Problem with girl and my 15yo son (Long)

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, hang on to the notes... If this becoomes an ongoing problem, you may be glad that you did... And definitely monitor everything and every type of communication of your sons! Document the dates, etc...

I would not really want to let it go... but you have no other option unless you want to be seen being involved. Unless you, as the parent, bring it to the schools attention, it is not something that the school can do anything about. Just hearsay...

The reason that I would want to do something is that our children should have the right to go to school without being harassed.... Bullying, Sexual Harassment, or otherwise.

If this girl is continuing to do this, with your son clearly having told her to lay off, that he is not interested... Then, this is a problem. Your son is having to go into that classroom every day... Things like this can go too far and have a real and negative impact. I think you need to continue to have a positive and ongoing communication with your son about this.

Has your son agreed to tell her to lay off???

I would make no assumptions regarding your son's innocence.

I would advise my son that the very next time she hands him a note that he not even unfold it and read it... Walk over to the nearest trash can, and very meticulously and purposefully tear it into strips and throw it in. Being rejected like that should be enough to get this girl to end it yesterday!!!

 

[Handbag Lady]

If it were me, I'd pick option #1 and then ask Son if he needed help or guidance, and to let him know you and dad are there in case he needs anything.

(then I'd show the notes to DH so he can be boastful of his son to his male friends).

I also love the idea of telling Son he can tell the girl mommy found the notes.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Nothing new...my mom found the same notes in my brother's jeans...in 1976! And one bright cookie wrote that kind of stuff all over his yearbook. I agree with respecting your son's wishes.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

I have a sister who is 17 and a brother who is 21 and they both went to public high school.

You really need to tread lightly on this subject. It could just be possible that this young girl has a crush on your son and her "peers" might have said write him a note and tell him you would do "X,Yand Z"

Before you call her parents or even tell a teacher - I personally feel it is not their business. Most teens are quite mature and know alot more than I did when I was there age. I was a late bloomer. But I see how my sister had always had a boyfriend since she was about 15 and she is still with him even though they "break up" every so often.

I would wait to involve her parents before the school. It is time to talk with your son because you don't want him to hide things because "Mommy needs to take care of the naughty girl" Also before you jump to what kind of girl she is, it might just be "simple flirting" just not how you or I would be used to it.

If you son says he doesn't care then I wouldn't get too worried. If he comes to you and says this girl won't leave me alone and I have told her repeatdly that I don't like her THEN you will need to step in a bit.

I say let it go and hope your son will do the right thing. Good Luck!

 

[Liberty Belle]

Kind of option four.

My son (almost 15) got some similar text messages from a girl a few times and he just basically ignored them and after a while she stopped. This is what I'd recommend your son to do, unless he is truly bothered and feels threatened and or harrassed.

Oops - make that option one. I read through them too quickly.

 

[Shutterbug]

saw this type of behavior coming with girls like Miley Cyrus showing off her back!

I kid...

Wow girls have come along way since I was in school in the 70's.
I wish I had got those kind of notes....lol


I agree with others...let it go for now. If she starts to get into the whole creepy " I wont be ignored thing" then maybe get involved.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Anonymous letters? This could cause a ton of trouble, and in addition it will just about guarantee the son will be ever so careful to close his parents completely out of his life, period.

I didn't mean to write a letter. I meant to mail the letters that the girl wrote. Say what you will (a general you) but I will bet the farm that this thread would have a very different theme if it was a boy writing these notes to a girl. There have been threads on boys doing far less and the outrage was insane.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I would use the opportunity to have a long talk with your son about values, morals & the type of girls he wants to hang with. Then I would drop it.

These are the things in life that make the best teaching moments for our children.



I would do the exact same thing as I just wrote above. Why should the reaction be any different just because the tables were turned?

That was my point. People do react differently when it is the boy getting the nasty notes. Talk of Dad boasting to friends etc. Yeah I'm sure Mom's and Dad's all around would be high fiving if their dd got a note like the OP's son. I am not flaming you. I am agreeing that whatever action I would take for my dd I would take for my son.

 

[bettyann29]

In the words of Jed Clampett - it's time to have a looong talk with that boy.

Ignore the girl - there's a lot of them out there. All you can do is raise your boy right and hope for the best.

I agree.. I would use this opportunity to talk to my son regarding protected sex, etc..

I wouldnt call the school or mail the letters to the girls house, etc.. You dont know to what extent your son is involved.. maybe her letter was generated because she got one from him.. you may or may not know the whole story..

 

[MELSMICE]

That was my point. People do react differently when it is the boy getting the nasty notes. Talk of Dad boasting to friends etc. Yeah I'm sure Mom's and Dad's all around would be high fiving if their dd got a note like the OP's son. I am not flaming you. I am agreeing that whatever action I would take for my dd I would take for my son.

