Would you leave your 12 year old in the gift shop...

[eliza61]

I only have DDs, so this doesn't apply much to me (although I guess it applies to my DH...) but I have never understood the big deal about this. The child isn't watching me go to the bathroom- I'm in a stall, private from anyone. I'm not sure what exactly is "uncomfortable" about this? Or especially how a nine year old boy with his mom can make a grown woman feel "unsafe in their space?"

I also know people have children with special needs, and you often can't tell just by looking. So I'm very careful about not judging.

1. It uncomfortable because when Iv turn the corner in a FEMALE bathroom I don't expect you find a male. That is why they have separate spaces to begin with

2. I've, never seen them go inside the stalls with their mommies, there always hanging outside the stall waiting. Yes that is creepy.

3. There are little girls in there also. Since they are in the restroom they are supposed to be in, they now have to see a boy in there. No I don't want to explain to a 4 or 5 yo neice why a boy (and a big boy at that) is in the girls bathroom.

Big difference between a 9 year old and a 5 year old. Of a9 year old cash function at school he can survive 4 minutes in the mens room with his mom guarding the entrance

 

[pickles]

AS previously posted, I would not leave my kids at 12. Now, at home, my daughter watches her little brother without thought. But these days, I don't trust strangers to be kind,decent and safe.In my line of work I see the very worst of human life form, and what they can do to others. My kids are confident and strong and know how to take care of themselves, but they are KIDS, not little adults. They should never HAVE to defend themselves. I am their mom, their gaurdian and protector. I know that they are safe in our home. But, I am also the same mom who will absolutly drag my 9 year old SON into the ladies room, if I feel like it is unsafe for him to go to the mens room alone..... So I hope the Women who claims that this is rediculous isn't in there. I would HATE to make her feel uncomfortable for MY son's safety

I managed to avoid comment for 14 pages and was proud of myself, but I bolded the above statement and have to point ut..you KNOW nothing..you hope, you are hedging the odds, but you know nothing. 27 people went to an elementary school one day knowing it was one of the safest places to be..sadly theirs is a different story now.

We can drag our older sons to the womens bathroom and care less how we are affecting those around us or if we are even affecting our sons. Or we can be safe and considerate and simply stand outside the mens room and wait
for our sons or when in Disney use companion bathrooms which are everywhere

But to dream we KNOW our children are safe at home, shows we know nothing , but have some false sense of security about home and a false sense of insecurity when out in public.
The number one person to do a crime against you is someone you know..its your preacher that molests your sons, or your boyfriend who beats you senseless..it is rarely the stranger in the disney bathroom or standing at the ride exit that is ready to run off with some 12 yr old kid..

life is dangerous..we didnt come born surrounded by bubble wrap

 

[tiffjoy]

1. It uncomfortable because when Iv turn the corner in a FEMALE bathroom I don't expect you find a male. That is why they have separate spaces to begin with

2. I've, never seen them go inside the stalls with their mommies, there always hanging outside the stall waiting. Yes that is creepy.

3. There are little girls in there also. Since they are in the restroom they are supposed to be in, they now have to see a boy in there. No I don't want to explain to a 4 or 5 yo neice why a boy (and a big boy at that) is in the girls bathroom.

Big difference between a 9 year old and a 5 year old. Of a9 year old cash function at school he can survive 4 minutes in the mens room with his mom guarding the entrance

Thanks for explaining. I don't personally share any of your worries, especially finding an average nine year old "creepy." I've never been bothered by it, and I don't have concern over taking my DD3 with me if there is a boy in the restroom.

To me, it's just not something worth getting worked up over, like I see happen so often on the DisBoards.

 

[LaurenT]

I managed to avoid comment for 14 pages and was proud of myself, but I bolded the above statement and have to point ut..you KNOW nothing..you hope, you are hedging the odds, but you know nothing. 27 people went to an elementary school one day knowing it was one of the safest places to be..sadly theirs is a different story now.

We can drag our older sons to the womens bathroom and care less how we are affecting those around us or if we are even affecting our sons. Or we can be safe and considerate and simply stand outside the mens room and wait
for our sons or when in Disney use companion bathrooms which are everywhere

But to dream we KNOW our children are safe at home, shows we know nothing , but have some false sense of security about home and a false sense of insecurity when out in public.
The number one person to do a crime against you is someone you know..its your preacher that molests your sons, or your boyfriend who beats you senseless..it is rarely the stranger in the disney bathroom or standing at the ride exit that is ready to run off with some 12 yr old kid..

life is dangerous..we didnt come born surrounded by bubble wrap

I agree.
And, case in point, our pellet stove went haywire a few weeks back and set of the carbon monoxide detector. We were home and fixed the problem, but now I use my heat pump instead of the stove when I'm out of the house for any period of time. My dogs wouldn't know what to do if it happened again and I wouldn't want to come home and find them dead. Something else could still happen, but since I know about that problem now, I just err on the side of caution...
and don't get me started on the whole boyfriend that beats you senseless thing...I could never understand that one...

