What's your Threshold for Taking Kids out of School

[1girln3boys]

We won't take our kids out after they reach Jr. High for more then a couple of days. At that point they have so much work. Although now they have started using an online program for kids to keep up with homework, ect so I may feel a little more comfortable since they can do any work missed by checking what they did in class. We will be testing it out in Feb for a short trip to Denver. If my son can do all his work and not fall behind we might rethink it.
My youngest is homeschooled through an online school so we can take him anywhere any time.

 

[piglet1979]

I have taken my kids out of school twice. Once when they we in 1st and 2nd and this year (3rd and 4th). Both times we went over Labor Day week (about 2 -3 weeks after school starts. The first time kids did not have homework that they needed to make up. This year however both kids had quite a bit of homework. We have decided that we will not take them out of school again. My son has no problems handling missing time in school. He tends to just get stuff and understands he school work very quickly. My daughter on the other had has a harder time with her school work so for her to miss time may set her back more then she already is.

My mom is an 8th grade teacher and she has told me that when any of her kids miss a week of school it is very hard for them to catch up .

 

[eeyoreandtink]

@kamik86 We don't live in a big city, far from it and we don't have these kinds of issues. Maybe it is a regional thing?

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Last time I took them out was when DS was 9. DD was only 3 and not in school. After that we just felt it was too much work to make up. And add in that my district has a tougher attendance policy that I respect.

After that we've gone the end of August our last two trips. We start school after Labor Day.

Next trip we are thinking of jersey week and them missing two days. Our schools close for 3 days that week. Election Day and then that Thursday and Friday. They literally do nothing the other two days. It's usually movies in class.

 

[disneyjes]

My husband never gets to take vacation time when our son is off from school. So yes we have and will continue to take him out of school for vacations so long as he is getting great grades and does all the work he owes.

 

[crisi]

As the mom of high schoolers, we stopped in middle school - at that point it would have not been possible to keep up with homework and lessons - both my kids were in accelerated math and that is really hard to learn if you aren't in the classroom and moves fast - but I really regret having ever pulled them out at all. What has been said upthread by some people can hold true, they learn that fun is more important than school. It isn't "family time is more important than school" because you can have family time on weekends and holidays and after school (unless perhaps a parent is deployed, in which case, yank 'em). Yes Summer is hot, Christmas is crowded, and a four day weekend is short - but my kids learned the wrong thing.

Now that they are in high school there is no time for vacation that the whole family can go. Teen jobs, sports, drama, camp, school, college tours, class trips - plus parental responsibilities.

 

[bethy]

As the mom of high schoolers, we stopped in middle school - at that point it would have not been possible to keep up with homework and lessons - both my kids were in accelerated math and that is really hard to learn if you aren't in the classroom and moves fast - but I really regret having ever pulled them out at all. What has been said upthread by some people can hold true, they learn that fun is more important than school. It isn't "family time is more important than school" because you can have family time on weekends and holidays and after school (unless perhaps a parent is deployed, in which case, yank 'em). Yes Summer is hot, Christmas is crowded, and a four day weekend is short - but my kids learned the wrong thing.

Now that they are in high school there is no time for vacation that the whole family can go. Teen jobs, sports, drama, camp, school, college tours, class trips - plus parental responsibilities.

Thank you for your perspective on this because this is the first time in a long while I've seen someone regret pulling their kids out long after the fact. Do your kids really not take school seriously due to the fact they've been pulled out for vacations in the past? Do you see a direct correlation? Do you feel they will take their jobs less seriously when they are grown as a result? Has this been the case for both/all of your kids?

 

[crisi]

Thank you for your perspective on this because this is the first time in a long while I've seen someone regret pulling their kids out long after the fact. Do your kids really not take school seriously due to the fact they've been pulled out for vacations in the past? Do you see a direct correlation? Do you feel they will take their jobs less seriously when they are grown as a result? Has this been the case for both/all of your kids?

My son, yes. I see a direct correlation. He is a smart kid, but he isn't intellectually curious. Smart got him through elementary school, but it would have taken more discipline than we taught him to have gotten him successfully through middle school. He's making it, but its a battle. He has a great work ethic when it comes to the things he wants to do (he has three jobs), and I don't fear for his future - if I can get him through the next five trimesters of high school. But he isn't college bound.

