GoldieSaysMeep
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- May 7, 2008
- Messages
- 1,225
Wedding is the weekend, finally and planning is pretty much almost done. I am not having a Disney wedding, just a Disney honeymoon but I know a lot of girls are in the starting to plan phase here and I just wanted to share my thoughts on 13 things I would or wouldn't have done differently.
1. Don't get married on a holiday. As much as FI & I love Halloween, if I could do it all again, I would have just gotten married on a different day. The expectation for everything to be soooo themed was high, the questions about costumes (both ways) get old, and there are always a handful of crazy people who insist that if you choose to get married on Halloween, you must be a devil worshipper
2. Decide on attendant gifts somewhat early. I waited until the week before rehearsal and there was some stress. I also got this great idea to get each girl a charm that represented something she loved but unfortunately I had this great idea 2 days before the rehearsal (after seeing a unique charm that really reminded me of one of them). I wound up finding something for each of them but not exactly what I would have liked. Don't listen to the web sites. Pick personal and practical gifts that won't wind up on a shelf.
3. Don't order a dress from the internet, from another country, no matter how great it looks on the website. I threw away over $500 this way and the only chance I have at getting it back is to sell a very poorly made, mismatched dress myself after the wedding sometime. Luckily I managed to find another dress that I loved that fit me off the rack locally for under $500 but still what a hassle.
4. Don't move a month before your wedding. I wanted to wait as long as possible to move in with FI before we were married but honestly, if I could do it again, we would have been moved in and settled months ahead of time.
5. Don't ask people you don't know to be in your wedding party. This includes family, or whoever else you feel obligated to include. Only ask your real friends. I can not stress this enough. I asked two of FI's friends wives (because I felt obligated because they took it upon themselves to help out anyway) and I wound up having to kick them out it was a nightmare.
6. Don't put up with people who seem hell bent on causing drama, stress or hurt. They say you can only kick a bridesmaid out if she is having an affair with the groom but I disagree. Weddings should be fun, and if someone constantly moans and groans that she's miserable, or constantly tells everyone else you know how much she can't stand being in your wedding, ask her to step down. Blatant cattiness, complaining constantly and overall snippy behaviour is not acceptable and I don't regret asking people to step down, and my wedding plans have been way less stressful since they left.
7. Take time off. Do not waste your vacation days from work on doing random crap 5 months before your wedding. I did not save any days and now have to work 8 hours a day + a 2 hour commute each way every day from now until my wedding. I wish I had taken this week off instead of the random week I took off in May to hang out at home.
8. Realize early on that no one is going to think everything you do is perfect and that you can't please everyone, all the time. Do what you want, within reason, and if other people want to spend the wedding reception complaining about the music selections or cake flavor, instead of enjoying all the other things that they do like, that is their problem and not yours. My mom, no lie, threw a hissy fit because I refused to include tons of twangy, classic, slow country on my poppy, Halloween party dance mix (for a wedding where over 80% of the guests are between 28 and 40 years old) and you know what, I know that at the end of the day, she'll be up doing the Time Warp with everyone else.
9. Don't waste money on things that aren't important to you. Decide what matters and when people ask you why you aren't having XYZ just say "I don't want to" and leave it at that. We aren't having a limo (seems like a waste to me), favors (we're donating to a charity instead) or real bridal flowers there will be bouquets and we're buying them at Stop & Shop the night before the wedding Don't feel pressured to have or do things because everyone else does.
10. Remember, if anything gets screwed up on the actual day, no one is going to even notice or care except you. I have been telling my DJ & Bridesmaids this for the last two weeks. DJ is a friends college age brother and he was worried about playing the wrong songs at the wrong times. I made him a cheat sheet and told him if he does happen to hit the wrong button, proceed to hit "stop" and then go to the right song. No worries. And told the bridesmaid that was worried about walking the wrong way or winding up in the wrong order that no one would even know. Seriously, your guests won't notice, know or care, even if they do.
11. Rain happens. There is nothing you can do about it. There is no law that says you can't put your wedding attire on some other day and go back out and take the outside pics you missed because of the weather. That's what we plan to do since all our pic ideas were for outside and it's scheduled to downpour the entire day.
12. Realize that true colors come out during wedding plans. Never before in my life have I appreciated my friends and family as much as I do now. I never really, truly realized what an amazing person my mother is until now. I never realized how very un-friend like some of my supposed friends really were until now, but on the other hand, several new friends have really stepped up and shown me what great people they are and I can't wait to spend more time with them once this is all over.
13. Thank your fiance every day for being a good guy (or girl).
Step back and think about all the things he (or she) does that makes them special. Make sure your gift to him is something special that he'd actually like, and not just something a web site tells you is a great grooms gift.
~My fiance spent last night staying up until 1 AM with me and while I worked on our reception music list, he single handedly designed and put together 20 gorgeous centerpieces (well, 2 for each table) that look like something you'd buy at a store.
~Instead of getting drunk and hanging out with skeevy strippers at his bachelor party, he instead brought my toddler nieces home "souveniers" from his party (the guys went to an arcade and he asked them all to pool their prize tickets and pitch in and trade the tickets for two little guitars for his future nieces)
~He and he alone helped me to address and mail all of the invitations and thank you notes
~I got very sick during the 2 months leading up to the wedding and on numerous occasions he cooked me dinner, surprised me with favorite take out food right when I got home from a bad commute, drew up a bath for me etc.
For his gift, instead of some trinket, I took him to the home opener for his favorite sports team, and got him the premium level seats. He said it was one of the best nights of his entire life and I know he'll remember it always.
5 days and counting
Best wishes to all the other future brides out there!
