Question about Toddler and New Daycare. Having trouble adjusting

[rgf207]

Our 2.5 year old son has gone to the same in-home daycare since he was 3 months old. We moved recently and needed to switch his daycare. We found a new in-home daycare who has excellent references and has taken care of many children of my wife's co-workers. They have nothing but wonderful things to say.

He satarted the new daycare this week. The first day was great. The second day he was bit clingy to me when I dropped him off. Yesterday and today he would start crying at home before we took him to daycare. He says he doesn't want to go to Miss Jen's. He would cry all the way to daycare and then cry when I dropped him off.

He says that he's afraid of another boy in daycare. The other boy is his age and he's a typical toddler. He gets excited and when he plays he's a bit more entheusiastic than our son which I scares him.

I know toddlers don't take well to change and it takes a while to adjust but was just wondering if anyone has any tips to help him? I've heard varying things like I should stay with him for a while when I drop him off but others say I should not. Just looking for some advice.

 

[Mizzoufan]

First, thing I would do would be talk to the daycare provider and see what's going on between the two kids and go from there

 

[Wishing on a star]

It would be hard for anybody to tell..
But, I am thinking it sounds like more than just 'change'.

I would speak to the daycare provider, and just really try to get a read on what might be going on, and how she might be handling it.

You might find out a lot more from your toddler if you DON'T act like you are trying to find out what is going on.
Which, he probably might not be able to understand and verbalize.
Just start with like, "What did you have for snack?"
"Did you play some fun games?"
"What is your favorite toy at Ms. Jen's?"
On and on...

You might be surprized when some info and details come spilling out!

 

[Christine]

My advice: This is a change for both your son and the boy already there. The other boy is excited. I think with time it WILL calm down.

In the meantime, I would talk directly to Miss Jen about it and let her know what's going on and is there anyway that she can smooth things over during this adjustment period.

 

[sam_gordon]

Talk to the provider. Does your son eventually (within 15-30 minutes) calm down after you leave and participate in class? What's his attitude when he's picked up? I would NOT tell him (based on just the information given) "I'll stay a little bit".

 

[rgf207]

Thanks for the replies. I did talk to the daycare provider and as soon as I said that he was afraid of the other boy she immediately knew why. the other boy is more of an "in your face type of boy" and that's scary to my son. He's really low key and timid. Miss Jen immediately said she would make sure he doesn't do it anymore but I'm not sure that's possible.

My son has been very verbal from a very young age so we've been able to communicate with him for a while. I asked him why he's afraid of the other boy and he says because he hits him. He just told me that today so I haven't been able to talk to Miss Jen yet but I know she would not allow that.

Being a parent is tough

 

[rgf207]

Talk to the provider. Does your son eventually (within 15-30 minutes) calm down after you leave and participate in class? What's his attitude when he's picked up? I would NOT tell him (based on just the information given) "I'll stay a little bit".

Yes he eventually calms down and has fun. He's also fine when we pick him up. Periodically throughout the day he'll start crying for mommy or daddy but he'll calm down when Miss Jen comforts him.

 

[Christine]

Thanks for the replies. I did talk to the daycare provider and as soon as I said that he was afraid of the other boy she immediately knew why. the other boy is more of an "in your face type of boy" and that's scary to my son. He's really low key and timid. Miss Jen immediately said she would make sure he doesn't do it anymore but I'm not sure that's possible.

My son has been very verbal from a very young age so we've been able to communicate with him for a while. I asked him why he's afraid of the other boy and he says because he hits him. He just told me that today so I haven't been able to talk to Miss Jen yet but I know she would not allow that.

Being a parent is tough

Yes, this is a tough situation and there's nothing worse than having your child unhappy. I have been through the "daycare" wars and it was awful and I've been on both sides (where my kid felt scared and when my kid was being the pain in the butt). When we moved, my DD had to start a new daycare. Well regarded, was in business a long time (still is) but she was so unhappy there and I could tell when she came home that she had been crying. We never really got to the root of the issue, but I just moved her and she was extremely happy for several years at the next place we went to.

My son was put in a child care center from early on. When he was about three years old, I decided to try out "home" care to try to keep all the illnesses at bay. Well, at a center, the kids get much more room and opportunity to "horse around" than at a home place. When I changed him over, I put him in a place that was very small (it was a woman's townhouse and the kids were mostly in one area). He was so bored. He was not used to be in such a low key place all day. I know that he started really bugging the other boy there and being over bearing. Finally the other boy, who was pretty quiet, hauled off and punched my son. All the blame was put on my son because he was being "exuberant." In the end, I decided to send him back to a center because he was just happier there and needed a very high activity level, apparently. Funny, he's so quiet now!!!

So, there probably was no real point to my stories, right? I just wanted you to know that these adjustments are tough on kids and really pull at your heartstrings. I sense that you are ready to just move your son out of there now. And that may be the right answer, but since you know he is sort of timid and shy, you need to prepare yourself for it happening at another place. There's always going to be that "pushy" kid.

 

[cmbouldin]

It's good Miss Jen knows what's going on. It sounds like their two personalities just don't mesh right now. I would imagine they will learn each others boundaries eventually and be okay. I will also say, though, not every kid fits everywhere and that doesn't make either side wrong or bad. You and your wife know your son better than anyone else and if moving him is best, do it.

 

[Squishypig]

If your son is verbal, you can give him some talking points to tell the little boy when he is invading his space. When my daughter was the age we would role play on the way and back from daycare. This is when a lot of hitting and toy taking was going on in the class. Stuff like, "I don't like you being so close" "I don't like you taking the toy I was playing with. Give it back." " You are too close to me, I'm going to play over there." It did help that one of the concepts they worked on was personal space (they used hula hoops).

Statements like that do not come naturally to toddlers, we need to validate their feelings and give them the appropriate tools to deal with those situations. While I expected the daycare teachers to watch out for my kid, I knew it wasn't realistic to expect them to see everything. Plus I wanted my daughter to realize she can handle situations like this herself, she didn't have to run to the teachers for everything.

Otherwise, give it awhile for him to adjust and then make decision. When I put my daughter in a church preschool, she never adjusted to it. A month of crying at drop offs and I realized it just wasn't a good fit because it wasn't as structured as what she was used to at daycare. We found a 3K program at the local private school and she never cried going there and thrived.