The DIS Dad's Club XII: Oh... There You Are Perry!

[MiJo]

wow!! im no doctor, but tammy always gets the inhansing dye. they put her in the machine for series of knocking and banging as she calls it. they pull her back out and shoot the dye and stick her back in for another round. the only thing is she has to go for blood work for the dye. unless theres different dyes. whats odd is she needs a presciption for an mri.and for the inhansing dye. tammy one time asked if there was anything on the scan when she was done, the girl said she wasnt a doctor and not qualified to read an mri, that tammy had to direct her questions to the doctor. tammys doctor takes us into a room with some computers in it and he shows us her mris. once he points out what your looking at, there like looking at a black and white picture. they are pretty cool, its amazing what they can see. we can see her old tumor and what it looked like before and after.

Well, I don't know what the problem was with her original MRI when they decided she needed the enhancing dye. That's what detected the tumor! I guess with our health care, she needed permission for the enhancing dye and we didn't get it since we didn't know it would be needed. Hopefully, it will get straightened out. She did have some blood work done before this last one due to the possibility of kidney problems in those over age 50 or 60; I guess it must be 50 but there was some confusion. We have seen her original MRI results and also an image from the one taken the night of her surgery. The tumor was definitely smaller; if we're reading it right, about 70% smaller. But, there's still a good chance it could become malignant or grow back, thus the radiation.

 

[dvczerfs]

Well, I don't know what the problem was with her original MRI when they decided she needed the enhancing dye. That's what detected the tumor! I guess with our health care, she needed permission for the enhancing dye and we didn't get it since we didn't know it would be needed. Hopefully, it will get straightened out. She did have some blood work done before this last one due to the possibility of kidney problems in those over age 50 or 60; I guess it must be 50 but there was some confusion. We have seen her original MRI results and also an image from the one taken the night of her surgery. The tumor was definitely smaller; if we're reading it right, about 70% smaller. But, there's still a good chance it could become malignant or grow back, thus the radiation.

i think caratine levels has something to do with the kidneys. im sure it will work out. is she going for the "trickle radiation" over weeks or is she getting the one time blast?? from what i could gather, they do the trickle when it sits in a bad area. tammys was on her optic nerve which was dead anyway so it didnt matter if the hit it pretty hard. i looked alot up on the internet which isnt a good idea but i couldnt help myself.

 

[declansdad]

Rain Schmain! It's football!

ps. rain really does suck!

Football in the rain is great when you are the one in the pads and hitting people on the field. When you are the dad sitting on the sideline, it is a pain. Luckily by the game time it was raining that hard and by half it had stopped.

 

[twokids0204]

WISDOM NEEDED FROM THE GROUP

Guys,

I've droned on and on about my trials with our scout troop here before, and now I'd like some advice. I received the following email from our Scoutmaster last night. After finishing laughing and resisting the temptation to respond immediately, I've put extensive thought into this, and I'm pretty sure how I'm going to respond (really no differently that my previous discussions with this guy, but I'd like to hear your thoughts as well. Plus it'll give me an opportunity to vent without doing it publically.

Hi Chris --

I heard indirectly ... at least 3rd hand ... that you remain very concerned about bullying among the boys in Troop [XXX]. I'd like to talk with you again on this topic.

How are we defining "bullying?" Do we think it's intentional?
Is there any pattern regarding who is doing the bullying and who is being bullied? Are there key offenders?
Can the Troop change the environment to eliminate this behavior?
Don't interpret this next question to mean that I don't care ... but, is the behavior outside of what's normal for boys? These guys may be Scouts, but they are not angels.
What kind of campaign can we undertake to bring awareness to this behavior, and influence change?
I think my Scoutmaster Minute last week about "being kind vs. being right" gets to the core of many unpleasant comments ... it got some good applause, any way!
I plan to regularly hit similar topics.