Glad we agree. I only have DD's, but I would treat them the same way.

My DH's favorite line to our DD's is: "All men are scum, if I find a good one I'll let you know!!!"

Don't mean to offend anyone, but I just had to share!

 

[Pin Wizard]

I see there may be a down side to DS doing his own laundry. The other day I threw his clothes in the dryer for him and found shreaded pink paper all over everything. Wonder what that was.

Gut instinct had me choose #2 and then switch to #4. He would definitely get the talk from me again. I'd let it go at that...for now.

A good friend told me to tell DS two things about relationships...

#1. Don't date anyone that you wouldn't bring home for me to meet. (Good one!)

#2. I can't say on this board.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Glad we agree. I only have DD's, but I would treat them the same way.

My DH's favorite line to our DD's is: "All men are scum, if I find a good one I'll let you know!!!"

Don't mean to offend anyone, but I just had to share!

We have a sign in their room that says "The only man a girl can trust is her Daddy!"

 

[Merriwind]

We have a sign in their room that says "The only man a girl can trust is her Daddy!"

I've got to get one of those!

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

I would have a talk with my ds about the notes. Maybe a quick birds and bees talk.

Also I would let him know that he should stay away from her because she sounds like trouble. What would happen if he got caught with the notes at school? She might try to place harrassment charges on him saying she never wrote them or get mad he's ignoring her and get other boys to threaten him or tell a teacher he's been touching her or something. You never know these days.

I think he should tell her to stopping writing to him or atleast stop accepting her notes. He could even tell her that you found them and that wasn't cool!

 

[I_hrt_Stitch]

I would make an appointment with the school principle and counselor. The notes are inappropriate for school and may be a symptom of a larger issue in the girl’s life. IMO if you do nothing, then it tells your son that the girl’s behavior is acceptable.

If you bring this to the attention of the school they can determine what is going on. Is the girl actually propositioning your son? Is it just your son, or does she do this to other guys to get attention? Does she think that in order to get a boyfriend, she has do these things? If this is her way of flirting, then someone (obviously not you) needs to sit down with her and tell her that you can flirt with a boy, while remaining a respectable young lady. There’s no name, so is she trying to set him up in some prank? Is he being used as a pawn in a prank against another girl? There are too many questions that will go unanswered if you do not let the school know what is going on.

I think you should ask yourself: if my son was writting these note to a girl, what would I want or expect the girl's parents to do? Then do it.

 

[DaParkers]

Let me chime in. As a former 15 year old boy, my mother found an almost identical note as the OP did. I told my mother almost the exact same thing as her son told her. BUT, I was not as innocent as I portrayed. I had not had any sexual relations with the girl, but that was because I hadn't had the oppurtunity yet. I would have if we had lived a little closer to one another. I now have a son and even though I would like to believe that he wouldn't reply to that kind of vulgarity, I know that he might. There is a reason that a lot of men like lingerie, playboy, strip clubs, pornography, dirty talk, etc.....
It turns them on. But a 15 year old is not likely to admit to that.
A lot of your husbands would probably not admit to it, either. Not saying that the OP's son is guilty of anything, just don't assume that he isn't somewhat intrigued by this young lady either.

 

[Kirby]

BTW: If he/she were carring the notes around I have to wonder

I find notes all the time in my DD's jean pockets. She places them there and forgets about them, even notes that she has written to friends and they never get to their destination.

 

[Kirby]

This doesn't strike me as sexual harassment. It's not the teacher, right?

If it were a boy writing the notes to a girl, it would be considered sexual harassment. So, why not the same in reverse?

 

[my4kids]

I totally agree with IhrtStitch and DaParkers!

1. It is not right. We can not ignore things in our kids lives that are not right. You need to report it and take the notes to the school counselor and let the counselor handle it. At a minimum, this girl needs some gentle counseling about protecting herself and proper in-school behavior. Although I don't think there is any saving this girl, maybe your interfereence will be the first step to some help she is crying out for. If you do nothing, while your son doesn't have to worry about embarrassment, perhaps this girl will get hurt or in trouble, and if you had done something it could have been avoided.

2. If your son is 15 and healthy, I can not believe he is as innocent as he would have you believe. Maybe he is innocent, but he is at least intrigued or interested.

3. Just always do the right thing, even when it is hard. You need to give the school the info and let them handle it, then yuo step out of it. Your son can play it off that his mom found the notes and reported it, and he had nothing to do with it...thats what moms are for, being the bad guy.

 

[my4kids]

If it were a boy writing the notes to a girl, it would be considered sexual harassment. So, why not the same in reverse?

SO true! Although I'm sure your son is not harrassed by it and probably flattered, you don't want him to think it is appropriate behavior for a girl, and not doing anything about gives him that message. You need to set a precedent.