12 year olds and cell phones- what has been your experience?

[emer95]

My almost-12 year old daughter wants a cell phone for Christmas. It is, in fact, the only thing she wants. She's a very responsible, well-behaved girl and she gets straight A's in school. Still, I don't know. Her father and I are discussing it. I really did not plan on getting her one for a couple of years, because I always know where she is. There have only been a few times where I have thought it would be nice if she had a phone so I could call her. Mostly when she's not with us she is at school or at a friend's house, and I know the family of that friend. I know that as time goes by she will want more freedom and spend more time away from us, in less supervised situations.

Did you ever get your kid a phone and regret it? That's my only fear, that a phone will cause problems and we'll wish we hadn't done it.

Right now I am leaning slightly toward "yes" for three reasons. 1) It will make her Christmas. She will be leaping and screaming with joy. 2) It's FREE with our plan! 3) We'll be getting her one someday anyway. We're just delaying the inevitable.

My husband is leaning toward "no" because he "just doesn't see a need for it."

Any advice?

Thanks!

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

If you think she is responsible go for it. I will say that straight A's doesn't mean squeaky clean and getting A's doesn't validate anything. There are kids who get A's and still find themselves in trouble. They are just smart enough to get out of it and not get caught. I'm sure your daughter is great though. I would get her a phone but keep an eye on the bill. Check when she's texting and if you see that it is occurring frequently during class-time you might want to talk about it.

 

[aprilgail2]

I see no reason NOT to get it. My daughter got one when she was 10 and I found it so great! When she would walk down to the park with her friends she would call me when she got there and when she left, if she was going someplace after the park etc.
She just turned 11 last week and I don't regret getting it one bit.....even on Saturday she was at the mall with her friends in one area and I was in the other, it was nice being able to keep in touch with her and call her when I wanted to meet up to leave... she also calls me from school when play rehearsal is done to get her or if she is catching a ride home with someone she will call to say not to come get her.

 

[declansdad]

I agree with your husband, there is no need for a 12 year old to have a cell phone.

 

[msmayor]

I'm with your husband on this one - our kids got phones when they really NEEDED them. High school seemed to be the benchmark, because they both were in sports and other activities and could call me when they were ready to be picked up. Also, that was the time when they did more with their friends OUTSIDE someone's home, where a phone was available for them to use, so they could call me in an emergency.

 

[stsomewhere]

My kids are 12 and 9. They both have one. My daughter (9) just got hers over the summer. Some of her friends do not have a home phones, so it can be difficult to reach her at their house. Now, she has her own phone to call or to be called.
She is responsible with it.
Both of my kids are involved with after school activities and scouts. Most places do not have pay phones anymore, so I feel much better with them having a phone.

ETA: Make sure you get a texting plan. My kids text much more.

 

[Dizneydaz]

I feel your pain. My recently turned 11 y/o DD wants one too. I've been telling her for years she doesn't need one. She's always with someone who has one, usually me. I am at all softball practices and games. All Girl Scout outings, etc.

Now it doesn't help when some of her friends have them, and have had them for years. I hate watching pre-teens spend so much time on the phones, especially texting!

I car pool in the a.m. and last year the 6th grader I drove got a cell phone. As soon as she got in my car she would start texting. I would ask her who was she texting already. She would laugh and say she was letting her friends know she was on her way to school-the same friends she would see in 5 minutes.

I can understand the need for kids who go home to an empty house needing a phone so mom and/or dad could get a hold of them.

My DD11 gets straight A's too. Oh, BTW, she's also after me for contact lenses. Her eye Dr. said it would okay once she turns 12. That's less than 11 months from now.

One thing about her having a cell phone is it would be a great bargaining tool-if she does something you don't like (like talk back, or roll her eyes one too many times, room messy, etc.) you could take it away for awhile. And I would have an agreement that you can look at her texts and pictures at any time. You never know what her friends may be sending her.

From a recent study

Studies show the average teenager texts about 3,000 times a month. Eighty percent of teens and pre-teens own a cell phone. And the rate of texting has skyrocketed 600 percent in the last three years. Some admit they feel addicted to texting.

3,000 texts a month!!! That's ridiculous That an average of 100 a day. If you figure only 30 seconds per text, that's almost an hour wasted every day.

 

[debster812]

I agree with your husband, there is no need for a 12 year old to have a cell phone.

I would have to agree to disagree with this.

We got DS a phone for his 12th birthday. He wanted one yes, but it also helped my piece of mind considerably.

He was getting to the age where we would carpool to his soccer practices (travel team, practices held in a central location to all the towns where the boys are from), and I very much liked knowing he could get hold of us if we were not there, and that we could get in touch with him as well.

This year, he played JV soccer at the HS as an 8th grader, and the fact that he had his phone on the long bus rides was HUGE for me.

We started him with a limited number of texts per month, and he was VERY responsible with them, we upgraded his texts last Christmas, and this year for his birthday, we got him unlimited texting.

I think every family has to decide for themselves, but to say that NO 12 year old needs a phone is a very broad brush to be painting with. For us, it was the right decision, for others it may not be.

 

[declansdad]

I would have to agree to disagree with this.

We got DS a phone for his 12th birthday. He wanted one yes, but it also helped my piece of mind considerably.

He was getting to the age where we would carpool to his soccer practices (travel team, practices held in a central location to all the towns where the boys are from), and I very much liked knowing he could get hold of us if we were not there, and that we could get in touch with him as well.

This year, he played JV soccer at the HS as an 8th grader, and the fact that he had his phone on the long bus rides was HUGE for me.

We started him with a limited number of texts per month, and he was VERY responsible with them, we upgraded his texts last Christmas, and this year for his birthday, we got him unlimited texting.

