broken!” (I do have to say, she was amazingly well behaved. Thank the merciful god we grabbed her blanket & binky out of the stroller and brought it with us, it would have likely been different if she hadn’t had them. Also, keeping her from tossing them over the side gave us something to do to pass the time.) We move all the way back to the initial loading area. And bam, we hit the initial drop off point. Well this is odd. I think we expected a CM there to greet us, but there is no one down by the boats.

But we ALL SEE IT, we are next to a platform with a very steep ladder/staircase. It’s our way out! Now I’m kinda warily eyeing this thing because it is STEEP and we have the aforementioned 2 year old, how are we getting a baby up that thing? The other thing we see is a mess of CMs, all around the control panel above us, and instead of springing to our rescue, they seem somewhat confused at our being here.

Luckily, at this point we are told over the PA system that the ride has stopped. We need to keep all of our various body parts in the vehicle, we will be helped soon. So we call to the CMs on the bridge, let us out, please! That ladder is not approved for guests.
Wait, I have to tell you the actual wording because it still makes me laugh—
“Sorry”, a voice on the bridge says, “that ladder is not recommended.”

“Not recommended” was probably the legal term in the small world CM disaster manual. But it was definitely not the term I would use to a group of people that have just spent 30 minutes stuck on a boat listening to a chorus of children singing a song of friendship and unity.

 

[evilqueenmindy]

Part 5-
So anyone that has read Lord of the Flies knows that roughly 45 minutes is where society breaks down, and it is no less true on a ride where a chorus of children are singing a song of friendship and unity. That’s when a guy in our boat decided that he would try out the “not recommended” ladder and make his escape. So he did. We heard murmuring voices above. His lady companion also hopped out of the boat, stood at the foot of the not recommended ladder and waited for whatever conference was happening above.

“They are scolding him!” reports row 4 of the boat.

“He will get escorted out” predicts my sister, who had a mild run in with Disney security in her misspent youth. (I’m kidding, a kid she knew stuck his foot out of space mountain. This was a big deal in the 80s I guess)

We don’t know what happened to him, but his lady companion also climbed the not recommended ladder and they were gone. “TELL OUR STORY!” I yell helplessly. We continue sitting under the bridge, beginning to accept that this is our life now, while mostly being ignored by the CMs on the bridge above. Occasionally someone sings our new favorite yodel “DOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOO” to helpfully remind them we are still here.

 

[evilqueenmindy]

Part 6-
At 60 minutes Marge appeared. (Not her real name. I don’t know what her name is, but I’m giving Karens a break today)
We aren’t totally sure where Marge and her husband came from because we weren’t paying attention. But suddenly there was a couple standing on a seat in the back of a boat a few boats up, right at the entrance to the first room.

“EXCUSE MEEEEEEEE” she yells from her perch
“YOU HAVE TO LET US OFF, WE HAVE DINING RESERVATIONS!!!”

Cast member from the bridge tells her they are working on it.
“I CANT HEAR YOU WITH YOUR MASK! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO KEEP US, WE HAVE A DINING RESERVATION”

CM reiterates they are working on it, sit down. She doesn’t like this, pulls the Disney version of seeking a manager, but she wants to take all of us with her.

“WHEN WE GET OFF THIS RIDE WE ARE ALL GOING TOGETHER TO GUEST SERVICES TO TELL THEM ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED HERE”
“ALL THE OTHER BOATS ARE EMPTY! WHY ARE YOU KEEPING US HERE??”

Look. We are all really freaking sick of sitting in the boat at this point. I can’t feel my toes anymore, it’s becoming abundantly clear that these seats were NEVER meant to be sat in for more than 10 minutes, but we are not part of this uprising. No one is remotely interested in locking arms with Marge and marching on the guest services to get her a free appetizer or whatever she has in mind. So she is roundly told by her fellow ride maroonees to either shut up or sit down or “I’ll just tweet!” (That was me, I do enjoy the ridiculous)

Marge slinks back to the front of her boat out of sight, apparently defeated.

