I did learn that there are 2 things you can give kids - your love and the gift of Becoming. If you spoon feed life to them - choices, smoothing the way, keeping them from failing, falling etc. - they don't have the independence to handle life on their own. Failing builds self esteem. It's such a gift to be able to let them find their own way and it's the hardest thing for parents to do - to hold back and not help them.
I thought that I had stayed home so that I could give them the purple sippy cup when they wanted it or carrots cut up in a certain way etc. I still do some of this because I am their mother and not their teacher. But I try to let them fall down sometimes too so they know they can handle it.