Years ago, Troop [XXX] had a reputation. I believe my efforts and those of other Troop leaders have largely corrected the situation. I don't think we have a big problem, just a problem that is typical when dealing with 11-17 year old boys. Nevertheless, it's a concern that always needs to be addressed. I am not blowing it off ... but would like to hear more of your concerns and ideas for an action plan.

Most of all, I would ask that you are sensitive to the grapevine in [town]. We focus a lot of energy on recruiting boys and parents into the Troop, and negative talk can undo a lot of hard work.

I hope your weekend at Gilwell is absolutely awesome. Let's find time to chat. Maybe some of the Wood Badge sessions will lead us to new solutions.

Bill

What do you think?

Wow Chris, I'm speechless.

Sounds like he just doesn't give a sh!t.

Although this may be typical with 11 - 17 year old (and I don't agree with that either), doesn't mean it's acceptable.

Scouts is a place for boys to learn independence and responsibility. The attitude of the leaders will get translated into the actions of the troops. This guy (Bill) does NOT seem to have the right attitude to lead these kids.

Chris you are in a tough position, being a responsible, caring father. I don't envy the position you are put in.

If a child can't feel comfortable amongst his piers, it is 100% the responsibility of the adult in charge to at very minimum address (and rectify) the situation.

 

[AirGoofy]

A friend loaned me Epic Mickey and I am really impressed. I played it for close to 2 hours - really addicting.

 

[DEA]

Hey Everyone hopw the weekend is going well for you!

I am on call until 3pm today and have yet to be called in today...that is one of the signs of the apocolypse I htink....anyway....After three I am going to try to find the Marshall Virginia Tech game on TV and kick back and then get the yard in shape....it is a beautiful day here!!! Makes you want to be outside and enjoy it before it turns colder!

Are you getting the game in your area? The only place I've found it here is on the CBS SportsNet pay package.

WISDOM NEEDED FROM THE GROUP

Guys,

I've droned on and on about my trials with our scout troop here before, and now I'd like some advice. I received the following email from our Scoutmaster last night. After finishing laughing and resisting the temptation to respond immediately, I've put extensive thought into this, and I'm pretty sure how I'm going to respond (really no differently that my previous discussions with this guy, but I'd like to hear your thoughts as well. Plus it'll give me an opportunity to vent without doing it publically.

Hi Chris --

I heard indirectly ... at least 3rd hand ... that you remain very concerned about bullying among the boys in Troop [XXX]. I'd like to talk with you again on this topic.

How are we defining "bullying?" Do we think it's intentional?
Is there any pattern regarding who is doing the bullying and who is being bullied? Are there key offenders?
Can the Troop change the environment to eliminate this behavior?
Don't interpret this next question to mean that I don't care ... but, is the behavior outside of what's normal for boys? These guys may be Scouts, but they are not angels.
What kind of campaign can we undertake to bring awareness to this behavior, and influence change?
I think my Scoutmaster Minute last week about "being kind vs. being right" gets to the core of many unpleasant comments ... it got some good applause, any way!
I plan to regularly hit similar topics.

Years ago, Troop [XXX] had a reputation. I believe my efforts and those of other Troop leaders have largely corrected the situation. I don't think we have a big problem, just a problem that is typical when dealing with 11-17 year old boys. Nevertheless, it's a concern that always needs to be addressed. I am not blowing it off ... but would like to hear more of your concerns and ideas for an action plan.

Most of all, I would ask that you are sensitive to the grapevine in [town]. We focus a lot of energy on recruiting boys and parents into the Troop, and negative talk can undo a lot of hard work.

I hope your weekend at Gilwell is absolutely awesome. Let's find time to chat. Maybe some of the Wood Badge sessions will lead us to new solutions.

Bill

What do you think?

