1st trip as a family ... MIL and FIL want to go

[lnuss1988]

I am planning our first trip to WDW for Myself, DH and DD. Our tentative date is the last week in September of 2015. This will be my DH and DD first time there. I have been there 3-4 times with my parents and siblings. We are undecided about driving (17 hours non stop) or flying (2 1/2 hours). I am leaning more towards driving, just because flying is very expensive for our budget. I picked the last week in September because everywhere I read and people I've talked to recommend this time of year. My biggest concern is Hurricane Season. I've done a lot of research on the weather that time of year and everywhere says the chance of hurricanes is minimal. My other concern and the reason for this post is my In-Laws. Mother and Father, want to go along. I get along with them, but I have the fear that if they go I won't be as happy because of some things they do when we are here at home and I don't want my first family trip with my DH and DD to be ruined. I have talked to my Disney Aunt, who goes once or twice a year and she has given me some good advice on them going. Anyone out there have any experience with their in-laws going and how did your trip turn out?

 

[shabbychick]

This is exactly why we're not telling my in-laws that we're making definite plans! We had mentioned a while back that we wanted to go and of course they all (including DH's brother and sister) decided they were going to tag along. I haven't mentioned it since. We are now just over a year out (planning the trip for Feb. '15) and we are going to make the final flight, etc. arrangements before we casually mention it to them. My MIL is a teacher at a community college, so she definitely will not be able to go during February [insert evil laugh here] So my advice to you is to not mention it again and then go ahead and make your official plans and then deal with the aftermath...they won't hate you forever over it, I'm sure

 

[lnuss1988]

We had originally planned to go this past April 13' in which my MIL and FIL were going. We had the hotel booked (two separate rooms) and tickets bought. I was still uneasy about the idea of them going even after it was booked. When we decided to postpone our trip so my DH,DD and I could find a place of our own (We were living with my dad at that time) they were OK with postponing it. We have discussed maybe once or twice going 2015. I haven't told them we have set a date. They cherish my DD and I am so grateful for that, but sometimes the things they do around her aggravate me and I don't know if I would be able to handle 7 days with them. I know we don't have to do everything together but they would want to because of my DD. My Aunt has given some good points to them going like my DH and I being able to ride rides together, but I don't really want them with my DD while we are on a ride, because I know they would take her to do something and with it being our first trip as a family I want to be the one to do everything with her and not them. I know they would take her to meet a character or a take her on a ride, they would do something with her while we were on a ride and I am going to be selfish on this one, but I want to be the one, along with my DH who does everything with her. I am fine riding the rides alone and doing the "baby swap" as I'm sure my DH is as well. This trip is for her more than for us. I was thinking about mentioning to my DH that it just be us 3 for this trip, because he still thinks we are inviting them along ... My MIL and FIL kind of invited themselves when we originally planned to go. My MIL and I have butted heads before and I'm afraid that will happen while we are there. When I go on vacation, especially WDW, I know what I want to do and when I want to do it. I have an itinerary and everything. I guess you can say I have a case of non diagnosed OCD and we don't always see eye to eye.

 

[Gillyrose779]

We just had our first family trip the first week of Sept. I HIGHLY recommend the last week of Sept.- WAY to humid when we went and I would have loved to been able to do the Mickey not so Scary Halloween party.

We also took my mother and drove 18 hours. We always drove when we were younger but I think next time we will fly- it will cost around $1000 for the four of us to fly and I really hated loosing two full days for travel.

As for my mom it really worked out well. She babysat a couple nights so my husband and I could have alone time and she got a couple afternoons by herself at the pool. Since it was just her we got a 2 bedroom. If we had my MIL and FIL together I would make them have their own room. If they go it is good to have a tentative schedule- ie. tell them we are doing these groups dinners or event at this time and you are welcome to joint but also let them know there will be open time so people can go their own ways when they want.

 

[Gillyrose779]

Also- def. set some ground rules before you go- tell them no "first times" without you and make that very clear. hopefully they can be respectful to the fact that, as their parent, you would want to be included.

