Thinking of baby number 2... lots of questions

[Taja]

Can't help with most of your questions, but do have some observations from my BFF's DD and her two children. They are 9.5 years apart, girl is the elder; boy the younger. Both were surprise pregnancies, both children are cherished and very much loved! They wanted children, it just didn't happen on any kind of schedule.

Luckily, BFF's DD had a very healthy pregnancy with her DS. She was very ill during most of her first pregnancy and was told it would be better if she did not have more children. I don't know the particulars (live in another state), just that she had a very difficult time and gained a total of 17 lbs during the pregnancy, dropping back to 15 lbs at the time of birth (baby was healthy, thank goodness!). That said, she gained about 20 lbs with the second, while both she and the baby were very healthy.

BFF's DGD was okay with the possibililty of a younger sibling. Since she and her mother are particularly close (father travels constantly on business), reality was a bit more challenging. Mom had to make a concerted effort to keep her involved after DGS was born. DGD now is a teenager and gets along with her younger pretty well, but had a serious learning curve with keeping her things out of his reach. DGS loves to torment his older sister and she takes it at times; other times she fights back when she has had enough. And she usually gets into trouble, as she is "old enough to know better," according to her parents.

The two children have completely different personalities: one is more laid back, the other rarely stops! *LOL* Obviously, most family things tend to revolve around the abilities of the younger child, but mom is learning that she can't plan everything around him, or her daughter is bored (she isn't bored easily--she reads, draws, etc.) or unable to do things necessary for her development.

Having two children, whether close in age or 10 years apart, will be a balancing act. Just like most things in your life! And, in time, everyone will settle into the new reality.

Good luck!


Forgot to add:

Mom in question worked in broadcasting for several years, but decided to become a SAHM when her DD (BFF's DGD) was about a year old. As a family, they can afford the single income. She does volunteer quite a bit to maintain her sanity.

 

[zoemurr]

The two children have completely different personalities: one is more laid back, the other rarely stops! )

I wouldn't stress over the age difference. Mine are 2.5 years apart and are as different as can be. My DD loves her little brother but NEVER wants to play with him. She likes to sit and read books. He wants to move move move and use his imagination. I'm hoping they'll be closer when they're older but right now (10/12) they just have nothing in common.

My biggest problem with having one now would be the activities of my oldest. They are involved in many things and we need to travel a great deal for sports. But even the way mine are now the little brother got dragged around for years and dealt with it. (Now she's mostly dragged to his things..) I also don't have as much energy for babies as I did 10yrs ago.

Good luck! I was an only and wanted something different for my kids.

 

[Bastiansmom]

My dd just turned 10 and I have a 19 month old ds.I had a horrible pregnancy and didn't even want to think of having another for awhile.Then when I did I didn't get pregnant.The weekend before I found out I was pregnant I was saying to dh that we have to accept that we are only going to have 1 and that was that.I was 35 and have endometriosis and was told after dd that I should try sooner than later because as time went by it would be harder to get pregnant(it took almost 2 years for dd)So after 8 years I thought it wouldn't happen again.Then Monday morning I realized I had had cramps for a week but no period so I tested and found out.My dd is a great help when she wants to beShe likes him more at this stage because she can play with him more but he also always wants to be in her room and gets into her things.She can help me by playing with him so I can cook dinner or hop in the shower.Of course there are days she doesn't want anything to do with him but he loves her so much-he will go over and give her big hugs and kisses and he calls her Ga(her name is Kaitlin!)and he will call her and knock on her door.She loves him too.It was hard during the pregnancy because I was on bed rest for alot of it and was really sick most of the time and then after he was born I was tired all the time!I tried to make sure to make time for just her-we read Harry Potter books together and we would go do something just the 2 of us or just her and dh.She really wanted a baby sister though but I think it was better with a brother because at least he won't want everything she has as they get alittle older and want to wear her clothes and stuff(me and my sis are 7 yrs apart and that was our problem)She was afraid in the begining that we would forget about her but she knows now that that isn't going to happen.I am a stay at home mom so I can't help you there.I know what you mean about everything changing so much since the 1st but I was really hesistant buying anything for awhile because I did have a high risk pregnancy and I didn't want to jinx anything.I did alot of research and figured out what I wanted.His room wasn't even done untill 3 weeks before he cameI was afraid too of the big gap but it is what it is! I think anyway you do it there are pro's and cons.My sister and I are close as adults after we got though our teen years!I joke with my dd that it is time to have another and she says no(unless it is a girl)Oh I will say that I was so much more tired than I thought I would be the 2nd time around-baby at 26 was much easier than baby at 35,the lack of sleep was really tough on me and dh.

