Taking your DD's boyfriend on a trip "?"

[kayleighnik]

If he has a baby now then he will not have his fancy car,his electric guitars,his spending money to buy what he wants. heck he cant even pick up his own room. so yes having a baby now for him will ruin his plans of having nice things.

Personally, if I were in the situation of having a baby, I would choose the precious life of another over material things. If he worked hard enough, he could still have the things he wanted.

 

[pweyl36]

Personally, if I were in the situation of having a baby, I would choose the precious life of another over material things. If he worked hard enough, he could still have the things he wanted.

Heck, hes 20yrs old he does not need kids in his life. He needs to grow up him self and have fun. I had him when I was 20 and he knows how I struggled to put a roof over his head and feed and clothe him. I have a 10yr old daughter and when shes 16 I hope she has fun. And no her boyfriend will not be going on a family vac.

 

[PIRATEGIRL007]

We drive so if they broke up it wouldn't be a problem because one of her friends could take his place. He would just be buying his ticket and wouldn't have to do that till the last minute.

Some of the comments that lean toward DON'T take him would be wiped out with this. If she would/could take another friend in his place then family bonding time doesn't seem to be an issue.

Personally I would take him, when i was in HS I went on a trip w/ my BF camping for a week. It was a mixed blessing I had a great time and we had plenty of 'alone' and family bonding time. It really made me feel like i was part of thier family and included. BTW if your DD isn't sexually active I don't think a trip WDW is gonna pus her over there edge. And availability of a hotel room with the lie that they were somewhere else isn't going to change that either.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[kayleighnik]

He needs to grow up him self

I think one of the first points made, was that everyone matures at a different rate. Fine, your son may still need to grow up - each to their own. But other people are already sufficiently mature by 20.

 

[Freyja]

you sure did. im just letting you know that babies dont ruin plans...people ruin their own plans.

 

[teachingmyown]

Wow...this thread seems to run off the road onto a tangent!

As for the original question, I expect it wouldn't happen in our household. I place a VERY HIGH priority on F A M I L Y vacations and so we don't ever consider taking any friends along. For one, I don't want the distraction; for another, I don't want the responsibility. Having another family's child is a HUGE responsibility/liability. My imagination has no trouble coming up with all kinds of tragic scenarios where I just don't want to have to consider someone else's kid in the mix. That sounds bad, doesn't it? I don't mean it too, but honestly, if there were, for instance, a fire...of course I'd try to save every one of them, but what if I couldn't? There'd always be the question....?

I remember one vacation that I was a reluctant teenager on, pining away for the boyfriend back home. I was told to get over it and stop making everyone else miserable and after a very short amount of time having to -act- like I was having a good time, I actually began to have a good time. Boyfriends can wait. If they can't, they need to be dismissed.

 

[Minnie]

Nope wouldn't do it. It definitely wouldn't hurt and could only help a teen to be away from their boyfriend for a week

Oh the coulda, woulda, should ofs.....

 

[maj42169]

Sorry, but this is a definate NO for my family. I just don't think that at 15 or 16 it is appropriate to bring "boyfriends" or "girlfriends" on family trips! I would probably go for her bringing a friend along, but not the boyfriend,(emotionally involved teen romance, love of her life, etc........ )

 

[luvthemouse71]

I think it's ok as long as they don't have their own room, and as long as you lay down some rules beforehand..I'm assuming you must have a pretty good idea of what kind of kid your daughter is and at least have a sense of how trustworthy this boy is...if they are both basically decent kids, then I don't see a problem.

 

[luvthemouse71]

I'd have been more likely to rebel if they had have been all over me with the rules

Exactly, quite a few of my illicit shenanigans took place in my home state and a couple while under the same roof as my parents..and compared to some of my friends, I was an angel!!

I was the oldest, so my parents were very strict with me, and not strict at all with my baby brother. Guess which one of us ended up with tattoos,piercings and ended up leaving home the earliest? Me-I joke that I paved the way for him so much that he never felt the need to do it for himself!

 

[letthewookiewin]

Personally, I would not let him go, and just tell the DD that she can see him when she gets home. If they were 18, or maybe 17, I would say yes. That is as long as they did not share a room. On the flip side of it, if I was the mother of the 15 year old BF, I wouldn't let him go even if he was invited to go.