Any attempt to characterize things as, basically, "boys will be boys" serves to remove responsibility from any individuals who might be engaging in bullying and give tacit approval to behavior that is boisterous, hurtful, abusive, and insulting. Scouting, I think, provides you with a code of behavior, and that may differ from how things "typically" are with 11-17 year olds. Maybe the great majority of kids 11-17 act in ways that are abusive and bullying. Please let this guy know, and the Scouts with whom you are in contact, that you expect a higher standard of behavior from them, in hopes that they will serve as good examples for others.

That's my thought, at least. I don't have boys, so my familiarity with with boys in this age range is purely hypothetical. I just think that, no matter what, the more we can encourage kids to act in ways that display kindness, fairness, and concern for the feelings of others, the better off we are all going to be.

 

[stopher1]

How do we define bullying? Translation - Do you really know what you are talking about?

I had a similar thing with soccer last year. I was ignored. I felt vindicated when we defeated the other team w/o fouling this year, but poor behavior was still left unchecked. Good luck. I just got into a shouting match with the other coach on the side line, which was not a good example. I did arrange for a more experienced referee for the 2nd time we played which helped.

That was exactly my thought! Nevermind that I'm a freakin' pediatrician!

Fortunately, I don't need to try to define bullying. The state statutes define it for me already.

"any overt acts by a student or a group of students directed against another student with the intent to ridicule, harass, humiliate or intimidate the other student"

"bullying expressly includes, but is not limited to, a written, oral, or electronic communications, or physical acts or gestures that are based on any actual or perceived differentiating characteristics, such as race, color, religion, ancestry, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity and expression, socioeconomic status, academic status, physical appearance, or mental, physical,developmental or sensory disability, or by association with an individual or group who has or is perceived to have one or more of such characteristics"

Unfortunately, these occurances happen a lot in our Troop. Carl asked on another thread if my son is being bullied. The answer to that fortunately is "no" he is not. But I would not let him into a situation where this could occur (i.e. I don't leave him alone in the Troop meeting, but sit in the back of the room, both to make sure that he doesn't get out of control from his sensory overload or get bullied)

Wow Chris, I'm speechless.

Sounds like he just doesn't give a sh!t.

Although this may be typical with 11 - 17 year old (and I don't agree with that either), doesn't mean it's acceptable.

Scouts is a place for boys to learn independence and responsibility. The attitude of the leaders will get translated into the actions of the troops. This guy (Bill) does NOT seem to have the right attitude to lead these kids.

Chris you are in a tough position, being a responsible, caring father. I don't envy the position you are put in.

If a child can't feel comfortable amongst his piers, it is 100% the responsibility of the adult in charge to at very minimum address (and rectify) the situation.

Are you getting the game in your area? The only place I've found it here is on the CBS SportsNet pay package.



Any attempt to characterize things as, basically, "boys will be boys" serves to remove responsibility from any individuals who might be engaging in bullying and give tacit approval to behavior that is boisterous, hurtful, abusive, and insulting. Scouting, I think, provides you with a code of behavior, and that may differ from how things "typically" are with 11-17 year olds. Maybe the great majority of kids 11-17 act in ways that are abusive and bullying. Please let this guy know, and the Scouts with whom you are in contact, that you expect a higher standard of behavior from them, in hopes that they will serve as good examples for others.

That's my thought, at least. I don't have boys, so my familiarity with with boys in this age range is purely hypothetical. I just think that, no matter what, the more we can encourage kids to act in ways that display kindness, fairness, and concern for the feelings of others, the better off we are all going to be.

Chris

If you are not able to get to a reasonable place with this guy quickly, you absolutely need to contact your District Executive; and if that doesn't work, go straight to your Council Commissioner or Council Field Director. There is absolutely NO PLACE for any kind of bullying in Scouting, and it does seem, like the other guys have said, that this guy either doesn't care, or just doesn't want to acknowledge that there is some sort of a problem that HE needs to adequately squash now so that it doesn't get worse. He thinks the grapevine will squash recruiting?!?! What he doesn't seem to realize is how that same grapevine will decimate the Troop if bullying takes hold and becomes the Troop's reputation.