I'm so glad it worked out well for you. I will definitely make sure that (if/when) I have #2, I will make sure DS1 knows that he is still loved, valued, and important. I know it will be hard to devote time to the older child when babies are so dependent, but will try. I'm glad you pointed that out.

 

[Bastiansmom]

I can only answer the last question since we have only one child, but we used the Shettles method and it worked! Feel free to ask any questions, I'd love to share

I might just take you up on that offer sometime in the next couple months! Thanks!

We are in the "when do we have baby #2" discussion right now as well. I can't help with the age different thing as a mom (DS is only 21 months) but I can as a sibling. My little sister is 13 years younger than I am. She was a complete surprise to my parents. I LOVED having a sister that much younger than me (still do!) but I will say I was a teen girl who loved kids in general. I am now 31 and she is 18 and we live 20 hours apart. However, we still text all the time, connect through facebook, skype (mostly because she wants to see her nephew) and we see each other about twice a year. I actually have quite a few friends (I work in a field that is centered around families, so I spend time with lots of parents and children) who have children with a 10 year age difference and I can't think of one of them who don't have good sibling to sibling relationships. They may not be as close of "friends" as siblings who are only 2-4 years apart, but they have a good relationship. I do remember some of the siblings not feeling OK with the idea of a baby at first, but they all warmed up pretty quickly. Best wishes as you make your decisions!

I'm so glad that siblings are responding, not just parents. It's easier for parents to say "their kids get along great" because it is what it is. You aren't going to return kid 2 if kid 1 isn't happy! I know there will be issues when the kids are young, but knowing they could very well have great relationship as adults is awesome!

My kids are 8 and half years apart, can't forget that half

1)I think what you might be expierancing is the yuck factor. You know your parents did it, but you really did not want to know. You know what I mean At first it was hard on DD, going from only child to sharing. But it has been great. Built in babysitter It took sometime and it got better the older DS got because he was fun to play with. Now he is annoying lil bro and she can't stand him That comes and goes also.

I never thought of that! Good point......
2) Did not do this. But I think you are smart to plan and thing about the financial impact. Think also about what you also used and did not use with the first baby. Smarter this time around.

3)Not an issue SAHM

4)My sis did this. She got pretty good at pumping in public, had a cover and would go with it. She also could pump and drive. She would take a cooler just for the milk only.

Probably not for me.....

5)Not sure what you are talking about My expierances with bc: I was on the pill quite and that month got preggo with DD and than was on the shot and 6 mos later preggo with DS. We are(were,DH got snipped) pretty fertile

Shettles method is way of of determining the sex of the baby by monitoring your ovulation cycle and "trying" at the right time.

My kids are 10 years apart and they adore each other. When our son found out he would be getting a little sibling he wasn't crazy about the idea but it didn't take long at all for him to come to love her once she was born. Everybody kept telling us that the kids would not have a close relationship because of the age difference, but that hasn't turned out to be true at all. They have a wonderful sibling relationship, in fact they are much closer than my brother and I were and we're less than 2 years apart in age. Of course, all those people that were saying that only have kids that are close in age. I love the big age difference.

Thanks! I keep imagining them having a great relationship and its good to know it really happens!

I am the oldest of 4 and my youngest brother is 10 years younger than me. I am the closest to him of all my siblings. In fact, he considers me his second mother. My situation is a little different cause there are 2 other brother's between us. However, my youngest brother is one of my best friends and I know the age difference is part of the reason why. I love my other two brothers, but the youngest and I have a special connection that isn't the same with the other two.

You sound like a great big sister!

I have a younger brother 10 years younger. As another posted, we are close, because he viewed me as a second mother. In highschool I went out and got a job at the movie theater. He and i spent many a weekend or weeknight going to the movies!

My oldest son and his youngest brother are 11 years apart. They are 27 and 15 now. My 15 yo still spends weekends over at his brothers house. He helps him do house things and then they play video games! He also will watch his neice and nephew so they can go to the movies every now and again.

