................................

[C.Ann]

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

C. ann, what a nightmare.

 

[helenabear]

Oh C.Ann... it isn't if you don't have enough to worry about right now as it is! I am so sorry that you went through that with your sister. And I am sorry your mom had to live in conditions like that. I do hope everything with your mom and the rest of your family works out. Hang in there {{hugs}}

 

[loisg1]

C.Ann, You know you've done more than your share as does your DM. I'm sure deep down, your sister does as well. Is your DM really able to meet her own needs at home safely? Or do you think that with a chat from someone she trusts, i.e., her doctor, pastor, etc., she would go to an assisted living facility? Let your sister stew a bit, I'm sure she'll offer an apology - and if not just bide your time.

Take care

 

[Kermit]

{{{{Hugs}}}} Your post made me want to call your sister and yell at her. Don't let her make you feel guilty, even for a second. You do more than any other person I know, in real life or online. You're already stretched to your limits. If your sister really cares about your mom, she'll do what she can to fix the situation.

 

[browneyes]

Originally posted by C.Ann
Man - did you every just want to SMACK the living daylights out of someone????????

Yep. I hate that feeling.

I hope you and your sis get things ironed out soon (without any irons needed to be used, of course ). Your poor mom. {{hugs}} I hope your sister isn't being rude to her too.

 

[C.Ann]

Originally posted by Kermit
{{{{Hugs}}}} Your post made me want to call your sister and yell at her.

------------------------------------

Want her number??

 

[pollyanna]

Remember, your sister had to put up with a demanding old woman 24 hrs a day for months now. Instead of comparing who has done more...why not realize that she is under alot od pressure. I can;t imagine a family torn apart for this reason.

 

[binny]

(((C.Ann))))

Want me to break her knee caps for ya?

I'm so sorry! Hang in there hon.

 

[holycow]

Holycow!!!!!

It sounds like you have more than enough on your plate...good for you to seeing to your moms needs and finding out how she felt..so many times we walk around the issue instead of finding out what the problem is!...she was miserable poor thing!...

Good luck to you and go punch a pillow a few times...I've found that a great stress releaser!

Lisa

 

[Serena]

C.Ann, I know the feeling well. Lady, we need to kidnap you and give you a week of peace and quiet.

 

[Buckalew]

C.Ann,
My advice is to check into getting her into an assisted living facility. My Nana went in last November and it has been such a relief to us all. We know she is safe and well-fed, has friends, activities, exercise, outings & they will take her to the doctor's office on Tuesdays. My obligation is her banking & visiting. Pollyanna is right--don't let this tear your family apart. Your sister probably has been driven nuts and your mom too. Neither one of them needs to be living with the other. But if she moves home, you all are still going to be responsible for her and even if you speak with her on the phone at 9:00am at 9:15 am she could fall and not be able to get help. Seriously think about it. It is one of the best decisions Nana and my family have ever made!
Good luck!

 

[Boots]

{{{{HUGS}}}}

 

[epcotfan]

Oh C.Ann...I'm so sorry. You're sister has a lot of nerve considering all the stuff you are going through right now.

I wish I had good advice.

What is it with people screaming on the phone this week? Everyone I know is having a bad week.

 

[Disney Doll]

Take what you just posted, take out the smacking part and mail it to your sister.

Get your brother to help get Mom into an assisted living facility where she'll still have some independence, or look into her finances so you can figure out if she can afford to pay a live-in for her so she can stay in her own home.

Obviously, with all you've been dealing with, you can't add Mom into your mix. It doesn't sound like she's being treated very well at your sister's though.

As far as tearing your family apart...well, I have a different take on that than the rest of the world. Family is not everything to me.I do not subscribe to the belief that your family will always be there for you. I have seen to many times where family members scr** each other worse than any non-relative could ever think of doing. Your sister called an blasted you, not giving a rat's a** about your problems(which are many!!!), not caring about what you've been dealing with etc, all angry because she didn't take your advice in the first place. Well, I wouldn't care if I never spoke to the self-centered you-know-what again! She didn't worry about the family relations when she was blasting you, now did she?

 

[C.Ann]

Originally posted by pollyanna
Remember, your sister had to put up with a demanding old woman 24 hrs a day for months now. Instead of comparing who has done more...why not realize that she is under alot od pressure. I can;t imagine a family torn apart for this reason.

----------------------------

When - and if - my sister decides she's ready to act like an adult, I will graciously accept her apology - but until then, I will not be emotionally blackmailed..