 

[evilqueenmindy]

Part 7- conclusion-
At 70ish minutes our part of the boat learns our backwards sail was NOT authorized. Apparently our group of 3 or 4 boats (I really couldn’t tell you how many boats were initially pushed backwards by CMs, but apparently they kicked us back to make room? Going further backwards was not part of the plan) was pulled backwards by some people in a boat further ahead. I am told they leaned out of the boat and pulled on the tracks to move us backwards all the way to the loading dock by the not recommended ladder. We all speculate that Marge was involved. The anti-Molly Brown of our current situation. We then discuss how gross the water probably is, and how we really can’t tell who is left on this ride, but it does appear the last three wayward boats are it. Also, why didn’t ANY CM who saw this when it started happening say “hey, don’t do that, we’re getting to you”. Speculation begins that we all collectively hallucinated the CMs in waders.

At 75 minutes a CM in waders appears says she’s going to push us to the entrance of the first room, where we can get off the boat and evacuate.

This is literally the first CM to say anything to us other than “we’re working on it” and it was quite refreshing. We watched as the boat ahead of us got unloaded, and it was slightly trickier than I’d anticipated, first, it was a pretty big step up, second, the boats weren’t super steady, so it was imperative that everyone stay seated and still while each row climbed out.

At 80 minutes we were all on the ledge and being ushered backstage, where we DID see The Beast about to go onstage into Be Our Guest. He waved at us, probably confused as to what we were all doing back there. (By the way, when you have been stuck on a plastic bench in a semi crouched position for over an hour, getting out of a boat onto a steep ledge and speed walking around areas you aren’t meant to be in while carrying a confused toddler, it’s a bit of a shock to the system. Expect shortness of breath) Guest services CMs were all there with their iPads, giving us each 3 fast passes for our troubles (I overheard one telling a group it wasn’t for use on Peter Pan or mine train, but our guy specifically told us we had no ride restrictions.) and handing out mini bottles of water.

we were directed to leave thru a door, which opened right into the Rapunzel area in a most surreal, “did that really just happen?” moment.

I’ll tell you this, I don’t know the names of anyone on our boat. But I kinda feel like we had a shared experience that won’t be forgotten. I plan on yelling “DOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOO” on each of my next trips. I expect most people to look at me like I’m a crazy person, but I’m hoping for a knowing look from anyone that was involved in our evening adventure where we all set off to hear a chorus of children singing a song of friendship and unity, but found. . .that you really don’t want to be stuck on any ride at Disney, but you really really don’t want to be stuck on a boat ride for any length of time, it will ruin your day.

 

[evilqueenmindy]

That happened to me during the 25th Anniversary celebration-myself, now ex husband, and brother in law, sis in law...after 20 minutes the men in the boat behind us starting yelling and cursing, then someone yelled" If I hear this song one more time, the dolls are going to get it!" Everyone laughed and it was the first we saw of a CM- must have heard him- and they were assuring us it would be just a few more minutes and the ride would be fixed...they lied. 15 more and we inched our way out. Never did see who yelled, but a couple of the men were pulled to the side as we exited!

It was such a mess. I’ve been on rides that broke down, but never like this.

 

[Camonkeygirl]

My husband would have tried to walk off, hip replaced And all. He cannot stand this ride

 

[JulieBeeRN]

I may or may not have hysterically laughed at this….

 

[figmentfinesse]

The story telling was riveting, thank you so much. Made my night!!

 

[MaleficentMe]

 

[evilqueenmindy]

My husband would have tried to walk off, hip replaced And all. He cannot stand this ride

I’m so glad my 13 year old nephew wasn’t with us, he would have definitely used the not recommended ladder.

 

[evilqueenmindy]

The story telling was riveting, thank you so much. Made my night!!

Thank you! Writing it was much more fun than living it, but it was so ridiculous, it had to be recorded.

 

[McSmooth]

This report reminds me of Steve Martin on SNL at Christmas.

If I had one wish that I could wish this holiday season, it would be that all the children to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace.

 

[StarWarsMomofGirls!]

Oh my goodness! That is quite the expierence! Glad you finally got off. I am pretty sure Molly from All Ears.net (a youtuber) was on the ride then as well. She mentioned it on social media not sure if she will have it featured in a video or not.

 

[A&LDisneyChicky]

So sorry that happened to you but I found your telling of it so funny. Do you have any trip reports written on here? I think I'd really enjoy them.

 

[froggibabey]

OK I'm sure that was not nearly as fun to experience as it was to read but.. this was the best trip report I've read in a good while!

 

[McSmooth]

Here's Molly's experience!