Should I keep my mouth shut or make a stink?

[Chelley00]

Call your local police department and ask if they brochures on car seat safety (sometimes hospitals have them as well) Then you can give him one, nicely express your concern one more time, then stop harping on it. Just let him know that you love your niece as much as he does and you are just concerned for her safety.

 

[Mama Who]

If he was driving under the influence would you keep your mouth shut? In both cases he's making a choice that is dangerous and (at least around here) illegal. His petulant sniping at you should not be a factor in your decision. You love this child? You'd like to keep loving this child in one piece? Speak up and if he doesn't care enough to keep her safe, speak to her mother. (Which is what I'd do if they were still married, too.)

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Wow, that stinks OP.

Not sure what I would do here. If something happens and she is hurt and you knew that he was driving her around like that then you are an accomplice to his stupidity.

Is that something that you live with? Also, he may never get in an accident and it may never be an issue.

Bottom line do you owe it to this child to speak up to her mother?

If you do you will burn your relationship with your brother and niece and will probably never see them again.

I would probably look the other way. I know it is probably not the popular choice here but I don't think I could burn my relationship with my brother and niece over this.

You said your piece to him and now you will all suffer the consequences of his choices, good or bad.

 

[Kona65]

My brother just recently (official within the last 2 weeks) got a divorce and has every other weekend/holiday visitation with his 5 year old daughter.

For some time now he has been letting the 5 year old daughter ride in the front seat of the car/truck (all of the vehicles have a normal sized back seat). Sometimes she sits in her booster seat, sometimes not.

I've said something to him twice, just a little "She is sitting in the front seat?" which was answered with "Don't you give me grief about it, I hardly ever get to see her, I should be able to let her sit where she wants".

It's not safe for a child her age/size to be sitting in the front seat and as much as he loves her and says he would do anything for her, I would think her safety would be his top priority but he won't hear it.

I think my next approach is going to be something along the lines of telling him that he just better hope that his ex-wife doesn't find out that she sits in the front seat. If I were in her shoes I would be fighting to not the daughter be in the car with him if he is not going to provide as safe of an environment as possible. (Believe me, the ex is no saint, just saying what I can imagine her thinking, rightfully so)

Am I completely out of line for letting this bother me? She is my niece, I love her and I worry about her. If she were in my car she would be in her booster in the back seat buckled in.

I am also a be polite advocate for car seat safety, I don't hesitate to correct people regarding the new-ish recommendation for rear facing until 2 years. Why not do everything you can to protect a child?

I say make a stink.

 

[thomas998]

just do a quick internet search and get some news clippings of kids and very small adults that have had their necks broken or died when a front seat air back literally knocked their head from their body.

At the very least ask him to have the air bag on the passenger seat disabled.

I've known adults that suffered serious injury from an airbag, god forbid it goes off while she is in the front seat.

If he ignore that, just call the police and let them give him a ticket. Better to have him PO at you than you go to her funeral.

 

[scrapquitler]

You are not out of line for caring about this issue. You weren't out of line for broaching the issue with him. However, now it's time for you to mind your business.

This.

For all you know, he has a vehicle that the airbag turns off when there is a person not over the proper weight for the airbag (we have a car that has the sensor in the seat and if there is a person under a certain weight (85 lbs, I think?) it automatically turns the airbag off. Possible airbag deployment injuring a child is the reason not to put a child in the front seat, but if the car has the airbag off thing, then it's a non-issue.

As far as the booster seat goes, YES, she should technically be in the booster seat (until she's 4 foot 9) but if you say that here on the DIS people laugh at you saying that 'my child would be ridculed in school using a booster seat if he was 4foot 7". So all you can REALLY go by is the law...and if the law says age 4 or 40lbs (which I think it still does in a number of states), then he is TOTALLY WITHIN THE LAW.

If you want to mention it to anyone, mention it to the girls mother.

Beyond that, MYOB.

 

[DisneySarah80]

Personally, I'd rather have my niece be safe, and live to a ripe old age, and have my brother hate me for a little bit, then sit there and do nothing. If it were me, I'd tell him that if he doesn't start putting the child in a regulation booster seat, in the back seat, I will call the cops on him as hes pulling out of the driveway. I've done it while driving and I see perfect strangers who think its "cool" to have their child jumping around the back seat while they drive 75 mph on the parkway, and I'll do it for a family member.
I just don't understand the mentality of this - Don't you want to keep your children as safe as possible??? And yeah, it may be sticking my nose where it doesn't belong, but if a parent isn't going to care about the safety of a child who cannot made decisions like this themselves, who is going to?
Of course if an accident is bad enough, the child could die while in a car / booster seat. But he/she wont be launched through the windshield during a minor, 30 mph accident, which could very well happen if shes sitting in the front seat - Even with a adult seat belt. JMO

 

[Coconut36]

Not sure if he is also in NJ but here is the child restraint law for NJ..if he is there he is breaking the law and as such I would send this to him and let him know it..

http://www.nj.gov/lps/hts/childseats/childseats_newlaw.html

Children under 8 years of age who weigh less than 80 pounds to ride properly secured in a child safety seat or booster seat in the rear seat of the vehicle. If there is no rear seat, the child may sit in the front seat, but s/he must be secured by a child safety seat or booster seat.

Not only is she not in a car seat or booster she is in the front in a vehicle I am assuming has a rear (otherwise it would be a non issue as there was nowhere else for her to sit).

 

[S. C.]

