Would you leave your 12 year old in the gift shop...

[peekies722]

My daughter (12) and I will be travelling to Disney in March with another adult, a 21 year old gal who love, love, loves everything Disney and has never been. DD and I are beyond thrilled to take her for the first time and can't wait to see her face when she finally sees what she's always dreamed of!

DD is a bit of a ride chicken and still won't even consider ToT or RnRC (although she actually is willing to give Everest a try for the first time this trip!). I want our friend to get to see these, and I can't decide if I should send her on her own and stay back with DD, or if, for crying out loud the kid is 12 years old, I was babysitting at her age, and of course she will be just fine hanging out until we get off and go along! I hate to miss them myself on any trip! It's just the 3 of us travelling.

Which part of me is crazy? I should add that she occasionally is home for an hour or so alone, is a very bright and responsible girl, and knows all about stranger danger. If she were with a friend it would be a no brainer. But alone? Opinions?

I have a 12yr old daughter, she sounds similar to your daughter, responsible and mature. My answer would be yes, to leave her. We have left DD12 at Yak and Yeti while we rode the Rapids, I guess it's not cool to get soaking wet when your a tween. She chose to hang back, read her book while sipping on a soda and wait for us. She had a cell phone and her guard up.

Being a NYC/Brooklyn kid, she is very street smart and we've taught her not to trust anybody, even at WDW.

We made her aware of who to go to if something were to happen, preferably an older female CM, in a more high traffic area. We scoped out the area and the potential people and places she could go to if she sensed danger. This was all just precaution, but for the most part we trusted her and her good common sense.

We've always thought that outdoor eateries were more safe than inside a gift shop. Outside there are more people close by, CMs sweeping, cleaning tables, less involved in helping a guest with let's say a purchase. Also I think things are less likely to happen in a more out in the open setting.

 

[skater]

Is this a serious question?!?! I would do the same thing I did with him when he was 5, tell him to go use the men's room!

It was a serious question. Just different parenting styles. No big deal.

 

[minnie mum]

I wonder if he can see through the stalls?

What a very odd question. Care to elaborate?

 

[nchulka]

It was a serious question. Just different parenting styles. No big deal.

I don't think making a 10 year old boy go in the ladies room at the mall with his mom can be called a parenting style that is paranoia!

 

[skater]

I don't think making a 10 year old boy go in the ladies room at the mall with his mom can be called a parenting style that is paranoia!

You can judge and label all you want, I'm going to Disney in 45 days - I'm a happy camper right now.

 

[skater]

What a very odd question. Care to elaborate?

Sorry, I'm getting weary of the tone of some of the posts. I personally have no problem taking a 9/10 year old boy into a bathroom with stalls. He's doesn't have x-ray vision and he's not climbing under them. It really depends on where the bathroom is. Some places feel safer than others of course. Its obviously not ideal to take a boy into a woman's bathroom, but sometimes it feels safer.

 

[alecshawn]

I don't think making a 10 year old boy go in the ladies room at the mall with his mom can be called a parenting style that is paranoia!

No but its weird.
I have never hear of a child that is 10 , boy or girl go in the opposite sex restroom...thats just creepy.
My DD is 5...she already refuses to goto boys restrooms. And, rightfully so.
I mean, i can understand a 3 y.o. or even 4...but 10. Sorry, that parent...mom or dad needs help.

 

[skater]

No but its weird.
I have never hear of a child that is 10 , boy or girl go in the opposite sex restroom...thats just creepy.
My DD is 5...she already refuses to goto boys restrooms. And, rightfully so.
I mean, i can understand a 3 y.o. or even 4...but 10. Sorry, that parent...mom or dad needs help.

Guess I need help .

 

[minnie mum]

Sorry, I'm getting weary of the tone of some of the posts. I personally have no problem taking a 9/10 year old boy into a bathroom with stalls. He's doesn't have x-ray vision and he's not climbing under them. It really depends on where the bathroom is. Some places feel safer than others of course. Its obviously not ideal to take a boy into a woman's bathroom, but sometimes it feels safer.

It apparently feels safer to you. But a 10 year old boy does not belong in a woman's bathroom and women and girls should not have to be subjected to his presence. No he cannot see through the stall doors. But he can certainly stare at everyone waiting to go in or at the sinks/mirrors/vending machines.

