Pregnant ladies treated mean - any stories?

[nessz79]

I've had experiences with people of all types (men and women) being rude while I was either noticeably pregnant or had two children under 2. I've had doors closed instead of held open while I've struggled with a stroller or was "waddling" to the door (I waddled, I'm not saying all pregnant women do, but I did! LOL).

Etc, etc.

I have to say, though, that the majority of people are polite and helpful.

I agree that it's out there, OP. I think that teaching manners to our children is so important, but I think it happens less and less.

 

[LisaZoe]

I'm sorry, Lisa. I'm confused. Are you saying it was the Americans, in this instance, living up to the "ugly American" image? With the exceptions of the OP's colleagues who should have never allowed to pregnant women to be the last people standing -- meaning they not sit down until the women have seats -- I don't see that. Don't misunderstand. I'm not saying Americans don't have this reputation, but I don't see this as an assalt on Americans. I just see it as proof that common courtesy is fading worldwide. How sad.

I interpreted this to mean the people being inconsiderate were Americans as well:

I am 34 weeks pregnant (so last week I was 33 . . .) (in other words, no secret there's a baby in there!). I was traveling with a colleague who is equally as pregnant. Both of these incidents were outside the US, but involved Americans.

Unfortunately, rudeness is not just something that afflicts a few Americans - it can show up for any nationality.

 

[Aliceacc]

This is one of those incredibly important things that we need to teach our kids!!!!

We're pretty good abut attending Church regularly. I'll never forget last Easter. We got there a bit later than usual, and got just 2 seats on the aisle. So my husband and son stood, while I took one seat, with my then-4 year old on my lap, and my daughter got the other one-- for about 5 minutes. Then an elderly couple walked in-- the woman walked with the use of a cane. As hard as it was for me to believe, my 2 daughters and I got up and gave them our seats. We were half way up the aisle-- they passed an awful lot of able bodied people who weren't holding kids.

I honestly was glad to give up our seats-- I couldn't have sat there in good conscience while these elderly people stood. My kids and I have been blessed with good health; there's no reason we can't stand for an hour. But I was amazed at the number of people IN CHURCH who didn't show basic kindness for these two people.

It makes you wonder about people and their priorities. Did the thought honestly not occur to any of these people, or were those seats THEIRS because they got to church first??

I hope to God that my kids are learning compassion and courtesy.

 

[amarberry]

I think that the way the OP and her colleague were treated was horrible. However, I have to disagree with the general sentiment that only men and boys should be obliged to give up their seats. As a healthy woman, I will most certainly and happily give up my seat too if I see someone who is pregnant, a small child, an elderly person, etc...you get the drift. When my kids are older, I would expect my son AND my daughter to do the same! It's all about manners.

When we were at WDW last May and I was visably pregnant (5.5 months along) with my son, there were a couple of times when I gave up my seat for little kids because no one else would. I know that people have invisable disabilities (for example, on this trip my mother was along and has bad knees, which is why I left her sitting with my DD on her lap while I stood), but I highly doubt that everyone sitting on the bus fell into that category.

 

[janey99]

I just wondered why the PG colleague was the last one standing. Why wasn't she one of the first one in the group to have a seat. Then a non PG person could have been the one fighting for a seat.
I do agree it was very rude and my sons always give their seat up for a woman, in any condition. The last time we had to wait at a restuarant I had an 8 year old on each knees, so others could have a seat.

The way we walked down the aisle - she was first, she kept going and passed empty seats, assuming there were more empty seats deeper in the car. By the time she realized the "empty" seats were actually blocked by luggage, the rest of us had sat down in other empty seats along the way. The rest of my colleagues did jump up pretty fast when they realized she needed help. They joined her standing by the luggage, tried to get the woman to move it, and then re-shuffled back towards open seats so that she got one.

Jane

 

[nessz79]

I think that the way the OP and her colleague were treated was horrible. However, I have to disagree with the general sentiment that only men and boys should be obliged to give up their seats. As a healthy woman, I will most certainly and happily give up my seat too if I see someone who is pregnant, a small child, an elderly person, etc...you get the drift. When my kids are older, I would expect my son AND my daughter to do the same! It's all about manners.
.

While I agree that a woman should give up her seat if there's someone that needs it, I feel that the old-fashioned tradition of men giving up their seat first is...well, nice. But if no men were brought up that way or they simply forgot their manners, then yes, a woman should certainly volunteer.