As for the other questions, i do not know. But the age difference has not been an issue in our family.

Kelly

Kids are only babies, or kids for that matter, for a short time. I'm glad I'm getting responses about adult relationships with siblings as well. Neither DH or myself have siblings we're close to, so I get a "warm, fuzzy feeling" when I think about my kids texting each other or going to the movies together!

 

[3pletprincesses]

I have a few response for you.
Me and my sibblings are between 9 and 15 years apart with me being the oldest. yes we do have the same parents but I was oops baby the year my parents got married but mom turned 17 a few montsh before I was born and they felt they neeeded to settle before having more. I ADORE each and everyone of my sibblings. In fact they are MY babies. LOL Honestly, we are now all between the age of 32 and 16 and get along well. There was times where iwanted to kill them if you know what I mean, in my teenage age, but loved them anyways. We all have so much fin together and always have. I wouldnt change it.

I breastfed my DDs for almost a year. I pumped every day for several weeks in order for dh to be able to feed our triplets at least once overnight as I needed to sleep and it's not so bad. Once you get use to it, you can do it easy. I had an electric pump and my sibbling use to come over while I pumped. htey knew I was pumping as they could hear the pump but I usualy would put my shirt over it and no one saw anything other them these 2 big bumps in front of me . It must have been soo fuunny to see.

can't help about the mat leave as I was home and still am home. It was not worth it for me go put our triplet in dayvare to go back to work.

 

[Bastiansmom]

My kids aren't as far apart as yours will be, so I'm not much help there. My girls are 3 years apart and that's actually worked really well for us. My mom is 10+ years older than her youngest three siblings (there are six total) and she's mentioned that the worst part was pretty much being made responsible for childcare since she was old enough to do it...feedings, diapers, etc. Even with my girls it was so nice to be able to ask #1 to grab a diaper or hold something, so I can see falling into that trap if the child is old enough to do even more. Your DS may be worried about that. Plus, as a pp mentioned, at that age there is always the ick factor. Even at 4 and 7 my kids cringe and yell "gross!" about the fact that their mom and dad "kiss on the lips"!

I am really going to try my hardest not turn DS1 into a babysitter. I know he will help, and that is expected.. but I definitely don't want all the memories from his childhood to be of taking care of his younger sibling

Maternity leave wasn't an issue for me. I left my job while PG with #1 because the school year ended then we moved before the fall semester, and I've been home ever since. So I can't help with the pumping issue, either. My experience with a pump was miserable and no, 40 minutes would not have been enough. But it is for many women.
The 40 minutes is my commute time, so basically I'm gone from about 7:30 to 6:00 every day. I will not trying pumping while driving!

As for the Shettles method, we didn't try it specifically. But I was charting my cycles for several reasons so I know that based on how the timing turned out each time I conceived, if the method worked I should have two sons instead of two daughters. Obviously I don't put much stock in it.
Good to know. I'm starting to think waiting to learn my cycle won't be worth it.

Good luck!

Thank you!

I can only address two of your questions...
1. We had our daughter then waited 10 years and had DS and then 18 months later, DD (oops). My DD cried and cried when she found out she had a sibling coming. But my kids get along fine. The nice thing was that they were far enough apart that my older kid never fought with the younger ones, and we had a built in babysitter once she got old enough, plus all her friends. But while my younger two are very close, my older isn't as close with the youngers. It's more like a mother-kid relationship. Basically, I feel like I had 2 families, an only child (yeah, she never really got over that), and then the other 2. But it is what it is, and we don't have any regrets.

4. I went back to work full time when DS was 6 months old, and I was breastfeeding him. I also had a one-hour commute each way. I'd fill him up in the morning, have a bottle of pumped milk in the fridge, and feed him as soon as I got home. If they needed more, they'd use formula, but he didn't really like it. My milk adjusted so I didn't really have to pump at work (I HATED to pump, so that was good). But if I did need to, I'd close the door to my office or go in the bathroom. I don't think I would pump in a cubicle. He was weaned at 9 mos, the earliest of any of them.

I wasn't clear, I don't plan on pumping in my cube, I was just wondering what other people did to manage this scenerio. I can't imagine spending 2 hours away from my desk daily pumping

I personally think the Shettles method is BS. I should be having a boy based on it, but after many ultrasounds she's definitely all girl.