 

[tndisneyfan]

At her age- in all honesty, I'd say 'mom, we will be back in 3 hours for lunch' and we'd head back to the hotel room! Now, your daughter may be different, but let me tell you...my mom thought and STILL thinks I was 'different'. EVERY mother does it seems.

I'm ashamed to say it but, Me Too. That would be the hard part about taking the boyfriend for me, knowing what I would have done if I had been in that position. Now I'm not saying your daughter would ever do this, but this is what would be going thru my mind. With WDW transportation it would be easy to slip back to the room and then right back to the parks. I may be more likely to do it if I was renting a house or a condo offsite. That way they could have seperate rooms and everybody would arrive and leave the parks at the same time.

 

[neilsalop]

My DD (18) is bringing her BF (22) with us this Christmas. They'll have their own room as they are already in a long term relationship (nearly 18 months). He spends more time at our house than at his own and although a pain in the **** he is pretty much part of the family. When we get back they are looking for their own place.

I don't know how different things are in the US, but over here as long as the kids are sensible and respect our rules, we probably let them get away with a bit more. They both have good, responsible jobs and are paying their own way so cost isn't an issue.

A few years ago we allowed our DS (16 at the time) to bring a friend from school, we paid for everything from flights to meals and everything in between, his parents contributed nothing and gave him £70 ($110 at the time) spending money. We didn't resent this and considered ourselves to be giving him a once in life-time experience. He still mentions it now 7 years later and apreciates what we did.

As for the original question, would I allow a DD (16) to bring along a BF? It depends on several things; how long have they been together, how well does he get on with the rest of the family, do you trust them both, do you believe that they'll respect your rules? Only you can answer these questions and then you'll be more able to decide. One other point though, if you say no, will DD say that she won't go without him or cause a row 2 days before you go, so that you'll go without her? Devious creatures teenagers, aren't they?

 

[2vets]

Well, I think you already know your own answer - you know your DD and her BF more than anyone here on this board. Sounds like your DD is a good kid with a fine head on her shoulders - I like that someone referred to this as an idea for "starting the transition to adulthood" - my thoughts exactly.

(I think it's curious that no one has mentioned their own post-high school stuff here - at least not up to pg 6!! I knew a few girls whose contact with boys was very limited (no, I am NOT referring to physical contact, though that's obviously part of it)...and let's just say that the -um - BACKLASH when they got to college was significant. I am thinking of one heavily restricted Mormon girl in particular who got to college and went quite nuts - and I knew at least 2 or three others in my freshman dorm who were the same!!! I AM NOT SAYING ALL KIDS ARE LIKE THIS, just saying that it happens!!!)

I don't personally think there is anything wrong with taking him, and it sounds like you don't think so, either. If their relationship goes well in the next months and DD continues to behave responsibly (obeying curfews, getting good grades and all that), I say take him.

As for the $ part of it, that is obviously your own business and no one else's - I can tell you that my parents took my best GF with us to Disney several times when I was in high school (I avoided having long term BF's, but that was just my own personal preference!), and since she was invited, I believe they paid for everything and she brought her own pocket $. You know what you can afford better than any of us.

Good luck, and have an awesome trip.

 

[PrincessAli]

My husband and I will be celebrating our 45th Anniversary at Disney this Sept. When I was a teenager ( lots of years ago-Ü) it was unheard of for my BF (DH) to go on a family vacation with us----BUT----when my parents went on a vacation without me--I stayed at my BF home well supervised by his parents. Fortunately (depending on how you look at it) for us we had to go to my house everyday to check for mail, feed the cat etc---lots of alone time was spent there--Ü. My parents trusted me completely!! As mentioned--alone time can happen anywhere. If you like her boyfriend and he gets along well with your family---TAKE HIM!

 

[Lucky4me]

Sure, why not?
We took dd's boyfriend on a couple of vacations when they were in HS. We had a great time. He was so appreciative since his family never took family vacations. His parents went to Mexico and the Carribean every year without their kids, so it was a foreign concept to him.

Taking a teenager's boy/girlfriend on a trip is not going to encourage them to have sex. If they want to have sex, they'll have sex, whether on vacation or not. Where theres a will there's a way and even 'good' boys and girls will find a way.

