.

[Pembo]

.

 

[Freyja]

If I thought he was, then yes I would.

There is no way I can judge this exact situation without knowing more. However, I do not think it is right for you to quote your husbands letters on the Dis.

 

[Zippa D Doodah]

lying, blaming and lazy?

That is an exact quote from a lady in revdh's church. She wrote in a letter to him. She said he "takes advantage of his position by picking up his kids from school and going to his daughter's ballet class."

For the record, he does take my kids to school and picks up my son everyday, at 3. And I did ask him to go to ballet a few weeks ago since he will miss the end of year class.

Is working 51 hours/week lazy? That was dh's hours last week.

I really hope I don't see this woman, I'm feeling very un-Christianlike towards her right now.

Just needed to vent......

DW and I are co-pastors of a church, so I can relate to life in the fishbowl. I'll bet that lady's interpretation of working hours would change real quickly if she were hospitalized in the middle of the night and desired your DH to come.

 

[meandtheguys2]

What a witch. I don't know how the families of pastors keep their sanity with nosy, controlling busybodies minding everone's life but their own!

 

[Toby'sFriend]

well I have had my share of complaints about my Pastor, but no I don't think he is lazy.

Ours has been reassigned however and only has a couple of weeks left. I haven't met the new guy yet, he might be lazy.

 

[HamTown]

As another pastor's wife, I feel your pain. If she said that based on only the things mentioned, then she totally needs to get a life. She does realize that on the nights he has meetings or services at church, he doesn't get to spend time with his family, right? Probably has never crossed her mind.

There's a joke that the perfect minister is 35 years old with 20 years experience. There are some in every congregation that can find fault with every minister they've every had.

FWIW, if my husband has a meeting at night, he's home by 3:30 to be able to play with the kids. And he takes our daughter to preschool every day (at the church). So, although I am biased, I see what he did as totally

Unfortunately, there are many lying, blaming and lazy ministers out there and people get suspicious.

 

[Cindy B]

It all depends on what they see. To play devil's advocate, (ha-sorry about the pun) that is what this church member sees and her perception of the situation.

Her perception may be that a pastor has a wife to do those "household" things. Now before anyone flames away at me, that is how my elderly FIL feels about men doing a traditionally female role. If this church member is older, that could very well be the perception.

Some people prefer that pastors spend time on the membership and not on thier own personal lives. Some members would prefer that pastors have personal assistants or nannies take care of the kids (no laughing--my previous church pastors had personal assistants and nannies) so that the minister can take care of the flock so to speak.

I have a fishbowl job as well. I have to watch what I say and do, and what stores I go into and what type of car I drive. Just today alone, I had my windows down and my Ipod had some Rocky Horror Picture Show music on it. I realized that a parent could very well hear that, so I hit the skip button on my Ipod.

 

[Zippa D Doodah]

OP, based solely on what you wrote don't let anyone shame your husband about making time for your kids. Sometimes people expect the pastor to burn him/herself out for the benefit of the congregation. That's just insane. I figured out a while ago that if I stressed myself out and died of a heart attack: a) the church would get another one just like me to replce me, and b) I would leave behind a widow and two fatherless kids that teh church would no longer give a flip about.

I hope no one takes this the wrong way, but as a pastor my family comes first. I serve my congregation with due diligence and commitment, but I am not one of those guys who is going to burn myself out trying to live up to ridiculous expectations. If I am neglecting my kids, and not taking care of my own spiritual life, how can I lead others or encourage them to do the same? One thing appreciate about life as a pastor is the flexilibility in time. I work 55-60 hours per week but I don't punch a clock. I am a relentless multi-tasker (thus my ability to DIS in one window and research stuff in another).

 

[Disney Doll]

I have always thought it would be quite difficult to be the spouse of a clergyperson.

There are always people who will find fault...we have a few in our church (I am the parish nurse)that I always thought would find fault with Jesus coming down off the cross.

 

[Database]

Am I correct in assuming that you have faultfinders and complaigner's in your congregation? No WAY! The noive!

Satan likes nothing more than to sow those seeds!

Hope you're feeling better soon.