 

[C.Ann]

Originally posted by Buckalew
C.Ann,
My advice is to check into getting her into an assisted living facility. My Nana went in last November and it has been such a relief to us all. We know she is safe and well-fed, has friends, activities, exercise, outings & they will take her to the doctor's office on Tuesdays. My obligation is her banking & visiting. Pollyanna is right--don't let this tear your family apart. Your sister probably has been driven nuts and your mom too. Neither one of them needs to be living with the other. But if she moves home, you all are still going to be responsible for her and even if you speak with her on the phone at 9:00am at 9:15 am she could fall and not be able to get help. Seriously think about it. It is one of the best decisions Nana and my family have ever made!
Good luck!

----------------------------

My hands are full here and it just isn't humanly possible for me to take on any more responsibilities right now.. Sad, but true..

 

[Teejay32]

Hey.

I remember about...a year ago?...we commiserated. Your Mom was still out driving around, my grandfather was still out driving around, relatives being unreasonable...I'm glad for the update on your Mom. (And if you want I'll vouch for what you said with your sister. ). Gramps ended up in a one-car accident shortly thereafter and ended up in a nursing home. His son felt he should stay there, my Mom wanted him out, and I (being a SAHM and all) was the tie-breaker, and he's home now. Was a long process getting him back there though, and everyone still pitches in, so he's only about 30% 'independent.'

I've been watching my uncle do and say some incredibly nutty things though, through this...he's not around more than every other weekend, he's always been known as the 'high strung' one, not easygoing at all...can't handle it. IMO only. I know his heart is in the right place with his Dad, and maybe with us too (that's me being kind) but he cannot just 'do' what has to be done for one or two days without lashing out at people in the process. And sure, he's the one without the problems the rest of us have. I was separated, almost filing for divorce at the time, my Mom has multiple sclerosis and my Dad was recovering from back surgery...ok, we can deal...but wait! Uncle has a trip to Florida planned and may have to reschedule! Nothing against Florida trips of course, just saying his priorities have always been obvious and self-centered. My Mom is a saint and reminds him gently, 'we're here every day. yes, we know how it is.'

(I went off like an M-80 back in August and things have been really chilly since. Probably not the best move on my part.)

So, anyway...yes. If she's not been one to take your personal issues into consideration before, why would it be any different now. It's your call to be the calm one, the 'bigger' person, and say 'I understand how hard it is for you, and when I was able to do those things for her, I did them. Things have changed now. Drastically. I'm sorry.' Calm. Collected. Maybe she regretted what she said two seconds after hanging up, who knows.

You could also escalate it into a battle, but I've been there, done that, found the whole thing a waste of time, actually...*I* know I've done as much as possible, Gramps does, the people who matter most do...that is what's really important. Rant here! We don't mind.

Good luck.

 

[Chuck S]

Originally posted by pollyanna
Remember, your sister had to put up with a demanding old woman 24 hrs a day for months now. Instead of comparing who has done more...why not realize that she is under alot od pressure. I can't imagine a family torn apart for this reason.

It happens in a lot of families, Pollyanna, for many reasons. Most often it probably starts with a sibling that has had issues building for a long time and this is the "straw that broke the camel's back."

C. Ann, I realize how important your Mom's independence is to her. Does she know anyone in an Assisted Living facility she could visit with to ask questions about how they like the situation, do they still feel independent, what they like or don't like about the facility? Sometimes if a senior in your Mom's situation talks to a peer or friend instead of a family member they'll realize that Assisted Living isn't anything like a nursing home. My Mom has two friends in Assisted Living, and both are happy. Even Mom tells me that she wants to stay independent and at home as long as possible (naturally, don't we all?), but if she gets to where she is unable to care for herself she has an Assisted Living center AND a nursing home picked out, depending on how much care she needs. I hope she'll never HAVE to use either, but knowing she has made decisions and choices - just in case - is certainly a relief. No one wants to feel like they have "thrown" their parent into a facility against their will. Too bad you and your siblings can't sit down and discuss with your Mom, in a calm manner, about the future - what she would want - just in case she becomes disabled or unable to provide her own care. Not a pleasent subject, to be sure, but so much better than what is happening now. Your sis took your Mom in to avoid the guilt of "putting her in a home", when maybe it could have been avoided by letting Mom a)look at what facilities are available in the area and then b)make her own decisions.

 

[abaldacci]

C.Ann I hope it all gets better soon. I know your mad but wait until you calm down and then talk to your sis.