 

[Todd&Copper]

My cousin used to take boyfriends on vacations when she was 15+. She had some horrible fights with one of them on a vacation to visit us in VA Beach. They had been together for over a year, and were either just finishing with their jr. year of HS or just graduated. It was EXTREMELY uncomfortable to say the least.

I didn't have a boyfriend in HS, but I never would have dreamed of bringing along my best friend on a family vacation. Family vacations meant family time. Granted, DSis and I split off from my parents at various points during the day at Disney, but for the most part the fam was together the whole time. No, I am not a freak show or a Christian fundamentalist or emotionally retarded, but I honestly did want to spend time with my family. Believe it or not, some kids actually LIKE their parents, even when the kids are teens.

 

[lorilori]

Hmm... I haven't had time to read all the posts because we're HERE RIGHT NOW WITH DD AND BF (both 15 1/2) plus our two ds. We are having an absolute blast! He's a great kid who gets along well with our entire family, super, super important. This trip is NOT about dd and him, it's about him being able to go to DisneyWorld for the first time ever and the fabulous plan that our youngest ds(8) finally has someone to ride all the coasters with him! We've been to Disney many times and have brought others with us, so we definitely do NOT feel like we're losing anything by having him along; it is great to see the world again through the eyes of someone who's never been. We've known him for almost a year, they met in school and he knows the meaning of respect; we knew they wouldn't be 'attached at the hip' because they're not at home. They both pulled high B's and A's in a very challenging early college program and as for family time, we bond as a family every day of the week. Now, for the disclaimer, we're staying in a 2-bedroom villa at Marriott's Grande Vista (fabulous by the way!), my three are in the second bedroom, he's on the pullout in the living room so for anyone considering this, make sure you have the space to give everyone a nice break from each other at night. And now we're getting ready to go to Epcot.

 

[disgal1]

my 2 cents....My oldest son just graduated from college, youngest son is away at college. The family trips have pretty much ended, and I am so glad I didn't waste any of them taking other kids along went we went on vacation.

We were very fortunate to go on all of our Disney trips with either our extended family or our friends here (2 other couples), all with kids our kids ages and all boys also, so we had the best of both worlds.

We had all of the fun, and none of the responsibility of having friends along.

Some of our best vacations were the 4 of us on an adventure to the mountains or camping etc..
of course, we were hit with the girlfriend come along request, but it was never question....a big NO.

Good luck with your decision, but just remember, very soon there just won't be the same kind of family vacation....treasure these years.

 

[hockeyadc]

My DD (18) is bringing her BF (22) with us this Christmas. They'll have their own room as they are already in a long term relationship (nearly 18 months). He spends more time at our house than at his own and although a pain in the **** he is pretty much part of the family. When we get back they are looking for their own place.

I don't know how different things are in the US, but over here as long as the kids are sensible and respect our rules, we probably let them get away with a bit more. They both have good, responsible jobs and are paying their own way so cost isn't an issue.

A few years ago we allowed our DS (16 at the time) to bring a friend from school, we paid for everything from flights to meals and everything in between, his parents contributed nothing and gave him £70 ($110 at the time) spending money. We didn't resent this and considered ourselves to be giving him a once in life-time experience. He still mentions it now 7 years later and apreciates what we did.

As for the original question, would I allow a DD (16) to bring along a BF? It depends on several things; how long have they been together, how well does he get on with the rest of the family, do you trust them both, do you believe that they'll respect your rules? Only you can answer these questions and then you'll be more able to decide. One other point though, if you say no, will DD say that she won't go without him or cause a row 2 days before you go, so that you'll go without her? Devious creatures teenagers, aren't they?

Sounds like my situation, I am currently 20, my gf is 18 turning 19 in august and we are going to disney ourselves in July. We have been going out for over 2 years now and we are paying for everything ourselves. Being 16 though is young, but they are not going alone, its not really a huge problem. If they wanted to do anything they could easily at home or at disney world, so I'm sure that they just would like to be together in Disney. And I think you mentioned it will be next year anyway? So she will be 17, I'm assuming she will have her license so they could easily get away with ALOT more than that once she gets her license. Trust me I know lol I don't know about schools where you are from, but around here, most senior trips are to disney and alot of those kids are 17 going with their boyfriends.