 

[stopher1]

Hey guys,

It's now just about 2 weeks since I lost my job. And what a crazy 2 weeks it's been. I know that some of you see my stuff over on facebook, so you're already aware, but some of you aren't. I haven't had time (despite being unemployed) to spend hanging around on here. Much as I'd like to.

I spent the first week working with recruiters and a resume writer getting to a place where I could actually start applying for jobs. Plus working with the unemployment folks, benefits and other beverly crud like that. This past week I've identified and applied for 10 full-time positions, as well as identified 5 more potential ft positions that I need to work on applying for. (It's astounding how much time one stinking application can take.) Plus I've applied for 7 part-time roles until a FT role comes along. I'm praying that I'll get some sort of response (positive would be good) regarding getting some interview action soon. Fingers crossed. I have also spent a lot of time working on my FB and web presence for the FTJ stuff. That has been slowly starting to pay off, so that's good.

Tuesday I took my DW and 2 younger kids to the airport and sent them on their way to CA. FIL is looking to be in his final weeks now, so we just sent them along. MY eldest and I will fly out this coming Thursday. We had to get approval from the school and such for an excused absence, and the timing was hard to determine. FIL is on oxygen most of the day, sleeps at least 1/2 the day now, and has lost something like 30-40 lbs in the past 3-4 weeks. He barely eats, and is required to have 24/7 care now. My BIL has been with him the past couple of weeks. DW plans to be out there for the duration now. Who knows what will happen when we get out there, but as it is right now, my son will fly back on the 5th, and the 2 younger ones and I will come home on the 10th. But if things change while we're there, then the return flights might be changed as well. We'll see.

Soooo..... I've been a little busy and had my mind on other things lately. But I hope you all are doing well. It was good to speak with Christian on the phone yesterday, and the various FB messages and texts have been encouraging - even if I haven't yet replied... but I will.

Take care guys. More later.

 

[DisDadDoc]

How do we define bullying? Translation - Do you really know what you are talking about?

Wow Chris, I'm speechless.

Sounds like he just doesn't give a sh!t.

Although this may be typical with 11 - 17 year old (and I don't agree with that either), doesn't mean it's acceptable.

Scouts is a place for boys to learn independence and responsibility. The attitude of the leaders will get translated into the actions of the troops. This guy (Bill) does NOT seem to have the right attitude to lead these kids.

Chris you are in a tough position, being a responsible, caring father. I don't envy the position you are put in.

If a child can't feel comfortable amongst his piers, it is 100% the responsibility of the adult in charge to at very minimum address (and rectify) the situation.

Any attempt to characterize things as, basically, "boys will be boys" serves to remove responsibility from any individuals who might be engaging in bullying and give tacit approval to behavior that is boisterous, hurtful, abusive, and insulting. Scouting, I think, provides you with a code of behavior, and that may differ from how things "typically" are with 11-17 year olds. Maybe the great majority of kids 11-17 act in ways that are abusive and bullying. Please let this guy know, and the Scouts with whom you are in contact, that you expect a higher standard of behavior from them, in hopes that they will serve as good examples for others.

That's my thought, at least. I don't have boys, so my familiarity with with boys in this age range is purely hypothetical. I just think that, no matter what, the more we can encourage kids to act in ways that display kindness, fairness, and concern for the feelings of others, the better off we are all going to be.

Chris

If you are not able to get to a reasonable place with this guy quickly, you absolutely need to contact your District Executive; and if that doesn't work, go straight to your Council Commissioner or Council Field Director. There is absolutely NO PLACE for any kind of bullying in Scouting, and it does seem, like the other guys have said, that this guy either doesn't care, or just doesn't want to acknowledge that there is some sort of a problem that HE needs to adequately squash now so that it doesn't get worse. He thinks the grapevine will squash recruiting?!?! What he doesn't seem to realize is how that same grapevine will decimate the Troop if bullying takes hold and becomes the Troop's reputation.