 

[lnuss1988]

IF they do go, we will be getting separate bedrooms and also driving separate. The ground rules is a great idea, I never thought of that. My Disney Aunt has been helping me with this decision, but I wanted to get some input from people outside my comfort zone.

 

[Ds4angels]

It can go either way. We went to Disney w/ my parents and have a fabulous time. They got to see our twins enjoy all the magic, but they never once overstepped and made us regret going w/ them.
2 different friends have gone w/ their ILs and it was ugly. The ILs felt since they were the oldest they got to dictate where they went and what they did. The kids were an afterthought of what they may like.
I would never go w/ someone who couldn't respect my roll as the parent. (which is why we'll never go w/ my MIL)

 

[JAMIESMITH]

September is such a wonderful time to visit! We went during the second week of September 2012 and while we did see some afternoon showers, the weather was really nice most of the time. We never used a fast pass during our trip because there was no need!

My cousin did join my family (my four year old daughter, my husband, and myself) and even shared our room. We are planning a return trip for next January. I loved having an extra adult to help with my daughter. With that being said, there is no way I would have gone with my in-laws. We can't get along at home so I know we couldn't get along at Disney. You know your family dynamic much better than I do. If it works at home, it will probably be just fine for vacation.

If they do join you, make sure that everyone is clear on plans and expectations from the beginning. My cousin and I e-mailed back and forth all through-out planning and knew exactly what we were getting into!

 

[mybestieismickey]

In-laws can be tricky. I love mine, but sometimes I do find them a bit much in large quantities. For us, the logistics are very important.

Disney works with them. In April 2012, we went to DLR for my birthday and had a great time. We only had the one mini-van (6 adults), but we stayed within walking distance of the parks and only spent one pre-planned day out of the Disney bubble (I needed to visit my Grandma). We had our own room (I need my space, and I know my limits). We had only one meal reservation that everyone was expected to be at, and that was optional until I made the reservation 30 days out. And we had only a couple of meet-ups that were semi-expected. I'm a big proponent of "If you don't want to go, don't. You'll just make the rest of us miserable." We checked in with each other frequently throughout the day by cell, text and in person; and we toured in various combinations of people throughout the day. It was a fantastic trip, and we had a great time. In fact we're trying to see if we can convince them all to go back next Dec with the two grandbabies. DH really wants them all to come, I'm good either way.

In contrast, we went with them to Yellowstone this last summer, and I spent way too much time with them. There is way too much driving involved for 6 adults (2 pregnant women) to be stuck in the same mini-van and cabin for 5 days. I'm pretty good at hiding it, but I did not want to talk to them for at least a week. And I don't think it was just the hormones talking. I've pretty much made it clear that I have no intention of participating in the annual Yellowstone trip this year. I might be persuaded to go if we took our own car and had our own room, but that much driving with a four month old just doesn't sound like fun.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is know what works for your family dynamic. For us, some vacations with the same group of people work, some don't.

 

[lnuss1988]

All the times I have gone to Disney with my parents and brothers as a teenager we either went in April or May. One trip in December. April and May were extremely hot and crowded. I usually talk to my Aunt about Disney because she goes 1-2 times a year. She went in September last year, the week of our towns big fair and she said it was amazing. No lines and perfect weather. With my DD who will be a little over 4 when we go, I don't want to go when it'll be extremely hot and crowded. I don't think a 4 year old will do well in those two extremes.

As far as my in-laws, I don't hardly see them. My DH usually takes our DD to see them when I am working. When I am around then I can only stand them for like an hour. I don't think 7 days with them would be a good idea and my DH doesn't understand, because they are his parents. I could law down ground rules, I think they would follow them, but I'm sure they would pitch a fit to my DH when I'm not around. I think I'm going to pitch to my DH that maybe we should wait for them to go, just because I want our 1st trip as a family to be all that much more special for the 3 of us. I know they would want to do everything we do because of my DD. Don't get me wrong, I love how they adore and cherish my DD, but when it comes to things like this, I am selfish.

