3-generation "vacation"

[Musky]

I'm wondering if any of you baby boomers or gen x-ers have gone to WDW with your children and your parents, and if so, can you give me the benefit of your experience? I am planning on going next summer with DH, DS13 (will be 14) and DS8 (will be 9). I'm debating whether to ask my parents to go with us. They will be 73 and 71 by that time. I know they would love to see their grandchildren experience such a wonderful place - my parents have been there many times and love it. We have only been there once, in 2001, and I debated THEN about asking them but decided against it. I love my parents and am close to them, but we're talking about a 2-week driving vacation. There's NOBODY I get along with well enough not to have them get on my nerves after two weeks of 24/7. I'm afraid if I ask them we will end up not speaking. But I'm afraid if I don't ask them, I may not get another chance (DF's health is not good at all) and I will be filled with remorse. They are good people, very loving and a lot of fun, but they have a problem knowing when to mind their own business (i.e., butting in when we discipline our kids, finding fault with what we eat, when we eat, how we dress, how we drive, what we drive, when we get up, when we go to bed......). Has anyone else ever faced this dilemma? Anyone taken their parents with them and regreted it? Anyone NOT taken their parents with them and regreted it? Please help me decide what to do! DH, by the way, is fine with whatever I decide - he gets along better with my parents than I do! HELP!

Musky

 

[miche61]

Musky,
Our last trip was with my in-laws. They are in their 60's and my kiddos were 5,6, and 9. We had an okay time. We shared adjoining rooms at ASMu. The kids really enjoyed it. This trip is just our family of five. I have thought about asking my parents to come with next time.
I can only tell you from our experience. It was a good trip for our kids and the in-laws. We all got a long pretty well. We did have time separate from each other, which kept us sane. As far as disciplining our kids, I one time had to tell my DFIL to let go of the stroller and go on ahead while I talked to my DS5 about his behavior.
Just remember it's a vacation. No one can make this choice but you and your family. Remember just because you arrive together, doesn't mean you are attached all week.

Michelle

 

[crisi]

We took our first trip with kids 2 years ago. The kids were 2 1/2 and 3 1/2. We flew in, and my parents joined us for three days later. Then they went to Sarasota to visit friends and we were left for a last two days of just us. With the little ones they were a great help. My parents have done Disney before, and are fairly young (neither was out of their 50s at that time), and I have a hard time keeping up with them! Having some family time and some alone time, however, was wonderful. And although we all stayed at the WL, their room ended up being a ways from ours, so we still had a lot of space.

Things that worked that trip: Having more adults than children. Having my father and husband play golf one afternoon so my father didn't get "parked" out. Splitting the trip into extended family time, family time - my mother wasn't going to let her grandkids out of her sight while she was around, so dividing up the party wasn't going to be an option. Things that didn't work - we didn't make enough PSs, so we ate too many chicken fingers. My parents really weren't there long enough. My mother pushed the kids a little to hard, so they were a little too tired.

Following that trip, we joined DVC and started planning our next trip - which we just returned from. We had enough points for a 2 bedroom every other year - and the kids are now 4 and 5 and do fine on a hideabed. So we had an extra bedroom and decided to treat my mother in law and her husband. He backed out, so we took her sister along so she would have someone to travel with.

Neither of them had ever been to Disney. Both of them are slow movers (my mother in law going on 70, her sister a few years older), late risers, not fond of commercialism, easilier overwhelmed and capable of being easily confused. I had visions of my mother in law having a horrible time, and taking us with her - or us wanting to guarentee a good time, and spending time doing the things she was most interested in (poking through every shop in World Showcase) and missing the stuff the kids wanted to do. Bringing her sister allowed us to split up according to interest - i.e. they could get up late and poke around Epcot while we divided our days between the MK and the pool.

We spent the first two days running them ragged giving them a feel for the parks. This let them know how transportation worked, gave them a general layout of each park (although we got into MGM far enough to see Fantasmic and that was it for the whole trip.) Then we split up for the rest of the trip, joining again every evening for a nice dinner. We did spend the last day together in the MK again.