 

[Keli]

I would be offended if anyone called my husband those names (he is not a minister) because I know none of those things are true about him. So I certainly see your right to feel offended, I don't blame you.

For some reason this lady is very upset with your husband. I don't know the whole story so I don't know why she's upset or if any of it is justified at all but overall I must say I don't see anything wrong with a man taking his children to school and picking them up or going to the ballet.

 

[helenabear]

I volunteer a lot at my church now... and after seeing how hard ALL the staff works, I think I would ignore her. I doubt she knows how much time goes into everything outside of "regular business hours" or she probably forgets how many hours he puts in on weekends.

Some people just love to complain. Though I guess your DH should respond and let her know where all his hours go

 

[JoyG]

If she felt that way why would she continue to attend that church?

If I felt that way about a minister I probably woundn't bother sending a nasty letter. I would just quietly remove myself from that congregation.

 

[Talking Hands]

So our music minister would be called lazy by this person for attending his son's concert and not leading worship last Sunday. Give me a break. Preacher's are people just like everyone else with families, interests outside church (avid fisherman) as well as responsibilities at church. I would hope that the entire congreagtion understands this. Btw all our preachers at our church are fantasic and our lead preacher isn't at church until after lunch daily. He works at home on his sermon every morning resarching, writing and practicing. And he still is able to call most of the congreagation by name and give them a hug when we see him.

 

[EdiePA]

and I would again, but I left that church.

Background, ex-husband to be was having an affair. Our minister ignored myself and my sons through the experience, totally indifferent to our needs. The affair was never addressed, Ex was allowed to teach Sunday School, serve on the Church council etc. I finally confronted the minister in his office. After 45 minutes of disagreeing with me, he finally had to admit that I was right -- he had ignored my needs and especially my sons. Didn't change the situation for me, but maybe he'll be more receptive in the future.

Oh, and ex-husband is still at that church -- guess having a semi-celebrity is more important than having your Logos director, teacher, small group leader stay.

Yes, I still hurt,
Edie

 

[rie'smom]

lying, blaming and lazy?

That is an exact quote from a lady in revdh's church. She wrote in a letter to him. She said he "takes advantage of his position by picking up his kids from school and going to his daughter's ballet class."

For the record, he does take my kids to school and picks up my son everyday, at 3. And I did ask him to go to ballet a few weeks ago since he will miss the end of year class.

Is working 51 hours/week lazy? That was dh's hours last week.

I really hope I don't see this woman, I'm feeling very un-Christianlike towards her right now.

Just needed to vent......

What a mean thing for her to write. I would hope that other dads would follow your husband's example and get more involved with their children.

 

[Pigeon]

I wouldn't call my minister lazy because she is anything but lazy.

This lady sounds like a controlling, bitter nutjob.

Your husband is being an excellent father and role model by caring for his children. Being a minister doesn't mean you should give your family short shrift.

 

[disykat]

I'd be tempted to ask that lady who would tend to evening and weekend emergencies, meetings, social events, etc. if the pastor is expected to stick to bankers hours?

 

[Stepht5]

Background, ex-husband to be was having an affair. Our minister ignored myself and my sons through the experience, totally indifferent to our needs. The affair was never addressed, Ex was allowed to teach Sunday School, serve on the Church council etc. I finally confronted the minister in his office. After 45 minutes of disagreeing with me, he finally had to admit that I was right -- he had ignored my needs and especially my sons. Didn't change the situation for me, but maybe he'll be more receptive in the future.

Oh, and ex-husband is still at that church -- guess having a semi-celebrity is more important than having your Logos director, teacher, small group leader stay.

Yes, I still hurt,
Edie

If I didn't know better I would swear you were my good friend! Except her pastor told her that her dh couldn't help himself that he had an addiction (s*x) and it isn't his fault when he sleeps around!
Her Pastor couldn't understand why she and the kids left that church... her dh and his GF went there...... He was still allowed to be the Men's group leader......

 

[believe]

Let me guess, complaining but she probably does little to no volunteering at the church....

Sorry your DH had to receive that letter. After the weekend I had leading our youth and getting someone 'mad' at me, then he wouldn't except my apology I understand how hurtful the words can be. :hugs: to you and your dh.