 

[bigbabyblues]

I love my inlaws, they are great, but we do not, will not vacation with them. Our vacations are for the four of us, period. This also applies when they invite us to go somewhere with them.

 

[DisneyRegulars]

All the times I have gone to Disney with my parents and brothers as a teenager we either went in April or May. One trip in December. April and May were extremely hot and crowded. I usually talk to my Aunt about Disney because she goes 1-2 times a year. She went in September last year, the week of our towns big fair and she said it was amazing. No lines and perfect weather. With my DD who will be a little over 4 when we go, I don't want to go when it'll be extremely hot and crowded. I don't think a 4 year old will do well in those two extremes.

As far as my in-laws, I don't hardly see them. My DH usually takes our DD to see them when I am working. When I am around then I can only stand them for like an hour. I don't think 7 days with them would be a good idea and my DH doesn't understand, because they are his parents. I could law down ground rules, I think they would follow them, but I'm sure they would pitch a fit to my DH when I'm not around. I think I'm going to pitch to my DH that maybe we should wait for them to go, just because I want our 1st trip as a family to be all that much more special for the 3 of us. I know they would want to do everything we do because of my DD. Don't get me wrong, I love how they adore and cherish my DD, but when it comes to things like this, I am selfish.

Your dynamic with your in-laws sounds much like mine. Is it possible you could just take one of them? I find mine separate much more tolerable than when they are together. I managed to survive and almost enjoy a trip with my mil last January. I do not get along with her normally, but in Disney she was a completely different person and completely taken with the magic. While I wouldn't want to go with her every time, I'm so glad my son got to go with her while she was still able to maneuver around the parks. I have a trip report about it if you look in my profile, I'm not sure my signature shows up when I'm on my phone.

 

[DonaldnDaisy5]

We've done both...and I enjoy just our trips as a family then with the extras.

My inlaws want to stay together all the time and that is difficult. Our first trip mu dh missed out on things that will never happen again (ds kissing Minnie and saying tell Mickey she's my girl now) because he was playing tour guide for father in law and the niece they brought (but we paid for lodging) along who was 11 yrs older then our oldest.

It will be especially difficult if your dh doesn't get it. Mine still doesn't get it even after the second trip with the whole family (he's catching on now that I've booked a do over trip and when we looked at receipts our alcohol purchases were higher then on any of our other trips!)

 

[bjscheel]

I haven't gone with in-laws, and I don't plan to, even though we get along just fine. There is nothing wrong with wanting your first trip to be "just you", and not wanting to have to worry about what others want to do. On Saturday DH was hounding his sister about going with us in June (even though he knows what I think), and saying to her kids "you want to go with us, don't you!"

Fortunately she has no intentions of coming with. Yes, it could be fun at times, but also more worry for me. I would worry that whatever I have planned is not what everyone wants to do. We always make rope drop, and they probably wouldn't. And though we can split up a lot, I know what would happen is their 8 and 11 would be with us the whole time while they went off with their 3 year old (been there done that at a local theme park). SIL also doesn't watch her kids like I do and it ends up my kids being responsible for hers (been there done that at waterpark resort). We shared a suite at that resort too and there were matters of varying bedtimes and whether we each brought equal food to share, or not share. This stuff doesn't bother DH as much.

So while you won't have the other kids issue like I would, having others along does make a different dynamic than just your own family and it can be stressful to make sure everyone is reasonably happy.

Hopefully you can come to an agreement with your DH. What if they were only there for part of your trip as a compromise?

 

[SnoWhiteRabbit]

I like vacationing with just the 5 of us, but it can be difficult because others invite us places or invite themselves along, which is very tricky. One trip I was planning turned into a Grand Gathering with my family of 5 my brother's family of 5 and my parents! It wasnt what I was expecting, but I made the best of it. There were some great highlights for sure!

