:)

[FireDancer]

I feel sorry for the groom and hope at least one of the guests who knows about this (like the OP maybe) has the balls to tell him the deal so he can made an informed decision about what is his marriage too.

If I were him I would be beyond livid not that my bride had an old flame reappear but that she didn't respect me enough to tell me the truth. Then again what better way to start a marriage then with lies and regret?

 

[Imzadi]

And I'm thinking I may write the book.

What will you name it?

I think the book/movie should be called, "Things you learn on the DIS."

Had the bride asked US for advice, we would have New Ruled her and given her a slew of opinions.

 

[ksumn1]

I think the bride should have called off the wedding, is she was having such major doubts. Ideally, she should have been honest with her groom from the moment the ex showed up. Then he would have known the truth..that maybe his bride doesn't love him totally because her heart still belongs to the other guy. Or that she was torn. In that situation, if they did decide to get married, they would have a foundation of honesty, trust and open communication to build their marriage on.

It may still be a good maraige. Just depend on hw much work they are willing to put into the marriage. But given the dishonesty and uncertainty on the brides part, I thinks it's gonna take A LOT of work to make the marriage last more than a couple of years.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I too am interested in how the OP knows so much and the groom is clueless. If he truly was not told any of this, that is a bad way to start a marriage but I am not sure we know everything here.
BTW, I too was a young bride (also married a military man.) We were never together for more then 2 weeks in person in the 2 years between meeting and getting married. This was before the internet. We wrote letters daily and I looked forward to the phone calls once a week (till he got stateside and they were more frequent.) We married when I was 17 and have been married 17 years. Sure we had ups and downs in the beginning but we took the tools we learned in premarital counceling and got through them. I am happy to say that I am far more in love now then ever and I am still married to my very best friend. So, it can work, but it takes work And while we aren't the same people we were when we married at 17 and 21, we chose to grow together rather then apart. I wish that for everyone who marries young, it is a great feeling.

 

[terri01p]

 

[terri01p]

 

[binny]

my first thought was that both the bride and the other man are incredibly immature for several reasons, the first being that they are not the same people they were when they were together! No contact for that long of time and then wham! He shows up and expects to pick up where they left off? She could have turned into a horrible person for all he knows. Life changes people, 4 years, especially at that age is time for major life changes! Really stupid if you ask me. If you think back to who were at 18 and then compare to the person you were 4 later were you the same person with the same interests and the same desires?

Secondly, you can be darn sure too that they are living in a fantasy world of "if onlys" well, we never, ever know the if onlys. Mature people know that, accept that and move on.

last but not least if the bride was in love enough with this man to take her vows then she should make the other guy take a leap. Pining away for someone else while youre on your honeymoon doesnt bode well for anyone.

I guess I would have called off the wedding if I had enough doubts to cry about the "one who got away" it isnt fair to any of them but if she is that stupid then I guess theyre all going to have to pay for it one way or the other.

 

[Mary•Poppins]

Okay ... I didn't read the whole thread ... but, I really think "The Other Man" is a real jerk. I think the OP puts him in the light that "he didn't know about the wedding" and he now wants to state his love for the bride ... give me a break. I think he knew and whether he regrets the decision to be with the bride or not, what gives him the right to ruin this wedding for everyone.

If she left her husband for him, I wouldn't give it much time before she found out his true nature. If they were meant to be together, it would have lasted ... even if he moved to another country. IMO. (Sorry, this sounds harsh ... )

I really feel bad for this groom. What a shallow person he just got married to ...

 

[Imzadi]

Secondly, you can be darn sure too that they are living in a fantasy world of "if onlys" well, we never, ever know the if onlys. Mature people know that, accept that and move on.

last but not least if the bride was in love enough with this man to take her vows then she should make the other guy take a leap. Pining away for someone else while youre on your honeymoon doesnt bode well for anyone.

I guess I would have called off the wedding if I had enough doubts to cry about the "one who got away" it isnt fair to any of them but if she is that stupid then I guess theyre all going to have to pay for it one way or the other.

I agree with all who said these two have been living in a fantasy world. Their relationship didn't have a natural ending, where it resolved and they knew that they weren't right for each other for various reasons. Instead, they have idealized each other.

It reminds me of Elizabeth Taylor who had always said Mike Todd was the love of her life. No, he was the only one who died before she had a chance to divorce him, like all 7 other marriages.


I kind of wonder if the bride didn't stop the marriage because she didn't want to chance a second time, "the guy who got away." If she had told the groom and he was the one who stopped the wedding, and she tried again with her childhood love and it didn't work, she would have been a double fool.

I also kind of wonder if the old boyfriend really didn't know she was about to be married? In all those years, he never had contact with anyone from his past there? Their relationship wasn't a secret. An old friend might have texted him, "Hey, your old GF is getting married next week." He decides to selfishly show up to see what happens. Texting her right before the wedding, giving her one last chance to back out was the same kind of act.

It would be no skin off his nose if later their relationship didn't work out. He could just leave again. BUT, it was quite a compliment and flattering for both of them that he DID come back, to proclaim his undying love. More of that fantasy. It goes on record that he tried to win back his old love. How fairy tale romantic.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

The last couple posts reminded me of something. I hope they make sarn sure they are happy together before they have kids. I have a good friend (she is 35) and to this day her mom (who is still married to her dad though not happily so) still says her first fiance was the love of her life. I remember her telling us back when we were teenagers and according to my friend she still says it. She called off the wedding because her husbans was more financially able to give her the life she wanted and while yes, she is living the life, she is living it loveless and it totally affected her kids. I know not totally the same as this situation, but similar as in "the one that got away."

 

[Buckalew11]

I agree with all who said these two have been living in a fantasy world. Their relationship didn't have a natural ending, where it resolved and they knew that they weren't right for each other for various reasons. Instead, they have idealized each other.

It reminds me of Elizabeth Taylor who had always said Mike Todd was the love of her life. No, he was the only one who died before she had a chance to divorce him, like all 7 other marriages.


I kind of wonder if the bride didn't stop the marriage because she didn't want to chance a second time, "the guy who got away." If she had told the groom and he was the one who stopped the wedding, and she tried again with her childhood love and it didn't work, she would have been a double fool.

I also kind of wonder if the old boyfriend really didn't know she was about to be married? In all those years, he never had contact with anyone from his past there? Their relationship wasn't a secret. An old friend might have texted him, "Hey, your old GF is getting married next week." He decides to selfishly show up to see what happens. Texting her right before the wedding, giving her one last chance to back out was the same kind of act.

It would be no skin off his nose if later their relationship didn't work out. He could just leave again. BUT, it was quite a compliment and flattering for both of them that he DID come back, to proclaim his undying love. More of that fantasy. It goes on record that he tried to win back his old love. How fairy tale romantic.

I agree which is why I said that the bride may have been too afraid to give it another chance. After all, 4 yrs. is a lot of time and people change a lot in 4 years.But even so, even if they had remained in contact during that time, he may have still come around before the wedding and thought "wait" and she, being too scared and confused to give up a "sure" thing and try again with the first guy. As my mom told me, "If you can live with the *what if* then do it and if you can't live with the *what if* then don't."

 

[Imzadi]

The last couple posts reminded me of something. I hope they make sarn sure they are happy together before they have kids.

I thought about this, too. That hopefully, the bride wouldn't be too distraught and forget to use birth control on their wedding night.

At this point, *I think* they could probably still get an annulment - if they are Catholic and that kind of thing is important to them, over getting a divorce. She did marry him under false pretenses at this point, and he married, unknowing that the situation had changed. But, if they she ends up pregnant, all bets are off.