Carl, Randall, Norm, Brian, Eric and Stopher,

Thanks for your insights! As expected, they were thoughtful and supportive. Some great lines, too, that I'm putting in my back pocket for later.

Stopher, what the Scoutmaster doesn't know is that I went over his head to the District Executive at least a month ago. She's promised to do spot inspections (which she hasn't done) and help me re-start the 2nd dormant Troop in town (which I'm almost certain I need to do).

Here's my draft response letter (haven't sent it yet). Typically as per my New England roots, it is overly polite and deferential (we prefer to do our stabbing in the back around these parts). I'll be blind copying the District Executive.

Thoughts on this?

Hi, Bill!

Thanks for your email. I very glad that we can continue this conversation. Recently, I talked at length with [Troop Committe Chair] about this, and my thoughts haven’t significantly changed since you and I had our first-hand conversation this summer.

I also understand the need to protect reputations. Perception is reality, as they say. So, I’ve been careful to initiate discussions with friends from outside the state who are active in scouting. However, if I’m hearing about this and being asked about the Troop by other parents around town (as I am), then the reputation is still out there. But I have done my best to assuage any rumors.

Fortunately for us, we don’t need to come up with a definition for bullying. The state does it for us already. It defines bullying as "any overt acts by a student or a group of students directed against another student with the intent to ridicule, harass, humiliate or intimidate the other student". Behavior is on a continuum, however, and where you draw that line of teasing vs. bullying is subjective and will differ from person to person. Unfortunately, I have witnessed on numerous occasions (in troop meetings, camping, over the summer, etc) older scouts using physical or verbal acts to intimidate the younger scouts. I have heard the “boys will be boys” argument, but isn’t this why we have the 12 points to the scout law? No one is perfect, but shouldn’t we hold ourselves and the boys up to a higher standard, the standard of scouting? I know that you agree with this. It is why one of the criteria for advancement is are you living the scout oath and law. Certainly the younger boys will not be there yet, but they will get better at living this as they get older.

Intentional is tough to judge, but a more important question is, Is it correctable? I think the answer is yes. These are not “bad kids”. Scouting is really good for boys who need someone to provide them with a moral compass. We definitely could help try to do that for them. In addition, both you and [Troop Committe Chair] have affirmed that you do not think that there is a culture of bullying in the Troop. That’s nice to hear and bodes well for improvement.

One of the things you and I had talked about previously was breaking up into separate rooms with the patrols during the meetings. I think that with smaller groups, many of these problems could be improved. If you had each patrol meet individually for part of the meeting, then each patrol leader could have some direct coaching from an Assistant Scoutmaster. Scoutmaster minutes are important for setting tone and establishing culture, but changing behavior requires real time coaching. And this should come from the Assistant Scoutmasters. I’ve tried to step in a couple of times at Troop meetings and camping (with teasing other scouts, not my son, I just pull my son out of the situation). Unfortunately, the scouts typically either deny the behavior or ignore me. Coaching needs to come from the leaders of the troop, not from parents. If the Assistant Scoutmasters aren’t comfortable with this, there is a new Trainer at the Council level (XXX, I think?). Maybe he could help?

The more I learn about scouting, the more I’m impressed with the program and with how it can make a difference in boys’ lives. And as a pediatrician and a medical educator, this is something that I’m passionate about (it is literally my job). One of my personal goals is to continue to get more involved in scouting and to further my own scout training. I’d really like to help make this troop the best it can be. You’ve done an exemplary job as Scoutmaster. You are enthusiastic, calm, patient and fair with the boys and provide an excellent role model for them. But, you can’t be everywhere at once. With 83 scouts, I think we (i.e. the Troop) can do a better job of supporting you.

Thank you again for your email. I’ve given this a lot of thought and am eager to help however I can.

Chris

Sorry to take so much space up with this! I know we could have had several pages of bacon bikinis instead...

