3 Year Old Behavior? HELP!

[CamColt]

DS is driving me nuts lately. He cries/whines over every little thing. If something isnt done the way he wants it, he will carry on for what seems like an eternity. It can be any(and every)little thing from me buckling his stroller belt when he wants to do it, to me giving him a fork with his meal when he wants a different one. I try to let him do the stuff he wants, but sometimes its too much for him, for example, pouring his milk. Or sometime I dont realize he wants to do something and I do it, then its too late.
Im getting these tantrums nonstop and Im ready to lose my mind. Ive tried ignoring it but he can really carry on for some time.
Has anyone gone through something similar...and how did you stop it?

 

[Mermaid02]

That is pretty much the way 3 was around here. They always say Terrible Two's but I thought 3 was way worse. I have little patience and Jack would always want to "Me do it" now he's 6 and wants me to do EVERYTHING for him

Your little guy is normal!

 

[pumba]

I had a day care and the best thing to do is IGNORE.....walk away ......we did it with my granddaughter.....the doctor had told my daughter that kids want to get you going and see how far they can push the buttons......walk away and just keep on the ignoring thing and maybe he will realize that you are not going to come and jump for him.....hope it works....

 

[melk]

When my 5yo starts to whine I usually don't even look at her but I say "I don't understand a whining voice, you'll have to speak to me in your regular voice." It usually works. Also I will sometimes respond to her in my best "Wendy Whiner" voice. Usually she will start laughing and tell me to stop and she'll stop too. She also used to be a great tantrum thrower. When she did that I would have to physically remove her up to her bedroom and shut the door. I tried ignoring the tantrums but it's so hard to get anything done with the screaming, etc. She hated to be exiled to her room so it worked for her, other kids you have to just see what works (taking away a privelege, etc). She's pretty much outgrown that, but now we have dd#3 right in the midst of the terrible two's. So, here we go again!!

 

[Eiblis]

I think.....we have all been there.
The thing I learnt was...... Just when you have the solution to one type of problem they then start a different one.

On your current one tho...remember that he is getting attention ( and any kind of attention is better than none) So try just saying 'Oh well' or whatever and walk away from it. And walk right away.......tantrums dont work if there is no audience.
I remember one time with my DD she threw herself to the floor and wailed and kicked etc.....I got up and walked into the next room.......she got up, followed me and laid down and started again....We repeated this for about 1o minutes till she got the message that it was a lot of hard work having to keep an eye on me and keep moving and lying down etc.

Good Luck tho......you have my sympathies

 

[Pin Wizard]

Sounds like he's becoming Mr. Independent. I used to cringe when DS wanted to pour his milk. I held off on that for quite a while. I now have a 10 year old who expects mom to always pour his milk! Auugghh! I should have let him do it sooner rather than later.

 

[Jeafl]

I have to agree that the 3's are MUCH worse than the 2's. What I found that worked is to just calmly say that I wasn't going to talk to her/him again until they get ahold of themselves. Then I would calmly walk away. The first few times the hysterics got worse, but I completely ignored him/her and eventually they got the message that I meant business.

Sometimes when they were completely out of control, screaming and rolling on the floor, I would throw myself on the floor and imitate them, Usually they sould start to laugh and forget the tantrum.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

What about just giving him choices? Fork "A" or fork "B"? Do you have a small container that you could pour a little milk into and he could use that to pour his own glass? I would just try to give him choices so he feels like he has some control of his world.

We are only just entering the 2's here so no real experience with the 3's yet!

 

[RitaZ.]

A tip for pouring your DS's milk...

I did this with my own kids and they loved it, plus they learned to pour.

Buy a small plastic pitcher (they have these at Walmart/Target) and pour enough milk so that he can handle it (maybe an inch) and not too much so that spills can be minimal if any. You can even write his name on the plastic container and tell him that it's his very own. He is going to feel really good about pouring his own milk/juice/water and in no time he will learn to pour accurately. Hopefull that will be one less tantrum to deal with!

Good luck!

 

[Disney Doll]

Ignore him. They just try to wear you down, but if you aloow them to do so, they become more spoiled and whiny. Nip it in the bud now.

