OT: I am shocked about teacher gift request!!!!!

[melancholywings]

I am going to give a very different view... Our childrens' teachers often spend more time with our children than we do (waking hours). Do you really think that asking for $20 is too much to donate to the teacher for a gift?

That's using guilt. You're essentially saying 'if you love your child you'll give their teacher $20' so that any parent who can't or won't must not love their child(ren). It's elitist to assume that everyone can afford what you can give.

 

[kinntj]

Wow! $20 per family? That's a lot of money. We ask for $5 here or anything the families are comfortable giving. I still have to type out the letter to ask for money for DD6's teacher. I'm not the room mom, but I do volunteer 2 days a week and have gotten to know her well.

I'm planning on getting a GC to the Towne Center with quite a few stores, restaurants, and a movie theater to treat herself or even buy something for the classroom if she wants to.

I think it helps to give $5 to put towards a larger gift than having to spend a decent amount myself on a gift. She's a great teacher and will totally appreciate anything that is given to her.

I'm not good at letter like this, does anyone have a rough draft of a letter that would go over well?
Thanks!

 

[aprilfoolwed]

I personally don't feel that $20 is too much - you are right on about what teachers do.

I am more concerned about how the room mom went about all of this.

I am kind of considering not turning in my check and giving the teacher a gift on my own. Perhaps a gift card of MY choosing....

Not sure yet.

I am going to give a very different view... Our childrens' teachers often spend more time with our children than we do (waking hours). Do you really think that asking for $20 is too much to donate to the teacher for a gift?

I know that we really look forward to my DH "Christmas bonus", but I know for a fact that our local teachers get no such extra pay. Teachers work so hard to make each and every day wonderful, that the extra appreciation we show at the holidays is greatly appreciated.

This year my DD4's class all chipped in to purchase a nice video camera for the teacher, and our neighbors class is giving a $500 gift certificate that can be used in over 300 local stores. Maybe this is just a regional thing, but around here large class gifts for teachers seem to be the normal thing.

 

[kinntj]

I personally don't feel that $20 is too much - you are right on about what teachers do.

I am more concerned about how the room mom went about all of this.

I am kind of considering not turning in my check and giving the teacher a gift on my own. Perhaps a gift card of MY choosing....

Not sure yet.

Sounds like a good plan. Why mention the amount if it wasn't a problem? Maybe I'm reading it wrong. In this area $20 is too much, but sounds like it's the norm where you live.

 

[aprilfoolwed]

Sounds like a good plan. Why mention the amount if it wasn't a problem? Maybe I'm reading it wrong. In this area $20 is too much, but sounds like it's the norm where you live.

I think $20 is too much for this mom to suggest we give. I don't think it's too much to give the teacher for a gift. Does that make sense? I just think it's a lot for this class mom to hassle people about giving. I think she's going to get fewer particpants simply because she's making people think they NEED to send $20.

And I thought this class gift stuff was supposed to make things EASIER for me.

 

[nosy parker]

I don't really understand why you are so upset about this? I don't think this class mom was so out of line. I mean I can see how a $20 per child request might seem excessive to some, but from what you say she did indicate that people could give any amount, right? I mean a gift is a token of appreciation. You give what you want and within the budget you want.

So here's a mom who has taken on the task of organizing a group gift for the class and asked everyone to participate. I understand it's a bit early, but maybe she just wanted to get as many people on board as possible and some people do buy their gifts early, even for teachers. It seems a bit harsh to fault her for being a bit of an "eager beaver". And I understand that the deadline to submit your money wasn't until December, but what's so wrong with her sending an e-mail just inquiring if you had decided to participate? Doesn't sound like she's badgering or hassling anyone, to me anyway. Maybe it was her way of just sending a reminder. Lord knows I'd need it! We get so many notes from school that I'm lucky if I remember to send the field trip permission forms back in time!

I don't know, but it seems she's just trying to do something nice and seems to be pretty organized about it given the extended notice she's given everyone about it. If you don't want to participate you could just decline and say you've chosen to do something on your own. But I don't think she certainly meant to be offending anyone.