Good luck with whatever you decide

Thanks. Based on these responses I shouldn't mess with it.

I am the older daughter of a family just like that. My parents had my brother when I was 8 1/2 and then they had another boy born the week of my 10th birthday. I still feel like an only child at 33. My brothers are now 25 and 23 and we barely know each other. They have never been like siblings to me. They are close to each other though. It was very much like my parents had 2 different families. I have memories of family vacations and things we did together before the boys came along. I got married and moved out when they were 11 and 10 so they grew up mostly without me and had different memories of our family without me. I was never really a second mom at all. I was way too interested in my own life and didn't pay too much attention to the two little kids that I viewed as pest. We do not have a bad relationship, no one dislikes each other. It's almost like we just have no relationship. We see each other at our parents house and talk nicely but never just call each other or hang out. But regardless of what your DS may think this is about you and you want to have another child. You should not have to go through your life with only one child because you son would prefer to be an only.

It is definitely not DS's decision, I guess I'm just looking for validation that he will either get along great with his sibling or that he will eventually learn to deal with it!

I have 3 all 4 years apart(not planned just worked out that way). The oldest and the youngest are 8 years apart and it has been great! The first 2 were close enough together that there was jealousy, etc to deal with. But the 8 year old now adores the baby. She isn't a threat to the 8 yo like the middle child was to a then 4 year old.

Now, when I first told her we were having nother baby you would have thought I had crushed her world. She has a sister and BEGGED for a brother(because a brother would be less annoying ) Most kids hate change and even the thought of change so it took time for her to get used to the idea of a baby. But once the baby was here all was well.

My best advice is to not discuss the possibility of a sibling with him. Having another child isn't a decision he should be or needs to be a part of. Just annouce the happy news when the time comes and go forward.

I guess my thinking was to make sure he knew it was coming so he wouldn't be surprised or taken off guard. I make it clear that it isn't his choice.

I think it is perfectly normal to plan and research. I hope so because I know I did It's nice to have an idea of what you will want/need and also nice to just daydream about the whole thing.



I had 6 weeks of short term disability and then my vacay/sick time. I took 12 weeks off full time and then worked half days for another 4 weeks.

For me personally, it was very difficult to nurse/pump/work full time. I did it for a year with my first and said never again(and I have a private office and can close my door anytime). It was exhausting and stressful and I would personally rather focus on being a rested happy mommy to my baby then worry about how she is fed. I nursed the other 2 during my maternity leave and then switched to formula when I returned to work. And FWIW, the last two are far healthier then the first one was.

Good luck!!

How much more expensive was formula than pumping?

Question 1: My kids will be right around 10 years apart. My son hates the idea of having me having a "baby." He did say it would be fine if I could clone him! If your kids are far apart, do they get along? Did the first accept the second? How long did that take?

DD is almost exactly 11 years older than DS (8 days less) and we had some issues during the pregnancy, fears and such, but once baby arrived things actually went very smoothly. DD loves her little brother and is a great helper.

Question 2: I constantly find myself planning for baby stuff. I have online shopping carts full of my baby wish lists. I've also called the hospital to get an estimate. Is this crazy? Did/do you do this? I haven't bought anything, but so much has changed in 10 years I'm just trying to figure out what our expenditures will be over the next year or so.

Sounds very reasonable to consider the costs of having another child.

Question 3: How much maternity leave did you take or are you planning on taking? My employer will pay me for 6 weeks and then I can take vaca and sick leave after that.

I'm a SAHM mom so I never get leave, but DH took off 2 weeks to help out and then my parents arrived for about 2 weeks.

Question 4: How difficult is it to breast feed/ pump while working a fairly intense job that is 40 minutes from home? In a cubicle?

I only pumped during the first month and that was due to nipple preference, but you can make pumping work.

Question 5: Has any one tried the Shettles method? We are thinking of trying it. How long (with or without Shettles) did it take to conceive after quitting birth control pills?

Never tried Shettles, but did get pregnant 2nd month off birth control.

I have a big fear that I won't be able to get pregnant because I have been on BC for so long. It's good to know I could very well get pregnant very quickly.

Q1: I'm doing the opposite of you (TTC #2 when DD is 1.5), so I can't answer much about that...

