Chpt 20 – Who’s up for some lunch?
So after we had washed Pal Mickey’s little mouth out with soap... and impressed upon him the importance of not harassing the animatronic eye candy.....Tinkershell figured it was high time that we stop for a penny break. Every now and then...she insists that we stop and get the kids a squashed penny from one of the many squashed penny machines that are spread out all over WDW. I’ve got a number of problems with these spontaneous penny breaks. First of all.... Tinkershell is the only one who ever ends up with any pennies.....so all this “getting pennies for the kids” stuff is totally bogus. Second of all.... aren’t there some kinds of laws in place that protect U.S. currency from frivolous destruction...and if there are...am I not..in fact.. obligated to make a citizens arrest and collect whatever reward might be offered? And lastly....are we properly honoring the memory of Abraham Lincoln...one of our country’s greatest leaders... when we iron out his likeness and replace it with Chip and Dale fighting over an acorn? I for one..don't really think so.
So, following Tinkershell’s squashed penny crime spree, we decided to break for lunch at Columbia Harbor House...because apparently some people work up quite an appetite when they are breaking the law. However, on the way through Adventureland, we stumbled across Aladdin and Jasmine signing autographs. Now...no disrespect to the other princesses...who are all special in their own special way.... but Jasmine is DD Woobie’s favorite. On our last vacation, Tinkershell and DD Woob searched MK... from on end to the other....in hot muggy conditions... in a fruitless effort to get Jasmine’s autograph. Time and time again, they arrived just a half step too slow...and would be told things like... “Jasmine was in the parade”....or “Jasmine was taking a break”....or “Jasmine was off somewhere with her bodyguard because she had told Aladdin six months ago that their marriage was over and then had given him a contract to sign that said that she didn’t care if he had girlfriends as long as he pretended they were still married so they could continue to make a bunch of money even though they were living a lie”. Long story short (too late), they didn’t get Jasmine’s autograph.
So after all those Jasmine related disappointments on our last trip....here she was.....all wrapped up in a bow....without us even looking for her. Isn’t life funny? I’ve been told that finding DeVine works like that too.....but I refuse to listen. Anyway, after a short wait in line....during which Pal Mickey and I slipped over to Frontierland to watch Woody’s Ho-Down (who was surprisingly light on his feet for a seven foot tall child’s plaything by the way)... DD Woobie finally bagged her most precious autograph. Obviously, this autograph was so important that Tinkershell herself took custody of the book....for safe keeping. Right then and there.....she made a vow to Woob....and to Aladdin and Jasmine....and to anyone else in the area who cared to listen that nothing bad would ever befall that autograph book. Nope, not on her watch.
DD Woobie hits the mother-lode
So with Woob’s most precious autograph safely in Tinkershell’s protective custody....we finally made our way to Columbia Harbor House for lunch. CHH is our kids favorite counter-service......mine too for that matter because they have an upstairs area where its usually pretty easy to find a table. You could feed me a tongue sandwich with a side order of pickled beets and I’d still be a happy camper...as long as I got my table. Of course, we had arrived at CHH before the traditional lunch-time crowd because this wasn’t our first rodeo.....or lunch at MK for that matter. On a nostalgic note, during our very first experience at CHH many moons ago, they had allowed us to substitute a clam chowder for a dessert on the dining plan. Ever since that fateful visit, we have tried to get a clam chowder in place of a dessert....but to no avail. I asked again this visit and the CM gave me a sharp slap across the face for my trouble. Ok...not really....but it felt like it, because I didn’t get the chowder. I suppose we could always just pay for a clam chowder but..when you’re on the dining plan....that just seems wrong..
Anyway, after a pleasant lunch, we emerged from CHH mostly satisfied....except for that empty chowder-shaped space in my heart. The plan was to head on over to the Haunted Mansion next because it was only a stone’s throw away.....if it was a reasonably sized stone....and if you had a major-league caliber arm....and if stone throwing was even allowed in the MK, which I’m pretty sure it isn’t...although I don’t recall any prohibitive signs. Anyway, it was about that time that Tinkershell started to get this nagging feeling that she was forgetting something......something important....or precious if you prefer.
Tinkershell’s howl of anguish was still ringing in our ears as we watched her push her way back through the crowd to CHH...leaving piles of sprawled bodies in her wake. Once inside, she had rushed back to our table to retrieve Woob’s precious autograph book...only to find it already occupied by another family. After a quick, yet thorough, examination of the crime scene...which included interrogating the six year-old in blonde ringlets with the “shifty eyes”... and roughly patting down the 70 year-old grandmother who looked a little lumpy under her shawl...Tinkershell concluded that the book must have been removed before the family in question had sat down. After warning the frightened family not to leave town in case she had any further questions... she grabbed the nearest CHH employee and started violently shaking him as she loudly demanded that he return Woob’s missing book.
As MK security escorted her from restaurant, we could tell by the look on Tinkershell’s face that the book was gone. At this point, Woob started to get a bit teary. Now, I suspect all mothers are like this.....but when it comes to our kids and making them happy....Tinkershell is like a S’more....except without the graham cracker and chocolate. Seeing the sad look on Woob’s face, Tinkershell turned on her heals and headed back to CHH for a second try. I’m not sure what she had in mind....but she had that “search the dumpster” look in her eyes. Believe me, I’ve seen it before.
This time she spoke to the CHH manager. Touched by her heartfelt story, he presented her with a coupon for a free autograph book and a hand-written note which allowed DD Woob to go to the front of the Aladdin and Jasmine autograph line. All he asked for in exchange was for Tinkershell to let go of his ankle and stop sobbing on the floor....because people were starting to stare. Tinkershell agreed.
Tinkershell's suffering her self-imposed punishment for losing the book....DS Buddy is in for an unrelated offense...and I have no idea what Pal Mickey is doing
Next up: Chpt 21 - Yup...we're still at MK