Just my opinion.

 

[roscoepc1]

We're taking up a collection for my dd's teacher...we're donating to World Vision in her name. You can supply a classroom in a 3rd world country etc.

I wrote the note, and asked for "whatever you might want to contribute, whether it be $1 or $10".

$20 is extremely unreasonable, imo! I would never have DREAMED of asking [demanding] so much!!!

 

[Feralpeg]

I don't really understand why you are so upset about this? I don't think this class mom was so out of line. I mean I can see how a $20 per child request might seem excessive to some, but from what you say she did indicate that people could give any amount, right? I mean a gift is a token of appreciation. You give what you want and within the budget you want.

So here's a mom who has taken on the task of organizing a group gift for the class and asked everyone to participate. I understand it's a bit early, but maybe she just wanted to get as many people on board as possible and some people do buy their gifts early, even for teachers. It seems a bit harsh to fault her for being a bit of an "eager beaver". And I understand that the deadline to submit your money wasn't until December, but what's so wrong with her sending an e-mail just inquiring if you had decided to participate? Doesn't sound like she's badgering or hassling anyone, to me anyway. Maybe it was her way of just sending a reminder. Lord knows I'd need it! We get so many notes from school that I'm lucky if I remember to send the field trip permission forms back in time!

I don't know, but it seems she's just trying to do something nice and seems to be pretty organized about it given the extended notice she's given everyone about it. If you don't want to participate you could just decline and say you've chosen to do something on your own. But I don't think she certainly meant to be offending anyone.

Just my opinion.

I agree. The closer it gets to the holidays, the busier people will get. It would be very easy for some parents to overlook sending in their donation. This seems to me to be just a little reminder so that it doesn't become a last minute mess. I also don't blame the mom who volunteered for wanting to get a jump on things. Perhaps she wants to get it taken care of before the crowds hit the stores or before she gets involved in her own holiday family plans.

IMHO, we are all to quick to jump on things and look for the worst. Wouldn't it be a nicer place if we could just give the other person the benefit of the doubt?

 

[kinntj]

I think $20 is too much for this mom to suggest we give. I don't think it's too much to give the teacher for a gift. Does that make sense? I just think it's a lot for this class mom to hassle people about giving. I think she's going to get fewer particpants simply because she's making people think they NEED to send $20.

And I thought this class gift stuff was supposed to make things EASIER for me.

Yep, that makes sense. Thanks for clearing it up.

It's not always easier, depending on who's organizing it.

 

[dfarner]

Umm...I think we have the same room mom. My daughter's class has a very "enthusiastic" room mom this year. She went a little overboard when she asked me if I would volunteer 1/2 hour for a festival to work our class booth. I agreed, but she left me and another mom to work the booth for 2 1/2 hours (in the cold weather). I asked what happened to my relief and she acted like she knew nothing about it. Crazy thing is, when I spoke to her at the beginning of my shift she told me she would be back in 1/2 hour to relieve me. (She sends snarky notes/emails home all the time.)

I teach 4th grade, and because of things like this I make sure my room moms know that anything that goes home to my parents goes through me first. If it is something that they would not want me to see (birthday, etc...) they know to send it to one of the other 4th grade teachers.

P.S. $20/child is WAY too much!

 

[DisneyDreams4P&B]

I am in agreement with the posts that say the amount was too much, but I have a problem with the idea of a class gift anyway. While in therory it sound good to be able to get the teacher something really nice and wonderful. I feel it excludes those who might not be able to give as much. I know that it is put out there to "give what you can" but I feel that would be humiliating to me, if I was unable to afford it.

I also know that there are some catty room Moms, because I have heard them talk about how some parents don't do this or do that. I know that my children's school has a large population of kids that come from a wealthy part of town and a small part of children who are not as fortunate. There is a lot of situations where people don't know the full story. I was recently chastized by a first time kindergarten room mom, who sent a snippy note home to me about my lack of participation in the "Autumn Festival". I told her that in addition to my child that was in her childs class, I had 2 others, one 14 months old, another with a disability, full time therapies after school, a husband who worked on the night of the festival and no family that lived nearby to watch them while I was to help. Sorry about going off topic but it got me to thinking about how other parents are treated and made to feel.