Q2: Yes, you're a bit crazy. I understand, though - it took us 11 years to get PG with our daughter, and at first, I did what you were doing. I'd try to avoid shopping around until you get PG, or you'll go full crazy. Here's a calculator to estimate the costs of a baby nowdays. http://www.babycenter.com/baby-cost-calculator

Thanks, I might just check that calculator out. I haven't bought anything yet.
Q3: I took a full 12 weeks, although I was only paid for 6 weeks (at 2/3 pay). Legally, you can take a full 12 weeks (if your company is large enough) throught the Family Medical Leave Act (FLMA).

Q4: I pumped twice a day for about 9 months, and then once a day for another 3 months. (I BF DD until this past weekend at 16 months, but she took pumped BM until she was about 14 months old.) I'd start to check your office for a conference room or office that you can use that has a door. I was lucky enough to have my own room (with a door), so I could pump while working at my desk. They have a hands-free bra, so you can pump both sides at the same time. It's annoying & slightly embarrassing, but worth it! (Also, if you can pump as often as possible when you're on maternity leave, you can build up a "stash" so that you might not have to pump as often at work. I didn't do that, and was usually only one bag ahead of my daughter's consumption.)
If it's okay, I might PM you to ask more questions. I really want to BF, but not working is not an option. If only I could get DH to BF.

Q5: My DD was a IVF baby, so I have no idea what the shettles method is, but good luck!

I am totally in your shoes right now. I am 37 and have a DD who just turned 9 last month. I sooooo want to have a 2nd child, but then I'm also really torn. DD seems a little on the fence. I think she would like a sibling, but then sometimes she doesn't. We had always planned to have a #2 but then got comfortable and life got in the way. So we're obviously WAY past the time where DD can have a playmate close in age.
I'm 28

At first, I felt really bad about the potential age difference but I have friends and family with age differences that work out beautifully. I have a cousin who had a DD in high school. She later got married and had 2 more kids. Now the older DD is about 23 and the younger 2 are about 11 and 16. She goes to school in another state but is very close to her siblings. And the DD 11 is NUTS about her older sister! They all have a very special relationship.

A friend of mine has a sister who is quite a few years older than her and they are extremely close.

There are good and bad points to EITHER way - whether it be closer in age or further apart.

At the hospital where I work, they have recently started to offer an "Older Siblings Class" which is specifically for kids 8-11 whose family is expecting #2. I think this is great and shows that it's becoming a more normal happening.

That class sounds great, I need to find out if our local hospital has that

As far as maternity leave goes, I think it's a federal thing that you can take up to 12 weeks and be guaranteed your job upon return. I took 10 weeks. My sick bank covered 6 weeks and then I used paid time off for the rest. However, I was able to use sick time for 8 weeks because my doctor wrote a note regarding my troubles with establishing breastfeeding - so 8 weeks sick and 2 weeks PTO. I don't know if this is a workplace specific thing that allowed me to do it or what - but I also had PLENTY of sick time to use for that purpose.
I'm thinking I will probably take about 10 weeks. Did that seem like the right amount of time?

You are smart to investigate all the costs. Since it's been a while since your 1st was born, it's important to relearn all of the costs! I think I would be a lot more relaxed with #2 and not buy every single thing out there - I feel like I'm wiser now than I was then and could shop smarter.

Keep us posted!!!

I'm just glad I can shop this time. Last time I was a broke, 18 year old college student. The window/ online shopping is so fun! Especially now that I can actually afford stuff.

Best wishes!

Thanks!

I think every family is different and can thrive in a different situations. I think the age diff can be good, no fighting over toys because with that big diff its unlikely they will be interested in the same thing at the same time.

I agree, and I like to hear how those in similar situations have thrived... or what they have struggled with.

uestion 1: My kids will be right around 10 years apart. My son hates the idea of having me having a "baby." He did say it would be fine if I could clone him! If your kids are far apart, do they get along? Did the first accept the second? How long did that take?My son was only 5 when his brother was born, but many say that is far apart. He loved the idea, and adores his little brother. Life still pretty much revolves around Ben(big bro), Liam(little bro) is happy and content to hang out while we wait for big bro at his various activities.

