HEY KATHY:
Here's a little something for you 
:
________________________________________________________
Remember a few years back when the nation chuckled at Ohio State because the school put a picture of a pistachio instead of a buckeye on the cover of its annual football guide?
No ....Neither do we.
Oh wait, that’s because it wasn’t Ohio State. It was Florida. Back in 2003, the Gators actually pasted a photo of a crocodile instead of an alligator on the cover of their annual football guide.
A tiny mistake — like hiring Ron Zook or leaving your blinker on all day or naming your son Elian.
Outside of that Cuban kid, the atrocious drivers and roaches the size of rottweilers, Florida — and Gators football — remains pretty much a mystery for Ohioans.
Why stop the football Ferrari that is the 12-0 Buckeyes to study the next speed bump? Good question, so we’ll keep this short.
OHIO VS. FLORIDA
Weather Florida: Sunny, warm and beautiful. Snow is seen only by the kilo in shipments from Colombia.
Ohio: Ranges from beautiful to brutal. But at least you know your bungalow isn’t going to end up in three different counties when the wind starts blowing.
Advantage: Buckeyes.
Official bird
Florida: The Bird, given to anyone driving 35 in the left lane of I- 95, which is approximately half the population.
Ohio: The cardinal.
Advantage: Buckeyes.
The cheer
Florida: The Gator Chomp. Makes fans look like a drunken Frankenstein trying to clap.
Ohio: O-H . . . (dramatic pause) . . . I-O.
Advantage: Buckeyes.
Dimpled Chad
Florida: Refers to the national embarrassment of the 2000 election.
Ohio: Refers to a Michigan QB named Henne, who has three years’ worth of Buckeyes helmet imprints on his derriere.
Advantage: Buckeyes.
Notable yellowish substance
Florida: Gatorade, a concoction of water and corn syrup called a “sports drink.” It’s one of the biggest sources of pride for Florida students and alumni.
Ohio: Yellow snow.
Advantage: Even.
Biggest source of traffic slowdowns
Florida: Early-bird specials.
Ohio: Early-season snow.
Advantage: Buckeyes.
Oft-heard question
Florida: “Honey, did you move my teeth?”
Ohio: “Honey, did you move my Heisman?”
Advantage: Puhleez.
Disgraced politico
Florida: Rep. Mark Foley, always on the prowl.
Ohio: Rep. James Traficant, always on the take.
Advantage: Buckeyes.
Frequently seen window treatments
Florida: Plywood.
Ohio: Curtains.
Advantage: Buckeyes.
Three most important game-savers
Florida: Cialis, Viagra and Levitra.
Ohio: Troy Smith, Ted Ginn Jr. and Anthony Gonzalez.
Advantage: Buckeyes.
Biggest celebration day of 2007
Florida: Sept. 9 (Grandparents Day).
Ohio: Jan. 9 (the day after another national title)
Advantage: Buckeyes.
The results
It’s Ohio State in a rout. That should surprise nobody. And, you Florida fans, don’t bother calling to complain. We already know what you’re going to say. What a croc.
