Have you thought about Montessori at all? My daughter (3rd grade) is attending a Montessori school and doing very well!
The benefit of Montessori is that the kids go at their own pace and are encouraged to explore their own curiosity. My daughter loves math, and the Montessori program has allowed her to work on much more advanced problems than a 3rd grader in a conventional school would. We've also seen improvement in her behavior at home (she's always behaved at school) and in her confidence. (which was huge for me)
It's not for everyone though, and of course quality could vary from school to school.
In our community, the Montessori programs (6 or so of them) all really want kids to start early. My son was on 3 waiting lists when he was 3. When he got a spot, he was still using pull ups (see the note about poor gross motor planning-the include pulling up undergarments) so I the Montessori programs would not take him.
This made me nuts, as Maria Montessori originally designed the materials and idea for kids who, I am sure, were not the 1st ones potty trained.
So now, it is too late to start. He's over the hill in 2nd grade. I think it would have been great for him, but his body wasn't ready, and when we couldn't take the spot, he went to the bottom of the waiting list. #137. So I am a fan of what is supposed to be, but not what it is.
I have a teaching degree and work from home (writing curriculum for other people or going to homes of kids with disabilities to do early intervention work) so I thought about home schooling, but I kind of wish I could find something in between. My husband also pointed out that it is kind of better for me, and our family, if we swap it out-I teach someone else's kid & someone else teaches mine, so I can be mom, not mom/teacher. The truth is though, I wind up in the mix too often in stuff like religious ed where I become the co-teacher, or the assistant coach because a lot of people who want to volunteer have never learned about classroom management or learning styles. My husband pointed out that my income exceeds the cost of tuition, so wouldn't be saving much by NOT doing a private school.
At this point, I am open to thinking about it though. While I think of school time as 9-3, if we home schooled we really could work at a pace that met his body (taking a break in the middle of the day and coming back to it later) instead of whatever the heck we are doing now. I appreciate the tips.
It isn't a crisis, today, but when I talked to my kid about the latest bully issue and if he felt safer after the AP spoke to the kids and they apologized (cornered him, threatened to throw him down the stairs, another classmate saved him) he started to cry and said he is tired of being a weirdo, and wished he could just talk. He said he doesn't feel safe to share his ideas, and nobody cares.
I then explained a wonderful town called Austin, TX, where he may wish to move someday, and weird is cool there.
My husband and I are thinking a "gap year" may be in order for this stressed out dude.
I really appreciate all of these thoughtful responses. Even the ones that show a different POV. I was feeling really alone and "up to here" with this situation yesterday, and now I don't.