If you must hover, then hover outside the door to the men's room. If you hear your son yell, feel free to invade their territory. And when the choice of a family/companion restroom is available, use it.

 

[alecshawn]

It apparently feels safer to you. But a 10 year old boy does not belong in a woman's bathroom and women and girls should not have to be subjected to his presence. No he cannot see through the stall doors. But he can certainly stare at everyone waiting to go in or at the sinks/mirrors/vending machines.

If you must hover, then hover outside the door to the men's room. If you hear your son yell, feel free to invade their territory. And when the choice of a family/companion restroom is available, use it.

110% correct. Stay outside the door and wait..And yes....the "family" restroom solves all this.

 

[nchulka]

Sorry, I'm getting weary of the tone of some of the posts. I personally have no problem taking a 9/10 year old boy into a bathroom with stalls. He's doesn't have x-ray vision and he's not climbing under them. It really depends on where the bathroom is. Some places feel safer than others of course. Its obviously not ideal to take a boy into a woman's bathroom, but sometimes it feels safer.

That's exactly it! YOU FEEL safer. When people really break down their reasoning for being overprotective with their kids it's really all about the parent wanting to FEEL safe/in control. You are NOT in control of life, at any given moment anything can happen. Parents want to FEEL calm and as long as they can keep their child in sight they have a false sense of security. Nevermind that their actions are actually counterproductive and making their kid much less safe in the long run. People don't typically have any anxiety over driving a car yet feel nervous on a plane, because they do not FEEL in control in the plane like they do in a car. Realistically you have a much greater danger of being killed/injured in a car. Most people loose all rationality of what dangers there really are in life and spend their time obsessing over the most unlikely ones. In the process you are handicapping your son in order to make yourself FEEL better now. Let him go out on his own, learn to deal with your anxiety, don't let it cripple him!

 

[jahber]

Sorry, I'm getting weary of the tone of some of the posts. I personally have no problem taking a 9/10 year old boy into a bathroom with stalls. He's doesn't have x-ray vision and he's not climbing under them. It really depends on where the bathroom is. Some places feel safer than others of course. Its obviously not ideal to take a boy into a woman's bathroom, but sometimes it feels safer.

I get what you're saying, in theory. But 10 years old? Let's see what happens when he tries that at school. "But the girls' bathrooms are safer! And anyway, I'm not looking at anyone!"

 

[tiffjoy]

Not attacking but at what age can a kid go to the bathroom by himself?
If a kid is 14 but on the small side is it still ok to drag him into the girls bathroom.

the problem with this is that YOU have decided to make others feel unsafe in what is supposed to be their space. YOU are now impacting their experience because of your selfishness and that's not fair.

If some one leaves a kid by himself generally only that person is involved but what you do is not the same.

Yes I would feel uncomfortable seeing a boy in the little girls room especially if I had a little girl in there. I also wouldn't advise my husband to take my 9 year old neice into the mens room with him.

You say you are keeping your son safe but now I have to worry about my female child because of your kid (who since I don't know could be just as dangerous). So the translation I'm getting is yes, I'll break the rules and the heck with every one else.

I've seen some tall 9 year olds so yep, I'd probably be looking for security if I walked in with my 4 yo to see a kid standing up against a stall in the womens room.

I only have DDs, so this doesn't apply much to me (although I guess it applies to my DH...) but I have never understood the big deal about this. The child isn't watching me go to the bathroom- I'm in a stall, private from anyone. I'm not sure what exactly is "uncomfortable" about this? Or especially how a nine year old boy with his mom can make a grown woman feel "unsafe in their space?"

I also know people have children with special needs, and you often can't tell just by looking. So I'm very careful about not judging.

 

[alecshawn]

That's exactly it! YOU FEEL safer. When people really break down their reasoning for being overprotective with their kids it's really all about the parent wanting to FEEL safe/in control. You are NOT in control of life, at any given moment anything can happen. Parents want to FEEL calm and as long as they can keep their child in sight they have a false sense of security. Nevermind that their actions are actually counterproductive and making their kid much less safe in the long run. People don't typically have any anxiety over driving a car yet feel nervous on a plane, because they do not FEEL in control in the plane like they do in a car. Realistically you have a much greater danger of being killed/injured in a car. Most people loose all rationality of what dangers there really are in life and spend their time obsessing over the most unlikely ones. In the process you are handicapping your son in order to make yourself FEEL better now. Let him go out on his own, learn to deal with your anxiety, don't let it cripple him!

