what to tell Matron of Honor?

[wishesuponastar]

If you are supposed to be paying for it, why do you need to tell the MOH anything? Plan the shower that you can afford for $500. 75-100 people at a shower sounds like a gift grab, not a shower.

I am not sure if Bridal party is paying for the shower or if they think MoB is that's why I needed advice for what to tell MOH.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I didn't know that the Bride discusses the shower.

I just think your daughter needs to understand the budget for the overall events for the wedding whether just the ceremony, reception or whatever. You mentioned
you will have to buy dresses for your daughters as bridesmaids which is even more impact on the budget. Simply sit down and tell her all the money you are willing to contribute
for the whole thing and let her make things priority as she wishes.

 

[wishesuponastar]

I planned my own shower 23 years ago. It was at my mom's house so technically she was hosting, but I picked up the food, sent out the invitations, etc...

Don't feel like you have to play by the "wedding etiquette rules" (whatever they happen to be). Do what works for yourself financially.

Thank you. I can't play by etiquette rules and need to let MoH know that. I think I should get her phone number and tell her what I can contribute.

 

[Disneylover99]

I don't think I've ever heard of a shower with that many people invited.

I've been to a few of them. Honestly? It boggles my mind.

 

[eliza61]

IMHO wedding showers have gotten out of control in many areas. There is nothing wrong with hosting the shower in your home and keeping the invite list down a bit. $500 can go a long way when you do a lot yourself like making trays of baked ziti and salads and perhaps catering in a 6' sub. It doesn't have to be anything over the top.

It's all gotten out of hand piccolopat, I told this story before so I apologize it's folks have heard it 50 million times, lol. I think it causes me post traumatic stress.

My neice's friends threw her a bridal shower (my niece & my ex sister in law help with this fiasco). not only did they try and throw this huge over the top, kim kardashian style shower, they had the nerve to send notes in the invitations "suggesting" people's gifts.
I was supposed to get her a kitchenaide deluxe mixer, when I called her and asked if she had lost her mind, she told me that guest were assigned "rooms", so I got the kitchen and they just assumed that since I had a good job I could afford the gift. The dis needs to develop some "WTH" smilies. my family is sooo darn tacky. lol

Op, say exactly what you said to her. that you are glad that they want your daughter to have a nice shower but at this time you can only contribute 500 bucks. PERIOD

 

[shoney]

I live on Long Island and never heard of this.
The bridal party plans and splits the cost of the shower. Sometimes, depending on the situation the mother of bride may contribute.
Showers are usually held at a restaurants. Many places advertise shower packages around $25 per head for a Sat/Sun afternoon. I have been to showers with 20 to 90 people. It all depends.
I would ask them about the shower and let them know what you are able to contribute. That will help set a realistic budget.

 

[wishesuponastar]

I don't think I've ever heard of a shower with that many people invited.

The wedding venue is a 150 minimum so that's why the shower will be about 75 people. Weddings are crazy around here If you let them be.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

I've been to a few of them. Honestly? It boggles my mind.

I just don't see how intimate an affair of that magnitude could be. I think I'd feel overwhelmed with a group that large for a shower.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

If you are expected to pay for the event, then no planning should take place until you are consulted. The fact that the plans already include 75-100 people at a restaurant means someone is planning without you. If and when you are approached, simply tell the MOH that your budget is $500, which is more than generous for a shower. It seems presumptuous to exclude you from the planning and then expect you to pay. Perhaps she's not even planning to ask you to cover it?

Here on the west coast, showers tend to be much less formal affairs. They are generally held at someone's home. Food is either catered or, more often, homemade. The bride's closest friends and family members are invited because, after all, the definition of a shower says that the guests bring gifts. Part of the tradition is for the bride to open the gifts at the shower. I don't see how anyone would want to sit through 100 gifts being opened!

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

The wedding venue is a 150 minimum so that's why the shower will be about 75 people. Weddings are crazy around here If you let them be.

It sounds like it could get really crazy. This one is out of my wheelhouse so I really can't offer much as far as advice goes. Good luck with it all though.