 

[janey99]

Just want to say that not all teachers take advantage of "teachable moments". When I was 8 months pregnant with my daughter 16 years ago, I was subbing at a high school. During an assembly of some sort I had no seat. About twenty men teachers sat there and would not make eye contact with me. To top it off it was mid June, right before school got out and about 100 degrees in the room. I was actually sick as well from having low iron levels (didn't know it at the time) and felt like I was going to pass out. I made it but that is all I could imagine was an ambulance having to pull up to the school for me. I was totally disgusted. My husband would have given up his seat to a lady, never mind a pregnant one. My boys are being raised the same way.

I would have thrown those suitcases on the floor. She paid for a seat, she should have a seat.

I think sometimes, when you're in the middle of a ridiculous situation like that, you're so shocked at how it's unfolding, you can't react the way you want to.

You mentioned it, and so did other posters, the "no eye contact" thing is the killer - sooooo passive agressive and cowardly!

Jane

 

[janey99]

I think the problem has less to do with the OP being pregnant than the fact that people can be horribly rude. It just becomes more obvious how rude people can be when you are pregnant and a little kindness means so much.

Agree completely!

While pregnant with my first child, I commuted to work by train, 90 minutes each way. I will never forget one time the train was particularly crowded and I had to stand in the aisle. All the men around me pretended not to see me and my 8 month pregnant belly. Finally, a woman stood up and gave me her seat, making mention of the fact that there were clearly no "gentlemen" in the car.

You sound like you were on one of the NYC lines, like me (I'm guessing since you're from NJ). I've seen pregnant women standing and hanging giant bellies right in the faces of multiple apparently able-bodied passengers with seats, who sit there and whistle out the window. The sad thing is, on most commuter trains, even the most crowded SRO trains clear out at the first stop (Seacaucus or Newark), so giving up a seat for someone who needs it means you would actually have it back 7 minutes out of NYC. Still too much for some people, I guess!

QUOTE]

Jane

 

[janey99]

I'm sorry, Lisa. I'm confused. Are you saying it was the Americans, in this instance, living up to the "ugly American" image? With the exceptions of the OP's colleagues who should have never allowed to pregnant women to be the last people standing -- meaning they not sit down until the women have seats -- I don't see that. Don't misunderstand. I'm not saying Americans don't have this reputation, but I don't see this as an assalt on Americans. I just see it as proof that common courtesy is fading worldwide. How sad.

My colleagues and I are all Americans, and the women with whom the incidents occurred were Americans too.

Also, our colleagues were struggling with their suitcases and ours, so we were walking ahead of the line, as I mentioned in a previous post. Far from letting one of us end up with no seat, they were all acting like little mother hens with the luggage!

Jane

 

[roxannex]

I think that is because, in your case, people have that adorable little red head to look at. It is easy to see how they couldn't stop looking at him to see you. He really is a cutie.

Awww. I was having a bad day and you made me smile. Thanks!

 

[livndisney]

It actually sounds to me like these weren't specifically targeted at pregnant women but rather 2 instances of inconsiderate people who think they are the most important ones in any situation. No wonder so many people in other countries are irritate by "ugly Americans" and aren't referring to our looks.

This was my thought too, I don't know that either example given has anything to do with being pregnant. There are just some very rude people in the world.

 

[becjlek]

When I was pregnant with my first we had to travel out of state for a Christening. It was in Aug. and at the end of the day I had gone to the ice machine for my pop. There were about 5-6 gentlemen in line. The last one in line noticed me and motioned for me to go ahead. One at a time as each noticed me they insisted I go ahead. I made sure I thanked them all and only took enough ice for my drink so there would be plenty.

 

[wdwgypsy]

Thinking here that if I didn't do the right thing in making room for anyone who needed the seat my Mother would hunt me down. Oh trust me she would know.

Sons are not the only ones that need that lesson about giving up seats. Whenever we are on Public transportation and someone needs a seat I give mine up first then DD if needed. We explained to her a long time ago that some people just have special needs and we need to help them. Her mother has mobility issues but not severe so she undestands what we mean.

She has even popped up before I have seen people needing a seat. We do it not only for elderly, pregnant women, people with mobility issues, small children, we even do it for parents carrying small children or babies including Dads. 'Cause it's the right thing to do.

 

[canwegosoon]

Last time I was on ME...I have to tell you I told the bus driver there were no more open seats....I could not see one and my DH was standing in the back and I still had one of my children standing with me. Bus driver said...no I counted there are enough seats for everyone(in a loud voice)..then magically 2 seats next to men that had clothing piled up on them(which I scanned as people) became available and my DH found an open seat in the back.

It is truly amazing how rude people are. I know it is rude for people not to give up seats to pregnant women, but imagine how insulting it is to ask when someone is due-it happens at least once a month to me and my friends are floored...BTW it is always women who ask.