My daughter also lacks discipline. But she is both brighter and more intellectually curious. So her natural talent and intellectual curiosity carries her further. But she could be an Ivy League kid with discipline.

I should have instilled more discipline in both of them. There are lots of places I went wrong with that, but one was letting them skip school for vacation.

 

[NJlauren]

My son, yes. I see a direct correlation. He is a smart kid, but he isn't intellectually curious. Smart got him through elementary school, but it would have taken more discipline than we taught him to have gotten him successfully through middle school. He's making it, but its a battle. He has a great work ethic when it comes to the things he wants to do (he has three jobs), and I don't fear for his future - if I can get him through the next five trimesters of high school. But he isn't college bound.

My daughter also lacks discipline. But she is both brighter and more intellectually curious. So her natural talent and intellectual curiosity carries her further. But she could be an Ivy League kid with discipline.

I should have instilled more discipline in both of them. There are lots of places I went wrong with that, but one was letting them skip school for vacation.

Great Points and to be honest I think a lot of this applies to me. I was taken out of school for vacation (on stands out very vividly 9th grade) and not given strict rules for school work and looking back, it was tons of fun, but I would have been more successful in school had I been given a little more structure in that are.

Granted I consider myself successful and happy so in the long in maybe it doesn't matter.

 

[bethy]

My son, yes. I see a direct correlation. He is a smart kid, but he isn't intellectually curious. Smart got him through elementary school, but it would have taken more discipline than we taught him to have gotten him successfully through middle school. He's making it, but its a battle. He has a great work ethic when it comes to the things he wants to do (he has three jobs), and I don't fear for his future - if I can get him through the next five trimesters of high school. But he isn't college bound.

My daughter also lacks discipline. But she is both brighter and more intellectually curious. So her natural talent and intellectual curiosity carries her further. But she could be an Ivy League kid with discipline.

I should have instilled more discipline in both of them. There are lots of places I went wrong with that, but one was letting them skip school for vacation.

Thank you for replying. These are things I wonder about too for myself and my own kids.

 

[cattywampus]

To give a different perspective, I was taken out of school for vacation, but any disinterest that I had for school was not because of that. I was bored and more homework was not the answer! I was already in honors courses but schools tend to pile on busy work instead of encouraging critical thinking and relating course material back to life. Most teachers were not given the freedom to actually engage their students with any alternative methods. In my opinion, school district administrators do not do a good job of educating the best and the brightest.

My mom realized that I needed some freedom and let me have it in limited amounts. I missed school for activities and other reasons. When our advisor was eliminated due to budget cuts, my mom (with the principal's knowledge, but she would have done it anyway) let me miss a week of school to basically produce a stage show in both my junior and senior year of High School.

I hold a degree in Economics, from a top 20 University. 99% of it was too theoretical/academic and I never use it. It took me 5.5 years to get out of college because I didn't fully apply myself. Still, I currently hold a Director's level position with six figure salary.

Do you know what knowledge I use every day? ... what I learned producing the stage show in High School (my career has been in project management) and how to successfully "fly by the seat of my pants" (all those college papers and exams I took without reading the material/attending class). Though I don't recommend that path (and I always tell young ones headed to college -- GO TO CLASS), those skills had been the biggest contributors to my success.

Sometimes the path to success has to be individualized -- and that is something that school districts don't encourage or want. Schools tend to do a lousy job of educating students for the real world. It is up to the parents.

 

[crisi]

Cattywampus, I'm in the same boat. I went to seven elementary schools. My parents moved around a lot and in fourth grade I went to school less than 70 days. I left school at sixteen started college, and haven't made less than six figures a year since 1998. And the issue was I assumed my kids would be like me. That they would have my drive and my discipline and my intellectual curiosity. I also failed to understand how much more competitive the college world had gotten since I graduated from high school and got accepted to (but didn't attend) Princeton.

You are pulling out a second or third grader with no crystal ball - and trying to impact how that message will translate eight or ten years into the future. That second grader might be someone like you or I who has no consequences from the action - maybe even benefits. Or not.

