12 year old forgetting homework

[CRB#33]

My DS, who is in 7th grade seems to be having trouble remembering his homework. I just found his book of the month report on his floor!!! It's due today.

Part of me wants to take it to him (the part that cares more about his grade than he does), and the other part of me wants him to suffer the consequences and maybe he'll grow up a bit. He did the same thing in another subject last week.

The killer is, he has the work completed. He's just lazy. He doesn't put things where they belong, so he forgets them.

I know we all forget things from time to time, but I constantly am asking him if he has everything. I asked him about this report too.

Any suggestions on how to teach organizational skills to one of the laziest creatures going would be appreciated.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

As soon as you figure that one out let me know.

I have a pretty red Algebra II book sitting on my dining room table right now.

If it is a Major grade, I'd take it to him and make him scrub the kitchen floor as payment for your time and services.

 

[nativetxn]

Any suggestions on how to teach organizational skills to one of the laziest creatures going would be appreciated.

I tried everything with my son and nothing worked. When he went away to college he got a little bit better but still not great and flunked a couple of classes (very expensive organizational lesson, there).

Somewhere around his junior year he realized that he truly didn't not want to be an undergraduate for the rest of his life and he got his act together. That was also the time that he began working in earnest on his major instead of general ed classes and that might have had something to do with it.

The one thing we did that helped a little was to choose a place for him to put his school work everynight before bed. In seventh grade that was a folder in his backpack on a little table next to the door in our foyer (sometimes he still forgot the entire backpack). When he got his drivers license, he began putting his work in his car before he went to bed. That way it was with him the next day.

Good luck with this, I know it's frustrating--but thank goodness you have a good kid who is just unorganized--as I always reminded myself, there are much worse things

 

[swanmom]

PLEASE IGNORE THIS AND LOOK BELOW. FOR SOME REASON, IT WILL NOT DELETE.

Some suggestions that helped us:
1) A specific place to do homework every night. That way all materials stay somewhat 'contained' and are all in the same place when it's time to pack up.

2) In a convenient place you use every morning, place a list of what is needed for each day of the week. E.G. My DD's says:
Monday - agenda signed

Set aside a particular ten minutes each morning (we do this
right before we leave) to

 

[swanmom]

Some suggestions that helped us:
1) Have 'one place' to list all assignments. By 7th grade, a date book or PDA is a must.

2) A specific place to do homework every night. That way all materials stay somewhat 'contained' and are all in the same place when it's time to pack up. Part of our problem was that one night she'd be at the kitchen table and the next night she was up in her room. We never knew where materials would end up.

3) In a convenient place you use every morning, place a list of what is needed for each day of the week. E.G. My DD's says:
Monday - agenda signed
Gym shoes
Clarinet
Tuesday - Spanish stuff
Computer class
Wednesday - etc. etc.
At the bottom of the list, we put stuff that needs to be taken to school daily. E.G. lunch, snack, assignment book.

4) Set aside a particular ten minutes each morning (we do this
right before breakfast) to be sure that everything on the list above is packed and ready to go. This only works if you really do it everyday at roughly the same time. P.S. Don't do five minutes right before you leave. What happens then is you discover things are missing/undone and don't have time to do anything about it without making them late for school. My DD was told that if this ten minutes wasn't enough and we frequently found stuff missing/undone that she'd have to get up earlier to allow more time. She got the message loud and clear.

5) For a while, when things we really bad, my DD had to empty her backpack in front of me the minute she got home to be sure that she had remembered to bring home everything she needed.
Now we've been able to skip that step.

6) After all this, there were a few unfrequent slip-ups which we just forgave (but then everyone can forget things sometimes.) However, if she didn't follow the steps or the pattern of forgetting stuff began to repeat itself, our final resort was to 'charge' her for any extra trips to school (mom dropping stuff off or DD going back to get stuff she forgot.) We 'charged' her part of her allowance because other people had to give up time to fix the situation for her. We liked this consequence because she still had to complete her work (no bad impact on grades) but that you can't just assume that mom/dad will rescue everytime without consequences.

 

[Christine]

Welcome to my world!!! My 12 year old daughter has brought home a homework notice or demerit (sometimes 2-3) each night for the last 2 weeks! She is VERY disorganized, yet we do most of the things suggested above.

She does her homework in one place every night and when it is all finished it is all packed up and put back in the backpack. Invariably, something is *still* forgotten. Either she didn't complete the assignment entirely, or one stray folder has made it somewhere else in the house. Kind of hard NOT for that to happen when she has 26 separate pocket folders, 6 textbooks, a "homework" folder, and various other stuff the school sends home. I'm not sure that even I could cope with it. BUT, having said all that it is her responsibility, whether or not it is unrealistic. The school had a meeting with all of us parents at the beginning of the year and asked us to support the teachers with these homework notices and demerits and not go trying to *save* our kids from them. So I am doing that. We do not go back and pick up forgotten books, nor are assignments brought in by the parents--very frowned upon. Every night that my daughter gets a homework notice, she loses all of her pleasures for that evening. No TV, no X-Box, no on-line (unless it is homework). Believe it or not, we are really making progress with it!! I don't think she will every be cured. Some people are inherintly neat and organized, some are total wrecks, and some are in between (which is me). I think you should let your son suffer the consequences and then he will realize that it is up to him to get his stuff in. He may never be beautifully organized but you do need to get him to stop and think about it.

 

[LisaTx]

I would not take the homework to school. Yes, it will hurt their grade, but I would rather my kids learn that lesson in elementary or Jr. High when the grades are not as important.

The only time I have ever taken anything to school was when it involved a group project and another childs grade would have been hurt.