And I applaued the PP who said abled bodied women should give up their seats too. Men love to say if women want equal rights let the have it(hence the no eye contact).

 

[MiniGirl]

I interpreted this to mean the people being inconsiderate were Americans as well:



Unfortunately, rudeness is not just something that afflicts a few Americans - it can show up for any nationality.

My colleagues and I are all Americans, and the women with whom the incidents occurred were Americans too.

Whoops..... my bad. I totally missed this from the original post. I guess it isn't hard with all the kiddos running around my house today.

Awww. I was having a bad day and you made me smile. Thanks!

You're welcome.



And I agree. I have often given up my seat to someone (regardless of gender) who needed it more than I -- as have my dds. It is just the way I was raised. Like others, I have also had two very young children in tow and not been offered a seat.

 

[barnaby1]

It makes me quite sad sometimes when I see how selfish we are becoming as a society. These sorts of things happen in the UK too.

I would have had those suitcases on the floor in an instant though!!!!

 

[MrsWaltDisney86]

I always give up my seat and I will raise my daughter to do so as well. But I am so suprised by the "lack of kindness" to mothers (or fathers) out alone with there infant or children!

I would like to say thank you to BJS for having infant front parking.

But I was extremely surprised by how much people dont hold open the door and help and amoung other things. I have been hit Numberous times with the door trying to get me and the baby stroller in it.

I never seemed to have a problem when I was pregnant. But now that I have a baby. Parking in the last parking spot at walmart and walking all that way with in infant is not nice.

I do beleive it also has to do with where you are....I went to "classier" Target lol and I was offered a hand countless times with carrying bags and loading stuff in my car but never NEVER at walmart.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

That's horrible! How unfortunate that we live in a society where some only look out for themselves! I hope to raise my girls with caring and respect for all people, especially thpse that are having a tougher time than themselves! I remember once, when my 6 year old was little, we were up town at our annual festival. The weather turned nasty and everyone rushed to the nearest indoor space. We, along with a crowd, were trying to get into the local pizza shop. Let me say, with a stroler and a diaper bag, those doors are pretty narrow. While being pushed through the door, my daughter's foot got caught around the side and was wedged while everyone kept pushing from behind. I turned around and told them to stop because I seriously thought that they might break her leg. A boy from behind me (probably around 13) actually stepped over and onto the stroller to get around me! Luckily, a lady from my church saw what was happening and helped me unwedge my daughter and get inside. Needless to say, I cried buckets once I got back home and avoided the festival the rest of the time as my husband was out of town and I didn't feel safe going back up.

 

[JerseyMamaBear]

Im 36 weeks now and the rudeness is everywhere. I am in no way looking for "special" attention being pregnant but would like common respect. The same I show to anyone else, pregnant or not. How long out of your little life will it take to hold a door open behind you or saying something as simple as excuse me when you bump into me, knocking my pregnant tush over at Walmart! Yup happened 2 weeks ago.

 

[PrincessRora]

OP - that's horrible. It really is people like those women that give American's a bad appearance.

Reminds me of a funny learning lesson for my two boys last year at Disney while on the monorail. We were glad to get into the monorail AC one evening after a long day at the parks. My two boys plopped down on the last seating area available....until the next stop. This elderly woman and I assume her very pregnant granddaughter stepped on board. Noone else in the monorail moved to allow them to sit down! I was appalled at the men, including my husband who is usually very gallant, but oblivious this time around! I looked at my oldest son (age 10) with that "Mother" look and nodded toward the ladies, my son got right up and dragged his 7 yo brother with him and offered his seat to the ladies in question. They were very pleased and took their seats. I then proceeded to publicly thank my son for being the ONLY gentleman on the monorail that night! That got my DH's attention for sure. After that, my DS would always offer his seat the rest of the trip trying to outdo Dad every time!

That's wonderful. Those two boys are certainly going to grow up to be gentlemen. My cousin did something similar, and it surprised me. We went to WDW Thanksgiving of 2004 and he was 5.5 at the time. We'd spent the entire day (open to close) walking around MK, and had just gotten on one of the very crowded shuttle buses to take us back to the hotel. He and his older brother (9) got the last two seats. At the last minute, an older woman and her granddaughter (~2) got on the bus and were standing in the isle beside the boys. My cousin didn't hesitate, and even though he'd been crying a bit that his feet hurt, he stood up and offered the woman his seat. He stood beside me the rest of the ride, holding onto my legs since he couldn't reach the hand holds. At 5 years old, he realized this was the right thing to do. I was so surprised and proud of him, that I carried him piggy back all the way to the hotel rooms since I could tell his feet were still hurting him badly.