 

[CamColt]

Thanks for all the great advice, everyone.
I totally agree the 3s are worse than the 2s. When DS#1 was 3 he was a big time complainer which drove us crazy, but when I see DS#2 acting this way, I get the feeling hes too old to be having these tantrums. I guess its normal though.
And would you believe we made it through lunch without one fit? Thats got to be a record!

 

[Bob NC]

Back when my son was in his 'Tantrum" stage, I made it clear to him that I didn't want to hear his tantrums. When he started one I would tell him I didn't want to hear it and he could either stop, or continue in his room. If he didn't stop I would actually carry him to his room, put him down, and close the door. It's funny how quickly the tantrums stopped.

 

[d.kurz]

If you think the 2's and 3's are bad, just wait till you get to the 15's and 16's. At least those little guys still LIKE you and don't think you are dumber than dirt!! Enjoy!



PS...wanna trade for a couple of weeks???

 

[cinmell]

CamColt you are describing my 2 and half year old daughter to a T. From the buckles to pouring drinks, tantrums, etc. It's awful. When she gets to where she is having a tantrum or screaming or won't listen, I put her in her bedroom.

I don't parent by reading books but someone on these boards suggested a book(I'll have to look up the title) and it actually has helped. It's about using the 1-2-3 method and it's actually working. She knows once I get to 3 she goes into her bedroom. I've even been able to be at a relative's house and notice her doing something she shouldn't have and put up one finger then 2 fingers and she stopped before I could do 3. I was shocked. I'll look up the title or maybe someone here has the name of the book. Like I said, I'm not into reading books about parenting but I was desperate and it's helped. Good luck and I feel your pain!

 

[KimRaye]

First, {{HUGS}}

I have done bits and pieces of many posters' ideas myself. ALL good ideas, too!

For the most part, Both my kids listen but, it happens, when they don't. With DD 5-1/2 I use my own non-book-taught 1-2-3. She's been 'exiled' to her room maybe twice when I reached 3 and, because she's older now, she actually responds to 'grounding' - which she calls 'having punishment'...she HATES that! "OH, Mommy, how many days? One day, please!" (It's NEVER been more than one and, she's only received THAT 'punishment' maybe twice --- I always forget to enforce)

Summertime is an especially hard time for routine, schedules, etc but, the more you stick to your own requirements, the better things will become....jmHo

Disclaimer: I never had a child throw a tantrum on me so, I can't tell you how to handle that but, if there are some home-grown remedies all ready in place..maybe that's a start.

Best Wishes.....you'll be fine!! And, so will DS!

 

[Frogdad]

I would highly recomend 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas W. Phelan. It has worked well with our dd and it works well with foster children that we have had in the past.

 

[CamColt]

More good advice! Thanks again.
I do do the 1, 2, 3 thing(didnt read the book), and that seems to work but usually when I want him to do something...like if he wont sit in his chair while eating, after I ask/tell him a few times I start counting and he will usually do it. Its amazing how that works.
But it doesnt seem to work with these whinny tantrums that go on and on.

 

[KimRaye]

CamColt, use the same 1-2-3 and, tell him, you're LEAVING at 3.

Would that work?

And, you could add a further 'punishment' after you get to '3'....i.e. I'm leaving AND, no pool/party/outdoor/whatever it is he loves right now.

Look, I'm not at all a hard-nosed witch but, discipline is discipline and, it's necessary to be consistent (I like to think RESPECT over Discipline, actually). No one EVER said it was easy. And, it's NOT EASY!!

More {{HUGS}}

 

[browneyes]

It's called the terrible 3's. My ds went through the same thing. He wanted to be a big boy, but he would get frustrated he couldn't do things like his older sister could (dexterity was a big issue at age 3 ). I'm not sure when we finally found a way to deal with it. I know it was very frustrating for him and me and everyone around us for awhile.

 

[kidzmom3]

my pediatrician told me this when we were discussing my first child.

there are the terrible twos

the testy threes

and the f fours, please supply you own word!

I was shocked that this older, wiser doctor said this but then you get the golden ages 5-9 they love you want to spend time with you and are not embarassed about it. They want to spend time doing family activities and don't fight you too much. Then its pre-adolesence!! duh, duh duuuuuuuhhhhhh