7 months pregnant and in-laws tell me to sleep on floor

[Wishing on a star]

What is going to happen when you go home next year with a 8 month old? Are you all going to sleep on the living room floor? You may want to start with the tradition of your family staying in a hotel now.

Exactly why I stated that using the Dr.s advice was just a bandaid and an excuse. The OP does not know yet how demanding it can be to travel with an 8 month old or the next year with a 20 month old, trying to accomplish naps, etc.. in these kinds of circumstances. My son would not have handled this well at all. He would be exhausted, overstimulated, screaming... I would exhausted, overstimulated, and screaming!!!

Again, there would be NO way that I would ever have taken my baby son into those circumstances. It would be 'my own room' (not just a bed, but a room) or a hotel, or 'I'll stay home, thank you'.

To the OP.
You are an adult.
You now have to look after your needs, and your child's needs.

Take this opportunity to begin to establish some reasonable personal boundaries.

 

[phillybeth]

I would just tell the in-laws that due to the fact that the pregnancy is high risk, you doctor has advised you not to travel. That way they can either accept your offer to have Christmas at your house or you'll be off the hook and can stay home.

Yes, this. It is HIGHLY likely that with a high-risk pregnancy, you will be under travel restrictions in your third trimester, which means no further away than 100 miles.

 

[Daxx]

To the OP.
You are an adult.
You now have to look after your needs, and your child's needs.

Take this opportunity to begin to establish some reasonable personal boundaries.

Bingo! Good call, Wishing!

 

[Minniemouse07]

I wouldn't go and if I were you I would figure out NOW what your "policy" is going to be about who stays/goes where for holidays once you have kids.

We told our far flung family up front that once we had kids that Christmas morning was in OUR home for OUR kids...no discussion. We will go anywhere before or after... but it is non negotiable that our children will wake up in their own beds Christmas morning.

That would solve the issue for us!

 

[yeartolate]

You described yourself as having a high risk pregnancy, which says to me that you may well need to be monitored more closely in your last trimester and your physician may discover that you shouldn't fly or be that far from home. I would "plan" on that. Have the discussion with your physician and tell him that you are concerned about being that far from home and I would guess that he would concur with you. When he concurs with you, you have "backup".....although you shouldn't need back up. You should just tell everyone that it is too far away that late in your pregnancy and you need to stay home.

I wholeheartedly agree.

It is not sleeping on the floor that disturbs but traveling far from home in the last trimester of a high risk pregnancy. I think the trave lis riskier than the floor. But if you do go - aerobeds are wonderful things.

 

[Banshee]

If you are in a high risk pregnancy your Dr might not want you to travel at all. When I was pregnant with my DD it was high risk and after the 16th week my Dr didn't want me going anywhere I wasn't even allowed to go grocery shopping. I would seriously reconsider going at all, your in-laws hurt feelings are not worth the health of your child. Even making the offer of them coming to your home was a very generous one as that will be stressful for you too. Good luck.

 

[I'mNoPrince]

I didn't read all the responces but have you thought about one of the Blow-up beds that are on Legs as well. This would keep you up high like a regular bed. Then just return it when your done your trip or Keep it to use in a pinch.


Now I do agree with the others that say YOU are the only one that matters at that time and DH should understand and find a solution to acommidate you to the fullest.

 

[Banshee]

I agree with everyone else. I bet your doctor will not want you to be that far away, or to travel that long at that time in your pregnancy.

Also to consider, at some point you will want to wake up with your children in your own house on Christmas Morning. Your MIL is going to have to do some bending on this issue at some point.

Good luck!

Denae

I 100% agree with this!!! Your in-law's will have to realize that someday you and your kids will want to wake up in your home to your tree and present's and sit around in their jammies all day and play with their toy's. I just couldn't imagine not beign in my house with my kid's and DH on christmas morning.

 

[Ride Junkie]

Who is more important to your husband? You or his parents?

Exactly. My DH wouldn't care if his parents were offended; I would come first. That's just how he is.

I would stay at a hotel if I couldn't get a bed, and so what if they get offended. That's their problem. You need to look out for yourself!

 

[shirleyb]

Well, speaking as someone who slept on a floor at 6 months pregnant, it really wasn't a big deal, for me, but anyhow, here are my suggestions---

1. get an air mattress -- they can be really comfortable

2. tell DH it's hotel or no go

It may be that HE doesn't want to miss the excitement of Christmas morning more than he's afraid his family will be upset. You can always promise to arrive at the house bright and early.

 

[yeartolate]

Travel and high risk pregnancy

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Did you discuss with your DH how it was going to be once you had kids?

I know when we had kids, they woke up in their own beds, with their own tree.....

I do have to say this is a perfect opportunity for you to start your own family traditions.

Now that they are 10 & 16, they still like to be AT HOME Christmas morning. Their memories are of their home.

We have since moved away and went back the first year to be with family....never again. Too hectic, too many schedules to figure in, was not worth it.

We told them that we would much rather come up on the 4th of July to hang out and visit....
So far we love that!!!!!

 

[Spidey7]

It would be totally ludicrous to make you sleep on the floor, they need to either find a bed for you or stay at a hotel and they need to deal wit it.

 

[Disneycrazymom]

As the mom of a 30 week per term baby. Please consider staying close to home. Everything was fine (at least we thought) and then all of a sudden it was NOT fine. I found myself at the hospital for 10 days and then delivering our baby 2 months early. DS then spent another month in the NICU. If I had been that far from home it would have been really bad. And it was bad enough. I know this doesn't happen very often but it does happen. You are already high risk, don't take any chances, there will be other holidays with the family. This year is all about protecting you and your baby.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I'm a people pleaser so I don't want to disappoint the in-laws... but my health any baby do come first. If I make them mad by not going out there... then I'll just blame it on being hormonally deranged, and there's always next Christmas.

