Spinoff of the Special Snowflake Thread - Your Biggest Parenting Regret (Babies)

[BernardandMissBianca]

I wish I would have let her cry it out and learn to sleep in her own bed. Six years later she is still sleeping with us. She will start out in her bed if one of us is laying with her to go to sleep, but by the end of the night she is in bed with us. I just keep telling myself she won't want to sleep with us when she is a teenager! I hope....

Only when they have a terrible nightmare! DS16 had a horrific nightmare a few months ago. It was so bad he woke me up and asked if he could lay with me for a bit. He never did tell me what it was about but it must have been bad because he was never one to climb into bed with us often.

I think my only regret is not instilling chores in them early enough. I did most of them because I was home but now they make messes faster than I can clean them up and asking them to do chores is an uphill battle. They don't get that there is 4 of them and only one of me and something as simple as hanging up their coats or putting shoes away makes a huge difference.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I don't have regrets about my parenting style. I was always cognizant of doing the best I could do, while realizing I was not perfect. I'm comfortable with the way things went down and turned out. I have two happy and healthy 15 year olds who still enjoy being with me, so I think that says something.

I did not breast feed by choice. (Just to get that out of the way!) No regrets.

I regret not giving my children my maiden name as their middle names.

I regret having too many clothes for my kids, which made it kind of a nightmare to store and sort through at the different stages of their development. But I never turned away any hand-me-downs and enjoyed shopping at thrift stores and clearance sales for them, so they simply had too many things they didn't always wear. If I had it to do over again I'd accumulate less clothing.

I regret not taking more video in the years after our Sony video camera broke till the time we got our iPhones a few years ago. It's a minor regret, though, since I have oodles of pictures.

 

[DisneyNutMary]

This is going to sound odd, but I wish I had gone back to working p/t after I had my first child. I became a SAHM and I think if I had worked I would have been more organized and scheduled in my life and his.
I never had him on any type of schedule, we slept late, stayed up late, never ate breakfast, and typically started most days around 12 or 1. Now at 19 he still never eats breakfast, and because of him, my younger one never eats breakfast.
It's small and it's odd, but I feel like I somehow failed as a parent not giving him a set schedule and making breakfast obsolete.

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

I regret spending so much time worrying about what other moms thought about my kids and my parenting style. I was doing the best I could, as I am sure, were they. Women are so hard on each other!

 

[Southernmiss]

never ate breakfast, and typically started most days around 12 or 1. Now at 19 he still never eats breakfast, and because of him, my younger one never eats breakfast.
It's small and it's odd, but I feel like I somehow failed as a parent not giving him a set schedule and making breakfast obsolete.

My side of the family are not breakfast eaters. As much as we hear "breakfast is the most important meal of the day" I don't think that's true for everyone. In fact, The Chew tv show the other day Mario Batali talked about how in Europe breakfast is at 10 a.m. and is a pastry and cup of coffee. This is very much my idea of breakfast and I have never been to Europe-yet. And Mario remarked about how the Europeans are not overweight like Americans. Hmmm... could there be a connection?

DH remarked the other day that he wished he had items for a quick hot breakfast. I bought some things the other day, but he has yet to make them. Sorry, but I don't eat breakfast like that so I don't make it. Can't stand the smell of eggs or eat eggs--bad experience with an omelete while pregnant.

My kids get up and make frozen waffles, but I have no guilt over it--they are straight A students and eat well balanced meals the rest of the day.

Now DHs mom is a huge breakfast person. I have to force myself to make breakfast and eat breakfast when we are visiting with her and she with us.

 

[palmbeachmom]

I wish I had not read every baby book available and just "winged" it. I had zero experience around babies and had no idea what to do. For some bizarre reason, I kept thinking that I had to entertain my DS 24/7. I did the craziest things, the weirdest of which was cutting out tons of pictures from magazines and posting them all over my bathroom so when I showered, he would have something to stare at from his baby carrier! My mom found us that way one day and almost died laughing at me!