 

[RitaZ.]

My son is in 6th grade and if he forgets any homework, he gets a zero (which equals an F). No second chances to turn it in, that's it. If they forget the homework 3 times, they get detention. His school doesn't allow parents to bring forgotten assignments. It's a lesson that THEY have to learn the hard way. My son's Reading grade has dropped because of this, he does the work at home, puts it in his backpack, but then can't find it when he gets to school.

So... I went to Target and bought a plastic accordion file where he is to keep all homework that is finished. All he has to do when he gets to class is pull out the homework file and all the homework assignments are in one place. No need to pull out the folder for the class, the homework file it's all labeled and organized. DS admitted to me that this folder is really helping. Go figure!!! The folder that I bought for DS has 7 compartments, that's just perfect for his needs.

Hang in there!

 

[Disney Doll]

If he has no other factors (ie-learning disabilites, "special needs"student), I'd let him take the fall. Some lessons have to be learned the hard way.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I'm giving a shout out to ya'! I have a 12yodd who is under swanmoms #5 rule. I have done this since Aug25. I am out of my mind. However her grades are good, I think?
2 hours a day (saying this thru clenched teeth) I am supervising her homework.
Also I am going thru her locker once a week.
If she gets 3 late assignments in a quarter the punishment is I will drive & pick her up from school. (so far so good on that one, I think?)
I am going to contact her teachers next week and ask about her grades.
Basically I am a Pit Bull on her rear.

I am hoping & praying she is going to "get it"....

 

[MerryPoppins]

We do the homework folder thing. All incoming and outgoing homework needs to be filed in that folder.

We just made the "before going to bed" and "before going out the door" lists to go over every day.

We check her agenda daily. She shares what is happening in her classes, what work they did and if the work is turned in or still unfinished. That way we know what is going on.

Last year we gave her a chart each week. We planned a reward if she filled in enough checks on the chart. Sometimes it was ice cream, pizza or a movie rental. She worked hard at turning in her work so she could check off another box. Sometimes positive reinforcement works better than anything. BTW, I still have a copy if anyone is interested.

 

[Krisu]

After being on my DS's back all the time (and leading to arguments) I backed off and told him he was old enough to know what his responsibilities are at school and if he fails it's up to him to improve. Also told him after high school he has 3 choices, 1)college 2) Tech school for a trade 3) Military. He has to make the choice. We will not be supporting him after 18 unless he's a student.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally posted by MerryPoppins
We do the homework folder thing. All incoming and outgoing homework needs to be filed in that folder.

Sometimes positive reinforcement works better than anything. BTW, I still have a copy if anyone is interested.

You know I was thinking about starting a "folder" for her. Basically forcing her to "use" it. She has 5 folders in her binder.

Hmmm maybe I will employ some positive reinforcement for next quarter... what I don't know, but I will think of something.

Krisu, I know what you mean. That is what I had been doing, but this year it won't work for her as she needs my help. When she started 7th she seemed to have checked her brain at the door.

Good Thread, thanks

 

[CRB#33]

Well, it turns out the little bugger lucked out (again )

He took his rough draft by mistake. The teacher told him he could hand that in and bring in the good copy tomorrow with no penalty.

If this was the first time, I'd be relieved, but you guys gave such great ideas that I'm going to try some of them.

He's now doing his homework at the kitchen table. He's also going to put all of his homework in the same folder...the one with his agenda in it. He never seems to forget that.

Of course, he doesn't understand why I'm doing this now because everything is okay in his mind.

Just eliminating all probability of faliure.

Thanks everyone

 

[sharbear]

When my DS was in the 7th grade we had this same problem. We were very pro-active about checking the assignment book and having all of our books. It got to be such a problem that we had him tested for ADD and he had no problem. We had a conference with his teachers. It was amazing, the teacher's had to give up their lunch hour, 7 out of 8 teacher's showed up including the guidance counselor and the prinicipal. The teachers' said that we were doing the right thing. That kids mature at different rates and some kids just need help being organized. We also made some changes such as not sitting him at the back of the room with all of the chatty kids.

It was hard work but it has really paid off. His grades are much better, he is not forgetting assignments, and he is in Honor's classes this year for the first time. We are so happy with the results, our DS has really matured. I still have him talk to me and organize what he has to do each night, but he doesn't seem to forget things anymore.

 

[JetMom]

This must be a National Epidemic! I just got off the phone with the Mom of my DS's best friend. They are in 6th grade and they are both having trouble with organizational skills.

We are both using many of the tips on this thread. One place to do homework, checking the assignment pad, chacking backpack before bed, etc.

It's a long road, but hopefully we will see progress soon.

 

[Tuffcookie]

I have an 11 year old son in the 6th grade and I'm going thru the same thing! I saw some motivational tapes on QVC a couple of weeks ago and broke down and ordered them. It's a series called "Where There's a Will There's an A". It is suppose to help with a child's study habits and organizational skills. There are 6 tapes in the the set. Even if he doesn't use all of the stategies outlined in the tapes, I feel it will be worth if if he even takes a few things out of them and applies them to his work. Wish us luck!

TC

 

[MerryPoppins]

I found the high school version of those tapes on ebay and bought them for my kids. I figured that since DD is gifted and in the 7th grade, she and her brother could both use the same set if I got the high school ones. MIne only has 2 tapes and a book, but the cost was right. I don't have them yet, but I'm looking forward to watching them for some new ideas.

 

[disneychrista]

My 5th grader is having this problem too. She keeps bring home read slips because she either "forgets" to hand something in or forgot to bring it home to do. I let it slip the first few weeks of school but I told her, red slip = grounding for the weekend.