I think every family has to decide for themselves, but to say that NO 12 year old needs a phone is a very broad brush to be painting with. For us, it was the right decision, for others it may not be.

Why would you need to get hold of him if he was a practice and part of a carpool or on a bus with the team?

 

[Cinerbelle]

My 12 1/2 year old DD has had one since her 10th b-day and my 9 year old (almost 10) DS has had one since he was 8. We have had no problems (knock on wood)! Both kids have been very responsible with them. The reason we got my DD one originally was because we do not have a house phone and she was starting to want to talk to her friends on the phone... I didn't want her on my phone all the time, she wanted a phone for her b-day and it was free, so great b-day present!! My son got one because I wanted him to have one in case I was running late in picking him up from school. That did happen a couple of times due to traffic. He waited in front of the school an extra 10 minutes and didn't wonder where I was. I say go for it... if it becomes a problem you can take it away.

 

[leight]

We got my oldest daughter her cell phone at 12. She was the only one who didn't have one and many of her friends' families no longer have landlines-so it is not always easy to reach them and check in. It wasn't a necessity, it was a birthday gift and a convenience for us. We do not find it necessary to add or pay for texting tho. She is now 13 and still won't get texting until high school - dh & I don't have it and don't see the need for it when you can't use the phone during school and you can call someone outside school and talk. It bothers her that she can't text and I am waiting for her to offer the $10 a month to add texting from her allowance- but that won't be allowed until next year. She also does not have the ability to download or access the internet -we had all of that blocked out of necessity. We simply can't afford to face a large 'accidental' bill.

My 10 yr old is frothing at the bit to get a phone but out of fairness she won't get one until she is 12. In reality, she is very irresponsible so I am glad that we have a logical excuse not to add her to the plan. She will need the insurance added as well!

 

[Buckalew11]

My DD was 10 and I have no regrets. She's a great kid and very responsible. Her having a phone gives me peace of mind. It has been 6 years and we've never had any phone issues. Plus, we are only on phone #2.

 

[bettyann29]

I dont think that it necessarily matters what age the child is.. its an individual thing.. My daughter was 12 a few days after Christmas last year and we got her a cell phone for Christmas and she is very responsible.. We set up the ground rules up front and she has never given us a problem with it.. The way I looked at it was that once they hit middle school it really is good for them to have one as there are more after school activities and I like knowing that I can reach her whenever I choose to..

 

[mhsjax]

My kids get their phones when they enter the 6th grade, so age 11. I love them having a cell phone. They are frequently out and about, not at one particular person's house. WE live in a pretty small neighborhood and if I need to get in touch with her I can just call her. I also like it because if she is somewhere, say at a party at a friends house and is uncomfortable, she can just call me on her cell or text me without making a big scene. This happened to a friend and she was at a very close friends house, but other guests at the party were doing things that she wasn't comfortable with, so she just called her mom from the bathroom to come and get her.

 

[MushyMushy]

3,000 texts a month!!! That's ridiculous That an average of 100 a day. If you figure only 30 seconds per text, that's almost an hour wasted every day.

Your kids must not text like mine then. Theirs are usually:

k
LOL

<3
Ya
No
What's for dinner?

7 seconds.

 

[shortbun]

My almost-12 year old daughter wants a cell phone for Christmas. It is, in fact, the only thing she wants. She's a very responsible, well-behaved girl and she gets straight A's in school. Still, I don't know. Her father and I are discussing it. I really did not plan on getting her one for a couple of years, because I always know where she is. There have only been a few times where I have thought it would be nice if she had a phone so I could call her. Mostly when she's not with us she is at school or at a friend's house, and I know the family of that friend. I know that as time goes by she will want more freedom and spend more time away from us, in less supervised situations.

Did you ever get your kid a phone and regret it? That's my only fear, that a phone will cause problems and we'll wish we hadn't done it.

Right now I am leaning slightly toward "yes" for three reasons. 1) It will make her Christmas. She will be leaping and screaming with joy. 2) It's FREE with our plan! 3) We'll be getting her one someday anyway. We're just delaying the inevitable.

My husband is leaning toward "no" because he "just doesn't see a need for it."

Any advice?

Thanks!

My advice is that you read your post as if it's from another parent and decide based on what you read.


Free, good and responsible student, 12yo...just make sure you add unlimited texts which should cost you about 10-15$ a month. You should learn to text as well.

 

[GJM]

My DS was 8 or 9 when he got his. He will be 11 next month. He is very responsible with his phone, doesn't spend that much time on it, and he does text at times.

As another poster said - it gives me piece of mind. When he is out playing with his friends, he can be at 2 or 3 houses we all live pretty close so he knows how far to go. If I need him I can call him or he calls me and tells me where he is.

I just never saw it as a big deal if he got a cell phone -

 

[aprilgail2]

Your kids must not text like mine then. Theirs are usually:

k
LOL

<3
Ya
No
What's for dinner?

7 seconds.

LOL---that looks like some of our texts! Between me and my daughter we do close to 10,000 texts a month!

 

[woodkins]

My dd got hers for her 8th bday. She uses it to keep in touch with friends from other schools that are on her cheer team, let me know when to pick her up from playdates, etc. There are rules as to when she can use it and she is not allowed to take it to school with her.

 

[mjkacmom]

Dd14 and ds12 got theirs in 6th grade, like most kids here. Dd9 has one, but uses it only for dance (about 10 hours a week - I like her to be able to call us). I can't remember the last time one of their friends called our land line - it's how they keep in contact and make plans with friends (texting). They're very involved in outside activities, have been walking to school since the 2nd grade, have the run of the town (the 2 older ones), and the cellphone keeps us connected (where they are going after school, where they are on the weekends, when they need a ride...). We've had no problems at all in regards to cellphones - all the kids have them, they're nothing unique. They're like the teen line in my day.