"I was in here yesterday, you wouldn't wait on me. You people work on commission, right? Big mistake. Big. Huge. I have to go shopping now!" Or, for sticklers (because that was actually a conversation). "Big mistake. Big. Huge. I have to go shopping now"
"Hello, boys! I'm BAAAAAACK!"
"... not that they lived happily ever after, but that they lived." And in case that doesn't work (because I can't remember if find the exact quote)
"Goooooooood morning Vietnam!"
edit, now that I actually read the entire OP, I only have one other quote that I use: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."