Things that worked well: Staying in a BWV 2 bedroom was great - easy access to Epcot for them, nice pool for the kids, lots of family time, but lots of space. Bringing her sister (a stroke of genius) let them split off and move at their own pace with their own interests - while letting me enjoy a guilt free vacation with my kids. Taking frequent cabs. Two preschoolers and two seniors on buses didn't work great. Lots of nice dining - my mother in law is a food fan, and she enjoys the pace of a slow dinner - and by that time my kids were more than ready to sit. My mother in law (and her sister's) temperment. Neither one criticises what we do with our children. Both were more than willing to follow along without arguement when needed (but I did have to be flexible and not snap "no, Teacups are a waste of time in the morning! We can do that later!" We just rode the teacups - not the most efficient trip I'v been on - but they weren't capable of crisscrossing the park like we can and weren't going to understand crowd management). Things that didn't work: I probably pushed a little too hard the first two days (which were very hot and crowded to top it off). Last character breakfast seating is NOT my cup of tea, with late risers I'd done it for their benefit and I'd have been better off with a dinner at GG or CMs.

 

[mom1in99]

We've actually done several 3-generation vacations. Once this past summer to WDW. Believe it or not, we are returning on a 3-generation vacation in December and adding to it! My DH, 2 kids ( 1 and 4) and my parents (in their 50's, but act like their 80) went in July 03. We all stayed together in a 1 bedroom suite and lived to tell about it. We had a great time! As for undermining our discipline, Well let's just say DD had a few more cookies and ice cream bars than I would have given her. But isn't that what grandparents are for??

Perhaps my opinion will change after the new year. That trip will include the above mentioned as well as my in-laws, my brother in law and his fiance and her 11 year old daughter and maybe my sister and her 3 year old son. We only have 3 one bedroom suites reserved. Could be interesting. The best part is that WDW is the happiest place on earth, (and no amount of in-law, I mean interfering will change that) our family all gets along well (at least we do now) and we have a lot of built in babysitters (we might actually get some quality time alone! (What's that?)

Still looking forward to New Years! (did I mention we are driving?)

 

[MickeyMouseLvr]

You might want to try looking at this from your kids' points of view. Growing up we took several driving vactions (three to WDW and one was a three week trip from Ohio to Washington state) with my brother, myself, my parents and my grandparents in one station wagon. My Grandparents are both gone now and some of the fondest memories I have of them are from those vacations. In fact, I keep a picture of them with Minnie on my desk. Fortunatley, they got along well with my parents. The only disagreements I remember are about who was going to pay for what - everyone wanted to take care of the check! They did spoil my brother and I some - but that was part of the fun! My husband and I just had our first child and I can't wait to take her to Disney with my parents so that she can have the same fond memories of her Grandparents.

It might also help to have separate rooms so that you can "get away" from them for a while when you start getting on each others' nerves. Better yet, send them off with the kids so you and your hubby can have a little alone time in the parks

No matter what you decide - don't forget to enjoy the magic!

 

[2MuchOhana]

Yes, we have done a three generation trip this past July. My parents joined us and we drove together in our van. Despite a mishap the first day of the two day trek to WDW where Mom hurt her leg; we had a good time together. She never complained and was a real trooper!

We are planning our trip this December and once again my parents will be driving down with us. In July my sister and niece joined us, too. This time it my mother and father in-law will be joining us.

I understand your concerns; but it can be done. The memories you will make will be priceless. Let your parents have time to go off and do things on their own. Arrage a nice dinner for two or something nice for them. I agree too much togetherness can sometimes be a bad thing. Maybe they will let you have an evening for you, too. My parent's did. It was a nice break and a real treat for us. They got to enjoy the time with our dd.

There is a great thread our there under resorts (now buried on page 7) that asks about buyers remorse. It brings tears to my eyes everytime I read all the responses. I plan to bump it back to the front again. I hope you read it. It makes you really think about the important things in life.

 

[Montana Minnies]