Question 2: I constantly find myself planning for baby stuff. I have online shopping carts full of my baby wish lists. I've also called the hospital to get an estimate. Is this crazy? Did/do you do this? I haven't bought anything, but so much has changed in 10 years I'm just trying to figure out what our expenditures will be over the next year or so.I absolutely di! From about the time DS was 2 until he was born, no joke! I had fake registries etc. I really wanted another, DH did not. It was really tough. Not sure I was normal , but you certainly sound it!!

Question 3: How much maternity leave did you take or are you planning on taking? My employer will pay me for 6 weeks and then I can take vaca and sick leave after that. I took around 10-12 weeks don't remember exactly. I wish I could have taken 16, but money was getting tight.

How hard was it to return to work after 10-12 weeks? Did you return full time right away or did you transition and work PT for awhile?
Question 4: How difficult is it to breast feed/ pump while working a fairly intense job that is 40 minutes from home? In a cubicle?I found BF and pumping more difficult this time around, but still did it. It was hard because I worked nights, and while I was pumping and when I was finished, I just wanted to sleep. Darn hormones.

Question 5: Has any one tried the Shettles method? We are thinking of trying it. How long (with or without Shettles) did it take to conceive after quitting birth control pills?I did try shettles, but in the end was having a hard time and bought an ovulating predictor, I was 34, turning 35. I ended up with a boy, and couldn't imagine it any other way.


Good luck deciding.

Can't help with most of your questions, but do have some observations from my BFF's DD and her two children. They are 9.5 years apart, girl is the elder; boy the younger. Both were surprise pregnancies, both children are cherished and very much loved! They wanted children, it just didn't happen on any kind of schedule.

Luckily, BFF's DD had a very healthy pregnancy with her DS. She was very ill during most of her first pregnancy and was told it would be better if she did not have more children. I don't know the particulars (live in another state), just that she had a very difficult time and gained a total of 17 lbs during the pregnancy, dropping back to 15 lbs at the time of birth (baby was healthy, thank goodness!). That said, she gained about 20 lbs with the second, while both she and the baby were very healthy.

BFF's DGD was okay with the possibililty of a younger sibling. Since she and her mother are particularly close (father travels constantly on business), reality was a bit more challenging. Mom had to make a concerted effort to keep her involved after DGS was born. DGD now is a teenager and gets along with her younger pretty well, but had a serious learning curve with keeping her things out of his reach. DGS loves to torment his older sister and she takes it at times; other times she fights back when she has had enough. And she usually gets into trouble, as she is "old enough to know better," according to her parents.

The two children have completely different personalities: one is more laid back, the other rarely stops! *LOL* Obviously, most family things tend to revolve around the abilities of the younger child, but mom is learning that she can't plan everything around him, or her daughter is bored (she isn't bored easily--she reads, draws, etc.) or unable to do things necessary for her development.

Having two children, whether close in age or 10 years apart, will be a balancing act. Just like most things in your life! And, in time, everyone will settle into the new reality.

Good luck!


Forgot to add:

Mom in question worked in broadcasting for several years, but decided to become a SAHM when her DD (BFF's DGD) was about a year old. As a family, they can afford the single income. She does volunteer quite a bit to maintain her sanity.

Thanks for the insight and info!

I wouldn't stress over the age difference. Mine are 2.5 years apart and are as different as can be. My DD loves her little brother but NEVER wants to play with him. She likes to sit and read books. He wants to move move move and use his imagination. I'm hoping they'll be closer when they're older but right now (10/12) they just have nothing in common.

My biggest problem with having one now would be the activities of my oldest. They are involved in many things and we need to travel a great deal for sports. But even the way mine are now the little brother got dragged around for years and dealt with it. (Now she's mostly dragged to his things..) I also don't have as much energy for babies as I did 10yrs ago.

Good luck! I was an only and wanted something different for my kids.

I have virtually no relationship with my brother, and I always thought my kids would be close. It makes me sad that most likely my kids won't share a lot of things like having the same group of friends, but it is good to know that "good relationship" can be defined in many different ways.

 

[mom2princesss]

For me, formula is actually less expensive then pumping. Sounds strange right? But, luckily, my baby really loves store brand formula and it cost me about $60 a month in formula to feed her.

I nursed and pumped for my oldest for 13 months. I had to purchase a $450 double electric Medela Pump in Style. I had 6 nursing bras at $40-50 a peice. I also spent $50 a month on milk storage bags and $50 a month on nursing pads(I always have a huge supply and the only thing I don't completely leak through are the lansinoh pads and I have to wear them all the time. Reuseable don't work for me.) Add that with the time to pump 2-3 times a day, stress of making sure baby always has enough while you are at work and exhaustion from it all and it just wasn't worth it for me to do it again.