1. Don't get married on a holiday. As much as FI & I love Halloween, if I could do it all again, I would have just gotten married on a different day. The expectation for everything to be soooo themed was high, the questions about costumes (both ways) get old, and there are always a handful of crazy people who insist that if you choose to get married on Halloween, you must be a devil worshipper
2. Decide on attendant gifts somewhat early. I waited until the week before rehearsal and there was some stress. I also got this great idea to get each girl a charm that represented something she loved but unfortunately I had this great idea 2 days before the rehearsal (after seeing a unique charm that really reminded me of one of them). I wound up finding something for each of them but not exactly what I would have liked. Don't listen to the web sites. Pick personal and practical gifts that won't wind up on a shelf.
3. Don't order a dress from the internet, from another country, no matter how great it looks on the website. I threw away over $500 this way and the only chance I have at getting it back is to sell a very poorly made, mismatched dress myself after the wedding sometime. Luckily I managed to find another dress that I loved that fit me off the rack locally for under $500 but still what a hassle.
4. Don't move a month before your wedding. I wanted to wait as long as possible to move in with FI before we were married but honestly, if I could do it again, we would have been moved in and settled months ahead of time.
5. Don't ask people you don't know to be in your wedding party. This includes family, or whoever else you feel obligated to include. Only ask your real friends. I can not stress this enough. I asked two of FI's friends wives (because I felt obligated because they took it upon themselves to help out anyway) and I wound up having to kick them out it was a nightmare.
6. Don't put up with people who seem hell bent on causing drama, stress or hurt. They say you can only kick a bridesmaid out if she is having an affair with the groom but I disagree. Weddings should be fun, and if someone constantly moans and groans that she's miserable, or constantly tells everyone else you know how much she can't stand being in your wedding, ask her to step down. Blatant cattiness, complaining constantly and overall snippy behaviour is not acceptable and I don't regret asking people to step down, and my wedding plans have been way less stressful since they left.
7. Take time off. Do not waste your vacation days from work on doing random crap 5 months before your wedding. I did not save any days and now have to work 8 hours a day + a 2 hour commute each way every day from now until my wedding. I wish I had taken this week off instead of the random week I took off in May to hang out at home.
8. Realize early on that no one is going to think everything you do is perfect and that you can't please everyone, all the time. Do what you want, within reason, and if other people want to spend the wedding reception complaining about the music selections or cake flavor, instead of enjoying all the other things that they do like, that is their problem and not yours. My mom, no lie, threw a hissy fit because I refused to include tons of twangy, classic, slow country on my poppy, Halloween party dance mix (for a wedding where over 80% of the guests are between 28 and 40 years old) and you know what, I know that at the end of the day, she'll be up doing the Time Warp with everyone else.
9. Don't waste money on things that aren't important to you. Decide what matters and when people ask you why you aren't having XYZ just say "I don't want to" and leave it at that. We aren't having a limo (seems like a waste to me), favors (we're donating to a charity instead) or real bridal flowers there will be bouquets and we're buying them at Stop & Shop the night before the wedding Don't feel pressured to have or do things because everyone else does.
10. Remember, if anything gets screwed up on the actual day, no one is going to even notice or care except you. I have been telling my DJ & Bridesmaids this for the last two weeks. DJ is a friends college age brother and he was worried about playing the wrong songs at the wrong times. I made him a cheat sheet and told him if he does happen to hit the wrong button, proceed to hit "stop" and then go to the right song. No worries. And told the bridesmaid that was worried about walking the wrong way or winding up in the wrong order that no one would even know. Seriously, your guests won't notice, know or care, even if they do.
11. Rain happens. There is nothing you can do about it. There is no law that says you can't put your wedding attire on some other day and go back out and take the outside pics you missed because of the weather. That's what we plan to do since all our pic ideas were for outside and it's scheduled to downpour the entire day.
12. Realize that true colors come out during wedding plans. Never before in my life have I appreciated my friends and family as much as I do now. I never really, truly realized what an amazing person my mother is until now. I never realized how very un-friend like some of my supposed friends really were until now, but on the other hand, several new friends have really stepped up and shown me what great people they are and I can't wait to spend more time with them once this is all over.
13. Thank your fiance every day for being a good guy (or girl).
Step back and think about all the things he (or she) does that makes them special. Make sure your gift to him is something special that he'd actually like, and not just something a web site tells you is a great grooms gift. ~My fiance spent last night staying up until 1 AM with me and while I worked on our reception music list, he single handedly designed and put together 20 gorgeous centerpieces (well, 2 for each table) that look like something you'd buy at a store.
~Instead of getting drunk and hanging out with skeevy strippers at his bachelor party, he instead brought my toddler nieces home "souveniers" from his party (the guys went to an arcade and he asked them all to pool their prize tickets and pitch in and trade the tickets for two little guitars for his future nieces)
~He and he alone helped me to address and mail all of the invitations and thank you notes
~I got very sick during the 2 months leading up to the wedding and on numerous occasions he cooked me dinner, surprised me with favorite take out food right when I got home from a bad commute, drew up a bath for me etc.
For his gift, instead of some trinket, I took him to the home opener for his favorite sports team, and got him the premium level seats. He said it was one of the best nights of his entire life and I know he'll remember it always.
5 days and counting
Best wishes to all the other future brides out there!
My desire for nice outside photos in our wedding attire trumps any superstition I might have. 
But it's mostly done. 
Unfortunately, I didn't see any reviews at all prior to ordering. They primarily cater to goth & Halloween brides, or women having Medieval weddings. Not that there's many of us, but there's enough. I took it to a place to try and have it fixed and the woman at the alterations place said this was like the 3rd dress she's had from them over the last year that was totally screwed up, including some other woman in my general area who was also having a Halloween wedding this year. Those are pretty bad stats for a business... 