 

[eliza61]

WOW. I can not wrap my mind around a shower with that many people.

If the MoB pays for the shower, why have you not been consulted already? Did they really just book a restaurant and start a guest list without ever asking you what the budget was?

It can happen, when I got married 30 years ago, I had 27 female cousins. Now throw in my friends, next door neighbors and my dh's sisters and cousins and we were up there also.

My MOH had it at her house though, it was a backyard barbeque. nice and relatively inexpensive.

 

[wishesuponastar]

I live on Long Island and never heard of this.
The bridal party plans and splits the cost of the shower. Sometimes, depending on the situation the mother of bride may contribute.
Showers are usually held at a restaurants. Many places advertise shower packages around $25 per head for a Sat/Sun afternoon. I have been to showers with 20 to 90 people. It all depends.
I would ask them about the shower and let them know what you are able to contribute. That will help set a realistic budget.

Oh that's good to hear that many bridal parties pay for the shower.

 

[Disneylover99]

I just don't see how intimate an affair of that magnitude could be. I think I'd feel overwhelmed with a group that large for a shower.

There's nothing intimate about it. The ones I've been to really felt like a wedding.....receiving lines, head tables, etc.... The only thing missing was the men.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

There's nothing intimate about it. The ones I've been to really felt like a wedding.....receiving lines, head tables, etc.... The only thing missing was the men.

That might be why I can't imagine one.

 

[Disneylover99]

WOW. I can not wrap my mind around a shower with that many people.

I feel like (back in the day), brides had maybe two or three smaller showers at peoples's homes. The costs were minimal and easier to absorb because many people were contributing to the cost of the shower.

Now, It seems like more and more brides are going for the one big shower blow out.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

Holy Moly--$500 would be a big budget for most showers I've been to! I've never been to one in a hall or restaurant. They have always been hosted by a friend or family member's home--usually whoever has a nice finished basement big enough for everyone.

I helped plan my wedding shower, but I did not host it (besides buying the cake from Costco). It was was a very simple event. Mom and aunt decorated--simply with flowers, streamers and balloons. A few family members pitched in with food--some hot dips, fruit salad, chicken salad and hot beef on rolls, some side salads. I made punch. Dessert was cake. My MIL bought some prizes for the games. Games were printed from the internet by my bridesmaids. I bought a party favor for all guests--a bunch of $1 Bath and Body Works items on clearance from the outlet.

I would recommend talking to your daughter about planning a shower on a $500 budget and scaling back the guest list.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Ditto to tell her what you said here (with the addition that your daughter knows your budget and is not expecting anything fancy or above that so please do not worry about anything).

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

The wedding venue is a 150 minimum so that's why the shower will be about 75 people. Weddings are crazy around here If you let them be.

Do you feel it would by improper for you to ask her to tone it down a bit?

Edited to add: I mean the shower itself, not the wedding.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I believe the shower is going to be at a restaurant with about 75 to 100 women invited.

OK, wait! I missed this earlier.

Are you sure she expects you to pay?

I guess the first thing to do is call MOH immediately and broach the subject and find out what she is expecting from you, and what has already been done. If the wedding is not until next year then I assume no one has been invited and it is not likely a non refundable deposit has been made, so you are probably fine.
She needs to know (sooner, rather than later so she does not invest time or money in something that cannot happen) what you can do, and your DD needs to know as well and needs to talk to her MOH about expectations and take the stress off.

Personally, I cannot imagine that for a shower. We only invited 80 to our wedding. I always thought showers were casual affairs held at a home.

 

[Dizlvr]

I believe the shower is going to be at a restaurant with about 75 to 100 women invited.

You believe, does that mean you aren't the one planning it?
If you aren't the one in charge of planning it then there is no way you should be responsible for paying for all of it, I don't care what region of the country you live in.
If you are planning it, plan within your budget, it is possible to do a nice shower for $500. I'd even ask the bridesmaids to contribute. I live in NY, have been in a number of weddings, and have contributed to shower costs a bunch of times.