 

[Luv4Dis]

Hello Everyone!
DH and I met my freshman year of college while working at the same restaurant. A year later we were married and had a baby. I finished my BBA, we bought a house and 9 years later we are still going strong. I always knew I wanted to have more than 1 child, but the time never seemed right.......In college, new house, new job, another new job, etc. My son was a surprise so I wanted my second child to be a "decision" if that makes sense.

We are planning a trip to WDW in October. I think we have decided that we are going to start "trying" then or soon after!! This is a HUGE decision for us. Even though I made the decision I am still in shock that I actually made the decision and I'm okay with it. I truly thought I would put it off forever.

Question 1: My kids will be right around 10 years apart. My son hates the idea of having me having a "baby." He did say it would be fine if I could clone him! If your kids are far apart, do they get along? Did the first accept the second? How long did that take?

Question 2: I constantly find myself planning for baby stuff. I have online shopping carts full of my baby wish lists. I've also called the hospital to get an estimate. Is this crazy? Did/do you do this? I haven't bought anything, but so much has changed in 10 years I'm just trying to figure out what our expenditures will be over the next year or so.

Question 3: How much maternity leave did you take or are you planning on taking? My employer will pay me for 6 weeks and then I can take vaca and sick leave after that.

Question 4: How difficult is it to breast feed/ pump while working a fairly intense job that is 40 minutes from home? In a cubicle?

Question 5: Has any one tried the Shettles method? We are thinking of trying it. How long (with or without Shettles) did it take to conceive after quitting birth control pills?

(I realize most of my questions included more than one question.. but I wanted to categorize)

Thanks for all your answers and advice!

Ok, the only question I can really answer has to do with taking a leave. My kids are about 2.5 yrs apart and I just had the newest on June 20th. The way it worked for me the first time and second is that I used sick time for the 8 weeks (would have been 6 weeks if it was a ******l delivery) and then I use the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) which allows you to take an additional 12 weeks and you are guaranteed the job is secure. The downside to the 12 weeks is that you will be unpaid HOWEVER you will keep your health insurance.

This is the only way that I have been able to stay out of work longer than the 8 weeks. I'm a teacher in NY so it worked nicely this time around because I had my youngest son the last week of school which then lined up with summer break! And I am using the FMLA for the first 12 weeks of the school year....the long summer break doesn't count against you because you would be off anyway.

Hope this info was useful.

 

[Colleen27]

My oldest and youngest are 10.5 years apart and get along fabulously. He's really great with her, built her a tree swing in the yard, talked us into buying her a bike when he got his new one last fall (she's newly 3 but rides like a champ... with training wheels, of course!), takes her to the park, and has a good time with her. He didn't have more than a passing interest in her until she hit the crawling stage, and really started enjoying having a baby sister when she was about 1 and walking/talking.

Pumping and working is a very personal experience. I only worked with my first and had a terrible time pumping, lots of work and time for little "output" despite renting a very nice pump. But with my second and third when I didn't have to pump (but did, for date nights and such) I could have given ol' Bessie a run for her money even with my cheapie battery-operated pump.

I can't really help with the other questions. All three of mine were surprises to some degree so I didn't really do a lot of pre-planning/shopping, and I've been a SAHM since the oldest was a toddler. I only took a week off of school (college) and two weeks off of work when he was born, because I couldn't afford to lose my financial aid or get by without any income for any real length of time.

As far as how long off the pill... My one and only experience with hormonal birth control ended with me pregnant while still on it, so I'm not the one to answer that question. When I wanted to get pregnant and we were actively trying it didn't happen, but give up a while and BAM! New baby. It is a great life lesson to pass on to my oldest, who is now a teenager and getting to that age where we talk about sex and responsibility.

 

[SpectroMagic*o*]

We've started planning on Baby #2 also!! I wanted my DD(2) to have a sibling closer in age (2yrs apart) but my DH wanted 4yrs apart so we met in the middle and agreed to start trying this Fall. Hopefully if all goes according to plan my children will be 3 yrs apart!

Question, maybe I should know this but what is the Shettle's method??