7 months pregnant and husband having an affair...what now?

[MariDisney]

OP, I don't know if I've posted on this thread previously, but I have been following along. I wanted to wish you safe travels and peace as you get settled in in Canada. I'm heartbroken that you have to go through all this when this should be one of the happiest times of your life. I hope you will have the opportunity to update us when you are settled.

 

[Swank]

One more quick update - after this, I won't update again until I'm in Canada. The flight is soon, I just don't want to say exactly when.

I've thought about DH being mentally ill, at the very least depressed. I did suggest therapy a few days back, and his response was "no, because the therapist would probably tell me what I'm doing with the two of you was wrong and that I should stop." Ya think? After that response, there's not much I can do. I think right now he thinks he can have both of us - I don't know if he'll end up actually being with her or not after I go, I guess I might not ever find out.

About the computer - I have a friend who works with computers, and he's one of the few people I've told what's going on. He wrote me a list of things I need to do each time I get off the laptop to clear history and data, so I think I'm OK as far as that goes. I paid for the laptop myself and I'm taking it with me.

I've decided I'll take all the baby clothes - they're so tiny, I think I can take them all - plus all blankets and bedding. I've also decided to take the stroller with me. Sadly, I think I could empty the entire nursery and DH wouldn't know - he hasn't set foot in it since we painted it a couple of months ago.

I'm operating on autopilot right now, doing all the practical things I need to do. I think my next update from Canada might sound slightly more hysterical - every time I think about leaving or being back home, I start to panic, so I'm not thinking about it. My parents have truly been incredible through all this - and of course everyone here has been wonderful.

Best of luck to you. Stay strong for your baby, and when you get to Canada your parents will help you stay strong. My family's prayers are with you and the baby, try not to worry about your husband, it was his choice he will have to live with the consequences.

 

[Disney Doll]

Stay strong OP!!!!!!! You can do it and will have a wonderful life that you never could have imagined having with this poor excuse for a man.

May I also suggest that once you get to Canada and get a bit settled that perhaps some sessions with a counselor will help you sort through all this. It will also help you stay strong for the full court press to get you back that I suspect that your husband will do once the enormity of what he did hits him. Remember, right now it's the "thrill" of him thinking that he's such a stud that he has TWO women, Wait til he realizes he has one and she's a crazy teenager. I love karma!

Some counselling will help you be as mentally & physically strong as possible for this little one.

 

[Tuffcookie]

I'll add my too.

Remember to count your blessings! You have wonderfully, supportive parents, you have a beautiful baby on the way...Sure life has thrown you a curve ball but you will be just fine!

My ex was not at the hospital with me when my youngest was born (20 yrs ago)...It was me, my parents, and oldest DS. The ex had walked out on me when I was in my 7th month. (domestic violence)

It was a bittersweet moment when I had youngest DS. I was thrilled to be having him but wondered what life held for me, as a single mom. I had a great support system and it sounds like you do too. I also learned how quickly the in-laws can turn on you so be careful when you talk to them!

Please come back here when you get settled in and let us know how you're doing.

TC

 

[Goofierunner]

You may want to think about putting a password on your laptop. There are also software programs to sniff out keystroke logger programs that may have been loaded. Depending on what browser you use there are ways to be online incognito.

 

[pumba]

Yes ...we are all here for you when you are up to it...Just remember you and your babies health is top...
You are so fortunate to be able to go home to your parents...They will take good care of you and your little one..

Please remember to keep in touch with us..
Hugs and safe travels

 

[Tuffcookie]

OP, I forgot to add one more thing.

You might want to get a new cell phone with new number and your parents might want to do likewise so he won't be able to call you non stop when he realizes you are gone.

TC

 

[Ilivetogo]

OP, I forgot to add one more thing.

You might want to get a new cell phone with new number and your parents might want to do likewise so he won't be able to call you non stop when he realizes you are gone.

TC

Ooooo ... I second that suggestion!!!

Also the one about staying away from the in-laws. I believe the PPs are correct in saying that blood is thicker.

Still sending your way!!!

.

 

[EMHDad]

A cheap prepaid phone would work just fine. Its easy to get and doesn't have a calling plan.

 

[bettymae1121]

Ditto the phone suggestion. If he truely needs to reach you he can do so through your lawyer(s).