 

[mom2rtk]

The women's restrooms do have stalls, but they are not airtight. Some are FAR from airtight. Heck, plenty of them don't even latch properly and can wander open after you sit down.

And as the mother of an adolescent girl who will soon be dealing with very personal bathroom issues, I'm quite sure she'd prefer to deal with that without wondering if the boy standing outside her door can see through the gap between the door and frame of her stall.

 

[artemis908]

I see my parents as good role models for parenting guidelines, so when I think of when I was a little girl, it was about 12 when my parents started to not need me to be within arms reach and I got to go to the mall with my friends (my parents were never too far away) and do things more independently. So that's for the original poster.

As for the ladies room thing, it does make me slightly uncomfortable to see a child older than about 8 or 9 in the bathroom. I also feel sorry for him because it must be embarrassing and uncomfortable. Most bathroom stalls have some space in between the panels and doors. It's really easy most of the time to look inside them and if you can see those outside of the stall, they can see you. Adults know not to look and I am sure many kids understand that as well, but intentional or not, I think some kids might be curious to look inside (I've seen it happen, in fact). I just don't see what is a problem with the kid staying outside of the bathroom is. You're in the bathroom for maybe 5 minutes at most usually and unless you're in an unsafe area, I think the kids will be fine.

 

[Coyotesweat]

Just a note here, when I was 12 I regularly took public transportation by myself, walked a mile or so to take care of my pony and go riding off on public trails by myself, pre-cell phone days. This was on the edge of a major metro area and I did occasionally spot, and carefully avoid, homeless men, drug addled youth and the like. The seventies were statistically no safer or less safe than now. (Remember the Zodiac Killer?) I knew how to recognize people and places I could go to for assistance if needed, never took a ride with a stranger, etc. Same age my mom would drop us off at Disneyland (brother two years older) and we would meet up with her at a specified time later. If my brother and I separated for some reason, we would set an exact time and place to meet up and used our watches. We never got into any trouble at Disney (we could read, as well as read maps) and grew up confident adults.

Katie. Now 50 and not scared to travel solo occasionally. You meet nice people everywhere.

 

[catherines_mama]

As for the ladies room thing, it does make me slightly uncomfortable to see a child older than about 8 or 9 in the bathroom. I also feel sorry for him because it must be embarrassing and uncomfortable. Most bathroom stalls have some space in between the panels and doors. It's really easy most of the time to look inside them and if you can see those outside of the stall, they can see you. Adults know not to look and I am sure many kids understand that as well, but intentional or not, I think some kids might be curious to look inside (I've seen it happen, in fact). I just don't see what is a problem with the kid staying outside of the bathroom is. You're in the bathroom for maybe 5 minutes at most usually and unless you're in an unsafe area, I think the kids will be fine.

I missed this previous topic, but this one freaks me out. I travel alone a lot with the kids because of DHs work schedule. DS is a lonely boy. I have never made him come into the rest room with us, but I have, at a rest stop, used the companion bathroom and made him stand with his nose to the door, then I've stepped out when he went. Rest areas scare the crap out of me. That was years ago, now he's 11 but the size of a 14 yr old so I do send him in alone but then I tell him to wait RIGHT outside the bathroom door.

TERRIFIED! But at the mall, restaurants, Disney, he can go in alone and meet me in pre-assigned spot. We're going in FEB, me, a girlfriend + 4 kids (DS is still only boy) LOL

 

[Love Tink]

I have a 9-year-old son and I'm trying to imagine what I would have to get to do to get him to so much as cross the threshold of a women's bathroom. I think he would - literally - let me pull his arm completely off his body before he would go in.

 

[Melodious]

Color me surprised. I never knew we needed a discussion about whether twelve year olds can be by themselves for a little while. I agree with the poster who said, 'did we learn nothing from Nemo?'

 

[jojomoore]

I think quite a few people on this thread has jumped on the crazy judgement train just because we have been asked a question and answered it honestly. No we wouldn't leave our child alone in WDW with millions of strangers .This is the truth.Pure and simple. I seriously hope that some of you are not suggesting that just because those of us who will not leave our child alone at WDW are somehow not preparing our child for the real world. Get real people, seriously. You don't know me or how I raise my child. MY child's independence and success far exceeds most people. You dont know how many teachers have told me to have more children because the world would be an awesome and better place if all children were like mine. And, I am a modest person who rarely brags. I can accomplish and do so much that very few people know about because i do things to help people not because i want recognition but i am saying this because it is the truth. Pure and simple. So let this topic go. I hope this post causes this thread to be removed.