Hi Musky
I look forward to reading the postings on this thread. I can relate to "dilemma". Mine is next summer with a group of 8 meeting for a family get together. My sister and I went this last summer under the FTP and stayed at AKL. We had a great time. It's a little easier planning for 2 than it is planning for 8, especially when 3 of them seem to be "dragging their feet" about going.
The ages of our group range from 14-84 years old. All of us have been to WDW before except the 14 year old. My sister and I have tried to let the others know the changes that have been made in the last 15 years, but I'm not sure if the they understand or not.
Knowing who wants to do what and when is our challenge. My sister and I heard that it was a good idea not to do everything together and I have to agree. We are going for 10 days and are planning on staying at OKW in a 2bdrm villa which should give us space. We still have awhile before our trip, so I hope that it will be organized by Aug3, 04.
Have you ever been to WDW with your parents before? My sister and I went with ours in 1985 and they were in their 60's then. My dad's legs bothered him at the time so he mainly stayed in the hotel and would visit with other guests. He did manage to get out though and we pushed him to see in 2 days what it took us 3 to see. We had a good time and three years later he insisted that my brother take his wife and two daughters with my sister and I. It sounds like your parents like WDW, they may surprise you. It seems to bring out the "kid" in a lot of us and I don't mean that in a bad way.
I'm hoping when the time comes my mom will go with us so she can experience making more memories with her children and grandchildren.(Our dad passed away in 1996.)
Whatever you decide, go with it and have a great time. Let us know how things turn out.

 

[mommystieg]

We are also doing a 3 generation trip next June and we are including DH's siblings and their families. I am afraid this may be the trip from H-e-double hockey sticks as these people can't make a decision on what's for dinner in less than an hour. I keep stressing to everyone that they need to plan their own days but I am afraid they aren't listening. I am also looking forward to other people posting their experiences with extended family visits.

 

[NLK]

I'm in the same situation. We're going with my in-laws and my sister-in-law. We have never been on vacation with them before. My in-laws have only been to WDW once when it first opened and my sister in-law was there when she was little. I'm afraid they won't enjoy it. We're staying at OKW in a 2 bed room so I think we will all have enough room. I think my mother-in-law will like OKW and I know they will enjoy being with our 3 year old DD but I don't know if the Disney Magic will get to them. I'm trying to find where eat and what parks to do with them and what to do on our own. My father-in-law will need a wheelchair and I'm not sure how long my mother-in-law will last in the parks. I don't really think she's into WDW all that much, I think she will like Epcot though. This is not our first trip to WDW and it won't be our last. I guess we'll just hope for the best. Hey, it's WDW I know we'll have fun even if they don't.

 

[onecoolmama]

I just got back from this. I went with My mom, My aunt, my inlaws, all of that side including siblings and nephews spouses, my cousin and my brother.

I loved most of it. Almost every character meal and meal that we met up for was paid for. In the end..there were a few things and people I would not go back with...but the in laws and my mom were great.

Plus, my kids loved seeing their grandparents there and loved getting to spend the time with them. And it was great for the bonding for my mom and my daughter..they hadn't spent much time together.

On a side note..my stepfather was absolutely not invited on purpose and we will never go with him. He is not the person who likes to have fun. And my BIL..I would go with him again, but like once or twice just meet him for meals..not go around the park with him and not plan to. Lastly, we all stayed at different properties and while I would galdly do this again with my inlaws..next time I would like my mom to stay in a hotel..just seperate rooms.

Sorry this is long winded..I hope you have a great time!

 

[taylor1293]

On our last vacation we took our kids (ages 2 and 9) and my MIL, age 67.

We drove down from Illinois (1000 miles) and stayed 11 nights.

We all had a fantastic trip! I'm really glad we asked MIL to go. As a bonus, one night she watched the kids for us so we could go out.

Whether it works for you really depends on all the parties involved. I would never take my mom on that same trip. My MIL is much more laid back and easy going. My own mom complains too much and 11 nights with her would be misery!

Teresa

 

[OrlandoPlanner]

Two years ago this month nine family members (including our 63 and 60 year old parents and our 2 and 4 yr old nephews) went to Orlando for a week.

Choices we made to meet everyone's needs:
Flew non-stop
Rented two mini-vans
Rented a 5 bedroom/4 bath vacation home with private pool
Only went to parks every other day
Split up on non-park days

 

[Musky]