 

[RodBelding]

Sorry to take so much space up with this! I know we could have had several pages of bacon bikinis instead...

Chris, I think that is a great response to his email, and you're clearly taking the high road with it, so kudos to you. I don't know that I could be as courteous and respectful as you if I had received his email, as it came off like he really didn't feel the need to deal with what is obviously a problem, but I'm a hot head. Your response is well said. I think you're wise to blind copy the district executive.

I grew up going through scouts, but am a few years away from experiencing it as a parent. The kids in your troop are lucky to have someone concerned about them and their scouting experience. It really is a great time and a wonderful program, but it can be ruined easily if a child isn't comfortable enough to really get involved in the scouting experience because of issues such as being bullied.

Good luck as you work through this.

 

[twokids0204]

Sorry to take so much space up with this! I know we could have had several pages of bacon bikinis instead...

Don't worry Chris, I've got it covered....

Oh, and your reply - well said.

 

[theduck619]

Doc, I think you are of the right mindset to pursue this further. One act of bullying that is tolerated sets the stage for "gray" areas. The end result only allows bullying to continue in those shady areas.

Christopher, I am sorry to hear about you FIL. We will pray for your DW and all of your family. I hope all of this work pays off very soon for you

 

[GoHerd1028]

Are you getting the game in your area? The only place I've found it here is on the CBS SportsNet pay package.
.

Nope there was no local broadcast of the game either eventhough there was a 34K+ attendance. I wish I could say that the outcome was better than it was but 30-10 was not what I was hoping for. My Herd still has some growing to do!!! Uuugh! At least basketball season will be here soon! We will make some noise then hopefully!

 

[DisDadDoc]

Chris, I think that is a great response to his email, and you're clearly taking the high road with it, so kudos to you. I don't know that I could be as courteous and respectful as you if I had received his email, as it came off like he really didn't feel the need to deal with what is obviously a problem, but I'm a hot head. Your response is well said. I think you're wise to blind copy the district executive.

I grew up going through scouts, but am a few years away from experiencing it as a parent. The kids in your troop are lucky to have someone concerned about them and their scouting experience. It really is a great time and a wonderful program, but it can be ruined easily if a child isn't comfortable enough to really get involved in the scouting experience because of issues such as being bullied.

Good luck as you work through this.

Doc, I think you are of the right mindset to pursue this further. One act of bullying that is tolerated sets the stage for "gray" areas. The end result only allows bullying to continue in those shady areas.

Thanks also, Paul and David! I am pretty sure that behind my back, this guy is saying (or thinking) about me, "Wow, what a p*ssy! The kids need to toughen up. It'll make men out of them!"

And as I've said and written to the District Exective previously, it would be very easy for me to move my sons to another Troop, but that's what the last Cubmaster did, and I don't think it is the right decision for the boys in my Pack.

 

[AirGoofy]

...
But I have done my best to assuage any rumors.....
These are not “bad kids”.

Chris. Great letter. I hope it has a positive effect. Maybe he really thinks it will toughen them or this was just his experience as a child. Sometimes, people are jerks by choice and sometimes by learning. It is not an excuse, just perhaps his perspective. But, after enough times, he should be able to learn or stand aside and let others lead.

If you permit me to have a little fun. I love it when cool words appear in letters that I have to look up. And, I couldn't help of think of that (previously referenced) Bobby Bowden interview in regards to academic cheating, "yeah, they did it, but they're good kids". Sorry.

Don't worry Chris, I've got it covered....

Bacon and sunny side up.

 

[dvczerfs]

Hey guys,

It's now just about 2 weeks since I lost my job. And what a crazy 2 weeks it's been. I know that some of you see my stuff over on facebook, so you're already aware, but some of you aren't. I haven't had time (despite being unemployed) to spend hanging around on here. Much as I'd like to.