I also wish I hadn't killed myself trying to breastfeed. We spent a lot of money on a private lactation consultant because my DS wouldn't latch on. I had enough milk to feed an army of babies, but he was having none of it. I did pump for 6 weeks, but when I went to formula he was a much happier baby with a much happier mommy and daddy

 

[North of Mouse]

Yours is similar to mine. I never planned on breastfeeding with my first because I had to go back to work in 4 weeks (gotta love the 80s with our drive through births and straight back to work) and it turned out that I wouldn't have been able to due to a stroke and blood clots which equal blood thinners after his birth. I gave birth to my daughter 13 months after that, the "league" consultant came in and told me she saw I wasn't planning breast feeding and proceeded to tell me in no uncertain terms how horrible of a mother I was being. When the nurse came in and saw me in tears and her still lecturing me she proceeded to inform her that due to my medications I was unable to breast feed. The consultant made a lame comment about hoping my child wouldn't suffer. If this would have happened to me now I would have left her in tears. BTW, the kids are 24 and 23, both college grads, son get's his masters in May and DD gets hers next year! Both have never been sick (even thought they were both in full time daycare by 6 weeks, she also lectured me on going back to work and having to use a bottle), were both "A" students, speak multiple languages, have great jobs, no allergies, not picky eaters, no crimes and good human beings who volunteer, contribute to charity and give back to their communities (which according to her were only some of evils they faced)!

My story is similar to yours, except I did plan on breastfeeding for about 6 months. I got mastitis in the hospital and could not even get started. I, too, suffered through the La Leche League lecturing, and I was too sick, and intimidated, to strike back.

Was told that babies are smarter, healthier, my weight would go down quicker, and every other thing they push it for. I was so scared. Now, it makes me very mad when I think of that and read articles (still) that say the same things. It is *not* true. We were blessed with 3 very healthy kids. They all graduated with honors (one a merit scholar), and all this after being formula fed - Oh, the horrors!! Makes me want to puke when I still hear the same *untrue* things about it today. Bunch of self righteous moms.

 

[ebtbmom]

I regret reacting or thinking certain things were the end of the world. I can remember sitting outside of my daughter's mother morning out class when she was about three years old. She was screaming and crying because of the separation. I sat there in tears. I can remember thinking, "this child is never going to let me out of her sight!" LOL she is 14 today and can't get away from me quick enough to go to the mall, etc...

Even today there are things that I get worked up about and I have to remember time goes so fast. I need to embrace the good and the bad. They will be gone so soon I don't want to waste my energy over things that are not such a big deal.

I'm tearing up as I type this. Being a parent is such a privilege. I think we can all agree we really love our kids!

I agree with this one. I'm still learning this lesson, I've been actively working on it since Christmas. I just wish that I had started sooner. He's your daughter's age, 14.


When he was a baby/toddler I wish that I had got him eating a better diet. I really bought into the "kids meal" thing and never fed him what I ate. He still eats like a toddler!

 

[Caradana]

Our 14-month-old twins are an adventure, so happy and smiley, great eaters, all good. That being said, we admit that we like snuggling with them at night. So, we got a king bed. Will I regret this in 5 years? Likely. But right now it is very sweet!

p.s. breastfed for 8 weeks. I was a dairy cow. Fed twins AND froze four months worth of milk on top of that. Hated every moment. Stopped. Was like a new woman. Four months later, closed out the breast milk and switched to formula, and the girls loved it.
p.p.s. formula fed every day of my infant life. 1510 SATs, Princeton with honors. No correlation.

 

[Christine]

Our 14-month-old twins are an adventure, so happy and smiley, great eaters, all good. That being said, we admit that we like snuggling with them at night. So, we got a king bed. Will I regret this in 5 years? Likely. But right now it is very sweet!

p.s. breastfed for 8 weeks. I was a dairy cow. Fed twins AND froze four months worth of milk on top of that. Hated every moment. Stopped. Was like a new woman. Four months later, closed out the breast milk and switched to formula, and the girls loved it.
p.p.s. formula fed every day of my infant life. 1510 SATs, Princeton with honors. No correlation.

Dana, I think if you had been breastfed you could have probably gotten 1600 on your SATs. I'm sorry but it's true.

 

[LoserMomma]

I give new moms only two pieces of advice based on my own experiences. 1. Don't listen to advice from anyone, do what you think is right. 2. Sleep at every opportunity when they're young because it will be years (if ever) before you get enough sleep again.

 

[aprilgail2]

I wish I hadn't listened to all the endless hype about breastfeeding.

One of the happiest days of my life is the day I stopped. My son was happier, too.

In my case, I wish that I had listened to my mom (a nurse) rather than the LaLeche League consultant who told me that mother's always produce enough milk for their children. Finally, after 6 weeks of trying so hard...even arguing with my pediatrician...I finally decided to supplement with formula. I had a much happier (and less hungry) baby and I was a much happier mom!

