Pray for the NURSES & DOCTORS taking care of my dad

[SplshMtn99]

He's coming around & being more himself lately...but he's really turned into a jerk of a patient. The word I want to use is not allowed on the DIS. I'm sure the nurses are used to people like this.....but I still feel bad for them.

I know where his hostility & anger is coming from, but it doesn't make it any easier to listen to.

He's not in control on the situation...and that for sure pisses him off. He doesn't know what's going on or when he'll be able to go home. He went in for a routine 2 hr colonoscopy...and a week later he's still lying in bed there after having part of colon removed since they found cancer. He hasn't drank fluids since Wed....or eaten in 9 days. THIS does not fit into his plans. THIS interferes with his schedule & ability to get the boat into the water for his charter fishing business. (I need to remind him he's 75 & supposed to be retired again.)

And right now, we won't even mention the prostate cancer they found 2 wks before this one.

Yes...he's angry. Those poor nurses & doctors. The stuff he was telling me he has been snapping at them about.....I'm just embarrased to be related to him right now. I grew up being yelled at & watching verbal/physical abuse towards my mom & knowing when to duck & hide to avoid. The poor people don't know him.

 

[Cindyluwho]

Big Hugs! I'm sure those nurses have heard it all, but man oh man, nobody deserves that kind of abuse.

 

[need_a_Disney_fix]

Splash, I am so sorry and I truly feel for you.

 

[Bust*A*Stitch]

I have brought flowers to the nurses before do to this reason. =D

 

[SplshMtn99]

I have brought flowers to the nurses before do to this reason. =D

ya know....that's a nice idea. If he stays like this (flashbacks to my childhood).....I'm going to have to buy them something better than flowers though.

 

[Cindyluwho]

ya know....that's a nice idea. If he stays like this (flashbacks to my childhood).....I'm going to have to buy them something better than flowers though.

perhaps a baseball bat?.....
OP, I hope that made you smile.

 

[sugarpie]

I'm so sorry for you and your dad.

As a nurse, patients like your dad don't bother me in the least. I'd prefer they weren't so grumpy, but I do not take it personally. It just makes me glad I have my health.

It does bother me when patients families are hostile. That sucks and makes my job that much more difficult.

 

[SplshMtn99]

perhaps a baseball bat?.....
OP, I hope that made you smile.

 

[Krisu]

I work in a sub-acute rehab, most angry patients are men. They don't think they need to be there!! The majority improve within a week or two. I don't have a problem with them, I understand they feel a loss of control. I do have a problem with families that are demanding and unrealistic. I wouldn't worry about bringing something for the nurses, all I would need is a smile when you visit!!

 

[SwedishMeatball]

I'm sorry your dad is having such a rough time dealing with his situation. I know I mentioned my FIL to you before, and he was the same way in that he got angry when he felt a loss of control. I think it is not that uncommon and while I feel bad for the nurses, I also respect them for having the compassion to sympathize with their patients.

 

[RNMOM]

As a nurse too, sometimes they treat the staff better than they do their own families. When they are alone with us they can relax and sometimes even open up. For families they often have an unrealisitc view of themselves. It will be okay. If it gets too bad, you will hear about it so if you don't hear, don't worry.

 

[SplshMtn99]

For the medical profession that has replied, thank you for letting me know how patients like this make you feel. I think maybe it hit me hard when I was on the phone, because he was acting really "jerky" like he did when I was growing up.

 

[LovableGluttons]

I agree with RNMOM. Generally speaking, those angry, oft abusive, patients are much worse with their family members than they are with me.

I experienced a bit of this with my own father.

He had some complications following surgery and became an argumentative bear.

When he was moved to a Surgical ICU, he was even more intolerable.

My mother and I took turns spending time with him.

We intervened when he would be disrespectful towards his nurses.

If he yelled at them, we yelled at him.

It took several days, but he finally came around.

My father is not normally rude like that. Even at home.

It was scary to see him like that, but if there was any way in the world we could intervene and prevent him from being verbally abusive, we did it.

We didn't want our out of control loved one to escalate into something physical.

We we stayed by his side. My kids missed me for a whole week.

He did get better. Whew!

A year later, when he had to have surgery, my family and I cleared our schedules in anticipation of a repeat of his horrible behavior.

To our surprise, he was wonderful!


Go figure!

and don't worry. The staff knows if isn't anything to do with you. Some get Sundowners after a surgical procedure or illness.

The bizarre behavior is more common than many people realize.

If you can convince your father to apologize once he's better, you'll feel better.

I know I sure did!

My father didn't remember any of it, but apologized anyway! LOL

 

[SplshMtn99]

Unfortunately, I can't be there daily. He's 2 hours away. My dad is VERY RUDE to my mom. He told her to shut up when she started asking the doctor a question. (Dad & Mom both told me this.) As much as I hate to say it, that's almost normal behavior for him though.

Maybe I do need to go down there & be there daily to tell him to knock it off. My mom could never do that. He wouldn't listen to her. He'll fight with me, but not the same way. My brother is visiting each night, but I don't think he has any clue what's going on. He has been known to yell at my parents in the middle of an arguement to tell them to knock it off.

I come from an angry family if you can't tell. I think my brother escaped the least harmed. I'm next. I've come to understand...but it still sucks.

Oh.....and apologize. He would NEVER apologize -- to anyone.

Sorry for venting. DH is away on business this week & I guess I just need someone to talk to.

 

[Hedy]

for all of you.

 

[Pin Wizard]

That's so difficult! Hugs for you and your family!! I'm sure the doctors and nurses have seen it all...and then some. I have to agree though that losing that control is a MAJOR thing! Hope he's out of there and home soon!

 

[Disney Doll]

Don't worry about the nurses. Your dad isn't the first cranky old guy they have ever cared for.

Just you be nice to them. I can take a cranky patient as long as I don't have to deal with their cranky fmaily too.

As far a s your mom...she's allowed your dad to speak to her in this tone of voice for years...that's not going to change now.

 

[manning]

Dare I be brave here.

Give your dad a few days of slack. He has been hit between the eyes with a bit of news that will throw anyone for a loop. I know, I had 18 inches of colon taken out of me 14 years ago.

He is going thru the stages of denial. Right now he is wondering will it come back, did they get all of it, why me. He has also discovered that he is really mortal. He's not mad, he's scared !!!

May I recommend he consider chemo. There may be side effects but no where as bad as some others. I didn't even lose my hair.

When he goes thru with consultations with the doctor be sure you and his wife are there to ask a question. Even bring a tape recorder. I will tell you all of you will not remember half of what is said. You are right now emotionally charged.

Dad--- Relaxe, take a deep breath, and take one day at a time. Every day is a gift and it is now time to pause, give thanks they caught it. Those roses out there are pretty and smell good too. It's time to enjoy them. Give your wife (and family) a real long hug and tell her how much you love her. You will be surprised how much hugs will do for you. My wife is surprised at how much of a hugger I have become. Can't get enough of them.

Best wishes. You'll do better than you think!!!!!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

We are used to it, but thanks for the caring thoughts. I hope things start to go better for him soon.

 

[lsyorke]

Another nurse here...Oh, we've seen it before and will see it again. Don't worry, nurses understand how scary this is for your Dad, and if anger is his way of coping..we don't take it to heart.