But, one thing I did was make sure we had a few days, alone, too, on the same trip. We arrived 2 days earlier, than all 12 of us were together for 6 days, and then we stayed 2 days later. Maybe you can tell your DH that it's ok if they come, only if you have some entire days to yourself to be just your family of 3 -- which is very important on vacation to, to a family unit I believe. Can you arrive a few days ahead of your inlaws, so you can enjoy yourselves and experience the firsts? And even stay a few days later for a happy, calm ending to your vacation? If not, it's at least way to bring up the topic of really wanting alone time for the 3 of you......

Good luck!

 

[Happyjen27]

My first trip was with my ILs. Father and Mother, and sister and brother in law.

It was GREAT!!

I, too, wanted to experience the firsts with just us, not necessarily with the ILs. So, I came up with a simple solution, we requested to have 4 days in the parks with just us, then the ILs were welcome to join us for 5 more days. It was a great compromise. I got all the "firsts" I needed, and we did some things (like AK) that the ILs weren't interested in. Then, by the time they came, I was ready for an adult night out, and the kids were ready to talk to someone other than us.

We all had separate rooms, and that was another key to our success. When we went back to the resort for a mid-day break, the ILs would stay in the parks, or go have lunch at another resort. It was a good balance of together time and alone time.

 

[Gracie09]

The best advice I can give is plan your vacation and let the others decide what to do or not do with you. We went with my inlaws last year and it was horrible trying to plan. I would send emails with information that would be ignored, they wouldn't make any decisions about anything (adrs etc) until the week before and then expected me to arrange for a party of 15 to have dinner in the castle at 6 pm. And when I couldn't would get all pissy. In the end we did our thing and told them if they wanted to join us fine if not see you when we see you.

 

[lnuss1988]

When we were planning our trip that got postponed, my ILs were willing to do whatever I planned. They were very easy going about it. My FIL has been there, a LONG TIME ago, before the Tower of Terror was built, and my MIL has never been there. So, they are not only excited to go, but to get to go with us, and mostly my DD. They didn't care about the hotel reservations, the dining reservations, what my itinerary was, if we drove for flew, what time we left if we drove. They were very open about everything. I told my DH I had two "open" days on the itinerary that I would like to use just the three of us and he was good on that, and even my ILs were good on that. They are good on everything I plan here at home, but my biggest concern is when we get there. We've have a small amusement park here at home that we've gone to with them and they were good and rode rides with us, but it's WDW were going to.

You guys give such good advice and some good pointers. It is a very hard decision, especially, when you don't want your first trip as a family to be ruined. The more I read posts, the more open I am to the idea, because when I remember how they were when I was talking to them about plans and how open they were, I don't think they would cause problems. It's just very hard spending 7 days, in a hot state, and a crowded park with people you normally see once a week, if that, in your comfort zone.

 

[jennylyn_b]

While it may be difficult for you and I do understand consider these two points before making a final decision:

1. Your DH wants them there

2. You don't know how long they will be with you. Cherish the bond they have with your dd. We've lost my dh's mother and only brother and we would give anything to have my mil back (no offense to my bil lol). My dd won't know her grandma and it hurts. My parents moved to Florida when I was pregnant and they only see our dd 5-6 days a year as they suddenly seem to have forgotten how to fly north lol. Basically, when do you think your next trip after This one will be? Will they be around or healthy enough to come to that one? If your dd is older by then and riding the thrill rides, will they be able to?

Make sure you consider it all. Good luck

 

[Minniesgal]

In our family it wouldn't just be no it would be hell no and we would be blunt and tell them we don't want to holiday with them. We get along fine in small doses emphasis on the small. My in laws are he kind that would take over everything, nothing I'd planned would suit so they would be changing it all and if there was something specific I didn't want the kids to do they would find a way of organising that so either I didn't know or couldn't say no without causing a scene. We have been married 29 years so we are wise to them now and luckily they annoy DH even more than me so we are aligned I. Saying never ever. However if you have in laws who would participate without taking over, who you could explain your wants, likes and dislikes to and have them respected the. As so done said they won't be around forever. I think spectate rooms and cars is not only important but essential. Even if they come maybe you could arrive earlier or stay later than them to get a few days without them.