I spent the first week working with recruiters and a resume writer getting to a place where I could actually start applying for jobs. Plus working with the unemployment folks, benefits and other beverly crud like that. This past week I've identified and applied for 10 full-time positions, as well as identified 5 more potential ft positions that I need to work on applying for. (It's astounding how much time one stinking application can take.) Plus I've applied for 7 part-time roles until a FT role comes along. I'm praying that I'll get some sort of response (positive would be good) regarding getting some interview action soon. Fingers crossed. I have also spent a lot of time working on my FB and web presence for the FTJ stuff. That has been slowly starting to pay off, so that's good.

Tuesday I took my DW and 2 younger kids to the airport and sent them on their way to CA. FIL is looking to be in his final weeks now, so we just sent them along. MY eldest and I will fly out this coming Thursday. We had to get approval from the school and such for an excused absence, and the timing was hard to determine. FIL is on oxygen most of the day, sleeps at least 1/2 the day now, and has lost something like 30-40 lbs in the past 3-4 weeks. He barely eats, and is required to have 24/7 care now. My BIL has been with him the past couple of weeks. DW plans to be out there for the duration now. Who knows what will happen when we get out there, but as it is right now, my son will fly back on the 5th, and the 2 younger ones and I will come home on the 10th. But if things change while we're there, then the return flights might be changed as well. We'll see.

Soooo..... I've been a little busy and had my mind on other things lately. But I hope you all are doing well. It was good to speak with Christian on the phone yesterday, and the various FB messages and texts have been encouraging - even if I haven't yet replied... but I will.

Take care guys. More later.

hi stopher!!! thoughts and prayer with you and your family. i also hope something comes around for you on the job front.

Carl, Randall, Norm, Brian, Eric and Stopher,

Thanks for your insights! As expected, they were thoughtful and supportive. Some great lines, too, that I'm putting in my back pocket for later.

Stopher, what the Scoutmaster doesn't know is that I went over his head to the District Executive at least a month ago. She's promised to do spot inspections (which she hasn't done) and help me re-start the 2nd dormant Troop in town (which I'm almost certain I need to do).

Here's my draft response letter (haven't sent it yet). Typically as per my New England roots, it is overly polite and deferential (we prefer to do our stabbing in the back around these parts). I'll be blind copying the District Executive.

Thoughts on this?

Hi, Bill!

Thanks for your email. I very glad that we can continue this conversation. Recently, I talked at length with [Troop Committe Chair] about this, and my thoughts haven’t significantly changed since you and I had our first-hand conversation this summer.

I also understand the need to protect reputations. Perception is reality, as they say. So, I’ve been careful to initiate discussions with friends from outside the state who are active in scouting. However, if I’m hearing about this and being asked about the Troop by other parents around town (as I am), then the reputation is still out there. But I have done my best to assuage any rumors.

Fortunately for us, we don’t need to come up with a definition for bullying. The state does it for us already. It defines bullying as "any overt acts by a student or a group of students directed against another student with the intent to ridicule, harass, humiliate or intimidate the other student". Behavior is on a continuum, however, and where you draw that line of teasing vs. bullying is subjective and will differ from person to person. Unfortunately, I have witnessed on numerous occasions (in troop meetings, camping, over the summer, etc) older scouts using physical or verbal acts to intimidate the younger scouts. I have heard the “boys will be boys” argument, but isn’t this why we have the 12 points to the scout law? No one is perfect, but shouldn’t we hold ourselves and the boys up to a higher standard, the standard of scouting? I know that you agree with this. It is why one of the criteria for advancement is are you living the scout oath and law. Certainly the younger boys will not be there yet, but they will get better at living this as they get older.

Intentional is tough to judge, but a more important question is, Is it correctable? I think the answer is yes. These are not “bad kids”. Scouting is really good for boys who need someone to provide them with a moral compass. We definitely could help try to do that for them. In addition, both you and [Troop Committe Chair] have affirmed that you do not think that there is a culture of bullying in the Troop. That’s nice to hear and bodes well for improvement.