 

[leebee]

$20 per child? No way I'd send in that much. We are not into big gifts for either family or friends. We don't give DD15 gifts that cost $50 or $100 or $200; no I-pods, cell phones, digital cameras, etc. Yes, we have a digital camera, DVD player, small stereo, but these are family electronics, not DD's possessions. Teachers get small gifts from us too, usually $5 or $10 to Dunkin Donuts or a gas station. Gifts are remembrances at special times, not lavish "payments". That's just the way it's always been for our family.

 

[tethermagee]

I am going to give a very different view... Our childrens' teachers often spend more time with our children than we do (waking hours). Do you really think that asking for $20 is too much to donate to the teacher for a gift?

I think it is ridiculous. Teachers gifts have gone from a nice homemade card or picture to extravagant gift cards. They are already paid to be with your children more hours than you are with them. That is their job.

I think asking for such high amounts is just a chance for a room mother to brag about the great gift she arranged.

 

[kcromley]

the point is that many teachers go well above and beyond their jobs, and that is why parents and children wish to give an actual gift rather than just a homemade card. If all teachers limited their efforts to just the technical limitation of their job descriptions, our children would suffer. I'm glad that at least some parents recognize that.

 

[tethermagee]

the point is that many teachers go well above and beyond their jobs, and that is why parents and children wish to give an actual gift rather than just a homemade card. If all teachers limited their efforts to just the technical limitation of their job descriptions, our children would suffer. I'm glad that at least some parents recognize that.

But every teacher should do their best because it is their job. It is a character issue. One doesn't need to be rewarded for a character issue once they are old enough to drive.

 

[kcromley]

I guess we just have to agree to disagree. I like to recognize exemplary service, particularly when it involves my children. Maybe not necessary, but part of my character, too. take care!

 

[TommyTutone]

If I can cough up a few bucks to the woman who supposedly cleans my hotel room (supposedly because I'm not touching those drinking glasses), a few bucks extra for the person guiding my son's future and providing him with education is not a big deal, especially knowing what teachers make. I just prefer the individual gift rather than trust some stranger, but that's just my cold, cynical nature.

 

[tethermagee]

Teachers here make more than I make with my MSW. They work fewer hours, have more holidays, etc. My husband is one of them. I do not have a problem with giving a heartfelt gift. I do have a problem with people making demands for high dollar amts, etc.

He has always had a "no gift" policy. He'd rather people show their appreciation in other manners. But, then again, he has never been very materialistic.

 

[MAKHayes-DisneyDiva]

For the past few years my son's class has donated to a homeless shelter instead of giving the teacher a gift. The teacher sends home a list of items that the shelter needs, and we can send those things, or write a check. I have probably spent about $20 on this each year, but I could just as easily sent in a 99 cent roll of paper towel and no one would notice or be critical about it.
$20 for a teacher gift seems like a lot, but she gave an option of any donation, and she wanted to know ahead of time who was planning to donate. I don't see the problem, but that's just me.

 

[mjkacmom]

Teachers here make more than I make with my MSW. They work fewer hours, have more holidays, etc. My husband is one of them. I do not have a problem with giving a heartfelt gift. I do have a problem with people making demands for high dollar amts, etc.

He has always had a "no gift" policy. He'd rather people show their appreciation in other manners. But, then again, he has never been very materialistic.

Who has demanded money? The class mom requested $20, or any amount? And let us remember, it's not the teachers asking for gifts. I'm glad our school has a class mom chairperson, who gives the moms the letter, asking for $5 (not demanding $5). We have almost 100% participation, because of the amount (and if you can afford to live here, you can afford $5). This way, all of the teachers get the same, whether or not the class mom is proactive, or a slacker.