I would have to say something.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

When someone's choice could have such life altering consequences, I can't stay silent. I've called 911 over car seats. (Fully justified--side slider open, 2 very small young girls sitting in the front bucket seat together--one collision and ).

If he is going to be so indignant and entitled over taking the life of his child in his hands...

 

[Buckalew11]

With my brother? I'd be raising holy hell.
Of course, I'm married to a FF/paramedic and let me tell you, the stories he's told... :"(

I'd do whatever I had to do to get him to put her in the back, in a safety seat, following the law. I understand "mind your own business" and all that but in this case, I'd make my niece, my business.

 

[tjmw2727]

I would probably try and talk to him honestly and without coming across as "i am right and you are wrong" (not saying you are, just saying).

Tell him that you understand that he is a tough situation and that he wants to make the most of every minute with his daughter. So while its ok to spoil her with an ice cream before dinner lets say it is not ok to let her sit up front. Ask him to at least get the info on the laws and the dangers and make an informed decision.

My MIL was in a fender bender - probably only 20/25 mph and the airbag deployed, she suffered burns and a broken wrist. So like a pp mentioned I don't want to think about what could happen to a child.

 

[jdb in AZ]

I don't see what good it would do to tell the ex-wife. Since he tunes out his sister, he'd also tune out an ex. Or properly restrain the kiddo when he goes to get her from the ex, then do whatever he wants.

And yes, I believe in child-safety in cars. Grandson (12 at the time) tried to sit up front and kept trying to con me into it but I told him I wouldn't start the car til he was in the back seat with his belt fastened.

As for the OP's niece, you've done about everything you can, short of hanging bloody photos of car accidents around his house, or maybe you can convince your niece of the importance of car safety.

I still think of my bro-in-law who used to drive with a DD on his lap or standing up on the back seat looking out the rear window. Fortunately the kids survived their childhood and are all parents today, obeying stricter safety laws.

 

[Planogirl]

Our vehicles automatically turn off the airbag if something too light is in the front seat. I'm always informed of this when I place groceries in the front seat.

I would still put the child in the back though. It's just safer.

 

[Auggietina]

I would bring my niece to the car, buckle her up in her car seat in the back seat and tell my brother to grow up.. But that's just me

 

[Coconut36]

I don't see what good it would do to tell the ex-wife. Since he tunes out his sister, he'd also tune out an ex. Or properly restrain the kiddo when he goes to get her from the ex, then do whatever he wants.

And yes, I believe in child-safety in cars. Grandson (12 at the time) tried to sit up front and kept trying to con me into it but I told him I wouldn't start the car til he was in the back seat with his belt fastened.

As for the OP's niece, you've done about everything you can, short of hanging bloody photos of car accidents around his house, or maybe you can convince your niece of the importance of car safety.

I still think of my bro-in-law who used to drive with a DD on his lap or standing up on the back seat looking out the rear window. Fortunately the kids survived their childhood and are all parents today, obeying stricter safety laws.

If you were the ex wife and you found out your child was not being properly restrained during visitation you wouldn't react at all? I would be calling him up and telling him to buckle the kid up before I contacted the authorities and took him to court for endangering our child's life. Honestly she has a right to hear the extremely unsafe situation he is putting the child in during visitation and the fact that he is possibly breaking the law in his state.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I would not let it go. I don't agree with those who say "mind your own business." The safety and well-being of your niece is your business.

I recently called the non-emergency police line in our city to ask about this very issue. We got a new little girl in our preschool class whose dad was picking her up in his taxi and putting her in the front seat with no booster. This little girl is 4. The officer told me that the police cannot come and wait for a violation to occur. However, when we see the dad leave the school without having the daughter properly restrained, we should call the dispatcher to have them look for the car enroute to their home. Of course, we spoke with the dad first and gave him some printed information that came from our school office. He just nodded and said ok, ok. Ever since then, he's been parking about a block away so we can't see whether or not the child is restrained.

If it was my brother, I wouldn't stop trying to discuss it with him until I knew my niece was safe.

 

[lizabu]

I would take this very seriously. It's not like letting a kid have candy or something minor like that. This is as serious as letting a child ride in a car with no seatbelt and it's illegal in many places to allow a child under 12 in the front seat at all. I would let him no that what he is doing is dangerous and if it's only because he doesn't see his daughter much what would happen if that airbag went off and his daughter was killed? He wouldn't see her at all. He needs to know this is very serious. You wouldn't let your niece get into a car with a drunk driver or ride without a seatbelt would you? Kids have been killed by airbags. There is a reason these laws are in place.

 

[Happy Mom2]

IMHO, I think someone needs to stand up for the child and her safety. I don't care about the relationship. The child deserves to be protected. There are laws in place for a reason. God forbid, if something happened to that child while riding with him, you would never forgive yourself if you hadn't done everything you could.

 

[brockash]

Personally, I think you need to keep on him. Next time he tells you that he hardly gets to see her blah blah blah; you can answer with "well if you get in an accident and she dies because you let her sit in the front seat, you'll never get to see her; do you still think it's worth it?" May sound harsh, but for fricken sakes, why doesn't he just let play with weapons, hang out wherever she wants for as long as she wants ect. I'm sorry, but he sounds like an irresponsible idiot. I feel bad for the ex-wife, as she doesn't have any control over how he takes care of their daughter. Yes, a a good sister and even better Aunt, yes I'd stay on him every time I saw him. If he's every in an accident he'll thank you.