One of the things you and I had talked about previously was breaking up into separate rooms with the patrols during the meetings. I think that with smaller groups, many of these problems could be improved. If you had each patrol meet individually for part of the meeting, then each patrol leader could have some direct coaching from an Assistant Scoutmaster. Scoutmaster minutes are important for setting tone and establishing culture, but changing behavior requires real time coaching. And this should come from the Assistant Scoutmasters. I’ve tried to step in a couple of times at Troop meetings and camping (with teasing other scouts, not my son, I just pull my son out of the situation). Unfortunately, the scouts typically either deny the behavior or ignore me. Coaching needs to come from the leaders of the troop, not from parents. If the Assistant Scoutmasters aren’t comfortable with this, there is a new Trainer at the Council level (XXX, I think?). Maybe he could help?

The more I learn about scouting, the more I’m impressed with the program and with how it can make a difference in boys’ lives. And as a pediatrician and a medical educator, this is something that I’m passionate about (it is literally my job). One of my personal goals is to continue to get more involved in scouting and to further my own scout training. I’d really like to help make this troop the best it can be. You’ve done an exemplary job as Scoutmaster. You are enthusiastic, calm, patient and fair with the boys and provide an excellent role model for them. But, you can’t be everywhere at once. With 83 scouts, I think we (i.e. the Troop) can do a better job of supporting you.

Thank you again for your email. I’ve given this a lot of thought and am eager to help however I can.

Chris

Sorry to take so much space up with this! I know we could have had several pages of bacon bikinis instead...

nice responce doc. i havnt beed around boys in 35 years. ive been following your story and this guys sounds like a winner. i was in the cub scouts many years ago and i remember it as being a great experience. coming from a small town, the sames kids that went to scouts on a wednesday night, were the same kids that you played football and baseball with. tammy and i were talking tonight how times have changed. when we were kids the activities we did and playing outside from sun up to sun down. your doing the right thing!!! i was lucky like your son, my mom and dad were both involved with everything i did. i dont recall ever a time when i looked up and they were not standing there for me. keep up the fight.

 

[dvczerfs]

Don't worry Chris, I've got it covered....

Oh, and your reply - well said.

iam highly offended!!! there is a time when there is to much bacon!!!

 

[dvczerfs]

ok, looking on line to see if disney had any openings for my disney dream job, i came across what some of the cast members who you come in contact with everyday start out making. all these job are part time only and must be available 7 days per week including weekends and holidays:
gift shop cm = $7.55
walk up rest. cm = $8.05
custodian cm = $7.80 (extra buck an hr of 3rd shift)
bus driver = $10.70
mousekeeper = $8.35 (must clean up to 14 rooms per day)
i dont know about you, but i wouldnt put up with all that crap from people for that kind of money.

 

[twokids0204]

ok, looking on line to see if disney had any openings for my disney dream job, i came across what some of the cast members who you come in contact with everyday start out making. all these job are part time only and must be available 7 days per week including weekends and holidays:
gift shop cm = $7.55
walk up rest. cm = $8.05
custodian cm = $7.80 (extra buck an hr of 3rd shift)
bus driver = $10.70
mousekeeper = $8.35 (must clean up to 14 rooms per day)
i dont know about you, but i wouldnt put up with all that crap from people for that kind of money.

Look for a documentary called MOUSETRAPPED.

It's kinda disturbing.

Part 1

Part 2

 

[GoHerd1028]

Look for a documentary called MOUSETRAPPED.

It's kinda disturbing.

Part 1

Part 2

Those videos are disturbing indeed. However, it is sad to say that we live in a society where the bottom dollar is all that matters. It is not a problem that is unique to Disney. It is everywhere. That doesn't make it right, it just shows that we are all in the same boat... I have told people at work that the easiest thing any company can do and increase productivity is to just be nice....it does not cost anything...just be nice!