 

[eliza61]

It's all good, truthfully Ive been amazed at the fact there are 9 and 10 year old that would not balk at waiting for mom inside the girls room. Lol my sons would not even let me help them dress past age 6, they would have peed on themselves before going into the bathroom with me at age 9. My kids were pretty mature though, we lived in NYC so by 10 they went to school by themselves, rode the bus and definitely used the bathrooms by themselves

 

[ShannonMB]

Oh, I've been off the Disboards for a year or so since I didn't have a trip coming up - boy have I missed the lively debate!

As the OP, just wanted to thank everyone again for the responses. The whole "helicopter parent" vs. "free-range kids" topic is intriguing to me with a child of 12. I like to think I strike a good balance, and I think I've decided I'm going to let DD hang out and wait for us. I will FP the attractions, she will have her cell phone, and we will scope out a pre-determined area where she can spread her wings just a little with instructions on who to look for if she runs into an uncomfortable situation.



Edited to add: LOVED the Nemo comment!

 

[eliza61]

Have a safe and wonderful trip!

 

[robinb]

I have a 9-year-old son and I'm trying to imagine what I would have to get to do to get him to so much as cross the threshold of a women's bathroom. I think he would - literally - let me pull his arm completely off his body before he would go in.

I saw a completely humiliated 9-year old boy who was forced into the ladies room near Mickey's Startraders by his mommy on my trip at WDW last month. He begged and pleaded with his mommy to let him stay outside. He held onto the wall at the opening doorway and tried to resist being dragged in to no avail. When a stall opened, his mommy walked from the front of the line past all of us who looked on with disbelief to grab him by the arm and literally dragged him into a stall with her still complaining pitifully. Poor kid. His mommy didn't care that she embarrassed and humiliated him in front of a number of women and girls. He was safe .

 

[aaarcher86]

I saw a completely humiliated 9-year old boy who was forced into the ladies room near Mickey's Startraders by his mommy on my trip at WDW last month. He begged and pleaded with his mommy to let him stay outside. He held onto the wall at the opening doorway and tried to resist being dragged in to no avail. When a stall opened, his mommy walked from the front of the line past all of us who looked on with disbelief to grab him by the arm and literally dragged him into a stall with her still complaining pitifully. Poor kid. His mommy didn't care that she embarrassed and humiliated him in front of a number of women and girls. He was safe .

When they're embarrassed and humiliated to go into the women's restroom I think they'll handle the minor independence of peeing on their own just fine

 

[tiffjoy]

I saw a completely humiliated 9-year old boy who was forced into the ladies room near Mickey's Startraders by his mommy on my trip at WDW last month. He begged and pleaded with his mommy to let him stay outside. He held onto the wall at the opening doorway and tried to resist being dragged in to no avail. When a stall opened, his mommy walked from the front of the line past all of us who looked on with disbelief to grab him by the arm and literally dragged him into a stall with her still complaining pitifully. Poor kid. His mommy didn't care that she embarrassed and humiliated him in front of a number of women and girls. He was safe .

Or maybe he wondered off last time she used the bathroom, and she had warned him next time he did it that he's have to go with her so as to teach him a valuable lesson. Who knows??

It's a tricky little thing, this judging a small snipit of someone's parenting methods without knowing the whole story.

 

[nchulka]

I saw a completely humiliated 9-year old boy who was forced into the ladies room near Mickey's Startraders by his mommy on my trip at WDW last month. He begged and pleaded with his mommy to let him stay outside. He held onto the wall at the opening doorway and tried to resist being dragged in to no avail. When a stall opened, his mommy walked from the front of the line past all of us who looked on with disbelief to grab him by the arm and literally dragged him into a stall with her still complaining pitifully. Poor kid. His mommy didn't care that she embarrassed and humiliated him in front of a number of women and girls. He was safe .

Taking a boy in the ladies room is bad enough, making him come in the stall with his mom is CRAZY! That kid is going to have some issues. I have a 9 year old DS and cannot imagine him in my stall with me, I don't know which one of us would be more traumatized

 

[nchulka]

Or maybe he wondered off last time she used the bathroom, and she had warned him next time he did it that he's have to go with her so as to teach him a valuable lesson. Who knows??

It's a tricky little thing, this judging a small snipit of someone's parenting methods without knowing the whole story.

There is not lesson in the world that would require my 9 year old son to watch me use the restroom. I can't imagine having a young man in one of those tiny stalls while I did my business

 

[robinb]

Or maybe he wondered off last time she used the bathroom, and she had warned him next time he did it that he's have to go with her so as to teach him a valuable lesson. Who knows??

It's a tricky little thing, this judging a small snipit of someone's parenting methods without knowing the whole story.

It's not tricky at all . EVEN if she was trying to teach him a lesson I found her parenting methods to be (1) humiliating to her child and (2) disruptive to the rest of the women and girls who were waiting to use their own gendered bathroom.