Thanks everybody for your replies. I think some of you should be nominated for sainthood. Yes, I've been to WDW with my parents before, but that was 20-some years ago when I was still living at home and they weren't much older than I am now! What I was wondering is if you all laid out the "rules" beforehand, or if you just dealt with things as they came up. I'm speaking about who makes most of the decisions, who pays for what, who does the driving, what time you will spend together and what time you'll spend apart, and most importantly, what subjects and/or behaviors need to be avoided or altered in order for everyone to get along. I just know that the first time my mother says, "Don't you think you're being a little hard on him?" (when I yell at my son) or my Dad says "I'll do all the driving cause I want to get there in one piece", I'm going to hit the roof. I know these are problems I need to address before we go (DH says I need to address them anyway, WDW or no WDW), but I just don't know how. My DM, in particular, is extremely sensitive to anything that even hints of criticism (but it's okay for her!). She just starts crying and I end up feeling like the most ungrateful little snot (at the age of 44). I just don't know how to broach the subject. I'm also afraid that if I'm with them, I'll fall back into the role of the good daughter, and "our" vacation will become "their" vacation (with all our time spent at flea markets, LOL). I really would like for them to have the experience of seeing WDW through their grandchildrens eyes, and I would like my children to have the memories of having been there with their grandparents, but I don't want it to come at the expense of me enjoying my vacation! If any of you have parents that "push your buttons" and you've figured out how to deal with it, I sure would like your advice. I don't know, maybe I'm just too sensitive, but I don't think so.

Musky

 

[mom1in99]

We are fortunate enough that our immediate family has been 2 times so far this year, so I have been the one doing all the research (on this board and others for awesome tips). Therefore, the rest of the family is relying on my research (and experience ) for mapping our stratigy. Print off tons of stuff to look like you know what you are talking about (even if you don't) and look organized. If it were me (and it will be in a couple months), I'd set the ground rules before going. In July, my parents went with us, too and I gave grandma some freedom, (she gave the kids a few extra treats during the day but nothing after 8pm) We all paid for our own families.(unless they got the kids a toy or something) We drove in our own cars (and will be in December)
In fact, December trip we won't even all be following each other. We can't even agree to go I-75 or I-77 (so we are meeting there). I'd also talk about times away from the group so every couple has a chance to get away!

 

[crisi]

If driving is going to be a sore point between you and your dad, why drive together? Invite them to join you, but you do your own driving and meet them there. They can fly or drive themselves.

Same thing with your mother driving you crazy. If you think she will, try dividing the trip up in smaller doses....i.e. They join you for the first several days of your vacation. Try and make sure she will be around when you are not "being a little hard on your son." i.e. my kids are easier to deal with in the mornings and I do most of my yelling around 2:00 as we all get tired and cranky.

Rather than try and change everyones behavior (which is something you should deal with, just probably not during a vacation), why not try and schedule a vacation to avoid the points of contention.

We set our "rules" this way. We made an itinerary (keeping them in mind) and said "you'll want to join us here, here and here" We had some attractions listed for those days and they followed (pretty much, we did get distracted by teacups - and bathrooms!) Then we said "and here, here and here, we are planning on XXXXX, but we think you guys may want to use your time to do things the kids aren't interested in. You are welcome to join us at the waterpark if you really want to, but I think you'd enjoy browsing Epcot/seeing the Hall of Presidents/etc, more" We had made reservations for dinner with "you are welcome to join us or not" - and although they talked about maybe doing something different, we ended up meeting for dinner each night.

We paid for everything, so that wasn't an issue. We did the inviting to a place that my mother in law would never go on her own. And we picked restaurants she wouldn't have. They did pay their own way when we weren't around - so they picked up most of their own lunches. Our aunt did try and give us a little cash, which we accepted.

My mother in law didn't do much butting in - the amount of sweets (pop and such) my kids ate was mentioned more than once, but I just didn't bother to reply - or replied with "well, its vacation and I've already said he could." We had one meltdown which my stubborn husband didn't pacify in a restaurant that my mother in law gently critiqued - we just responded with "well, given the location in the restaurant, we couldn't pull her out kicking and screaming - and once DH decided to hold his ground it needed to be held."

I did need to do a lot of "compromise" that I don't know my mother in law even knew I did - and my husband, who knows my Disney habits best, only realizes a little. i.e. I want to be at the parks when they open. We usually arrived a little late, and took a cab to accomplish that much, but I didn't let it get to me and I don't even think my husband realizes I "noticed." I ate better (as did the kids) because I didn't want to hear to many critisisms on that point (and our aunt was doing Atkins - so everyone ate less sugar) - which really wasn't a bad thing - vacation tends to encourage junk eating. I wanted to get my "just 40 inch kids" on some big rides that I thought they could handle - and it just didn't happen. But there will be a next trip.

I did - before we even left - book a Disney cruise for this winter. Whenever I felt that my mother in law was "getting to me" I could think about the cruise coming up - or the next trip down the road.