Good luck! Oh and on the flight, be sure to get up and walk around, drink water and avoid salt. I know drinking is though since it makes you want to pee every other minute but you need the fluids when traveling. If the seat belt sign is on and you can't get up, do what you can to move and stretch your legs, you do NOT want DVT.

 

[mamamary]

I have not commented yet but have been reading your postings. Just wanted to wish you luck with everything

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

Stay strong OP!!!!!!! You can do it and will have a wonderful life that you never could have imagined having with this poor excuse for a man.

May I also suggest that once you get to Canada and get a bit settled that perhaps some sessions with a counselor will help you sort through all this. It will also help you stay strong for the full court press to get you back that I suspect that your husband will do once the enormity of what he did hits him. Remember, right now it's the "thrill" of him thinking that he's such a stud that he has TWO women, Wait til he realizes he has one and she's a crazy teenager. I love karma!

Some counselling will help you be as mentally & physically strong as possible for this little one.

Great advice!! Stay strong OP!!

 

[Steamboat Marti]

Good luck - we're all with you!

 

[OhMari]

I don't know if extreme selfishness and immaturity could be considered a mental illness, but that's what I think he's suffering from.

He's not going to have it both ways, and I don't think he's going to get that until you're gone and she's gone. Because believe me, she's going. She's much too childish and immature herself to be in a serious relationship for any length of time. Especially now that she's off at college, she's got way too many guys her own age right there with her.

Has he ever, at all, acknowledged how much he's hurt you? How utterly irresponsible he's been? How he's let down you, your family, his family, his CHILD?

I'd guess not. Considering that he was whining to his wife about being afraid his mistress will cheat on him, I think we have a new definition of "clueless" here.

ITA with everything you said and good luck to the OP.
The unknown has to be hard, but you have received many great suggestions from others that have been through it.

The reason I colored red "his CHILD' is because he still is the biological father of your child and is still your husband. You will have to deal with the situation. We all hope and pray for you.

 

[daemom]

I've been following you too!! Stay safe!! ((hugs))

 

[DVCJones]

Sending hugs out to you, OP!!!

I am in awe of you and how strong you are!!!

I was thinking about how you H has been acting. The selfish, self absorbed, hurtful, cheating, threatening to kill himself, lying, etc. And I have to say, he sounds like a narcissist. If you research this term, you will see how lucky you are to get away from him now!!! You will have saved yourself and your baby from a lifetime of hell.

Also, given that this is an extremely emotion time AND your hormones are working overtime, PLEASE be sure to take care of yourself after the birth. Many women can suffer from postpartum depression. This is more likely given the emotional situation you are in. Then again, it might not happen... I only mention it as something to look out for. If it happens, please see your doctor! There are lots of things that can help.

Thank you for the update. I will keep you in my prayers.

Safe travels,

 

[DMickey28]

I've been following along and have you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Bonnie40]

Sounds like you have a solid plan.....I just hope you're back in Canada sooner rather than later. In the grand scheme of things, the baby clothes/etc is just stuff that can be replaced - your safety needs to be the most important thing here. Nobody wants you to become a statistic....stay safe!

 

[Promomx2]

Just wanted to add my support and prayers to you OP and your baby.

 

[cbg1027]

I've thought about DH being mentally ill, at the very least depressed. I did suggest therapy a few days back, and his response was "no, because the therapist would probably tell me what I'm doing with the two of you was wrong and that I should stop." Ya think? After that response, there's not much I can do. I think right now he thinks he can have both of us - I don't know if he'll end up actually being with her or not after I go, I guess I might not ever find out.

Well you tried. Sounds like he's definitely in a denial stage about being ill.

About the computer - I have a friend who works with computers, and he's one of the few people I've told what's going on. He wrote me a list of things I need to do each time I get off the laptop to clear history and data, so I think I'm OK as far as that goes. I paid for the laptop myself and I'm taking it with me.

I've decided I'll take all the baby clothes - they're so tiny, I think I can take them all - plus all blankets and bedding. I've also decided to take the stroller with me. Sadly, I think I could empty the entire nursery and DH wouldn't know - he hasn't set foot in it since we painted it a couple of months ago.

I'm operating on autopilot right now, doing all the practical things I need to do. I think my next update from Canada might sound slightly more hysterical - every time I think about leaving or being back home, I start to panic, so I'm not thinking about it. My parents have truly been incredible through all this - and of course everyone here has been wonderful.

Have a safe flight for you and baby. We'll be here and eagerly awaiting the next set of news!