Perfectly stated. We need more Andy Griffith style parenting....and alot less BS parenting these days. I really think the above post is spot on.

 

[skater]

It apparently feels safer to you. But a 10 year old boy does not belong in a woman's bathroom and women and girls should not have to be subjected to his presence. No he cannot see through the stall doors. But he can certainly stare at everyone waiting to go in or at the sinks/mirrors/vending machines.

If you must hover, then hover outside the door to the men's room. If you hear your son yell, feel free to invade their territory. And when the choice of a family/companion restroom is available, use it.

My son is actually past this age now, but believe it or not, he is fine and I don't think we messed up too many women and girls with his presence. He didn't stare at anyone either. But thanks for the advice. I didn't mess up my middle child either, somehow . I really was just pointing out, that judging other people's parenting usually doesn't help anybody.

 

[skater]

I get what you're saying, in theory. But 10 years old? Let's see what happens when he tries that at school. "But the girls' bathrooms are safer! And anyway, I'm not looking at anyone!"

A lot different than the mall.

 

[skater]

I only have DDs, so this doesn't apply much to me (although I guess it applies to my DH...) but I have never understood the big deal about this. The child isn't watching me go to the bathroom- I'm in a stall, private from anyone. I'm not sure what exactly is "uncomfortable" about this? Or especially how a nine year old boy with his mom can make a grown woman feel "unsafe in their space?"

I also know people have children with special needs, and you often can't tell just by looking. So I'm very careful about not judging.

This is refreshing! I have never minded it either. Even with my perfect little first born daughter (back when I thought I knew everything ). If a parent felt that it was unsafe to send their young boy into a men's bathroom in a big store or WalMart - I just didn't care.

 

[catherines_mama]

Like everyone, only you know her and how responsible / cautious she is. My oldest are 5 months apart (blended). 11 yr old girl - YES in a second. 11 yr old boy - never ever, maybe closer to 15 with him. Our 7 yr old, I am with PP, maybe when she's 30.

ToT and RNR also have chicken exits. She can wait with you, then duck through the exit and meet you in gift shop. CMs will make sure she knows where to go.

 

[skater]

That's exactly it! YOU FEEL safer. When people really break down their reasoning for being overprotective with their kids it's really all about the parent wanting to FEEL safe/in control. You are NOT in control of life, at any given moment anything can happen. Parents want to FEEL calm and as long as they can keep their child in sight they have a false sense of security. Nevermind that their actions are actually counterproductive and making their kid much less safe in the long run. People don't typically have any anxiety over driving a car yet feel nervous on a plane, because they do not FEEL in control in the plane like they do in a car. Realistically you have a much greater danger of being killed/injured in a car. Most people loose all rationality of what dangers there really are in life and spend their time obsessing over the most unlikely ones. In the process you are handicapping your son in order to make yourself FEEL better now. Let him go out on his own, learn to deal with your anxiety, don't let it cripple him!

Well, its too late, I guess I've ruined my sons . Somehow they're not handicapped, and one of them is actually way more independent than other boys his age. Way more driven too. Seriously, I've given you almost zero information to make these kind of statements. Which of us doesn't make safety judgements for our kids? They may be different, but we do it. Perhaps there was some of the "making me feel better" in my decisions, who knows? But like everyone else on this thread, I made the decisions I thought were best for my kids in various situations and I still do. Somehow they seem to be making it through despite my anxiety and attempts to cripple them.

 

[skater]

Like everyone, only you know her and how responsible / cautious she is. My oldest are 5 months apart (blended). 11 yr old girl - YES in a second. 11 yr old boy - never ever, maybe closer to 15 with him. Our 7 yr old, I am with PP, maybe when she's 30.

ToT and RNR also have chicken exits. She can wait with you, then duck through the exit and meet you in gift shop. CMs will make sure she knows where to go.

They're all different aren't they? The chicken exits seem to be a great option - she won't be alone for long.