 

[cattywampus]

I'm not too worried pulling mine out. I think there are a whole lot of factors involved, and this is a minor one.

We are also disciplined about the way we go about it. All makeup work must be completed before we go (and he knows I am serious). So far, teachers have been gracious about pulling makeup work together, for which we express our appreciation, as they are making special accommodations for us and I want him to recognize that.

If they did not provide work, we would provide something plus additional reading and a written journal. It isn't a free pass.

 

[crisi]

I'm not too worried pulling mine out. I think there are a whole lot of factors involved, and this is a minor one.

We are also disciplined about the way we go about it. All makeup work must be completed before we go (and he knows I am serious). So far, teachers have been gracious about pulling makeup work together, for which we express our appreciation, as they are making special accommodations for us and I want him to recognize that.

If they did not provide work, we would provide something plus additional reading and a written journal. It isn't a free pass.

We did all that as well. A journal. All work made up. And they were never out for more than three days.

There are a lot more factors than this one, though, you are right. This is the one that teaches them that skipping school to have fun is ok.

 

[cattywampus]

We did all that as well. A journal. All work made up. And they were never out for more than three days.

There are a lot more factors than this one, though, you are right. This is the one that teaches them that skipping school to have fun is ok.

I disagree but that's ok.

I do think it teaches them that you don't always have to follow the exact cookie cutter path to succeed. I think you can teach a child that eating a cookie is enjoyable and perfectly fine in balance -- eating an entire package in one sitting is not going to have good results. Missing school for special occasions, where you have made the appropriate accommodations is fun. Doing it in excess has negative consequences.

Life is not all or nothing. Kids have to learn how to think through all the various shades of gray and how to balance life. There are thousands of ways to parent and this is mine.

 

[crisi]

I disagree but that's ok.

I do think it teaches them that you don't always have to follow the exact cookie cutter path to succeed. I think you can teach a child that eating a cookie is enjoyable and perfectly fine in balance -- eating an entire package in one sitting is not going to have good results. Missing school for special occasions, where you have made the appropriate accommodations is fun. Doing it in excess has negative consequences.

Life is not all or nothing. Kids have to learn how to think through all the various shades of gray and how to balance life. There are thousands of ways to parent and this is mine.

I don't think we disagree at all. I'm sharing my experience. Some kids will do ok, some won't, some will turn out better for the experience. However, when your kids are little, you don't necessarily have insight into how they will turn out. My son - who we will struggle to graduate high school - is a driven kid. Always has been. And smart. And kind and thoughtful. Great at math. And in second or third or fourth grade I would have bet that I'd have no worries. But school is not what he is driven by and our attitude that it was ok to miss a day here or there was internalized to mean school doesn't matter. To top it off, he doesn't like to travel - so while we were pulling him for great family time and awesome experiences - that wasn't what he was getting out of the trips - although in elementary school he couldn't articulate that.

What I hope people here from my regret is that you are taking a risk. Your kids may not internalize the message you want the to internalize. There are plenty of situations where the risk is definitely worth it - but don't think that the action you are taking never has consequences long term.

Your way of parenting is my way of parenting. May you not face the problems I have had.

 

[cattywampus]

I don't think we disagree at all. I'm sharing my experience. Some kids will do ok, some won't, some will turn out better for the experience. However, when your kids are little, you don't necessarily have insight into how they will turn out. My son - who we will struggle to graduate high school - is a driven kid. Always has been. And smart. And kind and thoughtful. Great at math. And in second or third or fourth grade I would have bet that I'd have no worries. But school is not what he is driven by and our attitude that it was ok to miss a day here or there was internalized to mean school doesn't matter. To top it off, he doesn't like to travel - so while we were pulling him for great family time and awesome experiences - that wasn't what he was getting out of the trips - although in elementary school he couldn't articulate that.

What I hope people here from my regret is that you are taking a risk. Your kids may not internalize the message you want the to internalize. There are plenty of situations where the risk is definitely worth it - but don't think that the action you are taking never has consequences long term.

Your way of parenting is my way of parenting. May you not face the problems I have had.

Every single decision you make as a parent is a calculated risk. In my world, this is extremely minor. DS enjoys school, does very well and I'm not wny more worried about this decision than any other.