I won't even begin to tell you all of the things I tried to produce more milk. Let's just say it was enough to make me cry...while feeling like a "failure as a mother." I wanted to do everything right for this baby. I had so many miscarriages in the past that I wanted to be the "perfect mom."

!)

Karen

I tried and tried and tried- just never had any milk come in- I pumped and pumped and pumped and nothing. Everyone talks about their milk coming in and breast getting hard and hurting, I never had any of that! Was so much easier formula feeding anyway, so it worked out for me.

I bought a lot of things I never used like change table, a rocking chair and lots of toys. Babies don't really get as fascinated by toys in real life as they do in the commercials.

I agree- I did use the changing table all of the time though but a rocking chair, boppy pillow, toys- all a waste of money.

I wish I would have let someone watch them occasionally just to ease the separation anxiety. I can count on one hand how many times I left them before they started Pre-K. I think that made it really hard on them when school began.

:

This is my feeling exactly. I always said I should have put her into day care at least 2 days a week and at least part of the day from the time she was little to get her used to it. Her first try at preschool was a nightmare, she cried so much they told me I had to take her out of the program and try again the next year!

 

[deserrai]

My oldest daughter is 18...there is not enough space on the page to list all of the mistakes I think I made.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Similar to a PP, my biggest regret from the early years is that I spent too much buying things before my first was born, that really ended it up sitting idle.

I hardly ever used the changing table, never used the onsies, etc.

 

[jennyjinx3]

Biggest regret so far (hope this counts) is not spending enough alone time with my husband for these almost 9 years and 3 DD's. I think if we (had) carve more time out for us one on one, we would be even better parents. And it will show the DD's that our relationship is really really important too. Therefore making us better parents.

Sorry re-read this, not very grammatically correct, still finishing my coffee!

 

[Granny square]

I know...

Should have just bought a few extra KONG toys. That's what they really wanted.

Hahahahaha! So true!!

I bought too much stuff and bought the hype. By the third I realized that babies just want to be loved, fed and clean. And to have a dog. All of my kids first word was the dog name. I guess we were always saying it!

 

[castleview]

Hmmm. With the first one, I was perfect. Just kidding. My regret would be that I thought too darn much regarding nursing. I didn't have a mom or MIL that nursed and had no clue. I bought the book Babywise which was a little too rigid and I basically tried to treat nursing like scheduled bottle feeding (not every four hours of course, but still I tried to "stretch" the feeding times. My regret with the second one was that I ended the nursing too soon. The third one, I was finally relaxed for. But my regret with him will always be that his life has absolutely no structure because his life revolved around the girls' activities until he started his own and that I am just not the mother to him as I was his sisters. Much less baby pictures, more low key birthday parties, and a mom forgetting many things.

 

[Sabeking]

Hmmm. With the first one, I was perfect. Just kidding. My regret would be that I thought too darn much regarding nursing. I didn't have a mom or MIL that nursed and had no clue. I bought the book Babywise which was a little too rigid and I basically tried to treat nursing like scheduled bottle feeding (not every four hours of course, but still I tried to "stretch" the feeding times. My regret with the second one was that I ended the nursing too soon. The third one, I was finally relaxed for. But my regret with him will always be that his life has absolutely no structure because his life revolved around the girls' activities until he started his own and that I am just not the mother to him as I was his sisters. Much less baby pictures, more low key birthday parties, and a mom forgetting many things.

I bet your DS wouldn't trade you for any other model!!

 

[NCRedding]

I wish I had enforced chores and done a better job of teaching DD about cleaning up as you go. Neither she nor her father have ever mastered this skill, so I spend a lot of my time cleaning up after both of them.

The other issue would be to listen to my gut instinct when DD was 8 or 9, and followed through with testing for ADD. I would start the process, but back away for some reason. When DD was a senior in high school, she came to me and said she felt her brain worked differently than other people's and she wanted to be tested for ADD. She was put on medication and the difference it made in her was amazing. I think elementary and middle school would have been a different experience for her had I followed my guts.

 

[castleview]

I bet your DS wouldn't trade you for any other model!!

Aww thanks. He went to a sleepover the other day and the girls got mad because they weren't allowed to at that age. So I guess there are trade offs. My neighbor was the youngest of six kids. He said by the time he was in high school, his mother's rules had dwindled down to "don't get anybody pregnant and don't come back dead."