 

[Pamlur]

We took one daughter, two sons, one son-in-law, one daughter-in-law and three grandchildren (they all belong to daughter) for a week in early September. DH had just had a major health problem, but we couldn't tell the little kids that they weren't going after 13 months of planning, so we rented an ECV for DH and off we went!

We only made sure we met for dinner every night; days I tried to help with the grandchildren but still spend time with the other kids (while taking care of DH). I was pretty tired when it was over, but nobody can think of any negatives. We DID have all separate sleeping quarters, so we had "our space" when we needed it.

We are already planning the next trip; it will be a few years because the 2-year-old needs to get a little bit taller. She knows no fear, so she needs to be able to do it ALL! We stayed at BCV, might switch over to BWV for the change of scenery, but we have plenty of time to plan.

This was our third multi-generation trip, and we all love doing it!

 

[snyderla]

We just returned from a trip with my parent's, his parent's, BIL, brother, SIL and niece.

The driving thing I can relate to, 7 of us drove down from IL, the other 4 met us later, they are from southern FLA. DH had to drive the car his parents and brother came down in, and I rode down with my parents. At first it was kind of fun, then the second day of driving on the way home (after 4 days in the car total), I started to get a little crabby about why on earth couldn't I ride with my own husband? It wasn't like we don't all know each other and get along just fine. (We took 2 days down and 3 days back.) I'm 40 years old! But DH HAD to drive his parent's or they would get lost on their own. They are 54 and 57. Not exactly senile. BIL couldn't drive at all, he's 26, but doesn't drive in metro areas. MIL offered to let me ride in the middle in the back seat, but with my RA, there is no way I could handle that. (MY MIL is really wonderful, she is kind and does not meddle, I am blessed, so I kept my feelings to myself mostly, except I did tell DH I missed him!) We decided next trip, WE FLY!

We had a WONDERFUL trip, but 1 thing I learned for sure, make at least 1 PS per day for a group like this. DH and I usually eat a big breakfast, then a late lunch and snack when we get back to our resort. 4 trips together we have done it this way. It works for us. Well, we had people who didnt want to get up B4 10 am, because it was their vacation...so no time for a big breakfast, except for the 1 PS I made at Crystal Palace, grabbed lunch on the go, and sometimes didn't have dinner at all. Made for some tired, hungry people by the end of the night, really too tired to use the kitchen in our 2 BR Villa. Of course, we were only there 5 days, so we were kind of rushing through everything! DH's family had never been to WDW, so they stuck with us all the time, but we did really well at getting along. My mom & step dad had their own studio, which I did on purpose knowing there are times when mom needs her space, Like when there are bowls in the sink and she thinks we need to do the breakfast dishes before we go, well, she can do hers over there and we will leave ours for when we get back. ANYWAY...NEXT TIME WE WILL MAKE AT LEAST 1 PS PER DAY, BREAKFAST OR A LATE LUNCH.

Best Wishes, I'm sure it will be a memorable trip either way!

Lori

 

[BrerMom]

Originally posted by Soltwisch Family
There is a great thread our there under resorts (now buried on page 7) that asks about buyers remorse. It brings tears to my eyes everytime I read all the responses. I plan to bump it back to the front again. I hope you read it. It makes you really think about the important things in life.

http://disboards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=450169&highlight=regret

 

[llane]

We took my dm on our last trip. She was 64 and it was her first trip to wdw. We also took our dd(5), ds(3) and dd(1). My mom was like a kid.

My kids only have my mother since my father and my husbands parents have passed away. Lucky for us she is not a but-in-ski.

The trip was very memorable and my oldest dd only wants to do disney if my mom can go. My mom is complaining, I just bought her an AP, shes going back with us later this month and next october.

 

[Musky]

BrerMom, thank you for posting that link. I had looked for that thread on the resorts board but was unable to find it. I've read the entire thing now and it brought tears to my eyes, too. It seems that nobody regrets the things done, only the things undone. My DF is scheduled for a knee replacement a week from today. I'm going to wait and see how that turns out. Assuming it goes alright, I think I'm going to make the leap of faith and invite them to go with us, thank to the encouragement of all of you who posted. Of course, if it's a disaster, I'll blame you all! (just kidding) Perhaps you could say a prayer for his surgery if you're so inclined - something always goes wrong when he is hospitalized. Thanks again for your posts, and I'm still open to any advice anyone can give me.

Musky