I know it's hard for a people pleaser not to blame herself, but really, you are not hormonally deranged! You are being perfectly rational. If anyone is acting deranged, it's the family who doesn't think to offer one of the beds to the 7-month pregnant woman! Please don't blame yourself.

During my entire last trimester, it was very uncomfortable, even painful, to lay on my side (impossible to lay on my back or stomach). I don't think I slept more than 2 hours at a stretch for those last 2-3 months, and that was in my comfortable bed, with 14 extra pillows tucked all around my body.

I know not everyone is as uncomfortable as I was, but some are even more uncomfortable. I can't imagine having a pregnant visitor and not making sure she got a bed. That's appallingly inconsiderate, IMO.

 

[Jennasis]

So despite your decision to go/not go/get a hotel etc...did you ever find out if your in-laws actually were expecting you to sleep on the floor this visit? Just because you have in the past does not mean they were planning on a 7 month pregnant woman to sleep on the floor this time. It sounds like you don't want to go at all, and that is absolutely fine too.

I too agree that your hubby should handle his parents as far as breaking the news to them whatever your decision is. Good luck and enjoy your Christmas!

 

[mommylicious]

I slept on the floor, on an air mattress shared with my DH at 6 months pregnant with my 2nd child. We were staying at a friend's house before our college homecoming. My back was hurting so bad that I missed most of the homecoming festivities. I was also quite offended that our friends (and my friend was also 6 months pregnant at the time so she "got it") gave their one extra bed in the guest room to another friend...a single male...rather than us because this guy arrived 15 minutes before we did.

I guess I see things a little different than others here do. If visiting his family for Christmas is really important to your husband and given that you may not want to take your show on the road once the baby is born then this may be his last opportunity to do that. I would tell him that you are sincerely concerned about how you will feel sleeping on the floor at 7 months pregnant. You are right to be concerned about that. Ask him to call his parents and mention this concern and ask if it would be possible for you to have a bed to sleep in. Explain to him that you are fine with going and letting him have that time with his family, you just need to know you won't be miserable, uncomfortable adn suffering because you can not get a good night's sleep (which begins to be a challenge ANYWHERE at around 7 months much less adding the floor to the mix!). Explain you are fine with getting up early Christmas morning to make sure you are there right away at his parent's house but that you NEED to be able to sleep in a bed....period. You'll go as long as everything is OK with you and baby and you have your OBs OK, but only if you can sleep in a bed be it at their home or in a hotel.

2 out of 3 of my pregnancies have been high risk. One on the low end of the high risk spectrum, one much higher. The one that was still considered high risk but not as high on that spectrum they would have let me travel as long as I saw the doctor the day before we left, had a copy of my medical records and the name of a good hospital and/or OB *just in case* and I had an appointment scheduled for when we came back. The pregnancy that was hihger risk I was on complete bed rest by then so travel was completely out of the question. "High risk" can mean many things and not all of them mean iminent risk of labor and delivery or risk of health of Mom or baby if you are at all active. There are situations where it basically means they just want to keep a closer eye on you. Not knowing WHY you are considered high risk (and not asking...not my business, I know) there is no way to know how that would impact travel at 7 months. Obviously any plans you make will be contingent on healthy Mom and healthy baby.

Congrats by the way!

 

[FayeW]

I must be missing where your in-laws told you to sleep on the floor. Looks like you've slept on the floor in the past but if you are 7 months pregnant they may save a bed for you. Nowhere in your post did you say the in-laws suggested you sleep on the floor at 7 months pregnant. You could also buy a nice air mattress.

I must have missed it also, because I've been wondering the same thing!

OP, not to minimize your concerns, but your title is very misleading. I haven't read in your original post, nor in any of your responses, that your inlaws actually said you wouldn't have a bed or suggested you sleep on the floor. I guess you are assuming this is the situation since that was the way it was in the past so you may be getting yourself worked up over nothing. It is very easy to solve, just have your husband tell his parents that you won't be going unless there is a bed for you, or you will be staying in a hotel.

There is no reason why the two younger children can't share a room for a few days, and let you have the other bedroom. That's what we did when family visited us for Christmas. My parents slept in our room. We slept in our daughter's room (she had a double bed), and she slept in her brother's room in the second bunk. My neice and her husband brought their own air mattress (on legs) and slept in the family room. The kids were inconvenienced but it was no big deal.

 

[poohandwendy]

I 100% agree with this!!! Your in-law's will have to realize that someday you and your kids will want to wake up in your home to your tree and present's and sit around in their jammies all day and play with their toy's. I just couldn't imagine not beign in my house with my kid's and DH on christmas morning.

i agree. I think this is the perfect opportunity to start your own traditions. I would say that it will be impossible to go this Christmas because of the pregnancy, but you would like to start a new tradition with your new family. I am sure your MIL will understand, after all...she is the one who finds it really important to have her children at home for Christmas...tell her you want the same with your child.

 

[EthansMom]

I agree with the other posters... ask your doctor to tell you that you shouldn't travel so far away during your third trimester.

Also... start thinking/talking NOW about what you'll do in the future for the holidays. Traveling long distances, especially in winter weather, is no fun with babies and young children.

DH and I both used to travel "home" for the holidays. Once we married, we told our parents that we would be at our home for Christmas morning and they were welcome to come visit us. There were a few grumbles, but everyone lived. Surprisingly, none of our family members wanted to travel during the holidays to visit us anymore than we wanted to travel to visit them.

Like other posters on this thread, I like my kids to wake up in their own beds on Christmas morning. I don't even like to get together with friends and/or extended family on Christmas morning. We try to get together on Christmas Eve and Christmas afternoon (we now live near the ILs), but Christmas morning is OUR time to spend together as a family.